Kiss and Break Up

by Ella Fields

  Experience to use with him.

  “You spoken to Peggy since Friday?” Lars asked.

  “No,” I said, clearing my throat when the word came out as a husk. “I thought I’d give her some space. I told her …” I stopped. “I asked her to …” I stopped again, my eyes clouding with a haze of disbelief.

  “You asked her to what?” Lars said.

  I pushed my hand through my hair. “Doesn’t matter now.”

  “I haven’t even seen her yet,” Raven said. “But if she’s here, go find her, dude. Just talk to her or something.”

  “Don’t know if there’s anything to talk about anymore.” And I didn’t want to fucking talk about it with them or anyone for that matter.

  I stalked back to the doors, then halted when I saw Peggy’s car pull into the lot.

  The guys fell silent behind me as she took her time getting out, boots on, hair curled and bouncing around her shoulders.

  She locked the car, her mustard leather bag hanging over her arm as she crossed the lawn.

  Rage and betrayal brewed inside, creating a wildfire of heat that needed a way out. Silently, I begged for her to just look at me, lift her head and show me that what I’d heard wasn’t true.

  When she reached the stairs, she glanced up, tilting as she almost tripped on the first step. I saw her chest heave as she inhaled, and then it happened. Tear soaked eyes searched mine, and I knew.

  They weren’t gossiping for no reason. There was always a reason among the lies, and today’s reason was my best friend.

  The girl I’d stupidly gotten hung up over.

  I headed for the other set of stairs, taking the long way around the gardens to the parking lot.

  “Dash?” Her voice was like ice over a burn, but I wouldn’t let it soothe me, not when she was the one who’d inflicted the pain in the first place.

  “Dash!”

  I heard Lars tell her to leave me be, and then I heard nothing but the quiet, pitiful thud of my own heartbeat as I shut myself in my car and got the hell out of there.

  I didn’t get far.

  No, that was impossible.

  I parked, and I waited. And when the clock struck two, I drove back and parked right next to his ghastly fucking truck.

  The trees ceased their swaying, and the air felt stickier than it should as I balled my fists at my side, clenching and unclenching while he took his sweet-ass time to get to his car.

  Come on, asshole. Look up and see the wrath that awaits you.

  As if hearing the silent command, he skidded to a stop, the smile he’d worn while typing on his phone slipping as quickly as he pocketed it. “Wondered where you might be.”

  Was that resignation I detected? Good. He should be resigned to this. But that wasn’t enough. I cracked my knuckles, and his steps slowed as he heard the sound. I didn’t want him resigned. I wanted him dead or as close to it as possible.

  He threw his hands out, his gym bag hitting the asphalt. “What can I say, man?” His lips wiggled into a smile. “I’m so far from sorry I forget what the word even means.”

  I launched at him, taking both of us to the ground. The concrete bit into my elbow, jarring my arm, but I didn’t care. The thud and pained sound that came from Woods as he hit the ground was music to my ears. My fist smashed into his face, and he landed an uppercut to my jaw. My head spun, but my rage couldn’t be stopped, and blindly, I kept landing blow after blow. His chest, his cheek, his mouth, and then I heard a pop, and blood gushed over my fists.

  Yelling and shouting had ensued, but I was too far gone, trapped beneath waves of agony that needed release, to hear much of anything.

  Hands wrenched at my shoulders, and a fist met the side of my mouth, the tang of blood smearing over my tongue as I shouted, struggled, and cursed for them to release me.

  “Fuck, stop.” Raven’s voice penetrated.

  “You’re going to kill him or give yourself a damn heart attack. Fucking chill.” Lars slapped at my face as Rave and Jackson held me back, and a teacher helped Byron sit up on the ground.

  “Mr. Thane.” Principal Denham stomped over in his crocodile knock-offs. “My office. Now.”

  I ignored him and the hellfire look twitching his pudge-infused face, tearing my arms out of my friends’ grip. “No need. I’ll see myself out.” I wiped at my lip, my heart thrashing like a wounded beast as I watched Byron stand, one of his eyes already swollen shut.

  It wasn’t enough. The fact he’d wake up and maybe be able to see a slit of sunlight wasn’t anywhere near enough.

  “Mr. Thane, I won’t tell you again.”

  “What about that dickhead?” Lars pointed at Byron while I spat blood on the ground, then finally, I took a good look at the crowd that’d gathered.

  “Language, Lars,” Denham said.

  Half the school had left, but the other half that hadn’t were all there, whispering or quickly stashing away their phones after recording the fight.

  “He didn’t start it.”

  I barked out a dry laugh, but really, I didn’t give a shit. They could do whatever they wanted, and I would do the same. I opened my car door and jumped inside. Lars and Jackson pounded on the windows, but I’d locked the doors. I didn’t need them to come with or follow me like I was on some kind of suicide watch. As the principal pulled out his phone, likely to speak with my mom or dad, I peeled out of the lot, forcing students to jump out of the way as screeches and screams left their mouths.

  Blood dripped onto my cheek, and I figured I’d probably been hit more times than I recalled. The guy hit the gym every day and was all about training in the off season, so it made sense he knew how to use his bulk.

  Too bad he’d muscled his way into the wrong girl’s life, consequently ruining mine.

  I drove around town for however long. Long enough to be able to think a little more rationally.

  All that went to hell when I saw the red Volkswagen parked outside the wrought iron gates shielding my driveway. The sight of her—her arms crossed over her chest, her lip between her teeth, and her face blotchy from crying—was almost enough to send me back to school to finish what I’d started.

  Almost.

  I drove in once the gates opened, and she jogged in behind me before she was locked out. Dirt sprayed, a few rocks pelting the car as I sped down to the garage, then slammed on the brakes.

  She was there within seconds of me shifting into park, panting and breathing heavily.

  The sound had tormenting thoughts clenching my fists.

  “Why’d you leave?” Her question sounded like an accusation, and I shook my head, a sinister laugh departing my thinned, bloodied lips.

  “Fuck you. You got what you wanted, right?” I stepped closer to her, noticing how puffy her eyes were. “Did I prep you just right?”

  She shook her head, her lips wobbling. “I’m sorry. I know—”

  “I hate you,” I said with every ounce of ruin I felt.

  “Dash …” Her voice broke. Her face, shoulders—all of her—seemed to crumple as she took an unsteady step back.

  The sight of her misery was about to send me to my knees, but my revulsion kept me standing. I hit the remote for the door, my chest heaving. “I fucking hate you, Peggy.”

  The door closed on her shattered expression.

  Peggy

  I fucking hate you, Peggy.

  As if it wasn’t bad enough that rumors had spread about me throughout the entire school, the one person I needed most had believed them without even hearing me out. The look on his face, the anger wrenching his voice—it hurt worse than anything that’d transpired since homecoming.

  I’d stalked through the halls silent, my head down and my heart weary as whispers and disgusting overtures found me at every turn. I wanted to scream at them, but I knew it’d only give them further ammunition to use against me. Instead, I’d spent too much time crying in the girls’ bathroom, drowning in my own reckless decisions.

  Class was hardly a rep
rieve because even the teachers looked at me as if I’d disappointed them.

  I’d wanted a boyfriend, to feel wanted, to experience what it was like to have another human being touch you and look at you in a way that painted the world in fresh color.

  I never expected this to happen.

  I’d made a mistake, which was evident in the way Byron so easily shared what’d happened between us. Not once did I think he’d share something personal and maybe, under different circumstances, special between us. Regardless, I couldn’t live with that kind of guilt for long. I’d sat at home all weekend, trying to devise a way to tell Dash myself. To tell him I had feelings for him too.

  That was pointless now, and I wondered if Byron had somehow hoped or planned for that, or if he even cared that he’d made my life hell in the days after. Maybe I’d never know because every time I’d tried to talk to him, he’d make himself scarce and ignore my calls.

  Words held too much power. It was clear he’d wielded that power for his own personal gain, uncaring of how it would affect anyone besides himself.

  It wasn’t fair, and it was all I could do to drag myself out of bed Tuesday morning and throw myself to the wolves once more. I’d allowed it to happen. I’d even enjoyed it before everything I’d been smothering was brought to the surface. Complaining and playing the victim wouldn’t get me anywhere, but nevertheless, it was impossible to keep it from gnawing at every beat my heart took.

  Dash was nowhere to be seen, and by lunchtime, word had spread that he’d been suspended and that Byron had received a week of detention.

  Rumor was he apparently needed to see a plastic surgeon about his nose, and that was why he hadn’t shown up at school on Tuesday. I found that hard to believe, albeit not entirely impossible. I’d only caught the tail end of the fight before heading to Dash’s house to wait for him, but I’d seen enough to know Dash had given him one hell of a banged-up face.

  Dash had a busted lip and some swelling beneath his right eye, but it was clear that no matter how much muscle Byron had, it was no match for the rage coursing through Dash yesterday afternoon.

  Rage that I’d caused.

  Rage that shouldn’t even exist because while I’d allowed things between Byron and me to go too far, I hadn’t allowed him to take our make-out session and transform it into entertainment for the masses. He’d betrayed me, and now I couldn’t even get close enough to break up with him, let alone howl my hurt at him.

  It was Dash, but maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t have been suspended, maybe he wouldn’t hate me, not entirely, if he’d found out what I’d done via me instead of the student body.

  “It’ll blow over,” Daphne said as we walked to our last class for the day. “As soon as someone else does something fucked up, which, let’s face it, will be soon.”

  “It wasn’t fucked up,” Willa tried to defend. “He was her boyfriend.”

  I smiled at her, weak but grateful.

  Daphne laughed. “No one cares about the finer details, especially not when Dash and Byron are both involved.”

  That didn’t exactly make me feel better. “That’s stupid.”

  “It’s hot gossip.”

  “Still nothing from Dash?” Willa asked, stopping outside the door.

  I squeezed my textbook to my chest. “His phone’s been off.”

  They knew the score now. Well, as much as I was willing to admit, which was mostly everything except for chasing Dash’s Range Rover down his driveway like some lunatic.

  But it hadn’t really hit me until I saw he was going to close those gates on me—until he’d shut the garage door and spewed those venomous words in my face—exactly what I’d done. That by trying to keep things from escalating between us, by trying to salvage our lifelong friendship, and by trying to find something I wanted from him in someone else, I’d ruined it all.

  No, I hadn’t just ruined it, I’d emptied a bucket of fuel over an already burning fire and caused our entire world to explode.

  “He’ll calm down. You’ll see.” Daphne tucked some glossy hair behind her ear. “I know it sounds cliché, but you do just need to give him some time. He’s a hothead, but he’s obsessed with you, so he won’t stay mad forever.”

  I wanted to believe her, and some tiny part of me did, but as the days crept by and the weekend approached, I was beginning to lose hope, and I’d run out of tears and patience.

  Sick of Mom’s coddling and constant nagging for me to tell her what was wrong with me, I drove to my dad’s house on Saturday and stayed for brunch.

  “Are you going to tell me why you look like you’ve eaten too many sour gummies?” Dad asked, sipping his coffee.

  “No,” I said, then pushed my almost full plate of fruit and bacon aside. “Just teenager crap.”

  His moustache twitched as he tried to contain a smile. “Teenager crap?” He shook his head, setting his coffee mug down. “As long as you’re not downplaying your feelings, Peggy Sue.” A bushy brow raised. “No use in doing that, it’ll only eat you alive from the inside out.”

  I sighed, then got up from the table. “It’s not a big deal.” It was the biggest kind of deal. “I’m going to grab some of the presents from my room.”

  After eyeing me for a long moment, Dad nodded.

  My feet felt like lead as I hauled myself up the stairs and down the hall of the second floor toward my forever pink room. A shuddering breath left me as I shut the door and saw the little brown box still sitting on my bed.

  The gloss printed memories between my fingertips coalesced into vivid images that played out like a movie reel in my mind. Flicking through them, I paused on one from when I was nine, dressed in my school uniform, and felt something crack wide open in my chest.

  The silver slide glistened in the midday sun as kid after kid shrieked, throwing themselves down the hot metal, then smacked the backs of their thighs, whining while laughing.

  “Hey, clothes peg,” Louis Charles called with his hands around his mouth. “Come have a turn.”

  I set my lunch bag aside, unsure but feeling excited I’d been asked. Slowly, I stepped over the crunchy sun warmed grass, then inside the play area where bark littered the ground. “Isn’t it hot?” I asked, moving closer to where he stood with his arms crossed over his pudgy chest.

  He lifted his shoulders. “Eh, maybe a little.”

  I gazed at his small brown eyes, the glimmer in them unsettling my stomach. “I don’t know …”

  “Oh, come on,” he groaned. “Just one time won’t hurt.” He gestured to the other kids who were no longer near the slide but playing jump rope in the shade. “They did it.”

  They did, and if they did it, I could too. Dash was one of my only friends, but Dash was bossy and mean. Maybe this would make me some more. And so with my lip between my teeth, I climbed up the rope ladder, my sneakers thudding onto the wooden landing.

  I didn’t often play on the play equipment, due to it usually being overrun with other kids. Excitement coursed inside, sending a zinging sensation through my limbs until my lips hitched into a smile when I reached the slide. It was hot, sure, but I could be quick, just like the others were.

  My hands hit the metal as I took a seat, and I could feel the heat sear through my school skirt. Excitement faded into trepidation. I looked down at Louis, who was nodding with an eager smile playing on his lips. “Go on, just go quick.”

  Right. I could do that. My hands landed on the edge of the slide, and the burn ignited my skin, but it was too late. I’d already propelled myself down, and my school skirt rose, my bare thighs grazing the metal the entire time I descended. My panties crept into my butt, making my skin stick in every place.

  I howled, tearing myself off it once I’d reached the dip at the end. I hadn’t even reached it; I had to crawl toward it due to the way my skin stuck instead of slid.

  “Peggy Newland,” Mrs. Primrose said. “You know the slide is off-limits when the weather is this hot.”

  “Sorry,” I
said, my throat clogged. “I forgot.”

  She nodded, flicking her eyes over me in a brief glance. “Don’t do it again.”

  Laughter and snickers filled the air, and Mrs. Primrose took a bite out of her apple before moving to the other side of the playground.

  “Nice pink underwear, Peggy Sue.” Louis sneered.

  Bryce Humling slapped his leg. “Yeah. My grandma wears the same kind.”

  A basketball came out of nowhere, slamming Louis in the side of the head and sending him to the grass. “Ow!”

  Bryce turned to see where it came from and got smacked square in the forehead with a tennis ball. His hand went to his head, and he winced, bouncing back a step.

  I looked over to find Dash and Jackson approaching, the latter eating a sandwich. “How do you know what type of panties your grandma wears, Bryce? You sick freak.”

  Jackson laughed as did the kids who were just laughing at me a minute ago.

  Dash stopped beside me as I adjusted my skirt. “You seriously fell for that idiot’s goading?”

  My cheeks were crimson. “I wanted to slide.”

  Dash’s granite expression softened, then he punched me in the side of the arm. “Dad’s built one into the side of the pool. We’ll try it out this weekend.”

  He then pulled a handful of sour gummies from his pocket and held them out to me. I took them, smiling as I dumped them inside my mouth.

  “You almost knocked me out, you psycho!” Louis rubbed his head as we headed to an empty bench beneath an old maple tree.

  “Yeah? Fight me, pig nose.”

  I bit my lips to keep from laughing.

  Dash turned to me as we took a seat. “How’s your butt?”

  “Stings a little,” I said around the mouthful of candy setting fire to my taste buds.

  Dash and Jackson laughed, but it didn’t make me feel like a loser. It made me laugh too.

  I set the photos back inside the box, then dragged my fingers over my damp cheeks.