by Harley Wylde
“Uh, how old are you?” I asked her.
“Twenty,” she said in a soft rasp.
Thank-fucking-Christ. I felt the tension ease from my neck and shoulders. Crisis averted. Sort of. It still made her too fucking young for me, but if being around Spider and Luciana had taught me anything, it was that age was just a number. There was still the issue of her having gotten me off earlier. It had left me unsettled, even if I’d certainly enjoyed it. I shouldn’t have. I felt both eager to do more with her and disgusted with myself for wanting her to touch me. She should be coddled. Protected at all costs. And what was I doing? Wondering what it would feel like to have more than her hands on me.
I finished my food and stood with my plate, taking it over to the sink. I rinsed the dish and set it aside. I’d load the dishwasher later. After I moved the two skillets I’d used over to the sink as well, I wiped my hands off on a towel and decided I needed a little space from Raven.
“I’m going to get dressed. Take your time eating.” Before she could stop me, I bolted from the room like a chickenshit.
Badass biker. I snorted. Yeah, right. More like coward. How the hell could one tiny woman scare the hell out of me? No, not her. Raven made me feel a lot of things, but not any of those were fear. How I felt about her? The intense desire to touch her? Yeah, that scared me shitless. I reached my room and pushed the door mostly shut before hurrying over to my dresser and grabbing clean clothes.
I stared at the jeans in my hand a moment. Luciana and Violeta had been badly broken and abused when they’d arrived. Yet they’d fallen for Spider and Rocket. Vasha hadn’t had an easy life either, but she adored Slider. Would it be possible for Raven to ever have a semi-normal life? Maybe have a family? I tightened my hold on the denim, feeling the sudden urge to beat someone into the ground. I didn’t like the idea of her being with anyone other than me.
I was fucked. Like, well and truly fucked -- without lube.
“Shit,” I muttered. “Hatchet is going to kill me. Then resurrect me so he can do it again.”
I heard a noise behind me and spun, finding Raven in the doorway, her eyes wide. Why the hell did I keep saying the wrong things around her? I needed to keep my mouth shut until she went home with her dad. Otherwise, Hatchet wouldn’t have to murder me. I’d take my own self out if I did anything to hurt Raven.
“Sorry, sweetheart. Just mumbling to myself. Did you need something?”
She took one hesitant step after another until she stopped right in front of me. “He’d… kill… you? For… what?”
I sighed, not wanting to lie to her, yet not wanting to tell her the truth either. I didn’t see any way around it. If I kept silent, she’d likely come up with something even worse. If there was anything worse in her eyes. Having me want her all to myself, to make her mine in all ways, would probably be the stuff of nightmares for Raven.
“It’s kind of complicated.” She stared at me, and I knew I’d have to say something more. I ran a hand through my hair. “I was thinking about the way Luciana, Violeta, and Vasha all had horrible things happen to them. They were scared of men when they came here, but now they love the men they’re with. And it made me wonder if you’d want that. A family. Someone to love, or if you’d even be able to after everything you went through.”
She silently watched me. Yeah, she was going to make me completely spill my guts like a high school girl. Great. If this backfired and she hightailed it out of here, I’d never forgive myself.
“I got angry, thinking about you with another man. Made me realize I didn’t want you to be with anyone other than me. Your dad would string me up from the nearest tree. He just found you, and now I’m trying to keep you. Not to mention, he’ll think I took advantage, and let’s be honest, I kind of did. I could have made you stop earlier. I just… didn’t really want you to. It felt too damn good.”
I winced, thinking I’d really gone too far with that last bit. Instead of running from the room, and from me, she leaned in closer and pressed her cheek to my chest. I let my clothes fall to the floor as I put my arms around her. It felt right -- holding her. Like whatever had been missing in my life had suddenly been found.
“I thought my confession would make you want to leave,” I said.
She drew up and reached toward my face, her fingers lightly touching my beard. “Want… to… stay.”
My lips kicked up on one corner. “I’d like that. A lot.”
I held her another minute before I felt myself getting hard again and stepped away from Raven. She might want to remain here with me, but I didn’t want to push my luck. Yes, she’d gotten me off this morning, but after speaking with her, I had to wonder if she’d done it more out of curiosity than anything else.
“Let me get ready, Raven. We’ll go when I’m done.”
She patted my chest and waved at the bed. I furrowed my brow, trying to figure out what she wanted. She sighed, tapped me again, and motioned to the bed.
“Am I going back to bed?” I asked.
She pressed her lips together and shook her head. With a huff, she walked across the room, pulled back the covers and got into my bed. She snuggled into the pillow and held out a hand to me.
“You want both of us to lie down… in my bed.” I didn’t know where she was going with this. Did she want to sleep some more? Cuddle? I knew talking had made her throat hurt, but I wished she’d speak to me again.
She eyed my boxers before flicking her gaze up to mine, still waiting on me to join her. Hell, did she plan on touching me again? Because I wasn’t a fucking saint. There was only so much I could take before I’d likely do something stupid. Like try to fuck her. Shit. Goddamnit. It just hit me I’d been dressed, or mostly undressed, when Luciana had stopped by. Spider would have my balls. I’d been too worried about Raven to think about it.
“Not sure that’s the best idea, Raven.” Her eyes narrowed and she waggled her hand in the air, insistent. “All right. You win.”
Jesus. I didn’t know if I’d survive her being in my house. It was both heaven and hell all at the same time.
Chapter Five
Raven
He’d run from me again. Frowning, I stared at the empty doorway. Fox claimed he’d liked what I’d done to him earlier. So why had he run when I’d asked him to join me in bed? He said he wanted me to stay. He didn’t like the idea of me with another man. It meant he wanted me, didn’t it? The way Spider wanted Luciana, and the other two couples he’d mentioned. We’d have the same thing they had, wouldn’t we?
Logically, I knew he’d never be satisfied with me using my hand on him. He hadn’t pushed for more, and I didn’t think he ever would. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t find what he needed elsewhere. As much as he didn’t like the thought of me with other men, I didn’t want to think about him with another woman. If Fox found someone else, they wouldn’t want me here. I knew I wasn’t ready to have the sort of relationship he would need, but I suddenly felt selfish and wanted to hold onto him.
My reasons for asking him to come to bed weren’t unselfish. I’d liked touching him, proving to myself that part of a man didn’t always cause pain. I’d given him pleasure without the humiliation and suffering it caused when the guards had taken what they wanted. Perhaps I needed to prove something to myself. It was wrong to use Fox, and I needed to explain.
The minutes ticked by and he finally returned, tension radiating off him. I patted the bed and waited, hoping he’d join me. When he did, I snuggled closer and realized I’d need to use my voice. It didn’t matter if my throat hurt. He needed the words, to know exactly why I wanted him in this bed, and what I wanted from him.
“When I… touched… you earlier… you liked… it.”
He nodded. “I did. It was wrong of me to enjoy it. You were simply curious, weren’t you?”
“Yes and… no.” I swallowed, wishing it hadn’t been so long since I’d spoken. How long would it hurt to use my voice? “It made me… realize that part… of a man… doesn
’t cause pain… on its own. It’s the men… who hurt me.”
Fox wrapped his arm around me and tugged me against his side. “Right. Those men were assholes, and they will pay for what they’ve done. Not all men are like that, Raven. Your dad isn’t. I’m not. Hell, every man in this club would lay down their lives to protect you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask.” I’d finished a sentence without needing to pause. I smiled, feeling proud of myself, even if my voice had been nearly a whisper.
“What do you need from me, Raven?” Fox asked. “Want me to strip off my clothes and let you see that it’s just a body? The limbs themselves can’t do anything unless I make them. Well, my cock gets hard without my permission, but it’s not going to do anything to hurt you. Tell me what I can do to help you.”
I lifted up on my elbow and looked down at him. “You’d get naked?”
He nodded and cleared his throat. “Yeah, but I can’t promise I won’t be hard. Lying here with you… I want you, Raven. The way a man wants a woman, but I won’t act on it. You’re safe with me.”
I smiled. “I know.”
His brow furrowed. “Why did you rush to me yesterday? At the clubhouse.”
“You’d hurt yourself. You were angry over what they did to me. I needed to make sure you were okay. No one has ever cared before. You didn’t see me as a whore.”
His jaw went tight and his nostrils flared. “You. Are. Not. A. Whore!”
His harsh words would have made me flinch, had it been anyone other than Fox. I could tell he wasn’t angry with me, but over the fact someone had clearly called me that word before.
I shrugged a shoulder. “To some, I am. I’m not a virgin. Those men took my innocence, and so much more. I’d flirted with them, not realizing the consequences of my actions.”
Fox jolted to an upright position and nearly dragged me onto his lap. His arms felt like steel around me. “No! You are not to blame for any of it. A woman should be able to flirt with someone she admires without worrying the asshole is going to rape her. The actions of those cowboys, of the guards, aren’t the deeds of decent men. They’re monsters. Predators. And one way or another, they’re going to be stopped.”
I nodded, believing him. Part of me knew I wasn’t to blame for what they’d done to me. I hadn’t forced them to touch me. To hurt me. They’d enjoyed every second of it, liked hearing me scream and plead for them to stop. I’d seen the evil in their eyes before they’d left me for dead. With Fox, all I saw and felt was kindness. He had a gentle touch, soft words, and a noble heart.
He audibly swallowed and something shifted in his eyes. I wondered about it but didn’t ask. The longer he watched me, the more I felt he held something back. What did he know?
“You’re a good man,” I said.
“I try to be. Most of the time. I’m not a saint, Raven. I’ve done bad things, and I’ve hurt people. But I would never harm an innocent woman or child. It takes a sick person to do something like that.” He sighed. “There’s something you need to know. The guards at Balmoral were all fired today. Surge dug into their systems and said no one seems to be looking for you. I asked him to keep an eye on things and let me know if you might be in danger. I’ll protect you with my life, Raven.”
His words sent a frisson of fear through me. The guards had to be angry they’d lost their jobs. Would they take it out on me? Breaker had taken me from Balmoral, and he’d been wearing his cut. They knew the Hades Abyss had come for me. What if they came here?
Fox seemed to sense my inner turmoil and ran his hand down my arm. The gesture soothed me. I wished I’d met someone like Fox long before now. Would he have been interested in me before those men had destroyed me? I knew he was quite a bit older than me. If I hadn’t been hurt, been locked away, would I be with him? I couldn’t help but feel meeting him on the street would have had a different ending. He’d have seen a silly young girl and kept walking. We wouldn’t have talked, and I certainly wouldn’t be in his bedroom.
“Will you hold me?” I asked.
Fox leaned back against the pillows, dragging me down against his chest. He kept his arms around me, and I felt the thump of his heartbeat. “You’re not hard anymore.”
He snorted. “No. Talking about what happened to you seems to deflate my cock faster than ice water. What they did to you wasn’t sex, Raven. You know that, right? If you’re ever ready and find someone you trust enough, what happens between a man and woman can be beautiful.”
I had a hard time believing I’d ever enjoy sex. The movies and books had all lied to me. It wasn’t wonderful. It didn’t make me want to beg for more. It had been messy, painful, and degrading.
“Won’t it hurt?” I asked. “It’s always hurt.”
His hold tightened on me. “No, sweetheart. It won’t hurt. The man you choose will want nothing more than to make you happy, to bring you pleasure. He’ll make you feel things you’ve never experienced before, and you’ll only want more.”
“Is that why women giggle and laugh when they talk about sex? Because it’s supposed to feel good and be fun?” I asked.
“Yeah. That’s why.”
I wondered if I’d ever be brave enough to find out firsthand what it would be like. If I did, I knew I wanted it to be with Fox. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being as nice to me as he was. Every moment spent with him healed a small part of me. I’d not trusted anyone in a long time. Until him.
If I felt confident he wouldn’t hurt me in other ways, it stood to reason I could rely on him to only bring me pleasure -- assuming I was bold enough to ask for it.
“Have you ever been kissed?” he asked.
I didn’t know what made him ask. I thought back to the only boy who’d ever kissed me. It had been my senior year of high school. I’d been so excited, only to be sorely disappointed afterward.
“Once. I didn’t care much for it. He slobbered a lot, and I felt like I needed a towel when he’d finished.”
Fox chuckled. “Sorry about that, sweetheart. Sounds like he didn’t know what the hell he was doing.”
“I’ve seen kisses in the movies. It always seemed romantic. I’d hoped my first kiss would be like that. Instead, I’d wanted it over with quickly.” I curled my fingers, pressing my hands against his chest, my heart hammering against my ribs. “Would you… would you kiss me?”
He tensed and I wished I could recall the words. Clearly, I’d misjudged the situation. The man might find me attractive, but I’d made him uncomfortable. I tried to ease away from him. Fox held me tighter, taking a deep breath and letting it out before sitting up.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Why do you want me to kiss you?” he asked.
There were several reasons I could give, and each would be true. I didn’t think he’d like me thinking of him as being gentle. Or safe. But…
“I trust you,” I said.
He groaned and closed his eyes. “You probably shouldn’t. I’m just a man, Raven.”
“You don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to.”
He gave a sharp bark of laughter. “Sweetheart, trust me when I say I very much want to kiss you. I’m just worried I’ll get carried away and scare you.”
“Will you stop if I want you to?” I asked.
He narrowed his eyes. “Of course.”
I stared at him, waiting. He nodded, understanding what I meant. He might think he’d lose control, but the moment I tried to back off, he’d let me go. Fox wasn’t like the other men I’d known. He was… honorable.
His hold on me relaxed a bit and he urged me to move in closer of my own accord. I cuddled against him, trying not to flinch as he reached up to lightly touch my cheek. Before I could change my mind, I leaned closer and let my lips touch his.
Fox took control, his mouth coaxing mine into a sensual kiss that made my toes curl. I’d never known being in a man’s arms could be anything like this. My nipples tightened and I felt a tingling start in my belly and spread lower
. I gasped and he took the opportunity to flick his tongue into my mouth.
As Fox tasted me, showed me passion for the first time in my life, it felt like the world spun around us. My heart raced and my hands shook where I’d placed them on his chest. He broke the kiss suddenly, panting for breath as he pressed his forehead to mine. It felt like little bees were buzzing under my lips. I reached up and lightly touched them.
“That’s what a kiss is like?” I asked.
He huffed and leaned back, his eyes flashing with amusement. “No, sweetheart. That was something else entirely. I’m fifty years old and not once have I ever experienced anything like that before.”
His words sent a rush of warmth through me, and I felt my cheeks heat. I brushed my fingers over my lips and wondered if he’d kiss me again sometime. It hadn’t been scary like I’d thought it might be. In fact, I almost wanted to ask for another one now. I felt the hard ridge of his cock pressing against me and I hesitated. Fox hadn’t done anything to make me think he’d go further than I wanted. Still, would I be asking for too much to request another kiss and not let him do more?
Fox reached up and ran his finger down the bridge of my nose. “You’re thinking too hard. Was it too much?”
I shook my head.
“Talk to me, Raven. I need to know you’re okay and not retreating into your head. Did our kiss have a negative impact on you… in any way?”
“No. Except…”
“Except what?” he asked.
“I wanted another kiss.” My cheeks burned hotter. “But I didn’t want to ask for one and upset you when I didn’t want to do more than that.”
“Ah, sweet girl.” He sighed. “Never hesitate to ask me for whatever you want. I’ll kiss you as much as you’d like, and I won’t expect anything more from you. And if you decide you never want to kiss me again, that’s all right too. Might break my heart a little, but I’ll live.”
When he kissed me this time, I melted against him. I let Fox lead the way, and I savored every second of his lips against mine. If anyone had told me I’d enjoy kissing a man, I’d have thought they were crazy. But Fox wasn’t just any man. I didn’t think there was another like him in all the world. And for now, I’d pretend he was mine.
