The Christmas Wish List

by Heidi Swain

  ‘So,’ she said, her voice trembling a little, ‘Jonathan was telling your parents that you hated them but that he’d try and do his best to talk you around and he was telling you . . .’

  ‘That Mum and Dad hated him and were nasty to him every time they were on their own with him.’

  ‘But what’s all this about therapy?’ Dolly frowned.

  ‘He told Mum and Dad that I was having counselling, that some of what I said might not always make sense, which I guessed was a precaution on his part, and eventually that the therapist recommended I shouldn’t see them. He fed me so many lies I snapped and told him to tell them I didn’t want further contact with them.’

  I don’t know why I hadn’t questioned why he had set himself up as the go-between before. I supposed he’d made such a good job of convincing both me and my parents that he had our best interests at heart. I would seriously have to think about nominating him for an Oscar because his acting skills were truly outstanding.

  ‘And this letter from your mum?’

  ‘He never gave it to me,’ I confirmed. ‘So, I have no idea what it said.’

  ‘Well I’ll bet she never said that she was pleased you lost the baby.’

  I nodded in agreement.

  ‘As soon as Jonathan knew my relationship with Mum and Dad was rocky, he started chipping away at it.’

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ Dolly choked.

  ‘Once I’d told him to tell them I was severing all contact he knew he’d won. His mission to create our exclusive club of two was accomplished, although he did say we’d be making friends and entertaining when we moved.’

  ‘Of course, he did,’ said Dolly scathingly, ‘but you know it wouldn’t have happened, don’t you? And I bet he wouldn’t have encouraged you to look for another job either. You can see that now, can’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded, ‘yes I can.’

  ‘You know,’ Dolly mused, ‘I’m surprised he tolerated our relationship.’

  I didn’t mention how he had tried to stop me from coming, how he had sulked when I refused to leave, or how he had hinted that Dolly’s advancing age meant that she quite possibly wouldn’t be a friend for too many more years.

  ‘But then, whisking you off to Abu Dhabi would have put me nicely out of the picture, wouldn’t it?’ she said, puffing out her cheeks as I began to clear the dishes.

  ‘Nothing could come between us, Dolly,’ I told her.

  ‘That’s all right then,’ she smiled. ‘And how did he take the news when you broke it off? Is that why he roared off on Sunday?’

  I didn’t answer.

  ‘You have broken it off, haven’t you, Hattie?’

  ‘Not exactly,’ I admitted.

  ‘What?’

  ‘On Sunday I just wanted to get back here in one piece so I asked him to drive me home and then leave me alone. But don’t panic,’ I hastily added because she looked aghast, ‘I’m going to tell him soon.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘But I have to think carefully about how to do it. Don’t forget all my possessions are at the flat. Granted I haven’t got a lot, but I would like it all back.’

  ‘Beamish could help with that.’

  ‘No,’ I shot back. ‘I don’t want Beamish knowing anything about any of this.’

  I was feeling guilty enough for not telling him about Jonathan in the first place but now the thought had crossed my mind that I wouldn’t ever have to tell him at all. I could just say that I’d changed my mind about moving and leave it at that. No harm done.

  ‘I can sort it,’ I carried on. ‘I just need to do it gently. I might even try and find a way to convince Jonathan that it’s all his idea to dump me.’

  ‘I can’t see that happening,’ said Dolly. ‘He’s unhinged, Hattie.’

  I chewed my lip.

  ‘I know,’ I said, ‘I know he is, but right now he’s doing exactly what I asked him to do, which is leaving me alone, and I’m grateful for that at least.’

  I had thought he would start bombarding me with texts and voicemails, but so far, my phone had been silent.

  ‘That is something I suppose,’ Dolly nodded as I lifted the Wish List down from the mantel.

  ‘And look at this,’ I said, waving our notes about.

  ‘I’m not sure it matters now,’ she said.

  ‘It does to me,’ I told her. ‘More than anything, and there are still plenty of things to tick off. I’m not going to do anything which will jeopardise us finishing this list, Dolly. Being here with you, and everyone at school and in town and at Wynthorpe Hall, has shown me what I’d be missing out on if I continued to think about the season how I did at the hotel, and as a result of adopting Jonathan’s attitude towards Christmas as my own.’

  ‘Do you really mean that?’

  Yes,’ I said, ‘I really do. Christmas as it turns out, really does matter. And I’ll tell you something else, even if Jonathan hadn’t put his parts on at the weekend, there are things I’ve felt and experienced here in Wynbridge which were already making me question whether I was making the right decision or just going along with it because it was the easiest option.’

  Dolly started to smile.

  ‘And yes, I know you might have suggested that before,’ I smiled back, ‘but I suppose I just needed to work it out for myself, and being here has certainly helped me to do that.’

  I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if that had been the real reason behind her asking me to visit.

  ‘Well that’s something,’ she said, taking my face in her hands, ‘but what are you going to do now? Go back to your parents?’

  I would have liked to say, stay with her in the cottage for the holidays, but I didn’t. I daresay she was looking forward to some well-earned peace and quiet after the bell went at three fifteen today.

  ‘Perhaps,’ I said, ‘but for now, I don’t want to have to think about anything other than looking after you, Dolly.’

  This comment was rewarded with a particularly stern look, the one usually reserved for the most disobedient children in school.

  ‘And making the most of my time here to tick things off the Wish List,’ I added to make amends.

  *

  There wasn’t a dry eye amongst the adults in the hall that afternoon. Granted, the children were positively fizzing with festive excitement, but they were all aware of how strange school was going to feel when they returned in the new year and Dolly wasn’t in it. She had been an educational and formative part of the lives of generations of families in Wynbridge and I couldn’t imagine what it must feel like knowing you were loved and respected by so many people.

  The presentation of gifts, cards and flowers continued long after the last bell of the term had rung out, with children lining up to present their tokens.

  ‘I have a feeling of déjà vu,’ Dolly kept joking. ‘It feels like we’ve done this all before. You are very naughty to spoil me again.’

  She had described to me, on many occasions, her first retirement assembly, and how much it had meant to her. Watching her from the other side of the hall, I knew there wouldn’t be a third such time and there was a lump in my throat when Beamish wandered over.

  ‘She’s genuinely surprised by all this, isn’t she?’ he smiled.

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded. ‘She is.’

  ‘Everyone loves Dolly,’ he said, rocking back on his heels. ‘I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be that loved.’

  ‘Now you’ve surprised me,’ I gasped, looking at him.

  ‘Have I?’

  ‘Yes,’ I smiled.

  It was funny to think that he had no idea of his own popularity amongst the great and good, the young and young at heart of Wynbridge.

  ‘You might not realise it,’ I told him, ‘but you’re pretty popular yourself, what with all your acts of kindness and gestures of goodwill.’

  His expression said it all. He was every bit as selfless as Dolly. He genuinely didn’t have a clue what people thought and sa
id about him.

  ‘I just like to help out,’ he shrugged.

  ‘I know you do, and that’s why folk love you too.’

  ‘Well,’ he said, looking embarrassed, ‘I don’t know about that. I better go and check the staffroom’s all set up,’ he stammered. ‘Are you coming in for the party?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘And have you checked your emails today?’ he asked. ‘Any word from your parents?’

  I had made a point of finding the time as he had suggested to email Mum and Dad back.

  ‘I haven’t had a chance to look yet, but I will before we go home.’

  It was very much beginning to look as though I was going to be leaving Wynbridge having regained my family and lost a future husband but I didn’t feel overwhelmed by the surprising turn of events at all.

  Being in this beautiful little town had re-set my priorities dial and shown me the value of those relationships I should treasure as well as flagging up those which I could live without. What would have become of me, I wondered, had I succumbed to Jonathan’s pleading and turned down Dolly’s offer to visit?

  Putting some distance between us had given me the chance to see exactly how reliant on him he had made me. He had firmly established himself as being the answer to my prayers rather than helping me look for my own. He had wanted to be my everything. He had wanted to have all the power but now I was taking it back and I was going to use that reclaimed strength to untangle myself from his clutches.

  ‘Hattie?’

  My gaze shifted back to Beamish and I realised he hadn’t gone yet, but had carried on talking to me.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said, ‘I was miles away.’

  ‘You looked it,’ he laughed. ‘I said, I’m going to use one of the computers myself, so I’ll leave that one switched on for you.’

  ‘OK,’ I nodded, ‘thanks.’

  During Dolly’s party in the staffroom I was embarrassed to find the attention turning from her to me.

  ‘We wanted to give you these, Hattie,’ said Mr Matthews presenting me with a beautiful posy of flowers and a box of handmade chocolates. ‘To say thank you for stepping in and helping out.’

  ‘You’ve been a godsend,’ said Mr Patterson.

  ‘We couldn’t have managed without you,’ agreed Mrs Newton, my fellow TA.

  It was a relief to know I hadn’t stepped on her toes.

  ‘And anytime you happen to be back in town,’ laughed Rose, who was unboxing something on the table. ‘Do feel free to come in and help again, won’t you?’

  ‘Of course,’ I laughed back, ‘and thank you all for making me feel so welcome and a part of the team. I know I haven’t been here for long this time and it’s been a bit manic in the run-up to the holidays, but I’ve absolutely loved it.’

  I felt sadder to be leaving here than I had the hotel where I’d worked for over a decade. I’d been here for less than three weeks, but it had provided me with more than one lightbulb moment and I was most grateful for that.

  ‘If any hours come up,’ winked Rose, ‘I’ll get Dolly to send the details on.’

  I didn’t have a chance to tell her that I would be genuinely interested because she had turned her attention back to my friend, beckoning her over.

  Everyone gathered around the table and, with a flourish she revealed a stunning cake which she had commissioned Jemma at the Cherry Tree Café to make.

  ‘Would you look at that!’ Dolly gasped.

  ‘I thought you’d like it,’ said Rose as we all crowded closer to look at the details of the decorations.

  The blue and white iced two-tier cake was adorned with intricate snowflakes and balancing on top were a pair of ice skates, complete with blue satin laces.

  ‘It’s perfect,’ said Dolly, dabbing her eyes with the lace handkerchief she always had in a pocket or tucked up her sleeve.

  ‘How does Jemma do it?’ asked Beamish, towering over everyone as he admired the creation.

  ‘She’s a cake-making goddess,’ said Rose, handing Dolly yet another envelope to open. ‘And Lizzie can match her in talent. She designed this card for you, Dolly.’

  The card was every bit as beautiful as the cake and we all raised a glass to my dear friend who looked quite overwhelmed.

  ‘I had a feeling you might say something in assembly,’ she said as Alison came in with a basket of beautiful winter flowers, ‘but I wasn’t expecting anything like this.’

  ‘Well you deserve it,’ said Mr Patterson. ‘I honestly don’t know how the school is going to carry on without you.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sure you’ll cope,’ said Dolly, flushing at all the praise. ‘I haven’t been doing anywhere near as much as I used to.’

  ‘But you’re irreplaceable, Dolly,’ sighed Mr Matthews. ‘We’re still looking for someone to take over your clubs. I don’t suppose you’d change your mind about overseeing those until we find someone else, would you?’

  Dolly shook her head.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘I just . . .’

  Mr Matthews put up a hand to stop her.

  ‘No,’ he said kindly, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. Don’t give it another thought, my dear, we’ll find someone, and in the meantime, we’ll juggle things between us.’

  I was surprised Dolly didn’t back down but was sure she had her reasons.

  ‘Would you mind if I quickly went and used the computer before we go home?’ I asked her a little while later. ‘I just want to check my emails.’

  ‘Of course not,’ she smiled.

  ‘I won’t be long,’ I said, slipping out as everyone got stuck into another slice of cake.

  I hadn’t seen Beamish for a little while but he had, as promised, left one of the computers turned on. According to what popped up on screen when I moved the mouse, I could see that he had been on Facebook, which came as something of a surprise. I didn’t have him down as someone who bothered much about social media. I didn’t particularly care for it myself. I did have a Facebook account but I rarely used it. I logged out of Beamish’s user profile on the school system and into my own.

  ‘Any joy?’ he asked from the doorway a few minutes later.

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded, twisting around to talk to him. ‘I’ve had another email from Mum. She replied to the one I sent almost straight away.’

  ‘She’s certainly keen,’ he said, coming further into the room.

  ‘She is,’ I agreed. ‘She wants us to meet before Christmas.’

  ‘That’s great.’

  ‘It is.’

  I was nervous about seeing her and Dad again, but excited too. They were both in complete agreement that it would be best to talk things through face to face. It wasn’t a conversation I was looking forward to but once we had exorcised Jonathan from our lives, we could start afresh and that was a very happy thought.

  ‘You do realise that Christmas is just a week away,’ Beamish reminded me. ‘By this time next week Hattie, you will have seen your Mum and Dad.’

  ‘I know,’ I said huskily, ‘I can’t believe it. Apparently, they’re snowed under with work, but we’ll sort something out.’

  ‘Now that school’s finished, perhaps you could travel to see them instead?’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  ‘I’m pleased it’s all working out for you, Hattie. It would have been awful if you went away and still weren’t talking.’

  ‘It would,’ I agreed, not that I was planning on going anywhere. ‘But thanks to you,’ I told him, ‘I don’t have to worry about that now. That card might have been sent in error, but I’m very grateful that it ended up in the postbox.’

  Beamish nodded, but didn’t look half as happy or relieved by my words as I hoped he would. Come to think of it, he didn’t look anything like as cheerful as he had earlier on.

  ‘Hattie,’ he sighed, his change in tone making me sit up straighter.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Is there anything else you want to talk about?’

  ‘No,�
� I said, ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  I chewed my lip. This could be the moment, the last opportunity to explain everything. He was offering it to me on a plate, but I couldn’t do it. There was no point in doing it now my relationship with Jonathan was over, was there?

  ‘Yes, I’m sure.’ I nodded, swivelling back to face the screen, ‘one hundred per cent.’

  Chapter 22

  There wasn’t space to put down another thing in Dolly’s cottage by the time we had finished unloading the contents of Beamish’s truck. Flowers, cards, gifts and cake covered every available surface and if my friend joked again that ‘Christmas had come early’, she would have said it a hundred times since I arrived in town.

  ‘I’m certain there’s at least twice as much as when I retired the first time,’ she said, shaking her head as she took the scene in.

  ‘Yes, well,’ Beamish reminded her, as he nudged things aside to set down one last vase on the dresser, ‘you’ve added a fair few extra years of service on to the tally since then, Dolly.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right,’ she yawned.

  I tried to catch Beamish’s eye but failed. Dolly’s decision to leave school now, rather than in the summer, had definitely been the right one and I was certain he would agree.

  ‘And now you can do all the things you’ve never had time for,’ I suggested. ‘Perhaps you’ll find another hotel to stay in that you’ll come to love just as much as the Lucca’s.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said, heading to fill the kettle, ‘perhaps. If there’s time.’

  ‘I think she needs an early night,’ Beamish said to me, then added in a whisper. ‘I’ll bring those bits round for you in the morning.’

  ‘As long as you’re sure it’s no bother.’

  I had come up with something else for the Wish List that I thought Dolly would love and Beamish had offered to collect what I needed to make it happen.

  ‘Of course not,’ he shrugged, ‘I’ve already told you.’

  He sounded almost impatient. Perhaps Dolly wasn’t the only one who needed an early night.

  ‘OK,’ I said, ‘well, thanks again.’