by Kaye Kennedy
I walked up to the counter, my gaze dropping to the sparking gems in the case. "I need an engagement ring."
"I can certainly assist you with that. Congratulations on finding the one."
I grinned. "Thanks."
"Do you have an idea in mind?"
I shook my head.
"Not to worry. Tell me about her."
"What do you want to know?"
"Whatever you want to tell me."
I thought about it. "Uh, well her name's Allie. She's been my best friend since we were four."
He clasped his hands. "That's splendid."
I continued. "She's a kindergarten teacher. And as sweet as she can be, she's equally as strong."
His smile urged me to continue.
"She's got these beautiful bronze eyes. Brown with specks of gold that remind me of dripping honey. And her smile." I closed my eyes and pictured it. "She lights up a room."
"I can work with that," he responded as he retrieved one of the displays from the case. "It sounds like you want something ornate, but classy. A little mix of the old with the new."
I grinned. "Sounds perfect."
He showed me ring after ring and I found several elements that I liked in all of them, but there wasn't one that stood out to me as perfectly Allie.
After twenty minutes, the man suggested, "Perhaps we should design something custom."
"I think you're probably right."
He got out a sketch pad and started drawing. I was feeling overwhelmed. Picking out rings was more difficult than I'd anticipated. I expected to go in, point to one, and leave. Not so simple.
An idea took. I pulled out my phone.
Kyle: Hey are you busy?
Autumn: Nope. Just home cleaning. What's up?
Kyle: Could you come help me with something? I'm on Columbus and W 81st.
Autumn: Sure I can be there in 10
Kyle: Thanks. It's Frank's Jewelry
Autumn: Be there in 6!
I laughed as I slipped my phone back into my pocket. When the doorbell rang I turned and saw Autumn's broad grin through the glass as she waved excitedly.
Frank buzzed her in and she wrapped her arms around me. "How can I help?"
We showed her what Frank was working on and she gave him some feedback. Ten-minutes later, my bank account was several thousand dollars emptier, but my heart was certainly richer.
After swearing Autumn to secrecy, I went to work like I was floating on a cloud. All attempts to block a smile failed miserably. Cradling the clip board, I stared down at the checklist of things that needed to get done at shift change, but none of the words registered.
Mack patted me on the shoulder. "Dude, you're freaking the guys out with this happy thing you've got going on."
I laughed. "I'm really that much of a miserable bastard?"
He raised a shoulder. "You take this job very seriously."
"Too seriously?" It was less of a question since I knew the answer, but I asked regardless.
"It's part of your charm."
I chuckled. "Some charm that is."
As I went through my list, checking over the truck and the gear, I daydreamed of ways I'd ask Allie to be my wife. I knew it was sudden, but at the same time, it wasn't at all. In fact, it was long overdue. A smile crept across my lips as I imagined her face when I got down on one knee and promised her the world. She'd probably be shocked at first, but then her eyes would light up and she'd grin and probably shed a happy tear or two.
It would be the greatest moment of my life and it couldn't come soon enough. I'd ask her that day if I could, but the ring would take four to six weeks. At least it gave me plenty of time to come up with the perfect plan because Allie deserved nothing less.
40
Allie
It'd been a long time since I'd spent Thanksgiving at the Hogan's. Brandon was in Texas with his wife's family, Tyler was supposed to come home, but he'd deployed last minute, and my mom was on a cruise with her husband. Of course, Mrs. H welcomed me with open arms. I truly loved that woman.
The whole family was there, plus a few. Zoe’s sister Lauren, who lived near them in Queens, seemed a bit shy, but perfectly nice, and her blond hair matched Zoe's. I was jealous of their natural highlights.
I'd had a few grays pop-up since my divorce and had been considering dying my hair. I'd always left it my natural brown, but I wasn't ready for grays. Especially since, the past two months, I'd felt younger than I had in years, so I wanted to look it, too.
Mrs. H was sitting with Lana's dad and the two of them seemed to really be enjoying each other's company. I nudged Kyle. "Is there something there?" I pointed my chin at them.
He tilted his head. "You know what? I think you may be right." He rubbed his chin. "Hmm." According to Kyle, his mother hadn't dated at all since Mr. H passed. The way she laughed at whatever Mr. Murphy was saying suggested definite flirtation. Lana's dad was a battalion chief in the FDNY in Brooklyn and he actually worked with Jesse, but lived on Long Island.
Lana's brother, Declan, stepped to my side. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He folded his tattooed arms over his chest.
Kyle nodded. "I think so."
Declan hummed. "Interesting." Declan was a firefighter in Brooklyn as well and, according to Kyle, he was also an MMA fighter. He looked the part, too. Kinda threatening with his huge arms, tattoos, and the scar in his eyebrow, but he seemed like a nice guy.
For a full house, it still felt intimate. The boys had set up a folding table beside the dining room table and we all crammed around it. As we ate, I observed everyone around me, and couldn't help but absorb the happy energy. Ryan teased Zoe about something, making her smile; Jesse shared food with Lana; Dylan held Autumn's hand on top of the table the whole meal. That's what relationships should be like. A twinge of sadness swirled inside me because I'd missed out on what could very well have been sixteen years of being that blissfully happy. Again, my fault, but still unsettling. At least I'd gotten it right eventually, though.
I caught Kyle smiling beside me and I smiled back.
"What's going through that pretty head of yours?" he asked.
"Honestly? That this is exactly where I belong."
He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close so he could kiss my forehead and then he released me. "Yes, it is."
As we finished up dinner, Ryan stood to start clearing plates, but Dylan stopped him. "Actually, Ryan, can you wait a minute?"
We all looked inquisitively at Dylan.
"There's something we've got to tell you all." He and Autumn shared a smile, then they said in unison, "We're pregnant!"
The blood drained to my feet. I assume everyone was busy congratulating them, but I wouldn't know because I left the room; not actually left the room, but mentally I checked out. I was vaguely aware of Kyle's arm around me and I'm pretty sure he whispered something in my ear, but I couldn't be certain.
Over the years, plenty of friends and family got pregnant and every single time it was hard. Obviously, I was happy for them, but it also reminded me of how badly I'd failed as a woman. I willed myself to shake it off so that I wouldn't be incredibly rude. Everyone was on their feet hugging—the women all cried—except for me and Kyle. He held me close.
"I'm okay," I croaked out.
"You sure?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.
I nodded. "We should go congratulate them." I pushed my chair back and forced a smile.
Kyle stood as well and immediately wrapped his hand around mine as we went to hug Dylan and Autumn. The guys offered to clean up so we women could chat all things baby...great. We huddled together on the living room sectional, gushing over Autumn.
"When are you due?" Lana asked almost as soon as our butts hit the cushions.
"May thirtieth. Don't worry. I'll be huge, but good for your wedding in April unless this little one decides to come extra early." She rubbed her stomach. "But you stay in there and let Mommy take care of you, okay?"
>
I gulped the lump in my throat.
"Okay, good." Lana sounded relieved. "Not that I'm not excited about being an aunt, because I am super stoked, but this wedding has been stressful enough and adding a live birth on the altar would most certainly give my mother a coronary." She tapped her fingernails on the side of her pint glass. "On second thought, maybe we should plan it that way."
Everyone laughed and I tried to fake one along with them.
Zoe went into nurse mode wanting to know what Autumn was taking and when she was seeing the doctor, yada yada. As for me? I focused on breathing and keeping a smile on my face.
"We must discuss the baby shower," Mrs. H commented.
Lana groaned. "Another party to plan."
Lauren and Zoe high-fived and said, "We've got this."
"Well, while you talk details," Autumn said as she stood. "Allie would you mind helping me with something upstairs for a minute."
"Uh, sure." I put my wine glass on the table and followed her to Dylan's old bedroom. It still looked the same as it had in high school with the hockey and lacrosse trophies lining the shelves on the wall. It reminded me a lot of Kyle’s old room next door, which also hadn’t changed.
Autumn sat on the bed and said, "Sit with me a sec."
So I did. "What's up?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Why?"
She gave me a half-smile. "I couldn't help but notice the way that you and Kyle reacted when Dylan and I told everyone our news."
Damn. "Oh."
"I know we don't really know each other all that well, so feel free to tell me to mind my own business, but I just thought I'd check on you and see if you wanted to talk woman-to-woman." There was so much genuine kindness in her hazel eyes that I seriously considered it.
"I appreciate that. And I'm happy for you, honest. Kyle is, too. Our reaction wasn't about you at all."
She nodded, encouraging me to go on.
Surprising myself, I did. "Kyle and I were pregnant once, too."
Her brows shot up. "You were?"
"I was eighteen." I bit my lip and decided to go for it. I told her my story.
When I was done we both had wet eyes and she said, "Come here," as she pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Allie. And I'm sorry that this is triggering for you. If I'd known, I would've made sure to tell you privately beforehand so you weren't shocked."
That meant a lot to me. "It's okay. And I really am happy for you. Dylan is going to be a fantastic dad."
She pulled back and rolled the hem of her shirt between her fingers. "Since we're sharing things, I'm...I'm really worried about this pregnancy."
"How come?"
"I had a lung transplant when I was younger. Cancer."
I reached for her hand.
"That makes me high-risk, but there are also so many risks for my baby. Plus the death rate is three to four times higher for both of us."
I felt her fear. "I know it's scary. Losing a child is..." I searched for the right word. "Unbearable. But even after losing two babies, I tried again because the risk was worth it." I glanced at her stomach. "You just do everything the doctors say and take good care of yourself and that little one. The rest is about faith. You need to have faith that your body can do this." That's where it had all gone wrong for me. After losing the twins, I was done trying. It hadn't been about the money, although of course that had been a factor, it was because I'd lost faith in myself.
Autumn hugged me again. "Thank you for that."
I patted her back. "Of course. And I'm here for you if you want to talk about it, okay?"
She pulled back and wiped her eyes. "That's so sweet of you."
"I mean it." And, shockingly, I did. If I could help another woman avoid the pain and heartache I'd gone through, I would do it without question.
There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Autumn sniffled.
The knob turned and Kyle poked his head in. "Everything okay?" He noticed what I was certain was raccoon eyes from my wet mascara.
I gave him a lopsided grin. "Actually, yes. I told Autumn."
He glanced at his sister-in-law. "You did?"
I nodded.
Autumn got up and went to hug Kyle. She was so tiny compared to his giant frame. "I'm really sorry about your baby, Kyle."
It warmed my heart to see the soft expression on Kyle's face.
"I should probably go back down," she said. "I'm surprised Dylan hasn't sent a search party for me, yet. He's barely let me out of his sight these past few months. It's like he thinks this baby is a bomb or something." She smiled and rolled her eyes as she left the room.
Kyle sat beside me and squeezed my leg . "Are you really okay?"
I leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed. "I will be."
He kissed my hair. "I'll love you through it."
I smiled. "That sounds perfect." I sighed. "We should probably go back downstairs, too." I lifted my head and wiped the skin beneath my eyes.
Kyle smiled at me as he ran his thumb along my face from the corner of my eye socket to my nose. "All good."
"Thanks."
Back downstairs people were preparing to leave, so we gathered our things and said our goodbyes.
I hugged Kyle's mom and she squeezed me tight. "Thank you, Allie."
"What for?"
When she pulled away, she was teary. "For bringing Kyle back to us. It’s been years since he’s smiled and laughed like that at the dinner table."
I swallowed and gave her a half-smile. "Thanks for having me over tonight, Mrs. H."
"What did I tell you about calling me that. There's a chance you'll be a Mrs. H one day, you know." She winked at me.
I liked the sound of that. “It feels wrong calling you Ann, though."
"I suppose that makes sense." She tapped her lips with her forefinger. "What if you called me, Mom?"
I tried it out. "Mom?"
She beamed.
As did I. "I can do that."
41
Kyle
The room stunk of blood, sweat, and beer. It was fantastic. Declan was ranked second in New York for his MMA weight class and that night he was going up against the number one guy. The place was packed with people who were chomping at the bit for the main event. The first time Jesse brought his future brother-in-law around, I knew he'd fit in and we thought of him as another brother. Over the past year and a half, I'd gone to several of his matches. The guy was a breathing lethal weapon. I thought I was a good fighter, but you couldn't pay me to get into a cage with Declan. Luckily, other people got paid to fight him and I got to watch.
Dylan had been checking his phone obsessively all night. We'd left the women together at home and I’d practically had to drag him away from his pregnant wife.
"Relax, bro. I'm sure she's fine. Plus, Allie's there," I shouted over the crowd.
"Can't help it." He shouted back. "I want this kid, but if anything happens to her..."
I squeezed his shoulder. "It won't."
Jesse and Ryan pushed their way into our row and handed us beers. "What'd we miss?"
"One guy hit the other guy and then the other guy hit him back," I jested.
"No shit," Jesse replied.
Declan's fight was the main event, so we had to wait through a bunch of other fights before he got in the ring.
Ryan leaned over Jesse's shoulder and yelled, "I want to ask Zoe to marry me."
Our heads swiveled.
"No shit, bro," Jesse teased. "What's taken you this long?"
"She's gonna start med school in the fall and she's got it in her head that we can't get married until she's done."
"How long will that take?" Dylan asked.
"Four fucking years. I'll be ancient."
"Thanks, dick," I responded.
"Shut up, Kyle. Until like a minute ago, you had no interest in even dating. You were fine being thirty-four and single," Ryan ribbed.
"Four years, you'll be what, thirty-two?" Dylan asked
.
Ryan nodded.
Dylan replied, "Dude, that's how old I was at my wedding."
"Exactly. Ancient," Ryan replied.
"I'll be thirty-one at mine," Jesse added.
"I'm sensing a trend." I took a swig from my metal beer bottle.
"You could always ask her and have a long engagement," Dylan suggested.
I cleared my throat. "Speaking of engagements—"
"I fucking knew it," Dylan exclaimed. "When are you asking her?"
"How did you know?" I wondered.
Jesse stated, "Bro, you've been a completely different person since Allie's come home.”
"Yeah, man. It's like we've finally got our brother back," Dylan nudged my shoulder.
"What do you mean?" I asked. None of them looked at me. "Hello?"
Jesse and Ryan both pointed at Dylan. He sighed. "Fine. When Dad died you got real serious about stepping up to fill his shoes. We figured it'd be temporary as time went on, but when Allie left..."
"You shut down," Jesse finished.
Ryan chimed in. "You've been an ass."
They weren't lying. I'd felt it happening, but it had honestly been out of my control. The months had turned into years and, well...
"So would you do us all a favor and marry her because you've actually been a lot of fun to be around lately," Dylan finished.
I ran a hand over my jaw. "I'm sorry, guys. I guess I've let my grief get the best of me."
"No need to explain that to me." Dylan had suffered after our father's death, too. Then, a year later he was in a car accident where his girlfriend had been killed. It took him finding Autumn to finally strip him of his survivor's guilt.
"All good, bro." Jesse squeezed my shoulder.
Ryan tipped his beer bottle toward me. "Seriously though, when are you gonna ask her? Because if I'm gonna ask Zoe, and Jesse and Lana are getting married, and Dylan and Autumn are having a baby, we should probably schedule this shit." That got a laugh from all of us.
"I don't know yet. Soon." I'd picked the ring up earlier that week and it was absolutely perfect. While I couldn't wait to give it to her, I wanted to wait until after the holidays. Everyone got engaged for Christmas and New Year's, and I wanted Allie to have her own special day. Or maybe I'd ask on my birthday in January so I wouldn't forget the date.
