by Harley Wylde
I checked again, making sure he hadn’t woken, before I reached out and brushed my fingertip along the length of his cock. It jerked and I yelped, yanking my hand back. Fox groaned and shifted, his hips lifting a little. Had he… liked it? The men who’d used me had gotten off on causing me pain and said how good I felt. None had asked me to touch them with my hand.
I reached out again, trailing my finger from just under the head down the shaft. When Fox groaned again, I swallowed hard and wrapped my shaky fingers around him, giving his cock a stroke.
“Raven.” His voice seemed hoarse and strained. When I met his gaze, I saw heat blazing in his eyes, and something else… remorse. “I’m so fucking sorry. Did I… Did I make you touch me while I was sleeping?”
Oh. Oh… He’d thought he’d made me do this? I shook my head, watching him. I hadn’t released his cock and felt it twitch against my fingers.
Fox licked his lips. “Raven, sweetheart, why are you touching my cock?”
I stared, not willing to speak. I waited, hoping he’d let the matter drop. Giving his shaft another stroke, I couldn’t help but watch as my hand slid up and down. The skin felt silky smooth, and I didn’t understand how something could feel pleasant in my hand but cause so much pain when a man put it inside me.
“Raven.” My name was a near whisper on his lips. “Please. If you keep that up, I’m going to come. I don’t want to freak you out, and you really don’t have to do this. I told you I’d be hard this morning, but I didn’t expect anything from you. You don’t have to touch me.”
I held his gaze as I worked my hand up and down a few more times, needing him to understand I didn’t feel coerced. I’d never touched a man willingly before. I couldn’t explain why I felt like I needed to do this. Perhaps it was the thought of him believing I was brave. Or maybe I needed to prove to myself this particular part of a man wasn’t scary. It was the man attached to the appendage who could make it terrifying or intriguing, and the fact the others had wanted to hurt me.
“Raven.” His gaze held a hint of warning and a moment later, his cock gave a jerk and hot sticky fluid erupted from the head and slid down my hand. The scent made my nose wrinkle. It had a musky odor. Not necessarily unpleasant. Just different. I didn’t stop stroking until he shuddered and reached out to grip my hand.
He released me the moment I tried to pull free, and I stared at my fingers. Fox shoved his cock back into his boxers and bolted from the room. He returned a moment later with a wet cloth and cleaned my hand. I saw a hint of pink tinging his cheeks and I wondered if I’d embarrassed him by doing such a thing.
Fox left with the rag. When he returned, he folded his arms and stood by the bed, staring at the floor. He cleared his throat a few times, opened his mouth, then seemed to change his mind. I crawled a little closer and sat on my knees in front him. He still refused to look at me. Tugging on his shirt, I finally snagged his attention.
“I’m sorry. I should have insisted on staying in my room. After everything…” He audibly swallowed. “I’m an asshole, Raven. I don’t know how you can ever forgive me.”
My brow furrowed as I tried to puzzle out his words. It sounded like he blamed himself for what I’d just done. He hadn’t had any part in it. If anything, I should apologize for touching him while he slept. My breath caught and I scrambled back. Oh, no. No, no, no. I’d done to him what those men had done to me. I’d touched him without his permission. He’d offered me sanctuary, a safe home, and I’d done the unthinkable.
A keening sound escaped me, and I rocked myself, fear crawling up my throat. Panic surged in my veins. What if he sent me away? He’d told Hatchet I could stay as long as I needed, but now that I’d touched him without permission… Dots swam in front of my vision, and I felt myself listing to the side.
“Raven!” The mattress dipped and I felt Fox’s arms go around me. He held me close, running his hand over my hair. “Forgive me. Please.”
Tears burned my eyes and slipped down my cheeks. The panic receded and I clung to him. How did I make him understand? There was nothing to forgive. Not on my part. I did, however, need him to forgive me. I’d done something horrible. I’d despised those men touching me when I hadn’t wanted them to, and I hadn’t even given Fox a chance. No, that wasn’t right. He’d told me to stop, and I’d kept going.
I struggled free of his embrace and ran for the bathroom, falling to my knees in front of the toilet seconds before I threw up. I purged everything in my stomach until all I could do was dry heave. Sobs wracked me as I collapsed to the floor.
“Raven, I’m calling the doctor. I’ll make this right. Somehow.”
I heard his footsteps fade. How could I have done something so horrible to him? He’d been kind. Let me stay in his home. He’d comforted me when I’d been upset and scared. How had I repaid him? By forcing my attention on him.
The mere thought made me dry heave several more times. I hated myself. Scooting back from the toilet, I bumped the side of the bathtub. The razor he’d given me fell onto the floor and I stared at it. My fingers twitched as I fought the urge to pick it up and start cutting. But I didn’t deserve relief from the pain. Not this time.
Whatever Fox wanted to do to me, I’d let him. My behavior merited nothing less. I curled into a ball, shoving myself into the corner. He’d said he would call the doctor. Would they take me back to Balmoral now? He wouldn’t want me in his home anymore. I couldn’t blame him.
I didn’t know how much time passed before Fox returned with a woman on his heels. I turned my face away, too ashamed to look at either of them. Had he told her what I’d done? Would she yell at me? Call me names?
“Raven, my name is Luciana.” The woman knelt within arm’s reach but didn’t come any closer. “You met Spider yesterday. The grumbly older man? He saved me once, the way the club is trying to save you.”
She had my attention. I turned my head to face her. She lifted her shirt and showed me scars along her stomach and lower belly. I held out an arm so she could see mine as well. A faint smile curved her lips.
“Yes, we both have battle scars from what we endured. Like you, men hurt me. I came here thinking the Hades Abyss would do the same. Until I saw the horrified look in Spider’s eyes when I started stripping out of my clothes.”
I tipped my head to the side and listened. I could have told her these men were honorable. Breaker hadn’t touched me more than necessary to save me from Balmoral. And Fox… Shame made a fire build inside me, like my own body wanted to incinerate itself.
“Fox told me what happened,” she said.
I swallowed hard and looked away. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Not anymore. I’d done something repulsive. I knew it. Whatever punishment they gave me, I’d take it. Even if it meant going back to Balmoral and the guards.
Luciana’s touch was light as she pressed her fingers to the back of my hand. “Raven, he said he’s sorry. He didn’t mean to scare you, or make you feel like you had to… um…”
“I tried to be clear last night,” Fox mumbled. “I’d warned her I’d get hard and knew I should have stayed in my own room. I’ve made a mess of everything.”
I looked up at him. Wait. He’d made a mess of everything? Did he still think he’d made me touch him? How was this his fault? I didn’t understand. I glanced at Luciana, hoping she’d be able to help. The way she watched me made it clear she didn’t understand either. They both thought Fox had done something wrong.
I opened my mouth and placed my fingers against my throat. Could I even speak? Only one way to find out. I couldn’t let Fox think he’d been the one to hurt me. It had been the other way around. Even if it hurt to speak, even if my voice sounded horrible, I needed to try. I had to apologize to him.
“My… fault…” My throat felt like I’d swallowed razorblades as the words barely escaped my lips.
I heard Fox inhale sharply, and soon he’d shoved Luciana out of the way and dropped to his knees next to me. His hands shook as
he reached out, pulling me against his chest.
“Jesus, Raven. You think it was your fault?” he asked.
I nodded. “Touched… without… permission.”
He rocked me, pressing kisses to the top of my head. “Sweet girl, you didn’t do anything wrong. Is that why you freaked out? You thought I didn’t want your hands on me?”
I nodded. “Like…them…”
“Like?” He stopped and held me away from his body, forcing my chin up so he could look into my eyes. “Like them? The guards? You think what you did makes you the same as those monsters?”
I nodded again, tears burning my eyes.
“No! Fucking hell. No, Raven! You’re nothing like them!”
“Thought you said she didn’t speak,” Luciana said.
“She hasn’t until now. The way she rubbed at her throat, I’m guessing it hurts to speak.” He cupped my cheek. “But you did speak before, didn’t you? You tried to tell someone you were being hurt, and you paid the price. Is that what happened?”
“Yes.” My voice was getting softer. Weaker. I didn’t think I could say much more. At least, not without having something to drink first. I didn’t know how long it had been since I last spoke to anyone. Weeks? Months?
Luciana placed her hand on Fox’s shoulder. “Seems you don’t need me after all. I’ll call the doc and let him know he doesn’t have to rush over.”
I tightened my hold on Fox. They’d already called the doctor? The same one who’d been treating me at Balmoral? I didn’t want to go back, especially knowing Fox wasn’t angry with me. He didn’t blame me for what happened. Unless he was lying?
“Tell him not to come at all,” Fox said. “I’d worried I’d hurt her in some way. Seems we just had a misunderstanding.”
“He needs to see her, Fox. You know she needs a full health check-up, especially after what she went through at the hospital.” Luciana leaned down to hold my gaze. “The doctor the club uses is really nice. He won’t hurt you, and if you want, Fox can stay in the room with you. Since this is your sanctuary, I’d recommend going to the doctor’s office. Fox won’t let anyone take you away. Understand?”
I nodded and curled tighter against Fox.
“Thanks, Luciana. I’ll get some breakfast made, and we’ll head over to the doc’s office first chance we get. Make sure he knows she’s terrified of medical personnel.”
“Will do. Welcome to the Hades Abyss, Raven. You’re in good hands with our VP.”
I didn’t understand what she meant, but it didn’t matter. As long as I had Fox by my side, I would be safe. I’d never met anyone like him before. Maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have been chasing cowboys at rodeos. Then none of this would have ever happened. But if being hurt by those men meant I got to meet Fox, I’d try to be okay with what had happened to me. Was it possible for something good to come from something so awful?
Chapter Four
Fox
I’d been terrified I’d hurt Raven, if not physically at least emotionally, and instead, she’d been worried she’d hurt me. After everything she’d been through, I could see how she might think I hadn’t wanted her to touch me. Nothing could be further from the truth, although, I felt like a monster since I’d enjoyed it. Hell, I’d be reliving that moment for a while. Next time I yanked one out, I’d be thinking about her small hand wrapped around my dick.
Yep, the devil definitely had a spot reserved for me in hell. No doubt in my mind. And if Hatchet ever found out his daughter had gotten me off, on her first night here no less, he’d be sending me there immediately. Even knowing I should keep my distance, I didn’t think I could. She sat at the kitchen table while I made eggs, toast, and bacon. I found myself glancing over my shoulder every few minutes, just so I could look at her.
Raven had changed into a pair of the black knit shorts and one of the tees Knox had picked up last night. I’d managed to toss the shorts into the dryer while I’d waited on Luciana to arrive. I hadn’t wanted to face Raven, worried I’d only fuck shit up even more. She remained barefoot, and God help me, she was also braless, and I couldn’t help but admire the way the shirt hugged her breasts. Her nipples weren’t hard, but I could still see the faint outline of them.
“Hope scrambled eggs are all right. I always break the yolk if I try to make them over easy,” I said.
She didn’t make a sound. Knowing she could speak, I’d hoped to talk to her a bit more. I wondered if her throat still ached. I didn’t have any hot tea. Last time I’d been sick, Vasha had brought some over. I pulled out my phone and opened the grocery app. Ever since Luciana had shown it to me, I’d been addicted to buying my groceries that way. It made it easy for a Prospect to pick up the order and I didn’t have to worry about them fucking it up.
My phone chimed and I yanked it off the counter. Surge. I clicked on the message to see what he had to say.
Three guards fired from Balmoral this morning. Doctor noticed Raven missing. Think the nurse came clean.
Shit. Are they looking for her?
I saw dots appear and waited for him to finish typing. Doesn’t look like it. Think they want it to stay quiet. But that could be a problem later.
Right. How far would they go to make sure no one knew what happened? Keep me posted.
If these fuckers were coming for her, I needed to know. I’d promised to keep her safe, and I’d do just that, no matter the cost. Not only because I’d told her dad she’d be protected here, but because I wanted to chase the shadows from her eyes. Raven deserved to find happiness.
I added two types of hot tea to the list, and some honey. I didn’t have any idea what Raven liked to eat, and since she wasn’t currently talking, I couldn’t very well ask her. I added chicken breasts, steaks, and pork chops to the list. I tried to keep a decent selection of canned vegetables stocked so I wasn’t worried about side dishes. I did wonder when Raven had last been able to eat something sweet like cake or pie. I couldn’t bake for shit, but I accessed the bakery section and added an apple pie and a chocolate cake to the list. Hopefully she’d like at least one of them. Whatever we didn’t eat, I’d take to the clubhouse. Someone there would demolish the leftovers.
My phone went off again. This time I had a message from Shield with the Reckless Kings.
You seen Hatchet?
Had they lost him? Or had he gone off the grid after speaking to me last night? Talked to him. Seen him? No.
I waited a minute to see if he’d say anything else. Another text came through.
He’s not answering calls. Sent back the brothers he took with him.
Well, fuck. Whatever he was doing, he didn’t want his club to know. I hoped like hell he didn’t get caught. If the cops picked him up while he was off avenging his daughter, it wouldn’t end well. She only just now discovered she had a dad who gave a shit. I didn’t want her to lose him already.
I finished cooking breakfast and plated it. I carried both dishes to the table before getting out forks and cups. While I typically had coffee in the morning, I did enjoy a glass of juice a few times a week. The jug in the fridge had only been opened yesterday so I knew it hadn’t gone bad yet. I poured us each some and quickly added another jug to the groceries I needed.
“You don’t have to talk since I’m sure it’s painful, but could you shake your head yes or no if I ask some questions about food and drinks you like?” I asked.
She nodded and took a bite of her eggs.
“Do you have any food allergies?” I asked.
She shook her head. One less thing to worry about. I didn’t want to accidentally make her sick. I went through a list of breakfast and lunch items, adding anything she liked to the list, and making notes in another app of anything she disliked so I wouldn’t buy it next time. Assuming she remained here longer than a few days or even a week. The way Hatchet talked, he could be gone a while.
“I’ll have someone pick up and deliver the groceries while we’re gone. We should probably buy you a few more clothes too.�
� I tried damn hard not to let my gaze drop to her breasts. “And a bra. You need at least one of those. Maybe more.”
She blinked at me before looking down at her breasts. I shut my eyes and sucked in a breath. Don’t be a dick. I wouldn’t look. I absolutely wouldn’t… I opened my eyes and looked. Dammit. I slammed them shut again and shook my head. I needed to do better. For her.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to…” I cleared my throat and opened my eyes again. “I’ll get dressed after we eat, and we can head over to the doctor’s office. If you’re up for shopping after, we’ll get you more clothes. If not, it can wait a day or two.”
No idea how I’d cope with her being braless for days, but that was my issue to deal with and not hers. I’d just do my best not to draw attention to the fact I found her body fascinating. Harder to do after she’d gotten me off this morning, but I’d manage. Somehow.
“So you met Luciana. Like she said, she’s with Spider, our club President. Her sister, Violeta, is with Rocket. They don’t live too far down the road. There’s a third woman who lives here. Vasha. She’s from Russia, and she’s with Slider.” I took a bite of my toast before addressing the club whores. “The women at the clubhouse, the ones… having sex with my brothers, they aren’t forced to be here. Some come in from town when they want a wild night of fun. Others are regulars and show up nearly every night.”
The way her nose wrinkled told me she didn’t understand why they’d want to do that. Honestly, I didn’t know either. I’d heard more than one over the years talk about landing one of us, but it wouldn’t happen. Those women were here to party, and that’s all we wanted from them. I’d definitely been with more than my fair share over the years, but lately it hadn’t been as exciting as it once had. Maybe I was getting too damn old for this shit. At fifty, I didn’t feel decrepit, but I wasn’t exactly eighteen anymore either.
Shit. How old was Raven? My stomach turned when I realized she could be far from legal. She’d looked young, but I’d assumed…
