Sheri stood up almost turning over her chair in the process. “I don’t wanna hear anymore.”
Seeing Sheri’s distress, Dani stood as well. She wasn’t sure why. “Sheri—”
“Stop talking! Right now, I feel like you lied to me.” Sheri stood inches away from her, pointing a finger in Dani’s face.
Breathless, like she’d been punched in the gut, Dani stepped out of the way as Sheri left the conference room.
“Give her time everyone. She’ll consent to the surgery.” Dr. Meda addressed the team. Most stated their agreement, and then almost everyone stood to leave. Dr. Meda remained, and Dani stood in the same spot, as if frozen,.
“You were expecting her anger. Were you not?”
Dani blinked at him.
Dr. Meda got up and walked toward her. “Dr. Russell…Dani, you seem shaken by all this. If you’d like to talk—”
She held up a hand, stopping his approach. “No, I can’t do this right now.” Without another word, Dani left.
As she walked briskly down the hall, Dani did her best to push down the shock, the anxiety, and the throbbing ache, but they refused to budge. Needing some space away from everything, Dani tried the on-call rooms. The first one was locked, but the second one wasn’t. She locked the door behind her and leaned against it. Frantic, Dani fished for her phone. Without thought, she dialed Becca’s number. It rang five times and then went to voicemail. “Dammit!”
Rick had to answer. He had to unless he was in surgery.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I—I need you.” Dani’s voice shook.
“Dani, what’s wrong?” Rick’s tone went from laid-back to urgent.
“Just please? Peds’ second on-call room.”
“I’m comin’.”
She hung up. Dani wanted to be angry at Becca for not being there, but she didn’t have it in her. Plus the rational part of her screamed at her for thinking it. Becca had a job, and she was also right: Dani needed someone to help her sift through her emotions and everything coming at her.
For the umpteenth time, Rebecca called Dani, but there was no answer. “What the hell?”
A million scenarios ran through her mind. They ranged from something terrible to even worse, and Rebecca had missed it all because she’d been working. She’d texted as soon as she could, with no response. Rebecca had even tried Rick a couple times but somehow convinced herself he was just in surgery. The fact that Dani had called in the middle of the day had to be significant.
Rebecca paced in front of her couch. Peyton watched her quietly from the love seat. “I should probably just go over there or maybe even to the hospital.” She glanced at Peyton as if she were about to spout all sorts of wisdom, but the cat only yawned.
Peyton was right. She needed to get a hold of herself. Where the hell was this anxiety coming from? More than likely that little voice that told her Dani had halted everything because she hadn’t been there for her, which was beyond fucking stupid. Dani was trying to change the way she responded to things, not stay on the same old behaviors. There was a simple explanation for all of this.
Finally, Rebecca’s phone chirped. She accepted the call immediately.
“Did…something happen for you to call and text me that many times?” Dani asked.
Softly exhaling in relief, Rebecca sat down beside Peyton. “Well, you don’t usually call me, so I assumed…”
“This day felt like it took a year to end. I put my phone on silent and concentrated on work. I forgot to turn the ringer back on.”
“But you’re okay, then?” Rebecca leaned back into the cushion.
“Kind of? I guess? I’m just leaving the hospital.” Dani paused. “Can I come over? It’s out of the way, but still…” She spoke in a rush, and her voice cracked with emotion at the end.
Rebecca sat up. “Now you’re scarin’ me.”
“I think I scared myself. It’s hard talking to you sometimes after everything, but since you’re trying, I should too.”
Whoa. She hadn’t expected any of that, and to hear it sent Rebecca soaring. “Yeah, you can come over.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“See you soon.” Rebecca hung up. She stared down at her phone and did the same to the far wall. That person on the phone had been more like the Dani she knew, and Rebecca hoped she’d get to see a lot more of her sometime soon.
She scanned the living room anxiously, making sure everything was in place. If there was one thing instilled in her growing up, it was that the rest of the house could be a damn mess, but the living room always needed to be spotless.
Rebecca smiled as she thought of her aunt. She scratched Peyton behind the ears and stood, willing her nerves away. Maybe she and Dani were well on their way to being friendly, which was a huge step in the right direction, even though she hoped to go much further.
Twenty minutes later, Rebecca opened the door. Having come directly from work, Dani was still in scrubs. Her ponytail swished from side to side as she walked in. “Hey, thanks again for doing this.”
“Like I’d say no.”
Dani turned to look at her. “You might.”
“No…I wouldn’t have.” Rebecca met her gaze. Dani looked away, but not before Rebecca saw something in her eyes that kept her hopeful. “You want anythin’? I have cran-grape juice; no apple though.”
“No, I’m good.” Dani sat down on the couch.
Giving her some space, Rebecca went to the end closest to Peyton. She glanced down at the empty cushion between them, which seemed to invite Dani to do the same. Their gazes met again like they had a choice. Peyton jumped on the couch between them. She glared up at Dani.
Dani jerked back in surprise. “Uh, it’s a ‘she,’ right?”
Rebecca nodded.
“She looks like she’s about to pounce.”
“Yeah, she always does. If she’s curious enough to bother lookin’ at you like that, she likes you.”
“I find that hard to believe. The first time I came here there was a lot of screaming. The second time—”
“There was lots of comin’?”
Dani reddened.
Rebecca held up her hands. “Sorry, bad joke.” She had the feeling that she needed to push past it fast. “Mark is the only one she goes crazy over.”
“Is that someone you’re…” Dani’s eyes widened slightly, and her face was still flushed.
“No…God no.” How could she even ask that after she’d let Dani let her tear her apart in the best way possible? “He’s one of the guys from my squad.”
Dani continued to look at her.
“He reminds me of Rick a little.” When the words left her mouth, Rebecca realized she wasn’t helping herself any. “It’s not like that. He’s married and has a great family. God, Rick asked me the same thing.”
Looking down at her hands, Dani murmured, “I just realized that I don’t know much about what’s going on with you. That makes it so one-sided. I’m such a selfish asshole.”
Rebecca didn’t correct her. She stayed quiet and waited.
“Tell me about them.”
“Are you sure?” Rebecca took note of how Dani still looked so flustered. “Don’t feel obligated to—”
“I don’t. I really want to know.” Dani maintained eye contact, and the sincerity was there.
Rebecca nodded and started talking. By the time she stopped, Dani was at least smiling. It was bright enough to make her want to reach out and touch it.
“Sounds like a weird mini version of The Breakfast Club.”
“How so?” Rebecca chuckled at the reference.
Dani shrugged. “You know. The asshole, the intense one, the insightful one…”
“Which one am I?” Rebecca wasn’t afraid in the least to ask. She had a feeling she already knew the answer.
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“I’d say you can be a combination of them all.”
Rebecca felt her mouth drop open. She was actually shocked, but Dani’s words also made her wary for some reason. “Why’d you wanna come over?”
Dani looked down at her hands again. “Um, I had a really bad day or, at least, part of one. I’m so scared that the crap in my personal life will start to bleed over, if it hasn’t already. That’s why I called, and when you didn’t answer, I wanted to be mad at you. I even wanted it to be your fault.” She glanced back up at Rebecca. “But it’s not. I was able to get Rick. By that time, I’d already decided that you were right, so I made an appointment with a therapist at the hospital.”
Speechless. Rebecca was totally speechless.
“I know I could’ve said all that over the phone, but it didn’t feel right. I’m doing my best to figure out what feels good and go with it, and this was one of those things. So, thank you.”
“I… You’re welcome.” Rebecca couldn’t look away. They stared at each other long enough for it to become uncomfortable, but Rebecca loved the crackle of heat between them. She was tempted—so tempted—to say something about it. She stopped herself, knowing that right now, it wasn’t appropriate.
Dani stood. “I should probably go.”
Rebecca pressed her lips together to keep from protesting. She followed Dani to the door instead. Rebecca pulled it open for her. “Do you want someone there at therapy for moral support, at least the first time?”
“No, I should probably do this on my own.”
Their eyes met again for the millionth time in less than thirty minutes. Rebecca nodded. “Okay.” Dani’s mouth opened like she had more to say. Her gaze was dark, intense. With one last look, she turned away and left.
Chapter 22
Despite other residents coming in and out, Dani sat in the lounge at a table covered with medical reference books. Some were open, and some she hadn’t even cracked yet. Using her iPad, she got herself up to date with new cases that Dr. Meda’s team were overseeing. She tried to pump up her level of excitement for the challenge of a patient with Ewing sarcoma and one with rhabdomyosarcoma. Dani was indeed looking forward to working with new families, new personalities, and different diagnoses, but at the moment, it was hard to concentrate.
Every other thought was of Becca, and the situation would have been more manageable if those thoughts were the soft, fleeting kind. Instead, Dani’s mind settled heavily on the fact that when Becca was in the room, Dani hardly looked away.
To add to matters, keeping physical distance between them was a must. She couldn’t trust herself otherwise. With every nice thing Becca did and with every giving gesture, she felt herself weakening and believing. Dani knew what that look in Becca’s eyes meant. She’d seen it at least a thousand times when they were together. Becca hadn’t hid it then, and she wasn’t trying now.
Dani didn’t understand how there was room inside her to feel any of this with all that was going on with her personally. The timing and her feelings made little sense. It all had to be just physical because the alternative made Dani’s head spin. Reaching for another book off the pile, Dani did her best to renew her focus on the task at hand.
Exiting a patient’s room, Dani walked toward yet another—her last two, to be exact. Dr. Luft leaned against the wall outside Jacob’s room. She muttered to herself and fidgeted. When she saw Dani, she walked toward her. “Since I haven’t been doing well with them and with everything going on, I figured it would be best to wait on you. I’m not good with confrontation.”
“I get it. I do, but your first mistake is thinking of this as a confrontation. It’s not. We all want the same thing here. Eventually, you’re going to have to learn to deal with a wide range of emotions coming from parents and patients alike.” Dani kept her voice soft when she really wanted to tell her she was in the wrong profession. Even though she expected a cold shoulder the equivalent of Antarctica, Dani walked into Jacob’s room without hesitation.
Jacob turned toward her in such an exhausted state he could barely keep his eyes open. His smile was tremulous at best. Yet it was still there. “Doc D.”
Dani grinned and greeted him in return. “Hang in there. It’s almost over.”
Sheri stood next to him on the opposite side, watching. Dani hoped she took the words to heart as well. By the time she finished with a physical examination, Jacob had fallen asleep.
She glanced at Sheri, and sure enough, her face was twisted in anger. “Can we pull you away for a minute?”
Sheri didn’t nod or speak. She walked quickly toward the door. Dani followed her with Dr. Luft trailing behind.
Before she had a chance to open her mouth, Dr. Luft began. “We, um, just wanted to check to see if you’ve made a decision yet about Jacob’s surgery.”
“Do you have any questions about it at all?” Dani cut in. “Maybe I can help smooth over some fears.” She pressed her iPad to her chest and waited for a response.
Sheri crossed her arms in front of her. She didn’t even look at Dani, which stung, but not as much as it had a few days ago. Sheri only had eyes for Dr. Luft, and her gaze was full of challenge. “When I’m ready to talk about it, I will.”
Dr. Luft stepped forward. “I know this is hard—”
Even though she was impressed by Dr. Luft’s sudden bravado, Dani wrapped a hand around her arm and hoped she would follow her cue. Sheri had made herself clear. “Let it go.”
She nodded, and they both watched as Sheri went back into her son’s room.
“You called it. She’s very upset with you.”
“I know, but she has time to work through it and figure things out.” Dani was Jacob’s first line of defense, and to Sheri, Dani had let her down.
Dani left Dr. Luft and made her way back down the hall. She was surprised to see Rick standing at the nurses station when she passed. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Dani smiled as Rick turned.
“Shhh, don’t tell anybody. Playin’ hooky. You got a sec?”
“Sure. Walk with me. Is everything okay?” She glanced at him as they made their way down the hall.
“Same old, same old for me. I actually came to check on you. Thought a text would be a little impersonal, considerin’.”
Dani stopped completely. “Wait. Are you talking about my therapy appointment without really talking about it?”
“Slick, huh?” He rubbed his hands together.
“Yes, so smooth.” Dani rolled her eyes.
Rick chuckled. “Seriously though, this is a big deal.”
“I’m not backing out if that’s what you think.” Dani couldn’t stop the sudden surge of defensiveness.
“Wasn’t thinkin’ that at all. Just thought I’d be here for moral support. I hear that’s what friends do.”
Embarrassed by her misplaced display of emotions, Dani looked away. “It is what they do. I’m sorry for jumping down your throat.”
“Don’t sweat it. I got you.” Rick threw an arm over her shoulder.
Even though they were nowhere near where they’d been a couple months back, things felt promising. Maybe they were becoming something better. He definitely stood behind her, even when they were in two different places.
“Thanks.” Dani hesitated, wondering how much she should share. “You, uh, were right about Becca. She was actually the one who suggested therapy.”
“It’s good to know that I know what I’m talkin’ ’bout sometimes.” Rick smiled.
“I know you’re trying to be Switzerland for your own sake, but I figured you’d want to know.” It was difficult not to say more, but she’d be selfish if she didn’t.
Rick opened his mouth and closed it a couple times as if he was trying to figure out what to say. “Nah, more like Cleveland. Nothin’ ever happens in Cleveland.”
Well, that wasn’t true at all. Da
ni glanced at Rick. He grinned crookedly.
She rolled her eyes. “You really think you’re funny.”
Rick nodded. “I do. Sandra thinks so too.” His eyes lit up.
It was good to see him happy. It was even better to know that, as friends, she and Rick were on the mend. “She has to say that.”
He bumped her with a shoulder, making her stumble slightly. “Whatever. I’m proud of you, by the way.”
Dani smiled. Maybe she was a little proud of herself too.
Trying to settle back into old and better habits, Dani took the stairs up to the twelfth floor. When she got to the tenth, she stopped and leaned against the wall. Not because she was tired, but to gather herself. She was fifteen minutes away from ripping herself open and letting all the ugliness spill out. There was good stuff too, but in the past couple months, that had seemed few and far between. She had to do this. No more running. No more hiding. She was a good doctor, and she wanted to be a good person again too.
Dani shoved her hands in her scrub pockets and took a deep breath. She bumped against her phone. Pulling it out, Dani glanced at it to see two missed calls from Becca, one in the last five minutes. Maybe she thought a text was impersonal too. Becca had left a voicemail, but Dani decided that calling her back would be better.
“Hey, I was just—”
“I’m fine. I promise,” Dani cut in.
“It’s almost time, huh?”
“It is.”
“I was worried. I didn’t want you to think I forgot. This is a big deal.”
The warmth that seeped into her was very hard to ignore. “Rick beat you to the punch. He came to see me about an hour ago.”
“Dirty bastard.” There was laughter in Becca’s voice.
Dani smiled too, and God, it felt incredible and freeing. When was the last time something had felt that way? Her thoughts shifted and landed on Becca with her head thrown back, blown pupils, and crying out. Dani pushed away from the wall as her stomach hit the concrete. “Um, it’s almost time. I’d better…”
Drawing the Line Page 22
