ROCKED BY GRACE (LOVE AND CHAOS SERIES Book 1)

by M. J. Schiller

  Without raising her head, she undid a couple of buttons, and spread the sides of my shirt open, laying her cheek on my bare chest. It felt so right, like that spot was created for her. But I needed to know she was as sure as I was. I put a fist under her chin and gently lifted her face.

  “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. I understand if I have to prove myself first.”

  She laid her hands flat on my chest beneath my shoulders. “Oh, I wasn’t hesitating, I was taking my time. I want this, Zane. I want you.”

  The words burnt their way into my heart flaming my desire for her. I bent and took her lips, the kisses slow, deep and full of my love for her. That electric energy between us hadn’t waned. If anything, it was more intense now because we knew what was at stake. We knew the pain of being apart, and we didn’t want to have to experience that again. I wanted her to take the lead this time, and she did. She finished undressing me then placed a pillow on end against the headboard and had me sit there. Then with the light still on, she undressed for me, causing my blood to burn. No doubts would linger this time; nothing was hidden away. We were both literally and figuratively baring ourselves. She came to me and straddled my lap, taking me into her. She rode me in sensual waves, arching her back at one point with her hands behind her on my legs. Again it felt like she was giving herself to me. She was offering me undeserved blessings. She was offering me Grace.

  In the morning, I got up with Jamie, giving her the opportunity to sleep in. I made him some halfway decent pancakes. When I was away, it might sound silly, but I often made pancakes and felt connected to them, thinking they were eating them, too.

  “Jamie, can we have a serious talk? I think it might even be a fire escape talk, although neither of us is in trouble. It’s just an important conversation.”

  He shrugged. “Okay.” We climbed out the window and sat on the top stair leading down.

  “So…I think you kind of guessed this but, I’m in love with your sister, pal.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Duh.”

  “Okay. So I have a serious question for you. I want to ask you if you would be okay with me marrying her at some point?”

  “You’re getting married?” he shouted.

  “Sh-sh-sh. It’s a secret. I want to surprise her. Can you keep it a secret?”

  He nodded.

  It was one of those beautiful crystal clear mornings where sitting in the sunshine felt like hanging out with a good friend. I scooted down so I could stretch my legs out and lean with my elbows on the stair behind me, letting the sweet rays warm me. Jamie shifted to do the same, only his arms were about at his ears. It was so cute.

  “Will that make you my dad?”

  “Not exactly. It would make me your brother-in-law, but I’d live here with you like a dad would.”

  “Hmm.” He furrowed his brow and became quiet.

  “Is something wrong, bud?” I thought he’d agree to give me her hand, thought he was in my back pocket, but now I was nervous.

  He shook his head no, but it was clearly not the case.

  I jostled him with my elbow. “Come on. I told you I love your sister, you have to tell me what you’re thinking.”

  He remained silent, sitting up and planting his elbows on his knees, his chin resting on top of his fists.

  “Is it because I was gone? Are you still mad at me for that?”

  “No,” he said matter-of-factly. “I forgave you for that.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Now I definitely was anxious. Maybe he thought I wasn’t good enough for Grace. “Well, I appreciate you’re forgiving me.”

  His forehead remained scrunched and his expression downcast.

  I sat forward so I could see his face better. “You know, sometimes it helps when you’re troubled to share that with a friend. I’d like to be that friend for you.”

  He twisted toward me and closed one eye, squinting with the other, then he stared at the step below.

  “Do you think Gracie won’t like me anymore when you get married?”

  “What? No. Of course not. You’re her brother. As far as I see, you are the most important person in her life. That won’t change because I’m in the picture.”

  He didn’t seem convinced. I needed some way to explain it to him. And it came to me. “Jamie, you like ice cream sandwiches, right?”

  That at least got a smile. He nodded his head vigorously. “And you like pancakes.”

  He concurred.

  “Well does liking ice cream sandwiches make you like pancakes any less?”

  “No. They’re different. You have one in the morning, and one at night.”

  That made my mind jump to Jamie is the pancake, up early, and I’m the ice cream sandwich, hers at night. I couldn’t help the tremor of desire that thought gave me. “So, let’s say I’m the ice cream sandwich and you’re the pancake. Grace won’t love you, the pancake, any less because of me, the ice cream sandwich. Do you understand?”

  He nodded, smiling now.

  “So…will you give me your permission to ask your sister to marry me?”

  “Yeah.”

  Shoo.

  I elbowed him again. “You know, you missed an opportunity there. You could say you’d give me permission, but only if you got an ice cream sandwich.”

  He smiled brightly. “You have to give me an ice cream sandwich if you want to marry Gracie.”

  “What?”

  “Two ice cream sandwiches.”

  I frowned. “Hmm…you catch on quick, kid. What do you say we go get those sandwiches?” We got our treats and ate them on the staircase. I made Jamie swear not to tell Grace, but I had my doubts about whether that would happen or not.

  Grace

  Late summer was typically a slow time for the shop, and this August was no different. With more time on my hands I usually focused on ramping up our marketing. This year, though, I decided to take on the task of revamping our website, and it was going along pretty decently. Dex, who was a computer whiz, actually was able to help me out a bit, and the site was really coming along.

  One of the advantages of the down time was it was easier for me to take off here and there and spend some time with Zane who was in the studio recording a new album in St. Louis. This was the longest we’d been apart, and I hated it. It seemed like life was what I did with Zane. Everything else was what I did while waiting for Zane to be home.

  But tonight Payton was keeping me company. She insisted I needed to watch a romcom with her on Netflix. But she was acting so goofy, it was really distracting me, and I was losing the plotline. I stood, and she jumped to her feet next to me.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Just getting a glass of water. I’ll be right back.”

  “Water?”

  I smirked. “Yes. It’s this new wet stuff. You should try it.”

  “No! Wait!”

  I stared at her.

  “You…you can’t miss this part. This is the best part. I’ll get the water for you.”

  When she came back I asked her, “What’s so good about this part? Am I missing something?”

  “What? Oh, it must be later.”

  She sat next to me again, but kept slapping her leg. I couldn’t take it. “Payton! Could you please stop doing that? Every time I try to take a drink I end up spilling all over myself because you’re playing the bongos on your thigh.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

  “Okay. Geesh.”

  “Did you have an extra shot of expresso in your Starbuck’s this morning?”

  “I’m not sure. I got some new thing called The Defibrillator.”

  I rolled my eyes and stood.

  “Now what are you doing?” she huffed.

  “I’m going to the bathroom. I’m pretty sure you can’t do that for me. Just pause it.”

  When I got back, the movie was still running. “I thought you were pausing it? What happened with his mother-in-law?”

  “Huh? What?” She was texting with
somebody. “Oh. I don’t remember.”

  “Can we rewind it then, please?” When I saw what I missed, I frowned. “You don’t remember her mom found out they weren’t really married? That’s kind of a crucial plot twist, don’t you think? How long ago did you watch this?”

  “Uhh. I don’t know.” She looked at her phone and mumbled, “A couple of months ago.”

  “Who are you texting with? Are you seeing someone new?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s cool. How’d you meet him?”

  “How’d I meet him?”

  “Yeah, like was it an online thing…?”

  “Yeah. That’s it. I met him on Tender.”

  “Do you mean Tinder?”

  A smile spread across her face. She picked up the remote and stopped the movie. “It’s not that good a movie.”

  I sat with my mouth hanging open. Then a loud noise came from the alley. “What’s that?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe you should go check,” she said, beaming and squeezing her hands together.

  But I figured out what I was hearing was some pretty loud electric guitar. I got to my feet slowly and crossed the kitchen to the window. Through the grates of the fire escape I could see a bunch of musical equipment scattered about. Who would set up a band in an alleyway? Kind of a strange venue. I climbed out and crossed to the railing to get a better look.

  “Hi, babe.” Zane was grinning at me. And it wasn’t only Zane, it was Jericho, Rafe, and Dex, too, all at their respective instruments. The couple upstairs were crawling out their window, too.

  “Holy shit! It’s Just Short of Chaos! In our alley,” she squealed.

  “No, it’s— Holy shit. You’re right.”

  I smiled. “Uhh… what are you doing down there?”

  He shrugged. “I thought we’d get in a little practice.”

  “Umm.” He wore a gorgeous metallic blue blazer, over a black shirt and pants. “You always dress this nice for practice?” People were gathering on the balconies of the building behind them.

  “No. Only on special occasions. Like when Dex has to have a root canal.”

  “Ugh. Don’t remind me,” Dex groaned.

  Even from as far away as I was, I could tell his eyes were twinkling. “What are you up to Zane Alexander Salvetti?”

  Rafe laughed. “Oh, dude. Now you’re gonna get it. She used your full name.”

  Zane didn’t take his eyes off me. “I thought I’d play you a little song I wrote.”

  “Ya know, I probably could have gotten the idea if you simply played your acoustic.”

  “Oh, no. For this we needed the whole crew.” He spun around. “Ready, boys?”

  They nodded.

  Whirling back to me, he held four fingers in the air and counted down silently.

  The music started with some very simple guitar chords, which were none the less pretty, and Zane’s fantastic voice hopped in right away.

  “I am the moleman

  All covered in dirt

  My special talent

  Is making you hurt.

  I dig and I claw

  But only for me

  Your light cannot reach

  The devil in me.

  The rock that I sing

  Bites, razor sharp

  It’s hard and it suits me

  In the dirt, in the dark.

  But now I see your face

  In every note of this song.

  Please give me the grace

  To help me go on.”

  He sang it like he was solely singing to me, although people were forming a crowd at the end of the alley now, too.

  “It’s dark in the bus

  But not as black as my heart.

  Because the way I need you

  Rips me apart.

  You danced into my life

  Grace, and right from the start

  Your light and your goodness

  Enlivened my heart.”

  Now I see your face

  In every note of this song.

  Please give me the grace

  To help me go on.”

  When I figured out he was singing about us, it felt like my heart was in his hands and was never safer. “Oh, Zane,” I breathed, my fingers splayed on my breast bone.

  “The dark overtakes me

  I’m drowning in sin

  And every bottle of Jack,

  every tumbler of gin

  Oh, give me the Grace

  To be a better man

  Love me to life

  The way only you can.

  Show me the light

  And I will not blink

  Give me the chance

  Despite what they think.

  I see your face

  In every note of this song.

  Please give me the grace

  To help me go on.”

  The music swelled for the bridge, and Zane ran and jumped on the ladder, pulling it down and climbing it while still singing. I twisted to watch him through the grid work as he scrambled up the stairs. When he hit the first landing, he held onto the rail and swung around the corner, timing it to the music. He had a real knack for that.

  “I don’t deserve you, forgive me anyway

  I don’t know if I can change, but, God, please let me stay.

  I know the man who I am

  when I am with you

  Is better by far,

  And way overdue.

  You’re strong and your beauty shines from within.

  Bringing light to my world and all that I’ve been.”

  He was on the landing below, singing to me. He walked slowly, looking at me the whole time. Then he took my hand and held it for me to twirl under and swayed with me in his arms, like the night we first met.

  “We’re lying like fours

  Asleep in our bed

  The warmth of our lovemaking

  Cradles my head.

  You give me the grace

  Despite all I do

  You gave me a chance

  To show I love you.

  I am the moleman

  All covered in dirt

  I feel all your pain

  Know every hurt

  But the dirt I loosened

  Will help us to grow

  I swear I love you

  Far more than you know.

  I see your face

  In every note of this song.

  Because you gave me the grace

  To help me go on.”

  With the last notes he dipped me.

  “If I kiss you, are you going to run away?”

  I put my hands on his cheeks. “Not a chance.”

  Everyone applauded.

  “You wrote that for me?”

  He grinned. “Well, I certainly didn’t write it for Jericho.”

  Jericho’s voice came through the speakers. “Didn’t mention my name even once. I checked, twice.”

  “Thank you,” I yelled to them.

  They nodded. I looked at them each in turn, Rafe last. Rafe cleared his throat and jerked his thumb in Zane’s direction. I spun to find him on one knee, holding a ring.

  “Holy shit.”

  Our audience laughed. Zane glanced at the band and switched off his head mic. The band’s, however, were still on.

  “He shut off his mic,” Rafe said incredulously.

  Jericho frowned. “Not fair.”

  And of course, Dex had to throw his two cents in. “Now we won’t know if she says yes or not.”

  “Keep dreaming,” Rafe murmured.

  “Grace. I did a big public thing here, but I don’t want you to feel any pressure. If you want to say no, we’ll act like it’s a yes, so you don’t feel uncomfortable.” He sighed. “You offered me grace once, and now I can’t believe I have the balls to ask you again, but here I am. I love you more than any man could. Maybe not better, but definitely more. You took a chance once and let me pull you on stage to dance. I’m asking you to dance with me forever. Grace Clayton Pre
scott,” he took a deep breath, “would you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?”

  I could see in his eyes he was unsure about what I would say. He still felt himself unworthy of me because he made a few mistakes, but he was a good man. He may be unsure, but I wasn’t. “Zane, I love you with everything in me. Yes. Please make me your wife.”

  Zane sprung to his feet and dug his fingers in my hair at the back of my neck as he kissed me.

  Rafe’s voice rang out. “I’d say that’s a yes.”

  Cheers rose. Something knocked into our legs, which turned out to be someone. Jamie was squeezing us as hard as he could. Zane squatted. “She said yes, buddy.”

  ”I told you she would.” Jamie looked as happy as I had ever seen him.

  Zane engulfed him in a hug.

  When they parted, I tapped Jamie’s shoulder. “You knew about this?”

  He nodded, grinning ear-to-ear.

  “And it only took four ice cream sandwiches to get him to agree to let me marry you.”

  Payton gushed, both hands over her heart. “Aww. You asked Jamie for permission? That’s the sweetest damn thing.”

  I squeezed myself next to him. “She’s right. It is.”

  He was going to kiss me again, but the band clambered up the stairs and clapped him on the back.

  “Way to go,” Rafe hollered, he crossed to give me a hug.

  Jericho squeezed Zane’s shoulders. “Congratulations, man.”

  Holly stuck her head out the window. “Rafe?” She passed him a glass of champagne. Lexi was holding a tray full of flutes and they were passed around.

  “Where did that come from? Was Holly in on this, too?”

  Zane nodded. “I needed a lot of help.”

  Rafe held his glass in front of him, his other arm still over my shoulder. “Grace, as of this moment, you are now an honorary member of Just Short of Chaos. You’re one of us.”

  “Yeah,” Jericho interrupted. “Even if you dump his ass, you’re still one of us.”