ROCKED BY GRACE (LOVE AND CHAOS SERIES Book 1)

by M. J. Schiller

  “Please stay.” My voice cracked, and I couldn’t say anything else.

  He stared at me for a long moment then twisted and walked over to the other railing, the one opposite the window. Grasping the top rail he bent over it, wringing it with his hands like he was revving a motorbike. After a few seconds, he straightened and covered his mouth with his fingers then spun to face me. “I can’t do that.” He swallowed. “I can’t do that to you. It would be wrong. As much as I don’t want to, I’ll make that mistake again.” He threw his arm out to the side. “I’ll say something ugly and vile and completely untrue, and I’ll hurt you. You don’t know how much I wish I could do better or how much it pains me to say this.” He stared at his feet. “Funny thing is, this must mean I love you an awful lot because this is the first unselfish thing I’ve ever done in my life.” And without another word, he rushed down the stairs. I pulled myself up by the banister.

  “Wait, Zane.”

  He didn’t stop.

  “Zane, wait. Please don’t make me chase after you on an injured ankle.”

  His feet slowed little by little until he came to a stop. He stood gripping the rails on either side, not looking at me. He breathed and half-chuckled. “You know you’re ruining my grand exit.” He gazed out over the parking lot. “No. You were right the first time. It won’t work.” He started moving again and I hobbled over to the stairs, putting my weight on the railing.

  “Please, Zane. I listened to you. Now, damn you, listen to me.” My heart was breaking.

  He stopped. He was at the landing where he’d either have to jump or take the ladder to the ground. Both hands on his hips, his head lowered, he said. “You don’t play fair.”

  “I know.”

  “It won’t work.”

  “Are you too afraid to even give it a try?” I was pricking his pride, but I was desperate.

  He peered at me through the hole in the center. “That’s not fair.”

  “I know. I—” For an instant I forgot about my ankle and tried to step down so I could be closer to him. The pain caused me to lose my balance and fall against the opposite railing then on my ass.

  “Grace!” He shot up the stairs. Grabbing me in a full out panic he asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, yes. I’m fine.” I leaned against the side of the stairs. His legs were split, one on the step below me, the other lower. We were both breathing hard.

  “Shit.” He ran a hand over his face. “I thought you were going to do a header.” He swiveled to sit hard on the steps, panting. “I was never so scared in my life.”

  Folding his arms, he put them on top of his knees and laid his head on them. I scootched closer, spreading my knees to put him between them.

  He straightened then leaned into me and reached back to touch me.

  “Don’t leave.”

  “Gracie?”

  “Oh, shit. Not now.” He must have heard all the racket.

  Zane patted my leg. “It’s okay. Go to him.”

  “No. You’ll leave if I do.”

  He put his head in his hands, not denying it.

  “Give me a couple of minutes, bud,” I called out. I tried to listen to see if he went away, but didn’t hear any movement. He didn’t say anything though. “Can you come up here on my level so we can talk?”

  He begrudgingly complied, but didn’t look at me. I touched his chin to turn him to me and was surprised when his eyes were teary. “Zane.” I searched him. “Don’t you believe in yourself?”

  He still wouldn’t make eye contact with me. “No.”

  I lifted his chin. “Then believe in this.” I kissed him, nibbling on his bottom lip, then coaxing his mouth open. He brought his hand to the back of my neck and kissed me back, taking it deeper before pulling away. He moved his palm to my cheek.

  “It’s a mistake.”

  “Then let’s make it together.”

  He dropped his head and shook it. “It doesn’t make sense. You know that, right? You said it wouldn’t work, I hurt you, and now you’re saying I should stay.”

  “I never claimed to be logical.” I hoped to make him smile. “Come on. Let’s give it a try. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. I’m not as fragile as you think I am. I can take more shit than the average person.”

  He at least chuckled at that. “True.” I waited for his answer. He lifted his face. “You’re a hard person to say no to.”

  I moved in closer. “Then you probably shouldn’t even try.” I kissed him.

  He checked to see if Jamie could see us, then leaned in, speaking quietly.

  “Mmm.” He pulled back a fraction. “If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right.” He took my hands. “Will you go out on a date with me tonight?”

  “A date?”

  “Yeah. I heard people do that.”

  “Oh, um, well…” I looked at our hands. “Here’s the thing…I’ve used Holly a lot lately. Last night, the night of the concert, the week before the concert my cousin got married in Fulton and she spent the night…. I’m afraid to overuse her.”

  “Oh.” His face fell then he brightened. “What about Payton?”

  I frowned. “I thought you met her last night.”

  “I did.”

  “Zane, I wouldn’t leave Jamie alone in a room with Payton, let alone leave the premises. The last, and only, time I tried, I came home and Jamie was smoking, drinking, and was entertaining a prostitute in his bedroom.” I smiled. “She’s a great friend, but when I get someone to stay with Jamie, I usually try to get someone more mature than him.”

  “Oh. I can see that.” He rubbed his chin. “Hey, I have an idea. It’s really short notice, and she may already have plans, but I can try to get my stepsister Whitney.”

  “Oh. That’s sweet of you but…Jamie can be difficult.”

  He seemed excited. “No. That’s not a problem. She’s involved in this thing at school. It’s called the Panda Project…or Pumpkin Project or something. But she’s done it for a couple of years, working with special needs kids to put on a play. And she volunteers for the Special Olympics—she’s great with kids.”

  “But…where does she live?”

  “Stanton. It’s only an hour and a half from here. I’ll get her a room here so she doesn’t have to drive back late.”

  I really wanted to. It would be so much fun. I smiled. “Go ahead and call her and see if she’s available.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Zane

  She answered on the third ring. “Zane! Are you in town?”

  “Hey, my beautiful little sister. How are you?”

  I could hear the smile in her voice. “What do you want?”

  “What makes you think I want anything? Okay, I do. I have a humongous favor to ask.”

  “What’s up?”

  “How do you feel about a little road trip tonight?”

  “To meet you? I’m all over it.”

  “Even if it entails a little…babysitting?”

  “Is there something you want to tell me? Last time I checked, I didn’t have any nieces or nephews.”

  I grinned. She had really come into her own since starting high school. More mature. More confident. “So, there’s this girl….”

  “No way. Wait. Is it that girl from the video? The one you got all hot and sweaty with?”

  I frowned. Maybe too mature. “I was not sweaty.”

  “But you were hot, weren’t you?”

  “I’m choosing to ignore that. Yes, it’s Grace.” I glanced in the window. She was on the couch next to Jamie. We’d wrapped her ankle, and she’d changed. “She has a brother who has…some challenges. But he’s a real sweetheart. You’ll love him.”

  “Sounds like it’s right up my alley. When would you need me?”

  I grimaced. “This evening?”

  “Oh.” She paused. “What’s it, a little under four hours to Kansas City?”

  “Oh. We’re not in Kansas City. Jefferson City. It’s less than two.”
<
br />   “What time would you be back? I don’t want to drive back terribly late.”

  “I’ll get you a room, if you can stay. And this is totally a paid gig.”

  “No. No. You are already way too generous.”

  “No. I’d insist.”

  “Let me do something for you one time, Zane.”

  “Whit. You know I like taking care of you and Tatum.”

  “I know you do. But one time, let me have the pleasure of doing something for you.”

  “We can work that out later. Can you do it?”

  “Absolutely. I still have to shower, but I could be there around noon.”

  I exhaled. “You’re the best, Whitney. I really owe you. It’s a lot to ask.”

  “I didn’t have anything going on anyway. And Tatum is at that band competition all weekend, so it’s only me and him. Believe me, an opportunity to get out of the house is a godsend. You could ask me to come and hoe potatoes and I’d jump at the opportunity.”

  It made me feel bad for leaving them behind, but they wanted to finish up school in Stanton. Tatum had stayed for Whitney and attended the local community college when she probably could have gone to any school in the country, she was that bright. Now she studied aerospace engineering at St. Louis University and drove over an hour each way so she could be home with Whitney. The two were tight. “Well, I won’t make you hoe potatoes and I’ll take you out to lunch when you get here.”

  “Cool. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “You know, I miss you guys an awful lot. If it weren’t for him, I’d visit a lot more. But I know things are worse for you when we get into it, so—”

  “I completely understand. I can’t wait to graduate and get out of this house.”

  Another stab of guilt speared through me. “You know, you could still—”

  “No. We talked about it. I want to finish at St. Clair. I lived with him seventeen years, what’s one more? Now let me get off the phone and get on the road. Ooh. I can’t wait to meet her. How did you guys meet?”

  “At the concert.”

  “No, I mean before that.”

  “We didn’t meet until that night.”

  “You learned those dances in one day?”

  “No. I didn’t know her until I pulled her on stage.”

  “And you kissed her like that?”

  “Uhh…yeah. It was like an instant attraction or something.”

  “I’d’ve slapped your face.”

  “Gee. Thanks.”

  “You’d think you got enough action with groupies.”

  “Uhh. Could we change the subject?”

  “Now I really can’t wait to meet her. How old’s her brother?”

  “Uhh…I’m not quite sure…maybe…Grace said there was a sixteen-year age difference. She’s about my age, I think…so…somewhere between eight and seventeen.”

  “Wow. That really narrows it down. It doesn’t matter. I’ll find out when I get there. I’ll text when I’m on the way.”

  “You really are the best.”

  “Save it for my yearbook. See you soon.”

  I peered through the window again and Grace was turned toward me. I gave her a thumb’s up and she looked as excited as I was.

  I hadn’t dated since I was in my teens. I hoped it was like riding a bicycle.

  Whitney met me at the hotel, a nice place called The Capitol Plaza in the downtown area. It was one of those big convention center hotels with a wide open atrium, circled by rooms on seven or eight floors. It boasted fountains, chandeliers, plush carpet, and two glass elevators, but the rooms weren’t anything special. Then again, it wasn’t New York or Chicago. When did I become a snob?

  It was great to see Whitney. Grace recommended a pizza place near the capital called Arris’, claiming it was “the best pizza in Jeff City.” It wasn’t far from her place, in a nondescript building with a nondescript interior. I was starting to wonder if it was only adequate pizza and all the other places in town sucked, but it was actually pretty good. I held all pizza joints up to the measure of a little place in St. Louis called Imo’s, and while this didn’t beat it, it was closer than most.

  We went back to the hotel and both took naps then I got dressed in what I hoped was passable attire. Grace insisted on no fancy meal. Since Brad, she had a rule about letting men pay for her. I needed to work on that. If I didn’t fuck this up and got a chance to, that is. So apparently we were going to an Irish pub called Paddy Malone’s. I chose a blue button-down shirt, brownish gold tie and brown suspenders with dark jeans. I also brought along a fedora, to keep me semi-incognito, although the fedora at times made me more recognizable.

  When Whitney and I arrived at Grace’s and she opened the door, I was stunned speechless for a second. It’s not that her outfit was particularly spectacular, but she was spectacular. And the outfit wasn’t the usual Grace fare. She wore dark, ripped skinny jeans, a white tank and a short, tan, suede-like jacket with a wide collar, zippers on the sleeves, and a belt. Short boots completed the outfit and she somehow added some soft curl to her hair and had on more makeup than usual. I stood with my mouth open and she ran her gaze over me, smiling and turning to my stepsister and extending her hand. “Hi. You must be Whitney. I’m Grace.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry,” I mumbled, shaking my head.

  Jamie poked out from behind her. “And this is Jamie.” She laughed.

  “Hey, Jamie. My name is Whitney. Nice to meet you.”

  “Wanna watch Big Fish Man?”

  “Sure.”

  He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room.

  “Whoa,” Grace said to me, without moving from the doorway. “She must be the Jamie-Whisperer. He never takes to someone that quickly.” As she stood lost in amazement, I stepped up to her and said in her ear, “You look very nice.”

  She grabbed my suspenders and coaxed me to her. “And you are très debonair.” She gave me a quick peck, since Jamie and Whitney were occupied, but I knew the way Whitney was smiling after it she caught it. I tried to wait patiently while Grace gave Whitney the babysitting lowdown. Her number, Jamie’s bedtime, what he could eat….

  When I finally got her out the door, she seemed apprehensive. “She’ll take good care of him, and if she has any problems, she’ll give us a call.”

  “Yeah. Yeah.” Her voice was tight. I rubbed her arms.

  “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

  “No. I want to,” she said with more confidence. “Your sister seems very sweet and mature. I just…worry about him. I know I shouldn’t but—”

  I raised her hand to my lips. “It’s understandable. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, we can turn around and come back home.”

  “No. It’s fine.” She gave me a small smile.

  “Good. Because I’m pretty excited about tonight.”

  “So am I.”

  Paddy Malone’s showed more promise than the pizza place from the outside. It was a quaint brick building that appeared to have chimneys on both ends and sported red doors. The inside was nothing fancy, but it had a homey feel, much better than about ninety-five percent of the dives we played at when Just Short of Chaos started out. We decided to sit at the bar, at least at first.

  “Oh, will you look at that,” Grace said pointing to a chalkboard. “It’s karaoke night.”

  “Huh,” I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. “I think I’ve been had.”

  “Oh, you don’t like karaoke? I thought you would, because of your music. But maybe you’re tired of it. I should have thought about—”

  I put a finger on her mouth. “It’ll be fun. I was only teasing you because you seemed like you were trying to act like you didn’t know.”

  “Because we could do something else. Like….”

  “No. I want to perform for you. Here, and later I will give you a private performance.”

  “Ooh. I like the sound of that.” She kissed me and the bartender showed up at the same tim
e.

  “Oh. Bad timing.”

  “No,” Grace said.

  “Yes.”

  “Stop.” She elbowed me and the bartender chuckled.

  “What can I get you kids? Grace, I assume a Magner’s.”

  “Oh, yes. By all means.”

  “You don’t have fishbowls do you?” I grinned at Grace.

  “Not here but at—”

  “Phil’s,” I finished, smiling at my beautiful date sweetly. “I’ll take a Guinness.”

  He stepped to the tap to fill our order. “Come here often, do you? He knew your order.”

  The corners of her mouth twitched. “Oh, from time-to-time.”

  He brought Grace’s cider. “I’m letting the first layer settle,” he said to me.

  “Good man. You know how to pour one right.”

  “Oh, of course.” He cocked his head. “Do I know you from somewhere?”

  Here we go. I didn’t want this to be an issue tonight. “I don’t think so,” I responded casually. “I’m from out of town.”

  “Yeah. You look like someone famous. I can’t put my finger on it.”

  “I get that a lot.”

  “It’ll come to me. Enjoy your drinks. You guys eating?”

  “Yeah.” Grace answered. “But we’ll probably grab a table for that.”

  I was about halfway through my Arthur Guinness when he startled me by snapping his fingers. “I have it. I have it.” My heart dropped. “That Dr. Who guy.”

  I almost spat out my drink. I wiped my mouth. “David Tenant?”

  “Yeah. That’s the guy.”

  “That’s one I never got before.” I didn’t look at Grace, because I knew she was ready to lose it. “Could be the suspenders.”

  “Yeah. Could be.”

  When he walked off, priding himself in figuring out I resembled David Tennant, I whirled around. “David Tennant?”

  “What? That’s a compliment. David Tennant’s cute.”

  “Yeah, but…” it had to be said “I’m cuter.”

  She turned straight on to the bar. “Ehh.”

  I grabbed her and pulled her in, while she wriggled and laughed. “You think he’s cuter than me?”

  “Yes.”

  Wow.

  She leaned in to whisper in my ear. “But you’re way hotter than he is.”