Anyways, she wouldn’t say anything and would pretend that none of it had happened. She just wanted to spend the rest of her holidays in that beautiful city in the best way possible, so having an argument with Elsa wouldn’t make any sense. It wasn’t a good idea.
And thus how they spent the days, having fun and forgetting about everything else, including the tragic arrival they would have.
They had dinner with the boys on their last night. Gian and Alicia seemed to be surrounded by magic. The music, the kisses, and all those feelings that were waking up around them were lived with so much intensity, they knew it would be the best night of their lives.
Elsa, on the other hand, had a great time with Luka, too, although that was over when he asked about Stefan. That ruined the night.
“I cannot answer that,” she said, getting up to leave the bar.
“Elsa, I just want to know whether you and Alicia’s uncle are together.”
She looked at her stepsister, wishing she hadn’t heard what Luka had almost yelled. She pulled at him to get out of the bar so they could talk calmly. She didn’t need to give him any explanation, but she couldn’t avoid doing that.
“I don’t know why you are saying that I’m with Stefan. Where did you get that idea? I don’t even know how you know him,” she said once they were out of Alicia’s earshot.
Luka was silent, looking down. It was only for a few seconds, since he couldn’t wait any longer to look at her and tell her he had seen them kissing, which was something quite disgusting to watch taking into account that he had kissed her hours earlier. He couldn’t deny he liked her; more than he thought. He had never got a crush on anybody so quickly and now he felt frazzled.
“If you two are not together, then why did he come?” Elsa didn’t reply. “I saw you, Elsa… in the hotel door. I’m not going to lecture you because I don’t care what you do with your life…”
“If you don’t care, then why are you asking so many questions? Yes, we were together and it was the best night of my entire life. What do you want me to tell you, Luka?” she interrupted him.
He turned around to go back to the bar.
“I’m sorry I don’t feel for you the same you feel for me. I’m sorry I cannot even be a good friend just because I don’t know you enough as to tell you about my life.”
“That’s not what bothers me.”
“What then? Explain it to me, Luka. Tell me what bothers you.”
Luka smiled while raking his hair with his fingers nervously. He would love to tell her that he didn’t mind who she kissed. It would be great if it were true that he didn’t give a shit. However, he hated the fact that she didn’t mind kissing other guys that weren’t him. He hated believing he had any chance with the girl who had stolen his sleep. Since the first time he had seen her, it was as if his world evolved around her. Life was crappy sometimes. We were never contented with anything. We believed we had everything and when something escaped in between our fingers, we just wanted to stop breathing.
“It doesn’t make any sense to explain something that won’t affect you at all. I’m just saying that you need to be careful with that relationship… I guess that if Alicia doesn’t know it’s because you are not supposed to be together and, believe me, I know you will suffer when things are done in that way. I have lived it in the first person.”
With that, he turned around and went back to the bar, where Alicia and Gian were devouring each other’s mouths without thinking about anything else but them. Luka felt jealous. Not because his friend was with Alicia, but because he had something beautiful Elisa and now he was fucked because the girl he liked could only think about that other guy.
Chapter 16
Venice. 2015
They spent the rest of the day eating and drinking, forgetting for a second all the problems that surrounded them. Elsa wanted to be on good terms with Luka, so she asked him to talk again. No matter how much they wanted to ignore the topic, it was impossible.
They left the bar again, but this time they went for a walk. She told Alicia that they would meet at the hotel and she agreed. Even if she hadn’t agreed, she would go anyways.
They didn’t say anything while they were walking. They didn’t even glance at each other. They got into a gondola, which made Elsa remember the night Stefan had gifted her, that night when they almost made love, and the same night when Stefan declared his feelings. She was only hours away to see him again and she was eager to go back. The simple fact of knowing that both of them felt the same gave her the strength to fight for him.
“I hate this silence,” Luka said suddenly.
“Me too,” she smiled. “Luka, I… I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Elsa. It’s just that I am worried about you. You won’t believe me, but this week has been one of the best ones I have had since I came here. My life hasn’t been entirely good, and that’s why I think you are committing a mistake,” he said, rubbing his hands against his legs.
Luka was nervous and it showed. Elsa guessed that talking about the past wasn’t easy. She was also scared to tell someone about her feelings for that man who made her sigh.
“I fell in love with my mother’s best friend. She was eleven years my senior, but we had so many encounters that I couldn’t stop thinking about her.” He fell silent for a second and looked at her. Elsa took his hand. “One day, everything got complicated. My mother caught us in bed. That day, my parents threw me out of the house and she got arrested for sex with a minor.”
“I’m so sorry for what you have gone through, Luka,” she said. “But I don’t think the same will happen to me. Stefan is my stepmother’s brother. We don’t know when this started, but it’s impossible to ignore it. I’m in love with him and I know that Stefan loves me, too. We will fight for it to work.” She said that last part in a whisper, as if she herself couldn’t quite believe it.
They didn’t talk about the topic again. After promising they would keep each other’s secrets, they started chatting.
They spent the rest of the time looking at the stars, until Elsa yawned for the first time and Luka walked her to the hotel. Saying goodbye would be the worst part, since Elsa and Alicia were going back home the next day.
“I will miss you, Elsa,” he declared while hugging her.
“I will miss you too, Luka. Thanks for everything.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” He gave her a peck on her cheek. “At least I have your number. I may visit you at some point.”
“I will be waiting.”
Elsa entered the hotel and he left, his head down, after seeing her disappear inside the building. After having fallen in love with that woman, he had never felt anything for anybody else. Until he met Elsa. One cannot always have what they want, and he would only have friendship with her.
Elsa tiptoed inside her room, which was dark, and guessed Alicia was already asleep. She went to the bed and saw her lying there. She thought she had seen her blink, although she wasn’t completely sure.
“Alicia, are you awake?” Silence. “Oh, come on. I saw you blinking.”
“Go to bed, Elsa. We have to get up early tomorrow,” she said without looking at her.
Elsa thought it was weird. While changing into her pajamas, she thought of telling her something to draw her attention. Something was wrong, but… what?
Not waiting any longer, she got into bed and tried to fall asleep while saying a very dull good night. She was so exhausted that fell asleep immediately.
In the morning, a deadly silence surrounded them during the trip. They didn’t talk since they left the hotel. Why? Elsa had no idea, but it was clear that something was going on with Alicia.
She guessed it could be because she had left a boy she really liked behind in Venice. Although she couldn’t rule out she could be angry with her for whatever reason, but why? If Alicia were honest at least, Elsa could apologize. If she had done something to bother her…
On the other han
d, she felt bad for having had that conversation with Luka. A part of her was hurt, since he had behaved like a good friend in that short span of time, and the fact that he knew about her relationship with Stefan made her nervous. However, she knew for sure that Luka wouldn’t rat her out, especially not after he had promised.
“Your silence is killing me. Can you please tell me what’s going on?” she asked, attracting her attention.
Alicia stared at her for a couple of seconds and, without answering, she went back to looking in front of her, missing for an instant everything around her. She was very angry but she wouldn’t tell her why. Not until they got back home, and they were almost there. They would land in London in half an hour, where her mother would be waiting for them.
“Perfect, so that’s your answer. I don’t know what happened for you to stop talking to me… Whatever it is, if I have bothered you, I am sorry. I’m sure it wasn’t my intention to hurt you,” she apologized, afraid to know.
What if Alicia had learnt that her uncle was in Venice with her? That question kept hammering her mind once and once again. She hoped it wasn’t that.
“Continue pretending that nothing happened, Elsa. Maybe in that way you will believe it yourself.”
Alicia said those words as soon as she heard she could unbuckle the seat belt. They have arrived and it was time to go back home.
Elsa, for a strange reason, was nervous. Her legs were shaking and she didn’t want to imagine what she would find at home.
After they went to baggage claim in the most total silence, they headed to the exit, where Corina was waiting for them. Alicia ran towards her and hugged her, kissing her. It was a tender image that made Elsa’s heart hurt. She didn’t have her mother, and that pained her. When she approached, Corina kissed her on the cheek as a greeting, although it was a drier way of greeting her than what she was used to. And that only increased her worry and fear.
“How was the trip? Did you have a good time?” she asked while walking towards the car.
“As good a time as we could expect,” Alicia said.
Her attitude was pissing Elsa off. If she wanted to carry on with that attitude, then so be it. She wasn’t going to be running behind her like a puppy because she didn’t think she had done anything wrong. The only thing that was wrong was the thing she couldn’t control, since you cannot control love. It was simply what she felt, and it was making her feel like never before.
During their car ride, none of them said anything, and that was really freaking her out.
“Corina, how is my father? I hope we can have dinner together tonight so we can catch up,” she said, forcing her to reply.
“Of course, Elsa. Besides, we have a very important dinner tonight and you cannot miss it. Finally, everything is falling into place.”
That statement left her filled with doubts and something told her it wouldn’t be good. She didn’t believe in hunches, but since Alicia had a soured towards Elisa, and after finding Corina in the same kind of mood, she couldn’t help but feel even more nervous.
“Thank goodness, mom. Everything was going out of control,” Alicia intervened.
“What the hell are you two talking about? You are making me nervous with so much secrecy. It seems I am the only one who has no idea about anything and it’s pissing me off,” she scoffed, looking blankly out of the car window.
“Right. Sorry, honey. Stefan has finally set a date for his wedding. He will be married to Chloe in a couple of months.”
She said all that while looking through the rear mirror, checking Elsa’s reaction, which was a pained and angry gesture. Corina didn’t like seeing her like that because she loved her so much, but it was for the best. It was better to hurt her now than to wait until it was too late, when her father knew all about it and sent her away. Because she knew that would be what he would do.
Minutes later, they arrived home. Elsa was the first one to get out of the car and ran inside the house, trying to hide in her bedroom for the rest of the day. But she couldn’t do that because, as soon as she entered, she found Stefan going downstairs to the kitchen. They stared at each other and couldn’t say anything; their words were stuck in their throats.
Carefully, Elsa went upstairs and, when she passed by him, he grabbed her arm so he could explain what had happened, although it wasn’t the best of places or times to do that.
“Let me explain, please,” he whispered with a beg in his voice.
“You have nothing to explain.”
She freed her arm from his grip and gave a glare that showed everything she was feeling at that moment. She continued going upstairs, entered her bedroom, and slammed the door with a bang that echoed all around the house.
“Fuck!” exclaimed Stefan. “You told me it would be me the one who told her,” he reproached his sister once she entered.
“Why? Was it going to hurt her less in that way? She is a girl, Stefan, and her heart is broken. Do you think it was easier for me?”
“I doubt you care about what she feels…”
“Then you don’t really know me. I have raised that girl together with her mother. She is a daughter to me. How can you doubt that?” she said angrily.
“Because if you didn’t give a shit about my feelings, how come you care about hers?”
“This conversation is absurd, Stefan. I don’t want to talk about this again.”
Corina headed to the kitchen, but her brother followed her before she could go through the door. He wanted to continue talking about the topic. He was tired of having to do whatever the others wanted or expected of him. Why, goddammit? Why couldn’t she simply accept he was in love with that “girl”, as she kept calling her? Maybe it was a crime to love her? Because he loved her with all his fucking heart.
London. 2015
Elsa could feel how her heart getting destroyed, leaving only tiny pieces impossible to put together again. Knowing that he would get married even though he loved her, knowing that he wasn’t going to fight for her love, was destroying her. She was so destroyed that her heart stopped beating with that strength it usually did when he was nearby. Instead, he brushed past by her and not even a sigh escaped from her lips. Nothing.
Now, lying down on her bed, she allowed herself to cry those tears she had been holding in the car when Corina told her about Stefan’s plans. He hadn’t even been brave enough to tell her himself. Maybe he didn’t love her for real and he was just playing with her. It could be.
“No.” She got up from her bed. “I know he loves me,” she repeated over and over again, as if she could convince herself to believe it.
Her homecoming had been a disaster and that destroyed her. She could have stayed in Venice; at least she wouldn’t be suffering in such a horrible manner.
She dried her tears, filled with hatred she couldn’t feel because there wasn’t room in her chest for such a feeling. Then her door opened and Stefan entered. Elsa froze in the spot and he hugged her before she could react, whispering in her ear how much he loved her and how he felt.
She refused to look at him. He took advantage of her paralysis to cup her cheeks and wipe her tears. He kissed her with that tenderness that made her knees wobble. Although he was being forced to be with another woman, his heart had already chosen.
And yes, he was going to marry Chloe, but he wouldn’t do it because he loved Chloe. He would do it so he wouldn’t fuck Elsa’s life up. He’d rather be unhappy for a thousand years than hurt her. He knew what her father would do if he knew about their encounters, about their feelings… so it was better to say goodbye then and go on with their lives just as they had planned.
“Don’t forget I love you,” he whispered, pulling apart from her softly.
He looked at her for the last time and left the bedroom, leaving her even more destroyed than she already was. Stefan was killing her without even realizing. The truth was he had killed them both.
London. 2015
Feeling and seeing everything was falling a
part around her was making her understand what she believed wasn’t even close to the truth. And that was what Elsa was feeling at the moment.
She needed a change in her life to leave behind the pain that was pressing his chest, leaving her breathless. Stefan was hurting her and he was doing it consciously, but what could he do if they were practically forcing him to get married? There was no way to escape that destiny. Although he hadn’t written his own destiny, it was inevitable.
Then she thought the only way she could feel fine was if she wrote down everything she was feeling inside and hurt her… She took a notebook and a pen out of her drawer and started writing.
Every step we take
Every inexplicable stride
Every valued moment
And every incontrollable mistake
Is away from the moments
Is repressed without hesitation
Is lost under time
That we leave without movement
Tears fell down her cheeks so profusely that they would be able to erase the few freckles that adorned her nose. Everything she had written down was true. It was a matter of time that everything fell into place, and her place wasn’t next to Stefan.
Chapter 17
London. 2015
Before
Leaving her in Venice hadn’t been what he had needed and, of course, it wasn’t what he had wanted to do. However, staying there wasn’t the best of choices, especially because his niece was sharing Elisa’s room. He got home after that long trip that had made him feel exhausted and, when he opened the front door, he heard footsteps coming downstairs. It was Corina. She was frowning at him and Stefan noticed immediately she was angry. His sister was too expressive.
Timeless love Page 10
