Educating Holden (Wishing Well, Texas Book 11)

by Melanie Shawn

  Holden showed me just how good not being nice could be.

  Chapter 25

  Holden

  “Count your blessings not your problems.”

  ~ Maggie Calhoun

  The sun was shining brightly. There were blue skies and green pastures as far as the eye could see as I drove back to Wishing Well from Parish Creek. Tim McGraw was playing on the radio and I had a beautiful woman waiting at home for me to celebrate my birthday.

  I should be happy. But instead, I felt a dark cloud over me that had nothing to do with the weather. I’d just left my PT and my scans were not what we’d hoped they would be. I knew that my back had been bothering me a little more lately, but I’d been ignoring it because I hadn’t wanted to face what that might mean. Now I had no choice. My condition had deteriorated, and I’d lost twenty percent of my mobility. That happening had always been a possibility.

  When it came to the spine and back, healing wasn’t a linear progression. The doctors had cautioned me again and again that my condition was a chronic one. It wasn’t like a broken bone that once it healed it was as good as new. There were muscles, tendons, and nerves all connected to my spine that could be affected by external and internal factors.

  I’d been warned that this was a likely occurrence, but I’d also been told that I wasn’t going to walk again. The good news, if you could call it that, was there was no guarantee that my regression was permanent. There was some hope that I could rehab myself and regain my strength and mobility. But Dr. Weston was adamant about me using a cane for stability and support.

  I just didn’t want to go backwards. I’d been moving forward for the past month. Olivia and I had spent every night together since the Movies in the Park. We ate dinner, played with Channing, then went to bed. Some nights we had sex, but other nights she just fell asleep in my arms.

  We hadn’t made anything official and we hadn’t told anyone that we were hanging out. We both agreed it would be better if we just enjoyed our time together without the input of our families and the entire town.

  This was the first time in my life that I’d looked forward to something. I was in love with Olivia and I wanted to spend my life with her. I’d almost told her how I felt so many times over the past month, but something kept stopping me. I just hadn’t known what.

  Now I think I knew. I’d been scared that something like this would happen. That my body would give out on me. I wasn’t going to saddle her with a broken-down man.

  I was leaving for New York tomorrow to shoot with Old Spice and I’d be gone for five days. Originally, I’d planned on flying out today, on my birthday, but had postponed my flight when I saw the disappointment in Olivia’s face at not being able to celebrate my birthday with me.

  I normally hated going to the crowded hustle and bustle of NYC. But I’d actually been looking forward to it this time. I’d planned on making a stop at Tiffany’s and looking at engagement rings. Because as soon as I got back, I’d planned on getting down on one knee.

  Now…now I wasn’t so sure.

  The phone rang and I saw Kurt was calling. I wanted to ignore it. I was in no mood to talk to my manager. But I figured he was just calling to wish me a happy birthday so it would be a short call.

  I pressed the answer icon. “Hey.”

  “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

  I knew that tone, it wasn’t good. And Kurt never used the good-news-bad-news question as a joke. There was really bad news that he was going to try and temper with ‘good’ news.

  “Bad news,” I answered.

  “They pulled your campaign.”

  “Old Spice?”

  “It’s not a big deal.” Kurt was downplaying the situation. “I just thought you should know.”

  “Did they say why?” I had a guess. I was a washed-up cowboy that no one was interested in, but I wanted to hear him say it.

  “They went a different direction.”

  “A different direction?” I repeated.

  “Yeah.” Kurt paused but I sensed there was more to the story. “They went with…Grayson Locke.”

  Of course they did. I’d been out of the game for nearly six months and he’d still been running his mouth about me every chance he got. I’d started ignoring it, thinking it was just a publicity stunt, but this felt personal.

  Happy fucking birthday to me. This day just kept getting better.

  “What’s the good news?”

  “You don’t have to go to New York.”

  “Great,” I stated flatly.

  “Anyway, happy birthday! Do you have any big plans?”

  “Just dinner.”

  “With anyone special?”

  Yes. “No.”

  Kurt might be worse than my mom when it came to my personal life. He was always trying to set me up with someone.

  “I talked to Luciana, she mentioned she’d been trying to get a hold of you.”

  She’d texted me a few times over the past couple of weeks, but I hadn’t responded because there was nothing to say. I’d seen all the stories about her new soccer player boyfriend. He was from the UK and was apparently being hailed as the next Beckham or Ronaldo. Rumor was they were engaged.

  We were never together. She didn’t owe me any explanation. And I was just doing my best to put my past in the past.

  “I told her you were doing good.” Kurt paused again. “Are you?”

  “I’m fine.”

  Another call came in and I saw that it was Olivia.

  “I gotta go.”

  “Talk soon,” he said before I switched over.

  “Hey.” I was careful to sound pleasant and not take my mood out on her.

  “Hi, I was just checking to find out your ETA.”

  Her sweet voice soothed the rough edges of my day, which should’ve been a good thing. Instead, it irritated me. It made no sense, other than I didn’t want to need her. I didn’t want to need anyone or anything. I looked over at the cane lying on the bench beside me that Dr. Weston had insisted I take.

  “You know what? I’m tired. I think I’m just gonna go home and crash.” Alone. The last part of the sentence was implied, and I hoped that she didn’t make me spell it out for her.

  A small twinge of guilt crept up but I pushed it down. It wasn’t like I was canceling on her birthday; it was my birthday. And I didn’t want to spend the entire night trying to put on a happy face. If her taking the edge off of my bad day had irritated me, her smile would probably make me furious.

  It wouldn’t be fair to subject her to that. To subject her to me.

  “Are you okay? Did everything go okay at physical therapy?”

  I knew her concern came from a place of care and genuine concern. She was one of the most nurturing people I knew. But that was the last thing I wanted right now.

  “I’m fine,” I snapped.

  “Oh…okay, well.”

  She fell silent and I felt like a big-time asshole. I wanted to apologize and take back what I’d said about wanting to be alone, but I was scared I’d say something or do something that would hurt her feelings worse than I already had.

  “Um, well I already made my mom’s fried chicken, so why don’t you just stop by and grab a plate? Or I can take it over to—”

  “I’ll stop by.” I cut her off. At least then I could leave. If she came over, asking her to leave would be another level of asshole.

  “Okay. Bye,” she said quietly.

  I disconnected the call and my hands tightened on the steering wheel. I hated hearing the uncertainty in her voice. When I’d told her that she deserved better than me, it was the truth.

  The day’s developments were still sinking in as I pulled up into the driveway and cut the engine. I lost my campaign to fucking Grayson Locke. My back was deteriorating. I glanced over at the cane beside me. And I was going to need to walk with assistance for the foreseeable future, maybe forever.

  Part of me wanted to scream. Part of me wanted to break the cane in h
alf. But another part of me was almost numb. The fire that I’d had burning in me since I opened my eyes in the hospital and been told there was a chance I’d never walk again, was gone.

  It was extinguished. I didn’t have any fight left. Maybe I would tomorrow, but right now I just felt like giving up.

  When I stepped down from the truck, a sharp stabbing pain shot through the center of my back, and it locked up. Unable to move, I stood breathing through the painful reminder of what the rest of my life was going to be like.

  As I walked up the steps of Olivia’s porch, I held onto the railing and had to take them one at a time. I tried to shake off the darkness that was hovering over me. I just needed to smile, thank her for the food, say hi to Channing, and get out of there.

  I took a deep breath before I opened the door.

  My head was down when I heard a loud, “Surprise!”

  I looked up and saw at least thirty people including Olivia and her family, my parents, brothers and their wives, half of the Briggs family including Travis, Jackson and their significant others, the Golden Girls and Mr. Rogers.

  There were streamers, balloons, and a banner that read: Happy 30th Birthday, Holden!

  “Happy Birthday!” the crowd cheered and some blew noise makers.

  My mom rushed me and gave me a big hug. My eyes immediately flew to Olivia who mouthed, “I’m sorry.”

  I made my way around the room saying hi, thanking everyone for coming, and assuring everyone that asked that yes, I was surprised. By the time I’d greeted all the guests, the shock had worn off a little and I realized that I would need to spend the next three to four hours being social and keeping up appearances when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and hide from the world.

  Needing a second to myself, I grabbed a beer stepped outside and lowered down carefully, so I was sitting on the edge of the deck. My back was still pretty stiff, but the pain was dulling a bit.

  Channing ran up with his tennis ball in his mouth, thinking it was playtime. I’d still been coming out and throwing the ball around for a few hours every day while Olivia worked. It was my zen time. I wished that there weren’t a house full of people and I could just throw the ball with Channing.

  I popped the top off the Bud and downed half the bottle in one swig hoping that a few beers would dull the pain even more. I was about to take another swig and down the thing when the back door opened, and Olivia stepped out. I hadn’t spoken to her or even acknowledged her since I arrived.

  She sat down beside me and spoke quietly. “Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Did something happen at physical therapy?”

  “No.” I lied. I wasn’t sure why I did, other than just not wanting to face it.

  “I hope you’re not mad. I accidently mentioned to your mom that you weren’t flying out until tomorrow and she got so excited and asked me to help her put this together for you.”

  I knew that none of this was Olivia’s fault. I told myself that, but I still heard myself asking, “Why were you talking to my mom about me?”

  She flinched at my harsh clipped tone.

  “She invited me to a birthday dinner she was planning for you after you got back from New York. She said that she wanted to have it on your birthday, but you weren’t going to be in town. I told her that you weren’t flying out until tomorrow and she got so excited. You should have seen her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I knew you would hate this.” She reached out her hand and rested it on my forearm. “I’m sorry.”

  I moved my arm away. “Why did she invite you to my birthday dinner?”

  She was silent for a minute, before she stood and wiped off her pants. Her entire demeanor switched. “I don’t know Holden, why don’t you ask her? You know, when you’re finished sitting out here pouting.”

  Even if she was right, hearing her say I was pouting didn’t sit well with me.

  “I just meant because we’re not together.” As soon as I said it, I wished that I hadn’t. The truth was we were together, even if we hadn’t officially said so.

  I saw that my words hurt her. Just like on the dance floor but this time was worse.

  “Right. Just like you and Luciana were never together.”

  I could see tears starting to form in her eyes.

  “Olivia,” I reached out my hand to grab hers, but she turned on her heels and rushed inside.

  Fuck. I was a miserable prick. The last thing I’d ever want to do was hurt her but that’s exactly what I’d done. She didn’t deserve it. And I didn’t deserve her.

  Chapter 26

  Olivia

  “Never put your happiness in someone else’s hands.”

  ~ Maggie Calhoun

  “Thank you for a wonderful class, dear.” Mrs. Nelson took my hand and patted it.

  “Thank you for coming. How are you doing today?”

  “Oh, I’m just fine.” She took a step closer to me and lowered her voice. “Have you heard from our Holden?”

  “No. I haven’t.” I answered at a normal tone, not sure what the secrecy was about.

  “I haven’t seen him since his birthday party.”

  Neither have I.

  “That was nearly a month ago,” she added.

  “I know.”

  How could I forget? That had been the most colossal mistake I’d ever made. When Mrs. Reed told me her idea to throw Holden a surprise party and suggested we have it at my place because it would be easy to get him next door, I’d hesitated. I knew that on Holden’s best day, he wasn’t the sort of person that wanted to have a surprise party.

  But I hadn’t been able to say no to Mrs. Reed. I just couldn’t look his mother in her eyes and tell her that it was a horrible idea.

  When I’d tried to talk to him on the back deck, I’d gotten mad at the way he was acting. Since the party, I’d found out through the grapevine that he didn’t end up going to New York to shoot the campaign. And he’d been using a cane for the past month.

  As much as I missed Holden, I could see Mrs. Nelson missed him just as much. I wished that I could tell her that he’d be back to class. His actions the past month told me that I couldn’t do that.

  Maisy and Bentley’s wedding was in a week and Maisy said that he’d been answering Bentley’s texts and that he still planned on being there, but Travis had taken over bachelor party duties.

  I knew that it wasn’t just me that he was shutting out, but I couldn’t help taking it a little personally. The first few days, I gave him space, thinking he just needed to cool off. I figured that I’d see him in class, at least. But he’d stopped coming. After a week, I’d tried to call him, but his phone went straight to voicemail.

  I hadn’t seen him since the night of his birthday party.

  That wasn’t strictly true. I’d seen him, he just didn’t know that I had.

  About a month ago, unbeknownst to Holden, I’d installed a Wyze pet cam in my backyard. I’d done it because I was worried that Channing was sick, since he had so much less energy at night and he kept asking to stay outside whenever I would leave for work. I was scared that he was eating something poisonous or maybe trying to escape and wearing himself out.

  The mystery was solved the first day. Not twenty minutes after I left, I checked the app on my phone and what, or should I say who, did I see? Holden was in the backyard throwing a tennis ball with Channing. That’s how I knew he’d been using his cane.

  Over the next two days, it became evident that this was not a one-time thing. The two of them had a routine. They’d play ball, work on new tricks, and then they’d just hang out sitting on the deck together while Holden drank beer. I couldn’t hear what Holden was telling my dog, but he talked to him for hours.

  Their relationship reminded me of ours when we were kids. We’d play tag, he taught me magic tricks, and we’d talk. Every day I saw the two of them bonding when I checked my app, it bothered me more and more on several levels. I didn
’t understand why until one day it hit me: I felt betrayed.

  I was jealous of Channing Tatum. Plain and simple. I wanted to be the one that Holden was spending time with. And also, I felt like Channing was cheating on me. I was his person, not Holden. Yet, he obeyed him, he learned tricks for him, he sat on his lap and gave him kisses. Those were things he was supposed to do with me. His person.

  My response wasn’t healthy, I was self-aware enough to recognize that. Unfortunately, I wasn’t self-actualized enough to correct it.

  Then, about a week ago, Holden stopped coming out to play with Channing. I was concerned the first day that he was a no show, but thankfully the walls were fairly thin, so I knew that I didn’t have to call the police to do a wellness check. His television was on every night. And more than once I’d thought I’d heard the Sunset Bay theme song.

  Not that I would’ve called the police, I’d had an emergency set of keys since my brother bought the place.

  “Are you asking her about Holden?” Mrs. Scoggs said loudly as she joined me and Mrs. Nelson.

  “Yes.” Mrs. Nelson dropped my hand and shushed her. “Shh. You’re so loud.”

  “She’s been like this ever since she got her new hearing aid.” Mrs. Scoggs explained as she adjusted the mat strap on her shoulder. “Anyway, I did my part. I stopped by with a casserole, but he didn’t answer the door.”

  Join the club.

  I’d stopped by with my mom’s chicken and nothing. I’d considered doing naked yoga again, but since his blinds were always shut, I didn’t see the point. I wasn’t even sure if he was going to physical therapy. From the amount of time he’d been spending with Channing I would guess no.

  The thought had crossed my mind to have Molly ask Jake if Holden had been going in, but I figured that there was probably some sort of patient-client confidentiality thing that would prevent him from disclosing that information. I was getting desperate enough though, that I might just play the, you-started-dating-my-twin-while-you-were-on-a-date-with-me card.