Wolfsbane: The Wolf Within

by Bethany Shay Porteous

  Something smashing in the kitchen grabbed my attention and I diverted to The Luna sighing as she grabbed out a broom.

  “I didn’t even see Evie come in,” Grace told her mother. “Sometimes, I swear that girl is a ghost.”

  I had turned invisible entering the house. My appearance at that moment would have brought on way too many questions. Why was I so muddy? Why was I so drenched? Why had I hung back at the fairground?

  No thank you.

  “She really lost it at training,” Grace commented. “Hannah had to sucker punch her.”

  “Take it easy on her,” The Lunda ordered sternly. “Evelyn is a calm and docile person, feeling this kind of rage would be so new for her. You all need to understand that.”

  I zapped back to my position in the shower and took a heavy breath, quickly beginning the process of washing my hair. My wolf paced within my mind, starting every now and then and I knew that was because The Shadow was trying to come through again. I could feel it simmering below the surface, looking for a weak spot to hit me and take over.

  Shutting off the water, I quickly dried off and began to get dressed in what I thought was a “Fair” appropriate outfit. The idea of going back to that field didn’t appeal to me but I couldn’t not go, or people would ask questions. And I didn’t want to have to bother with all of that, it was just becoming too much to constantly try and keep up with all the lies I was telling.

  I shimmied into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and pulled on a loose mustard colored halter top. Holding my hand to my head I shut my eyes and allowed a small amount of warmth to flow through my palms and I slowly felt my hair go from soaked to dry and smooth.

  Easy.

  I slipped my feet into some black sandals and threw my hair up into a high-pony, before I whipped out of the bathroom and into my bedroom in search of my phone.

  “I love that color on you!” Grace gleamed from the doorway. “We’re getting ready to leave—no one even heard you come in. We were about to send a search party out for you. The weather cleared up so that’s a relief! All we need to do is head back and string up the rest of the lights and we’re all set!”

  “That’s good,” I smiled limply before I realized I needed to show a bit more enthusiasm. “I am really looking forward to this! I’ve never been to a Fair before.”

  “You’re going to love it!” Grace told me. “Come on, everyone’s downstairs.”

  ∞

  Aiden and I drove separately in his truck and he seemed tense, his face holding a grim expression as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.

  “You okay?” I murmured.

  “Yeah,” he breathed heavily. “I just had an argument with dad.”

  “What about?” I frowned.

  “You’re not going to like it,” he muttered.

  “Aiden.”

  “I asked him to remove Sam from the pack and not initiate him,” he said simply.

  “Why?” I asked, shocked.

  “There’s just something about him—this feeling I get.” Aiden frowned and pressed his lips together. “It’s not right, something is not right with him and it’s not just because he’s a rogue. I can’t shake this feeling.”

  “Sam is harmless Aiden!” I groaned loudly.

  “Maybe he is and maybe he isn’t,” Aiden huffed. “Anyway, I’m not arguing with you over him anymore. I just thought I’d let you know.”

  My skin prickled and irritation replaced every emotion I had. He had this matter of fact voice about him and I didn’t like it. He was starting to sound bossy.

  He was starting to sound like an Alpha.

  I bit my tongue so hard it bled, just to stop myself from saying something pathetically catty that I knew I would regret when these feelings subsided. It was all to do with my wolf and that stupid imposter, it wasn’t Aiden. It was all me.

  Trouble in paradise? The Shadow taunted and I shut my eyes tightly from my own stupidity. By allowing myself to get worked up I had given an opening to this…. this thing.

  What are you even doing in my mind? I snapped at my wolf. Except sitting there and whining, are you even trying to help me?

  Silence.

  Are we a little worked up Evelyn? The Shadow drawled. Is someone cracking under pressure?

  My chest heated with rage.

  “I’m sorry,” Aiden sighed loudly as he broke into my bubble of anger. “I know I sound like a dick. I just don’t want you to be surprised if he gets rejected from the pack. My opinion means something now. In four years I’ll be Alpha and dad keeps that in mind now. These are my pack members. I have to initiate any outsiders.”

  “I just don’t understand what vibe you get from him,” I said. “I get nothing.”

  “I can’t help how I feel,” Aiden said. “I just need your support, both as my mate and future Luna.”

  “I can’t support something I don’t agree with Aiden,” I sighed. “You need to give a reason for why you won’t let someone join. ‘I have a bad feeling’ is not an acceptable or appropriate reason to deny pack entry.”

  “Actually, it is,” Aiden said as he parked the car. “Look, I don’t want to fight tonight, we’re supposed to be having fun. Let’s just forget all our problems until tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay,” I shrugged.

  Aiden reached over the console and grabbed my hand and I looked at him briefly, terrified if I allowed him to look right in my eyes he’d see what I was trying to hide. That flicker of a stranger. He pressed his lips to mine and panic shot through me as he pulled away and exited the car. I realized just how distanced Aiden and I were from each other.

  ∞

  “…This is the artist,” Miss Greene introduced.

  I smiled at the middle-aged couple who held one of my paintings under their arm. “Evelyn has worked extremely hard on all her work this semester. She had a very impressive portfolio put together for her college applications.”

  “They really are lovely,” the woman complimented. “We particularly like this piece—it’s the happiest looking one you’ve done. Tell me, why are the other pieces so dark?”

  My throat was dry and I nearly choked when I had to answer. “It was uh, just what I had been feeling at the time.”

  The couple smiled at me uneasily and when they shook my hand, the woman passed me a slip of scrunched up paper. I waited for her to leave and with a frown I quickly had a look at it. It was a depression helpline number.

  All my friends had gathered to finally catch a glimpse of what I had been painting. The Luna had of course purchased one, much to my embarrassment and stated it would look lovely in the sitting room. It was a morbid looking piece with violent splashes of black that had almost looked punched onto the artwork.

  Aiden had given me the biggest smile when he’d done the rounds but had groaned loudly when I had told him he couldn’t buy any of them.

  Hannah stared at each image with a scrutinizing eye and I wondered what she would be thinking about the work. Out of everyone, Hannah was a little deeper in the thinking spectrum. She always seemed to connect dots that people missed so when she looked at me and gave me a small smile, I knew I would be questioned by her eventually.

  My hour was up, and I had sold all my paintings much to my surprise and Miss Greene’s delight. The sky was only just starting to dim and the lights that had been strung up in mason jars across the Fairground lit up instantly, people cheering in delight and Grace flushing with pride.

  “Do I finally have you to myself now?” Aiden rumbled in my ear.

  “You do,” I laughed and I felt our usual lightness with one another creeping back in.

  “Good,” he grinned. “We have a lot to do out here.”

  Excitement fluttered in my chest and I pushed our earlier argument into the back of my mind. I followed him through the crowds of people who all wore big smiles on their faces. As we walked through, I noticed a lit-up wheel of fortune being spun with a score of eager looking people clutching tickets in
front of it. Bumper cars were bashing into each other on my left and kids shrieked on a giant bouncy castle.

  I sniggered at the kissing booth where a very bored looking girl sat and a disgusted looking boy sat beside her, as each took turns locking lips with strangers. I wondered what they had done for Grace to put them on that station… A giant carousel was lit up and while it spun in circles beautiful, happy sounding music chirped from it along with the sounds of laughter.

  Aiden and I ducked under a limbo pole before swerving under the legs of a giant on stilts. I gazed after them in wonder, trying to fathom how they managed to even walk on those!

  There was stalls everywhere with games attached to them. Giant oversized bears hung off the sides along with smaller prizes and the food stalls were scattered everywhere. Grace had really pulled this place off and I felt my excitement growing.

  Aiden stopped suddenly and I stumbled into his back dazedly. He grinned back at me before I realized we were stood in front of a candy apple stand and he handed me one of the sticky treats before taking one for himself.

  “This looks amazing!” I gushed as Aiden and I went to stand in line for a ride I had never seen before. It was stationary at the moment and it didn’t look too terrifying. “Grace did an awesome job.”

  “She did,” he agreed with a smirk on his face and I frowned.

  “Aiden?”

  “Do you know what this ride is Evie?” he asked through a chunk of apple.

  “Should I?” I asked nervously as my tongue darted out to catch the drying toffee on my lip.

  “It’s fine,” he laughed. “Just watch what happens.”

  “That does not sound promising,” I said anxiously.

  I watched as the attendants began ensuring seatbelts were on correctly before they exited the space around the ride and pressed the big red button on the machine in front of them. My mouth dropped open at the sight of the giant boat slowly rocking forward, before it swung back again and each time it picked up more and more momentum. The screams became louder as it rocked high into the air and would come swooping down to the other side.

  “Aiden!” I squeaked. “I can’t do that.”

  “Yes, you can!” he laughed as he squeezed my free hand.

  “Oh Morgana,” I wheezed as I dumped the remaining apple in the bin beside us. I had suddenly lost my appetite.

  “Oh yes!” Trey boomed behind us as he clapped Aiden on the back. “Evie, why do you look so pale for?”

  “She’s scared,” Grace giggled behind me.

  “Looks like a team ride,” Lucy announced loudly and I turned to see Josh and Hannah with her as well.

  “At least if we die we all go down together!” Trey snorted.

  “What?” I gaped at him.

  “Don’t freak her out more than she is!” Grace scolded and smacked his arm. “We’re not going to die Evelyn. Just don’t get flung out your seat or you will.”

  My mouth dried and sniggers were heard around me.

  “I’ve n-never been on a ride before,” I stammered.

  “Ever?” Josh asked seriously.

  I shook my head stiffly and everyone’s expressions sobered instantly as my old life was brought up as a fresh memory in their minds.

  “Hey,” Aiden said beside me. “It’ll be fun, trust me. We’re just talking shit.”

  Everyone else produced their own words of comfort and I tried to believe them but that waiting in line—it does something to the brain. You’re standing there, thinking that in the next few minutes you going to be willingly stepping onto a death machine with limited security for your body. Anything could go wrong; a bolt could come loose, or a beam becomes detached… what if The Shadow did something?

  Dread consumed me.

  “Our turn!” Grace shouted behind me and pushed me forward—gently.

  I followed in blind fear and found myself seated on a long bench between Aiden and Hannah. Hannah gripped Josh’s hand and she stared at me with wide eyes.

  When they bar come over us I stiffened. That was all that was meant to keep me in place?

  “Oh Goddess,” Hannah choked.

  I couldn’t feel the cold effects of The Shadow, but I couldn’t hear my wolf either and I found myself wondering if I was so consumed with fear that I had no room for anything else to come through?

  The ride moved and I screamed instantly, causing a raucous of laughter to erupt as Aiden put his arm around me. I felt marginally safer.

  Possibly the most disgustingly cheerful music I had ever heard in my life began to play and the ride began to increase its intense swing. On the fourth rock forward—that’s when it got high and I felt my stomach flip and a wave of exhilarated dizziness hit me as Aiden shouted behind me along with everyone else.

  On the fifth round Aiden lifted his arms in the air, hooting loudly and even amongst all my panic I could catch a glimpse of the young and carefree Aiden and hysterical laughter exploded from me.

  “Lift up your arms Evie!” Hannah shrieked. “It feels like you’re flying!”

  I did as I was told and as we lifted high up into the air and came soaring down, I felt as if my stomach had flown up into my throat. The air whipped across my cheeks and I shut my eyes—and I felt like I was flying. Behind my closed lids, the flashing of lights danced like shadows and the music seemed to become louder along with all the frantic, excited screeches of the Fairground.

  The ride began to slow and I tore open my eyes, lowering my arms. Lucy was cackling loudly and demanding we go again. All the boys wore the same expressions of exhilaration and Hannah’s cheeks were bright red. I found myself floating on a cloud of excitement and it set the tone for the rest of the fair.

  Aiden and I darted all over the place, sometimes bumping into the others or his parents. I got to experience the painful joys of bumper cars and even found myself attempting to ram Aiden—catching him a few times. He only ever lightly bumped me but encouraged me to plow into him as hard as I wanted.

  We strolled hand in hand through the grounds, a giant bear tucked under my arm that Aiden had won for me at the shooting range. I had managed to win him a small pink dog at the ring toss which he proudly carried in his oversized palm. The toy looked positively tiny.

  I felt weightless and carefree while we caught up with the others to eat a corn dog and watch Trey sink some hoops in a desperate attempt to win a bear bigger than mine for Grace. My hair was knotted from all the wind and my face and hands were a bit sticky, but I felt truly ageless—I felt a feeling I had never experienced before and I didn’t know how to describe it.

  I was so happy!

  When Grace expressed concerns about the lighting being too dim for how the night was getting, I used my magic so effortlessly to discreetly raise the light in the jars and the Fairground only managed to look even better.

  Everything felt so easy tonight and as the evening wore on and we stuffed our faces with everything that was bad for you and ran from ride to ride and game to game like children. I felt like every weight that had been holding me down just seemed to unclip and float right away. Maybe it was the sugar high.

  The live band that had been playing most of the night had switched from their upbeat tunes, to something more mellow. The dance floor in front of the stage seemed to fill up as everyone began to dance with one another under the shimmering fairy lights above them. Aiden had quickly led us over and swept me off my feet amongst the crowd.

  We swayed with my head to his chest and I relished in the amazing afternoon I had had. I was truly the happiest I had felt in weeks and I tightened my arms around my mate as I breathed in his warm, familiar scent. Aiden’s body felt relaxed and didn’t hold that same tense posture it had for so many weeks.

  It was bliss.

  “I love you Evie,” Aiden murmured above my head.

  “I love you more,” I said with a small smile.

  “Impossible,” he said and I could hear the grin in his voice. His hand grazed over mine that was rested on his c
hest and he held it, his finger thumbing over his promise ring.

  As the music ended we parted slowly, and I looked at him tiredly.

  “Time to head off?” he asked. “It’s getting late. I have a patrol tonight.”

  “Time to go,” I agreed with a small yawn.

  Aiden communicated with his parents through the pack link as we walked hand in hand toward the exit. The fair still had an hour or so left of it, but people were very slowly trickling out of the exit. We were passing the hedge maze and I realized with brief disappointment that was probably the only thing we hadn’t tried doing today.

  “I’m just going to the toilet,” Aiden said as he pointed at the transportable toilets. “I’ll be five seconds.”

  “No worries,” I said and waved him off.

  I clutched my giant bear and Aiden’s small toy dog as I stared at all the people, waiting patiently in line. A mother wrestled her child out of a line while the kid kicked and screamed all the way to the exit—to the amusement of a lot of bystanders. The mother didn’t look worried as she allowed the child to drag behind her and I wondered what I would do in that situation.

  I’d be so mortified I’d probably run away from my own kid!

  Evelyn, an unfamiliar voice ghosted in my ear.

  I shivered instantly and turned to see who had whispered and found myself staring at no one.

  Come with us, it urged and to my own dazed surprised my feet began moving in the direction of the maze. The moment I stepped foot inside an eerie feeling grew inside me and I swallowed the nervous lump of saliva in my throat.

  Who are you? I dared to ask.

  I received no answer, but my feet kept on walking, turning this way and that. The further into the maze I got the sounds of the Fair disappeared behind me and it grew darker and darker. Maybe it had been a trick of light or I had blinked at the wrong moment, but two shadows walked past an opening and panic set in.

  “Hello?” I called out. “Is anyone in here?”

  My wolf was still silent in my mind and my senses seemed insanely dulled considering how high they had been lately. Even that other awful thing wasn’t speaking to me.

  I stopped walking even though my body willed it and dug my heels into the ground.