Straight After the Bend

by S M Mala

  Then she heard her father laugh out loudly, his face going red. This wound her up even more. She wasn’t going to ask what amused him.

  ‘You must be in love! Wanting to stop seeing me? You were never like that with the others.’ Her dad let out a long sigh. ‘But I still don’t want to meet him.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘It’s hard for me knowing I have to take good care of you.’ He sheepishly looked away. ‘I haven’t really been concentrating on your welfare since your mother passed. I have had to find my own way of dealing with the grief but it doesn’t mean to say I don’t worry. I pray for you constantly.’ Then her dad shook his head. ‘Is he a good man?’

  ‘He’s the best, daddy, he really is.’ Taking a deep breath she smiled. ‘I’ll say you’re busy and will meet him when you’re free. I’m sure he’ll be fine with that.’

  Bea knew that Mylo wouldn’t be fine at all.

  He would want to know why her father was playing hard to get.

  ‘What?’

  They had been woken by his phone in the middle of the night. ‘When?’ Then she watched Mylo angrily jump out of bed. ‘And you’re telling me now? I only spoke to you a few days ago and you didn’t say then.’

  ‘Is everything okay?’ she whispered, pulling the sheet back up.

  He put a finger to his lips for her to keep quiet as he stomped out of the bedroom and down the hall. She heard his raised, muffled, voice.

  It was Sunday night and she rested her head on the snug pillow, and splayed her legs so she could feel the cool parts of the bed. Bea started to fall asleep.

  ‘Fucking hell!’ she heard him bark, making her jump out of her skin. ‘Why now? You never do when I beg you.’

  He was stomping around the bedroom looking angry but knowing not to ask, she sunk deeper under the sheet.

  ‘Are you awake?’ he asked, throwing himself on the bed, which slightly catapulted her up.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied and turned to seem him sat up against the headboard furiously rubbing his forehead. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘I have to cancel seeing you this weekend. People are coming over from the States and want to stay here. I have no choice.’ Mylo let out a deep sigh. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘We can go out another time.’ Bea sat up and watched him stare into space. ‘I can come round and-.’

  ‘No!’ Mylo replied in total alarm. ‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t.’ Then he looked uncomfortable. ‘They should be gone by Monday morning and we can spend the rest of the day together.’

  ‘Don’t you want me to meet your friends?’ Trying to hide the blow of the rebuff, she forced a smile. ‘Are you ashamed of me?’

  ‘Not at all,’ he said, turning to look at her and grabbed her shoulders. ‘But this isn’t the right time.’

  ‘Oh.’ She didn’t know what that meant but realised it was best not to push. ‘When are they flying in?’

  ‘Tuesday morning. They wanted to surprise me. Some surprise,’ he said flatly as a small smile appeared on his lips. ‘I’m going to have to stock up the fridge and all sorts.’

  ‘Shall I change the bedding and help you?’

  ‘You’re wonderful,’ he said, smiling. ‘But I can do it.’

  Something seemed to have bugged him from the constant chewing of his lip.

  ‘What has put you on edge?’ she asked, stroking his arm.

  ‘I don’t want to go into it,’ Mylo gently replied.

  ‘Don’t you like them very much?’

  ‘Yes and no,’ was the flat reply. ‘One in particular is good at pushing my buttons.’

  Then he suddenly shot out of bed and ran down the corridor. Bea got up and noticed he was checking the rooms and seemed incredibly anxious.

  ‘I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong, Mylo. I want to help.’

  Stopping suddenly, he looked at her. As he walked up to Bea, she noticed a pained and confused expression she would see from time to time, especially when talking about his time in the States.

  ‘I’ll tell you everything,’ he whispered, touching her face. ‘All the things you need to know but not now. When they’ve gone. Okay?’

  ‘Everything?’

  ‘Bea, there will be no more secrets between you and I.’

  That’s when she realised his visitors from the States were more significant than he was letting on.

  ‘Hello, is Mylo there?’

  A man answered his front door as she stood waiting on Monday afternoon. He hadn’t replied to her texts so she thought to pop by.

  It had been nearly a week since she had set eyes on him.

  Also she wanted to see if his friends had gone.

  From the look and sound of what was happening in his house, there seemed to be a party.

  The man looked her up and down with a faint smile. He was nearly six foot tall and had dark blond hair, in his forties. Very good looking with piercing blue eyes, his teeth were white and all his features symmetrical. From the look of it, he liked the gym.

  ‘Who should I say is calling?’

  ‘Bea.’

  ‘Bea? Okay, I’ll get him.’

  She got the distinct impression the man didn’t want her to go into the house. Then she heard the voices of children in the background and saw a pretty little boy running around, screaming with laughter. Pushing the door open, they were having a barbeque and about fifteen people were in his home.

  Not one person she recognised.

  Bea wondered why he hadn’t invited her. Watching the man walk into the garden, she saw him whisper something to a smiling Mylo, whose face suddenly turned to stone.

  That’s when he looked at Bea and seemed to be composing his breathing before heading over to the front door.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked, forcing a smile.

  ‘You said about going out this afternoon. Are you having a party?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, pushing her out the door and closing it behind him. ‘I think you should go.’

  ‘Are these your friends?’ she asked, smiling at the sound of laughter in the background. ‘They seem very nice. I’ve not met them before.’

  ‘Bea, you need to leave,’ he said again and this time he looked uncomfortable.

  ‘So who is this?’ the man asked, flinging back the door and stepping out. ‘Why don’t you come in?’

  ‘She was just leaving,’ Mylo replied, his eyes closing in annoyance. ‘We got our dates mixed up.’

  ‘A patient?’

  ‘A friend.’

  The comment stunned her because he was making out that there was nothing between them. She wondered why he would do such a thing.

  ‘Nice to meet you. I’m Cole, Mylo’s ex,’ he said putting his hand out to shake Bea’s.

  She blinked once.

  Then she blinked twice.

  ‘His ex?’ she asked, not knowing what he meant.

  ‘Ah, I see,’ said Cole, starting to laugh. ‘He’s hiding that as well.’

  ‘Cole, can you leave us for a moment?’ Mylo said, turning to look at him.

  Bea was frozen to the spot but Mylo gently grabbed her arm and walked her towards the gate.

  She stopped and looked at him, unable to take it all in.

  ‘Cole is your ex and he’s a man,’ she said and watched Mylo’s eyes narrow as he stepped back. ‘A man.’

  ‘This isn’t the time or the place.’

  ‘When was that going to be?’

  ‘You shouldn’t have turned up here,’ he said, starting to get flustered. ‘Were you spying on me?’

  ‘No I wasn’t. I hadn’t heard from you and…’ Bea looked up at him, not knowing what to say. ‘You could have at least told me your ex was coming to visit; given me that much information.’

  ‘It’s private.’

  She was totally gobsmacked.

  ‘If this is your attempt at being honest with no secrets, I think you’re failing fast. I don’t think there’s anything else to say,’ she whispered, choking
on her shocked tears.

  ‘I was going to tell you but it’s complicated.’

  ‘What’s complicated about the truth?’ she asked, shaking her head furiously. ‘You made me look like an idiot!

  ‘Let me explain later but not now.’

  ‘You’ve had nearly five, maybe six months to explain. Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you hoping this would end so you wouldn’t have to bother?’

  ‘What a thing to say?’ he replied, looking pissed off.

  ‘A man,’ she said, feeling her chest tighten. ‘You were with a man.’

  ‘I was with another human being who I cared for.’

  ‘So you’re straight?’ she asked and noticed he frowned. ‘For now?’

  ‘For always.’

  ‘But you…’ Bea hesitated knowing she had to word this carefully.

  ‘I’m straight after being a bender, is that what you want to say?’ Then he laughed, looking a little hurt. ‘Straight after the bend.’

  ‘Well, yes.’ Bea gulped and noticed he was shaking his head. ‘I mean, that’s not like knowing your ex was a super model or someone famous.’

  ‘He is a very successful restauranteur.’

  ‘A man?’ Bea let out a deep breath. ‘I can’t really compete with that. Oh God!’ Then she stepped closer. ‘You can’t change your sexuality to suit, you know that? What you’re attracted to stays with you.’

  ‘I know what suits me,’ Mylo sharply replied. ‘Whether my ex is male or female shouldn’t make any difference.’

  ‘Oh believe me,’ she said, trying to take a deep breath. ‘You might think it doesn’t but it does. Why didn’t you tell me? You say you love me so why didn’t your share this?’

  ‘Because of your reaction and right now I don’t know what I feel.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ she asked, seeing his serious expression, her voice starting to falter as her heart pounded hard in her chest. ‘You’re not sure if you love me?’

  ‘Maybe I don’t need this.’

  ‘This being me?’ Bea was starting to shake as she didn’t expect him to say it.

  She had planned to seduce him and stay in bed for the rest of the afternoon, not meet his ex, gay lover.

  ‘Mylo, you need to sort out the barbeque,’ Cole shouted out from the house as he shook his head and walked back in.

  ‘I think you should go,’ he said solemnly, turning around.

  ‘Daddy!’ a little boy shouted out running towards him then leapt into Mylo’s arms. ‘You need to come back in now.’

  ‘Daddy?’ Bea said under her breath, seeing Mylo look uncomfortable at her then lovingly at the child.

  The shock nearly made her lose her balance for a moment.

  ‘Hello, my name’s Kayden. Are you a friend of my daddy?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said and glanced at Mylo, who avoided eye contact.

  ‘You don’t know who you are?’ the little child giggled. ‘Have you forgotten?’

  ‘I better get you back in,’ he whispered to the boy, going towards the house and closing the door firmly; the sound making her heart shatter into little pieces.

  Mylo’s declaration of love for her was a cover up for him being gay.

  Then there was a child.

  She would never have guessed on either one.

  ‘Maybe.’

  Her eyes were red raw on Tuesday morning. She was lucky it was half term as any fool could see she had a broken heart.

  All night she tossed and turned on what to do.

  Part of her wanted to storm right to his home and demand a full explanation of why he lied to her about everything.

  The other part was shattered by the news he didn’t love her and it had all been a lie.

  Then she thought about the American little boy whose hair and eyes were identical to Mylo’s, though his skin darker.

  He hadn’t even had the good heart to tell her he had a child.

  Everything they had was pure make believe and she had fallen for it, like the stupid romantic fool she was.

  There had been no texts or calls from Mylo.

  She checked her emails and there was nothing.

  In a way, it could be he was going to tell her about his lie and reveal the truth about his feelings. All of which had never existed for Bea.

  ‘Why’d you do it?’ she sobbed into her hands, unable to comprehend his trickery. ‘Why?’

  The weight of the sadness made her body feel heavy.

  She said she couldn’t cope with something else upsetting her and it had happened.

  ‘Mummy!’ she cried out. ‘Mummy, help me. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. Why doesn’t he love me? Why did he hurt and use me? What did I do that was so wrong? Please mummy, please help. I’ve got no-one to turn to.’

  And Bea stayed in her home and sobbed.

  There was little else she could do other than wonder why Mylo would play such a hurtful trick and what benefit there would be for him.

  But what hurt the most, his words of love were never true.

  They were a cover up for what he really wanted.

  And it wasn’t Bea, as she was the wrong sex.

  ‘Two packets.’

  Bea was at the chemist getting more pain killers. She hoped they would numb the ache in her leg and heart.

  She was asking for the impossible especially as her sciatica suddenly flared up for no reason.

  Hobbling down the road, she felt awful. Two days had passed and he hadn’t called. She was too afraid to make contact because the idea that it was really over and he didn’t love her, hurt too much.

  It was best to avoid the simple truth that he had lied.

  Just as she was about to walk down the road leading to her home, she saw him.

  Mylo was walking towards her and stopped dead in his tracks.

  ‘Mylo,’ she whispered as he looked shocked then pained. ‘Mylo.’

  But he shook his head and ran across the road, heading for the clinic while she watched him.

  The tears fell thick and fast down her face.

  It was horrible.

  His rejection.

  Taking all her energy, she roughly wiped her face and limped down the road. The pain was a relief as it wasn’t as bad as what was going on in her chest. Eventually she got to her front door, closing it behind her before slumping in a heap, crying her eyes out.

  He couldn’t bear to see, let alone speak to her, and for that moment all she wanted was him but that wasn’t going to be the case.

  Mylo didn’t want her and that hurt the most.

  ‘I see.’

  Four nights of not having enough sleep played havoc on her heart and head. Not to mention her leg.

  Today, Friday, she was supposed to meet Mylo for dinner.

  Her phone vibrated and her heart sank.

  There was a text from the restaurant saying the booking had been cancelled.

  Dr Mylo Kearney was officially dumping her by using the restaurant’s website.

  Bea let out a sob. She was never stepping back into his clinic so would have to manage the agony herself, doing the exercises he had shown her.

  She walked down the road and put on her shades. The rays were hurting her sore eyes as she took out her phone once again and re-read the cancellation.

  He must have done it to show there was no chance he wanted to see or speak to her. That was obvious from what happened on Wednesday. Bea knew she would have to return his things.

  When she got home, she hunted for a bag to put his belongings into. It would have to be done subtly so no-one at the clinic, where she intended to drop it off, could see the contents.

  Folding his t-shirts and underwear, she sniffed the material and realised she would never smell him again.

  Or hold him in her arms.

  She bit back the tears, realising red rimmed eyes had been her current look. Then she saw his present, all wrapped up on the shelf. There was no point cancelling because she wanted him to still have it.<
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  It was where he wanted to go but he wouldn’t want her there. Not now.

  Taking the envelope with the ribbon, Bea wrote a note, resealed it and then placed it in the bag.

  Maybe he would take someone else.

  ‘Maybe,’ she whispered again, for the hundredth time that week.

  Maybe he loved her a bit or maybe he never did.

  He couldn’t have loved her if he never told her about Cole and the child.

  Mylo was a dad but didn’t want to share something so secretive and precious with her.

  Putting everything together and closing the small canvas bag, she knew he wouldn’t be in work. It was the perfect time to drop it off.

  As she walked down the road, her heart was beating fast at the idea of going into the building but she had no choice. Slowly opening the door, she saw Leanne who did a double take when she looked up.

  ‘This is for Mylo,’ she said quickly, handing the bag over. ‘Can you make sure he gets it?’

  ‘He’s not here,’ Leanne replied, looking confused.

  ‘I know.’ Bea smiled, turning to walk out.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  ‘Fine,’ she replied.

  The pain in her heart and leg were unbearable as she pounded the pavement to get as far away from the clinic as possible. Seeking refuge, she went to her regular café by the school.

  It was empty so she sat down and got a cup of tea. Looking at the sky, she knew all the plans she had for Mylo that weekend were wasted.

  He would have made alternative arrangements with the friends she had seen him with on Monday.

  These people she was never introduced to.

  Bea walked home, knowing she wanted to rest her weary head and leg before crying herself to sleep again. This time she knew her home would be really empty, now his things weren’t there.

  She was back to square one.

  Alone again.