Kiss and Break Up

by Ella Fields

  “Such a librarian,” I muttered, dumping my bag and dragging myself to the kitchen to empty the trash.

  “Such a teenager,” Mom said, and I cracked a smile despite not wanting to.

  “Anything else before I’m late for school?” I tried to keep the sass from my voice, but well, it was Tuesday, and I didn’t feel like trying much of anything.

  “That’ll be all,” she said, and I grabbed my bag. “For now.”

  I half rolled my eyes, then waved over my head as I passed by the living room to the front door and grabbed my keys.

  Inside my car, I turned the music up, needing something to drown out my thoughts. When left to their own devices, they chose to torture me with the same images on repeat until I could hardly see.

  I parked next to Daphne’s little Merc, then flipped down the visor to check my hair. I’d straightened it this morning, and without the bouncing curls, the strands hung just past my shoulders. I’d also lined my eyes with a hint of eyeliner and went to town with mascara. A layer of concealer muted the freckles that dusted my nose and upper cheeks.

  “No curls today?” Willa asked, jumping down from Jackson’s truck when he pulled in a few spots over.

  He gave her a smile that reddened her cheeks, and with his bag over his shoulder, stalked over to the building that was starting to feel like a prison cell.

  “I had some extra time,” I said, closing the door and locking it before pocketing my keys. We waited for Daphne to finish tying up her hair into a high ponytail, then we crossed the lot and joined the cluster of students heading up the wide concrete steps.

  My skin prickled as we weaved between bodies smothered in expensive perfume, aftershave, cologne, and hairspray. Our lockers were within sight when I had the urge to turn around and discover why my stomach had begun squirming.

  I ignored it, unlocking my locker and sorting through my books. “Shit,” I hissed when I saw my history book. “I haven’t finished the assignment.”

  “It’s due today,” Willa said, closing the door and tucking her things against her chest.

  I knew that, and I knew I had to do it. I’d been distracted at every turn, my brain unwilling to function as it usually did.

  “Who cares,” Daphne said. “You’ve never been late to hand one in before, so he’ll give you another day without it costing you.”

  I still didn’t like it. This was senior year, and if there was any year, any semester, to take seriously while applying for college, it was this one.

  Almost rubbing my eyes out of frustration, I remembered how much eye makeup I’d put on, and dropped my hands. They hit my sides with a slap as Danny stopped by us, his grin digging into his cheek. “Sup, drunken dancer. Better see you out this weekend.”

  It was all I could do to smile, and even that felt insincere.

  “Oh, fuck,” Daphne exhaled.

  “What?” I turned to her, then followed her gaze to the middle of the hall.

  “Damn it all to hell,” Danny said. “When did he get back?”

  “Better run along,” came Lars’s voice.

  Daphne looked at me, her eyes panicked, then darted down the hall to class.

  Lars’s grin dropped as he watched her disappear, and he wiped a hand over his mouth. Danny was long gone, and it took me longer than anyone else to realize why.

  Unlaced boots drifted toward us, and my eyes caught the low hanging pants, then his untucked shirt, and the haphazardly looped tie.

  No.

  A chill swept through me as his arctic eyes zeroed in on me, his jaw hardened and covered in enough whiskers to surely get him written up. His hair stood every which way on his head, the golden strands not even moving as he neared.

  He was back.

  About to make a run for it, I almost slammed into Lars’s chest. He caught me, steadying me and nodded at Dash over my head.

  I didn’t want to turn around. I didn’t want to see him. Bile was simmering, threatening to make a churning mess out of my stomach.

  “Freckles.”

  I pulled away from Lars, bumping into Dash with tears filming my eyes before I raced down the hall.

  I should’ve known he’d catch me. He darted in front of me, bringing me to a stop. His eyes were bright, clear, and hovering over my face with a calculated gleam.

  “You can run, Freckles, but I can run faster.”

  My brows gathered, and so did the fury slowly tensing every one of my limbs. “Move.” I tried to step around him, but he met me step for step.

  “I’m not going anywhere until I’ve stared at you for as long as I can.”

  I clicked my tongue. “The bell is about to ring.”

  He tipped a shoulder. “So I’ll stare at you until it does.”

  We both stared then, he with that annoying twitch to his lips, and me with a thousand and one things I wanted to scream at him playing on mine.

  Students moved by, some stopping to look at us while the others continued their conversation as though we didn’t exist.

  The bell rang. I raised a brow when he didn’t move. “Well?”

  He inched closer, his finger lifting to my hair. “While this looks sexy as fuck, I miss your curls. Your freckles. I miss you.” I stood suspended, my chest heaving, as he lowered his head, his lips drifting over my cheek. “And you need to go the other way.” With a sneaky peck to my cheek, he staggered back, grinning before leaving me there.

  “Freaking asshole,” I muttered, turning on my heel with my cheeks burning and my heart pounding.

  I sat through class seething, emotion a constant lump in my throat, making it hard to concentrate. He had some nerve, putting himself right in front of me as if he hadn’t crushed me beyond repair.

  People were still hung up on Lars and Annika, the latter wasn’t at school today, but they weren’t so hung up they hadn’t noticed Dash’s reappearance.

  “I heard he got suspended and his dad sent him to military camp for two weeks,” someone said between classes.

  “You’re an idiot. Who goes to military camp for two weeks?”

  And even worse from the cheer squad, “He met some chick online, then ran off and stayed in a hotel with her.”

  “No way,” Selina breathed.

  Annabeth nodded. “So way. Fucking Tinder, taking all the decent guys.”

  I munched down on my lips at hearing that. Dash Thane was so far from decent, even he would laugh at the word.

  He was a selfish, conniving, egotistical scumbag.

  There was nothing to romanticize about that, but they didn’t care. Whatever got their stupid hearts beating faster was apparently called decent.

  I knew there was little to no truth behind most of the whispering, but regardless, the fact he was gone and just decided he’d come back had my hackles raised.

  I spent lunch in the library, frantically finishing my assignment before history that afternoon. Even there, in the silence permeating the room, I couldn’t escape him. He filled my head, clenched every muscle, and shortened my breath. But I had to ignore it. Him.

  I barely had my paper done before it was time to get back to class, but it was better than nothing.

  The halls were almost empty as I scurried down them, my boots feeling heavier than usual. Mr. Andrews was about to shut the door when he saw me approaching. His moustache bounced to one side, and I offered a weak smile in apology as I skirted by him and to the back of the room.

  And then I discovered an asshole in my seat.

  “Saved it for you. Thought you might like it warmed.”

  I dumped my stuff on the table where he was supposed to sit and did my best to ignore him.

  “Okay, before we get started, papers are due on my desk on your way out.”

  A few groans littered the air, and we all flipped our textbooks open as Mr. Andrews started circling the fact sheet on the board.

  Something landed on my table. A wadded piece of paper. I ignored it, keeping my eyes trained on the board and my pen twirling betw
een my fingers. As if I didn’t care. As if his presence was nothing to me. As if he didn’t even exist.

  As if.

  Another bit of paper landed on my lap, and when Mr. Andrews got busy opening his laptop and searching for something, I gave in, opening the one that’d rolled into the pleats of my skirt.

  Forgive me?

  I withheld a bout of disbelieving laughter and shook my head.

  Another piece landed by my hand. I licked my teeth, trying to ignore it, but the temptation to peek at his piss-poor efforts had me opening that too.

  Okay, so maybe not today. But one day?

  I tossed it back, hitting him in the forehead. He laughed, and the teacher lifted his head, glaring at Dash. “Mr. Thane. Back for one day and already finding something amusing?”

  Dash stretched his arms over his head, his shirt rising. “I was just thinking of a joke my girl told me the other day.” He waved his hand. “Carry on.”

  I swallowed as I caught a flash of his hip bone and pushed my eyes to my table.

  His girl?

  Mr. Andrews narrowed his eyes, then shook his head. “Unless you wish to share next time, try to control yourself.”

  Dash grunted. “Noted.”

  As the lesson continued, my table became covered in tiny balls of paper. I wasn’t sure if he’d pre-ripped them or if he’d become a professional silent paper ripper while he was gone, but no one seemed to notice. Not even the ones that’d missed the table and landed by my feet.

  I love you.

  I want you and only you.

  Let’s taco-bout how much of a fuck-head I am.

  We can make out after?

  I really fucking miss you.

  The last one stilled my hands and the air filling my lungs.

  With my throat thickening, I scrunched them all back up and slipped them inside my pencil case. On my way out, I left my half-assed paper on the teacher’s desk, then hurried to my locker.

  I needed out of there, away from him, and to remember what he’d done.

  That was hard to do when I could feel him on my heels, stalking silently behind me.

  Kayla threw me back into the abyss, stepping out from her clique of friends to waggle her fingers at him. “Dash, baby. Where’ve you been?”

  He said nothing, and I didn’t know if he’d stopped to talk to her. I kept walking until I’d reached my locker and swapped out my books. I grabbed my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and closing the door.

  Byron stood there, his face and eyes hard. “You’re with him? Or Danny? Which one is it?”

  Legs quaking, I took a step back. “What?”

  He shook his head, looking around before lowering his voice to barely a whispered growl. “This is bullshit, Peggy.” He collected himself, taking a deep breath. “We never even said we were done.”

  “No,” I said as I took hold of all the hurt and embarrassment that’d clung to me since that night. I held it close, using it as fuel. “I’m pretty sure I made myself clear, though.”

  “If you need your ears checked, I’ll happily rip one off and inspect it for you.” Dash loomed at my back, and I wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, but judging by the whites of Byron’s eyes, I didn’t think it’d been long. “Just saying.”

  “Have a nice vacation?” Byron drawled with a hard glance at me, then he sneered at Dash. “You’re lucky I didn’t press charges.”

  Dash hissed between his teeth. “And you’re lucky I didn’t get the chance to kill you.”

  Byron took a step closer. “I’d love to see you try again—”

  I cut Byron off. “Enough.”

  “Quit being so butt hurt. I’m sure Daddy will pay to fix your butchered nose if you ask nicely.”

  Byron’s nostrils flared. Dash pressed closer to my back, and Byron tracked the movement, teeth gritting. “She know you fucked Kayla?”

  Dash growled, and I backed up, effectively forcing him back a step.

  Byron laughed. “She’s a shit lay, isn’t she? But hey, beats fucking nothing.”

  While I might not have liked Kayla, I hated the way he so easily trashed someone he’d once called his girlfriend. If he could say that about someone he used to care about, then who knew what kind of hurtful things he’d have said about me that weren’t even true.

  “You’re the smelliest piece of shit, Woods.”

  Byron shrugged, moving backward as he smiled. “Guess that’s why I almost had your girl. Like calls to like.”

  “I’m not his …” I snapped my mouth shut. It was pointless to argue that with Byron. Besides, I wanted nothing to do with him. The sooner he walked away, the better.

  “Whatever, Peggy. You’re not so different after all, are you? Fooling around with this scum while we dated. I hope karma eats your fat ass.”

  I gaped at him.

  Dash was already moving before I could stop him, and Byron laughed, raising his hands. “Have you squeezed it yet? It’s fucking delicious. I highly recommend.”

  Dash grabbed him by the shirt and threw him into the row of lockers, all the while Byron kept his hands raised, the smile on his face goading.

  “If you so much as even­­ blink—”

  Raven pulled him off him, and Byron shook out his shoulders, chuckling. “Do you wanna get expelled? Fucking idiot.”

  Mrs. Truncheon rounded the corner as Dash glared at Byron’s back.

  I exhaled, relieved, as she continued down the hall, coffee cup in hand.

  “You let that shit bag squeeze your ass?” Dash strode over, his eye twitching.

  “Not that it’s any of your damn business, but no.” I smiled at Raven, then headed outside.

  Willa and Daphne were standing by Daphne’s car, talking, and Jackson was up ahead, almost at his truck.

  Dash caught up to me, his arm brushing mine. “Can I come over? We need to talk.”

  “No.” Rain started to sprinkle from the sky, and I cursed, quickening my pace to keep my hair from frizzing.

  “Freckles,” he pleaded.

  I turned on him. “Don’t call me that ever again. And quit following me.” He went to protest, but I beat him to it. “It’s done, okay? We took a risk, and it didn’t pay off. We fucked it all up, and now there’s no going back.”

  With his eyes misting, he said, “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. With every part of me, I mean it when I say I’ll never be able to forgive you.” I drew in a sharp breath, almost croaking my next words. “So do us both a favor and quit this insanity. Find someone else, get over it, and do what you do best.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “Whore around. You couldn’t commit if you tried, and everyone knows it. All you care about is yourself, and your weak efforts to try to prove otherwise are just a waste of time.”

  His eyes dropped to the ground, and he cleared his throat.

  A boulder of guilt trampled me, but I couldn’t take my words back. I didn’t want to. They needed to be said.

  Willa, Daphne, and Jackson all just stared as I climbed inside my car. The door was almost shut when Dash grabbed it, leaning over it to glare at me. “You’re wrong. I’ve been committed to you since before we even knew what the word meant. Sex has nothing to do with this. I’d happily only fuck you for the rest of my life, because what I do best?” I blinked away a tear as he smiled a grim, dimple-less smile and went to shut the door. “That would be loving you.”

  Peggy

  On Wednesday, I found a note in my locker.

  I’m the biggest idiot alive.

  Thursday too.

  I don’t deserve you, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you forever.

  On Friday, I didn’t even look at it before tossing it into a trash can on the way to class.

  I’d ignored Dash, his every advance, his every heated look or silent plea, and I felt good about it. Confident that with time, I could shake him and the sorrow that lined my heart. One day, it would simply be scar tissue. One day, it would
n’t feel like I’d pummeled it with a meat tenderizer. One day, maybe I could look at him again without yearning for something he’d destroyed.

  That night, I waited until Mom had left for her date with Phil. She was staying at his place, and I was supposed to be grounded, but I was going out. I’d messaged Daphne and Willa, asking them to come to Wade’s with me, but they’d declined.

  Willa was hanging out with Jackson at home while their parents were out of town, and Daphne, well, I didn’t know what she was doing. But I bet it wasn’t watching reruns of Gilmore Girls like she’d said.

  I didn’t drive. As reckless as I was feeling, I wasn’t so blind that I’d do something that foolish. I was going out to forget, and that meant drinking, so there was no way I was staying at Wade’s or leaving my car there.

  After donning a tight denim skirt, ripped over one thigh, I tugged on a gray sweater with the Rolling Stones printed on it, then stole a pair of Mom’s black Manolos. I looked casual but dressed up enough to seem like I didn’t care what anyone thought. Perfect.

  The Uber driver dropped me off in the middle of the street, and she whistled. “Banging party, kid.”

  I handed her a twenty. “Let’s hope so.”

  Pulling down my skirt after I’d stepped out of the car, I glanced around the dark street teeming with teenagers. The stars were fading behind dark globs of clouds, and the moon was but a slice of silver in the sky. There were more cars and more people here than I’d seen since the first time I’d attended one of Wade’s parties, but I tried not to let that throw me off.

  It didn’t matter who was here. All that mattered was that I was, and I was going to have some fun.

  The drinks were easy to find, and find them I did. I nabbed a whole bottle of Johnnie Walker and drained as much as I could without making my makeup run. My hand dug into my hair as I started swinging my hips to the sultry R&B bass that was thundering through the house. Following the music into the living room, I waved at some people who offered me a smile and ignored the curious glances from others.