Kiss and Break Up

by Ella Fields

  Dad was too busy screwing his secretary when he wasn’t doing actual work, and Mom was too busy floundering over Emanuel and her dumbass problems that weren’t even problems to realize I’d left the house.

  When Dad had asked me why I’d beat the hell out of Byron Woods, all I’d done was shrug. Mom told him it was about Peggy, and then Dad had given me a look that said he understood. He wasn’t happy, but he knew she’d been dating the asshole.

  It didn’t matter that she’d been dating him. That had never mattered when I’d woken up to the idea that she was only ever supposed to be mine.

  Nothing much really mattered now. If life wanted to keep throwing shit at me, I was going to move, dodge the spray, and no longer take it lying down.

  It was time to throw shit back.

  Peggy

  I flicked through Facebook, realizing with a jolt that Dash had blocked me.

  He hardly used it, and neither did I, but he’d gone and blocked me anyway.

  I jumped over to Instagram, and sure enough, I was unable to pull up his profile there too.

  “Talk about extreme measures,” I said, heading back over to Facebook.

  People were posting about the parties tonight. Selfies had been locked and loaded, locations marked, and I had to wonder if any parents in the cove who cared where their kids were bothered to check their Facebook posts. Unless, of course, they’d blocked them from seeing certain things.

  “Smart,” I said, shoving more potato chips into my mouth, uncaring that I was doing a lot of talking to myself.

  “Pegs.” Mom stopped at my door with her hair done in a loose updo. Phil must have been taking her out. “I’ll be home around eleven. You’ll be okay?”

  I eyed the potato chip bag next to me and the jar of dip beside it, then my pink fluffy socks. “Yeah, I’m all set.”

  She smiled, about to leave, then walked into the room to sit by my feet. “Listen, I know you’ve been having a hard time, and I know Dash hasn’t been here in an unusually long time.”

  “It’s been a week,” I said, a tad defensively.

  “Like I said, a long time.” She had me there. “And it’s killing me to try to give you space, but I need to know. What happened?”

  I toyed with the chip between my fingers. I could tell her. I could tell her, and maybe it’d make me feel a little better, or maybe she’d have some advice for me. Or I could not tell her and just hope it all straightened itself out and then I’d never have to.

  I set my phone down. “I’ll make you late.”

  “I don’t care.” She settled onto the bed some more. “Spill.”

  After sighing so hard it emptied my lungs, I did. As I let it out, I realized just how bad it sounded, just how epically I’d messed up, and just how much force the gravity of the situation held. I would’ve been embarrassed to admit what I’d done with Byron, but the way she reacted rid me of any I’d felt while explaining.

  Her first point of worry was Byron, and I watched as she stalked around my room, ruining her hair as she cussed up a storm. “I’ll string him up by his filthy balls for opening his—”

  “Mom,” I said, a little shocked.

  She blew out a breath, then straightened her green sweater. “You need to break up with him. He broke your trust.”

  “I know,” I said. “I have, kind of.” At least, I thought I had.

  “Don’t you dare give him another inch of attention,” she warned.

  “I wasn’t going to.”

  “Give those tickets back, too.”

  “I’ve already slipped them inside his locker.” I’d done it yesterday, faking a trip to the bathroom during class.

  “Okay. Good.” She quit her pacing, then started fixing her hair. “We’ll head to the salon first thing tomorrow and get our nails done.”

  I nodded, then picked up my phone when I thought she was leaving.

  Dash had blocked me, but that didn’t stop me from seeing useful comments coming in on someone’s post. One of the commenters was Raven, telling someone they’d better show at Rosetta’s eighteenth birthday.

  Mom slapped her hands to her sides, alerting me that she was still there. “And as for Dash. That boy has crushed on you for years. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was in love with you and you were just too blinded by your friendship to see it.”

  My throat constricted. “I know.” I corrected myself. “I mean, I know that now.”

  “He’ll forgive you, I promise.” She bent over, kissing my head then combing her fingers through my hair. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. You’ll make many more mistakes in this life.” That bit of wisdom had me wanting to lock myself inside for the rest of my days. “We’ll talk more tomorrow but keep trying with Dash. He’s an oddball, but he’s oddly good for you.” Her brows met as she stepped back, and her lips pulled tight. “In a way that shouldn’t work, but it just does.”

  “Actually,” I said, swinging my legs over the bed. “Do you mind if I head to a party?” When she tilted her head and raised a brow, I hurried to add, “I’ll drive. Just to see if he’s there and if he’ll talk to me. Please.”

  Maybe it was the desperation in my voice, eyes, or stance, but after staring at me for a drawn-out moment, she nodded. “Don’t stay if he’s not there. After homecoming, I think you need to lay low for a while.”

  I agreed and told her I’d be home before she was, then tossed the chips into the trash to get ready.

  Throwing my closet door open, I plucked a black frilly skirt out and a pair of black stockings, pulling them both on. I was already wearing a plain white T-shirt, so I left it on and added a spritz of perfume before dragging a brush through my tangled curls.

  My eyes still bore the remains of the day’s mascara, but remembering Dash’s comment, you don’t need that shit, I shrugged and grabbed my phone and keys.

  The moon hung low in the sky, surrounded by dazzling, dancing stars. Hope became untamable the closer I got to Rosetta’s place on the other side of the creek. She lived a five minutes’ drive away from Dash’s, so it’d make sense for he and his friends to wind up there.

  I just hoped he was there, but even if he wasn’t, I was done soaking in self-pity and fear. I’d try the party down at the bay, and then I’d go to his house and demand that someone let me in. I had to tell him I was sorry, and most importantly, I had to tell him I’d realized I loved him too.

  Because I did. I’d always loved him but not like this.

  Love, I’d discovered, was something that multiplied. With every kiss and every touch, it continued to change shape as we continued to fall.

  Dash was a bastard. A selfish, immature, and, at times, scheming prick.

  But that wasn’t all he was. He was thoughtful, smart, generous, and loyal to a fault. Which he’d proved in more ways than one with how he’d fought with every breath to remain the main focus in my life.

  Now, it was my turn to fight. I’d been a fool to think, even if it wouldn’t ruin our friendship, that he’d be the worst kind of boyfriend.

  He wouldn’t. He was everything I’d been searching and hoping to find in someone else, never daring to look too close to home. I never thought it possible, not once, and the few times I had, fear would strike me hard and true. We couldn’t risk it, and it wouldn’t work. But we did risk it, and we did work. I’d just ignored it out of naïve self-preservation. After all, you couldn’t ruin something that never was.

  Until I did.

  My breathing turned chaotic when I parked at the end of the long car-lined street and followed the thud of the music to the drive of the golden bricked home. A few people from school were outside smoking and drinking. I waved when a girl from biology smiled at me.

  The music pounded alongside my frantic heartbeat as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting inside. I slunk into the monstrous living room where couples were making out, or probably worse, on the couches while others danced around them. I ducked and weaved my way through.

  I exited the ki
tchen without any sign of him or his friends and stopped at the base of the large oak stairs, peering into the crowd. Water splashed behind me, faint beneath the sound of the music. Fish. They had a pond filled with carp beneath their staircase. I tore my eyes away from the gurgling water, then pushed my way through throngs of people to head up the stairs.

  Finally, on the second floor, I caught sight of Lars, who hadn’t been at school today, smoking on the couch. Raven was next to him with some girl’s legs tossed over his lap as he whispered into her ear, but I couldn’t see Jackson or Dash.

  I tried to make my way over to Lars, curious about how he was doing, when a voice stopped me. “Looking for your precious BFF?” I spun to find Byron leaning against the wall, his eyes bloodshot. “Try the last room at the end of the hall.”

  I started walking that way, partly because I finally knew where he was, and partly because I didn’t want to be near Byron.

  “Don’t say I never gave you anything!”

  I ignored his last jab, and when I reached the end of the hall, I steeled myself, shaking my hands out. Dash was probably in there getting high with Jackson, and I needed to prepare some kind of speech. I could’ve kicked myself for not doing that on the way over here instead of daydreaming. I needed to have something to say that would make him listen, even if he was wasted.

  Resolved to just outright blurting the truth, I pushed open the door, then quickly shut it behind me. When I looked into the dark, there was no drifting smoke and no cloying scent of marijuana. No, the scent in the room was one that had cement filling my stomach and caused my next breath to cut straight through the middle of my heart.

  Two figures were moving on the bed, and unable to do anything, let alone alert them to my presence, I just watched as Kayla pushed back the duvet and released a moan that I swore I’d hear for years to come.

  I must have made some kind of sound that alerted them to my presence because she looked over at me, a sinister smile curling her mouth as Dash’s body moved over hers, the bed creaking, and the sheets shifting.

  A rough curse left him, and he rolled off her. “You’re not done,” she said.

  “Can’t,” he said, his voice like gravel. “Too fucked up.”

  Kayla’s face pinched as if she was offended. “Well, I guess now’s a good a time as any to tell you we’ve got company.”

  My body thawed, my hand reaching blindly for the door handle behind me as Dash said, dark and dry, “Like I fucking care. Wait, do they have a smoke?”

  “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” Kayla’s breasts bounced as she rolled and stood from the bed, naked. “Got a smoke, Peggy?”

  Dash sat up so fast, he swayed, but I was already out of there.

  I raced down the hall, missing a step as I all but threw myself down them. A guy caught me, and I mumbled my thanks, then raced down the rest of them with my vision blurred and my heart left bleeding on the floor above my head.

  How could he? And with Kayla?

  Outside on the drive, I slowed to a walk as her warnings came back to hit me square in the core of who I was. I hadn’t believed she’d be able to hurt me. With the exception of Byron, I hadn’t believed I had anything she’d wanted. I hadn’t been worried about Dash because I never once thought he would touch her.

  I’d been wrong.

  “Going so soon?” Dash’s casually cold voice entered the smog.

  I tossed a glance over my shoulder, noticing he’d found a fix of nicotine, then let a sour laugh fly free.

  “What?” he asked, hot on my heels as I bypassed a group of girls who were smoking and watching us. “You just got here. You can’t leave yet.”

  “And what would I see next if I stay, Dash? You having sex with someone else?”

  His laughter was bitter and lacked any remorse. “I didn’t finish, so probably.”

  We’d left the driveway, and I was halfway to my car when I spun around and shoved him. “You hate me that much?” He didn’t even move.

  “Yeah,” he said through his teeth, blowing smoke into my face. “I do.”

  “I guess the feeling’s mutual now then, so I’ll see you in some other lifetime.” I turned for my car, swiping at my cheeks.

  He snatched my wrist, pushing me up against someone’s car as he loomed over me, his chest pressing into mine. “It fucking hurts, doesn’t it? You couldn’t admit it, but I see it now. It’s written all over your face. You care more than you should, and it fucking kills you.”

  “Fuck you.” I tried not to choke on the words.

  “You already have, Freckles,” he said through another bitter laugh. “Six ways from Sunday, you’ve fucked me, and I’ve yet to find anything satisfying about it.”

  “Let go.” I tried to pull the hand he had pinned to the cool metal behind my head free.

  “Why’d you even come here?” When I didn’t answer, his voice rose to a growl, his eyes aglow with fury. “Why, huh? Tell me.”

  “To try talking to you, to apologize, but it doesn’t matter now.”

  His brows gathered, and the tension in his jaw slowly loosened. “It doesn’t?”

  “No,” I said, and I took the opportunity to push him off me. “It doesn’t matter that I wanted to tell you I love you too because you’ve gone and wrecked it.” I stalked toward my car.

  Just as I reached it, he grabbed me from behind, arms tight around my waist as he rasped into my ear. “You love me?”

  I tried to pry his arms off me, digging my nails into his skin. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Let fucking go.”

  “No.” His teeth grabbed hold of my earlobe, and he released it as he murmured, “I’d say we’re even now, then.”

  I didn’t want to do it, but I had enough despair coursing through me that I let go of what I should and shouldn’t do and did what I had to. I reached behind me and felt his entire body still as I wrapped my hand around his junk. A groan thundered into my ear. I ignored the shiver that took hold and squeezed.

  “Son of a whore,” he bellowed, his arms unfolding as luminous cussing drifted into the night.

  I yanked open the car door, diving inside as he remained bent over, cupping himself.

  When he looked over at me, a crazed glint in his eyes, I flipped him off, then peeled away.

  Dash

  I remained on the grass in front of someone’s house until the pain in my balls eased enough to let me breathe properly.

  Except I still couldn’t breathe. Though that was thanks to a different kind of pain.

  Pain that mingled with excruciating joy, the likes of which shouldn’t even coexist.

  I wanted to tell you I love you too.

  The admission followed me back inside, repeating obsessively as girls tapped my arms, and some guys tried to nab my attention. I went upstairs, flopping down onto the space beside Lars, who was looking like he was about to start flying, he was so damn high.

  “Was that Peggy I saw run outta here?” he slurred.

  “Uh-huh,” I said, kicking my feet up onto the glass coffee table as I tried to rack my brain into thinking properly. My boots made a jarring sound as they met the glass, but I didn’t care. She loved me. Peggy said she was in love with me.

  After she saw me fucking some other chick.

  A groan heated my palm as I swiped it down my face and slumped further into the couch. Fuck. What the fuck have I just done?

  I wasn’t certain she’d forgive me for this. I knew her, and she’d forgive me for a lot of things, but the choked timbre to her voice and the hurt glaring at me in her eyes, I knew I was screwed.

  But she had to. She’d hurt me first, and worse than that, she’d done it right after I’d told her I’d fallen for her. Mere hours, if we’re getting technical. And I was all about technicalities right about now.

  She decided to tell me after I’d messed up. There was a difference. So fuck it, I was going to get high and send this night down the barrel straight to hell.

  Jackson stalked through the gathering
of people hanging in the living room, his eyes searching, then fixing on us before he approached quickly. He kicked my feet off the coffee table then took a seat, his expression grim. “Do none of you assholes answer your phones?”

  Lars didn’t say a thing, just stared through thin slits that once resembled eyes.

  I took a drag of my blunt, then chased it with a sip of Jack. “Don’t even know where it is.” That was true, though I was certain I’d left it in the room somewhere after unsuccessfully fucking Kayla.

  I cringed, taking another large, burning sip of whiskey. I couldn’t even say I hadn’t been thinking. Oh, I’d been thinking all right. With my dick and my bruised heart and ego. Probably not in that order, but that was neither here nor there. I’d fucked up, but I hadn’t known she felt that way about me, and after what she’d done at homecoming, I was struggling to believe she was even telling me the truth.

  She probably just missed me.

  All I’d wanted was revenge. Sweet, mind-numbing revenge in the form of an escape.

  So fuck Peggy. She’d destroyed me. It was only fair I do what I want.

  All my thoughts were blown to dust when Jackson leaned forward. “Willa told me some stuff last night.”

  “That your dick is worth your parents divorcing after they find out you’ve been screwing each other?” Lars burped, laughing.

  Well, well. I was tempted to ask Lars how he’d found out, but I just snickered instead. “Nice.”

  Jackson’s head shook, and he looked like he wanted to smack our heads together. “Shut the fuck up. And no, she told me that things got heated between Peggy and Byron, but she stopped it.”

  “Heated?”

  Jackson scratched at his cheek. “They were making out, and he was touching her, but she told him to stop.”

  Everything turned red. I jolted to my feet, then swayed.

  Jackson pushed me back down on the couch. “Sit down. You can’t do shit without getting expelled, and he’s not even here. I saw him leave about ten minutes ago.”

  “Like I give a fuck if I get expelled.”