Kiss and Break Up

by Ella Fields

  I was still reeling from all he’d said. So much so, that his last comment didn’t even bother me.

  Peggy

  Dash continued with his usual antics for the remainder of the week, and I was tired. So damn tired of feeling like I was hanging from an unraveling thread. I needed to let go, but instead, I continued to wait for the snap.

  If you’re not in love, then what are you, Peggy?

  I knew exactly what I was. I was terrified, and I was still bleeding, which only compounded that terror.

  Letting go of it meant I had to forgive, move forward, and try to heal. I wasn’t sure I was ready for it, but I wasn’t sure I could keep hanging there, hoping to escape more heartbreak.

  Holding a grudge close to your heart was easier. It was simpler, in some ways, than addressing the reason it was there, like a piece of cement blocking an artery, in the first place. He’d hurt me, but I’d hurt him first. This wasn’t a game, and it wasn’t fair to either of us, yet there was no real way to win or lose.

  Willa finally called from a new number, saying she’d fill us in on Saturday.

  When she showed up at my house, there were tears, hugs, and more tears as she tried to tell us what’d happened.

  “Who told them?” I asked, the photo of Dash and me sitting atop sheets of paper that would blend well with my dress.

  Willa scrubbed at her face, wearing no makeup yet still looking stunning with her naturally long, thick lashes and swollen, pink lips. Her eyes were red, but her complexion was clear. “I have no idea.”

  “We’ll find out,” Daphne said, stabbing the glue stick at her. “Mark my words. And when we do …” She dragged the glue stick in the air across her throat.

  Willa cracked a smile, and I patted her hand. “So that’s your new number?”

  “Yeah,” she said, staring down at her closed album, paper and shapes stealing out of the edges. “Dad got me a new phone even though Mom had warned him I wasn’t allowed to have one.”

  Daphne harrumphed. “Not like she can say shit after kicking you out.”

  Willa smiled again. “That’s exactly what Dad said.”

  “What did he say about you and Jackson?” Daphne asked.

  She took her time answering, adjusting the collar of her light brown peasant dress. “He wasn’t happy. But then again, he hates Mom, so I think even though he doesn’t think it’s okay, he’s trying to be accepting of us to spite her.”

  I began cutting out the moon I’d stenciled onto the bubblegum pink paper. “Are you and Jackson still together?”

  “Yeah,” she said, though her voice was unbearably soft. “But I don’t know how it’s going to work. I start at the public school on Monday, and Mom is probably tracking his phone.”

  I pushed aside the memory of Dash saying he was tracking mine, only to have more memories roll in. The carefree way he so easily kept touching me now, trying to kiss me when I least expected it, or even when I did.

  “Public school.” Daphne crinkled her nose, then checked herself when I glared.

  “I met a nice guy from there at Wade’s last weekend.”

  Willa frowned. “The one you kissed?”

  I nodded. “His name is Todd. Say hi for me and tell him I’m sorry Dash is a dick.”

  Daphne huffed out a laugh. “Todd. Cute.”

  “He was cute, actually.”

  Willa stared down at her closed album, her lemonade still full in front of her. Setting the scissors down, I wiggled my chair closer and wrapped an arm around her. Her head fell to my shoulder while I rubbed her arm, and I heard her breath hitch. “We’ll still see each other.”

  “Every damn weekend.” Daphne moved closer, grabbing her hand and squeezing. “And you’ll make some new friends. Just don’t let them replace us, or I’ll get stabby.”

  Willa hiccupped, laughing. “I don’t want new friends. It’s senior year; everyone already has friends.”

  “Including you,” I said. “So if you don’t make any more, that’s fine too. You have us.”

  Daphne nodded. “You’ll always have us.”

  After a few minutes, we returned to our work, and Willa settled, taking a sip of her drink. “So,” she said, putting it down, “what have I missed with Dash?”

  “Such good things.” Daphne folded a sheet of paper in half, then began cutting along the creased line. “He’s upped his game, but does little Miss Peggy Sue fold? No.” She shook her head, laughing. “No, she has not.”

  I rolled my eyes as Willa got Daphne to explain all he’d done at school. I stared at the photograph of us on the table, wondering what he was doing, and longed, even if it was for just a second, for him to be in my room after the girls had left.

  I missed him.

  I’d missed him for far too long, and I had to wonder if missing him was the worst mistake I could make when to be with him would be as easy as inhaling my next breath. If only I could just forget what’d happened. “Maybe I don’t need to forget,” I said.

  “Huh?” Willa said.

  Daphne frowned. “You talking about what Dash did?”

  I sighed. “Maybe I’ll never forget, but does that mean I can’t forgive him?”

  Daphne started humming. “You know where I stand on this. He didn’t knock someone up, so as far as I’m concerned, knock yourself out.”

  Willa slid her finger around the rim of her glass, then licked it. “It’s going to hurt no matter what you do. But it might hurt less if you’re happy instead of holding on to every reason not to be.”

  “Wow.” I blinked. “That’s kind of deep.”

  Daphne laughed. “But it’s true.”

  I pondered that as she and Willa discussed the color scheme for her page.

  And looking at Willa, who was doing her best to remain hopeful in a situation that would be crushing every drop of hope she collected, I decided Dash was right.

  I was being foolish.

  I just didn’t know how to admit that to someone with an ego bigger than my house.

  Mom hadn’t divulged anything about her sudden reconnection with May.

  That night, as she was lying on the couch searching through the channels while Phil cooked dinner, I decided to step outside my own problems and ask her about it.

  “How’d you and May make up?”

  Mom dropped the remote, rolling her head to face where I’d perched on the arm of the couch. “After she came here looking for Dash, I called her a few days later to see if there’d been any news.”

  “You did?” I couldn’t mask my surprise.

  She made an irritated sound. “I practically helped raise that boy, so of course, I wanted to know if he was okay. And well, I guess we just started talking instead of screaming and getting angry.”

  “Huh,” I puffed out.

  She nudged me with her slipper. “This about Dash? Or did you actually want to know.”

  “I actually did just want to know. But yeah.” I inhaled deeply, my lips billowing as I set it free, and admitted, “Now I’m wondering about him too.” It felt nice to be completely honest with her again.

  Her smile said she agreed. “You guys still haven’t made up?”

  I shook my head, plucking at a loose thread in my gold and gray polka dotted pajama pants. “No.”

  “Because making up this time would mean things aren’t exactly in friendship land anymore.”

  My eyes shot to her knowing ones. “Pretty much.”

  She kicked her legs up, moving over and patting the couch for me to sit down. “You’re scared?” she asked when I’d taken a seat.

  “Yes.” I pulled my legs up to rest my chin on my knee. “I mean, it’s already changed so much that I don’t even know why I am, or how to take the next step.”

  Her fingers toyed with my curls. “It doesn’t always need a big discussion or an elaborate gesture. Sometimes, you simply just take the step, and then another one, and another, until it feels right.”

  I stewed over that as we ate dinner, and th
en I dawdled back to my room and switched on the Xbox.

  Dash wasn’t online, but I waited, playing with Raven until I saw his username pop up.

  PegSue12: If you can kill me, you can come over.

  There was a pause before he responded.

  F*ckoffandie666: Does that mean …?

  PegSue12: I suppose you’ll have to try to win to find out.

  He didn’t respond, but he played a mean game. I laughed as a bomb landed on my house and cursed him for destroying something that cost me thirty dollars to build.

  I’d just escaped and was racing across the street to sneak into a building when he shot out of nowhere. I retaliated, bullets spraying and my axe flying, and then my stomach sank.

  He was dead.

  We both said nothing for the longest time, and as my heart threatened to explode with every beat, I typed out another message.

  PegSue12: Come over anyway.

  He logged off a second later, and I began flitting around my room. Nerves shot through me from head to toe, and I flapped my hands around my face, trying to think clearly.

  Once I could, I hit the bathroom and brushed the remnants of mushroom ravioli from my mouth, then I tried to do something about my hair, but it was a lost cause.

  “Pegs.”

  I turned and saw Mom leaning in my doorway, her head tilted curiously. “What are you doing?”

  I stilled my clammy hands. “I told Dash to come over.” Then I panicked for a different reason. “Shit, I mean, crap. I forgot to ask you—”

  She raised a hand. “That boy has never once asked permission to enter our home. But honey”—she raised a brow—“chill. And leave the door unlocked. I’ll be in the living room.”

  I nodded even though she was gone, then jumped as my window flew up, and Dash flew in, the bed bouncing as I hurried to shut the door.

  “That was quick.”

  “Longest ten minutes of my life.” He kicked off his boots, and they landed in front of my desk. “Come here.”

  I blinked, kind of stunned by his confidence, but then again, it was Dash. I took my time moving to the bed. He hooked his hands behind my legs when I reached him, bringing me between his thighs, thumbs caressing through the flannelette.

  “Are you diving in?” he asked, and the edge of vulnerability in his gaze, to the planes of his face, and saturating his voice threatened to send me under in an instant.

  My pounding heart was bruising my chest and every breath I tried to take without giving in.

  Unable to take anymore, I tipped his chin and lowered my lips to hover over his. “Yeah. You win.”

  “Freckles.” A silent laugh hit my mouth before his lips whispered across mine. “We both win.”

  Seven months later

  Dash

  She was radiant, draped head to toe in moonlit silver that shimmered under the glow of the stars.

  As I helped her out of the limousine I’d rented, my chest filled with something other than air. Warmth drenched each inhalation I took, furthering the heating of my heart and tightening each breath.

  “You look like magic.”

  Peggy pressed a hand to the tiny tiara tucked in her hair. Not by some dumbass rigged prom committee, but by me. “After a whole night of dancing?”

  “Especially after that.” The driver closed the door, dipping his hat to me after I’d given him a generous tip, and then returned to his side of the car.

  Slipping her hand inside mine, I picked up our overnight bag with the other and led her to the doors of the hotel. A few other students were checking in, but I didn’t give a shit. Let the hypocrites assume what they wanted. They were here with partners for the same reason.

  Yeah, we hadn’t had sex. Over seven months together, and we’d still never done it. Though it didn’t mean we were new to each other’s bodies.

  No fucking way.

  I’d been willing to wait, even when she’d pushed, knowing this particular night would be the right time to rid the memories that sometimes soured her gray eyes whenever she caught sight of Woods or Kayla. But I’d gotten to know every delectable inch of her body in every other way I could, sometimes to the point of madness, as we explored late into the night.

  We’d finish, we’d play a game, watch our movies, rip on each other, and then we’d start exploring all over again.

  She was every fantasy brought to life. Not a day went by when I didn’t catch myself staring at her, even for just a moment, without feeling like I’d been given a gift I probably didn’t deserve. A gift handed to me before we could even mumble and trip over each other’s names. A gift I almost lost in a mixture of bad decisions and unrecognized feelings.

  “What are you thinking about?” Peggy asked once we’d checked in and stepped into the elevator.

  An older couple stood to one side, a woman with stiff cheeks smiling at us knowingly.

  I didn’t return it, but Peggy did, while I flicked the button for the top floor. “You sure you want me to answer that while in the company of strangers?”

  Peggy’s cheeks bloomed beneath the light layer of makeup covering her freckles. It didn’t cover them completely, and I planned to have her sweating enough that I could trace my tongue and fingers over them until the sun woke. “Keep your lips shut.”

  I tugged her close, bending to brush my nose over the side of her head. “Are you sure? I think you’ll like what I was just thinking about.”

  Her hand tightened in mine, but she otherwise remained silent until the elevator dinged and the couple stepped out.

  When the doors closed, she gazed up at me. “Scale of one to ten?”

  I pretended to think hard about it. “Eleven.”

  She laughed, and I was about to shove her against the mirror and steal that laughter with my mouth when the doors reopened.

  We exited and headed down the beige carpeted hall to one of the two penthouse suites. I didn’t know who’d booked the other one, and I didn’t care. I’d booked this four months ago, knowing the other spoiled brats at school wouldn’t wait too long to snatch one for themselves.

  Peggy slid the key card in, the door beeped, and we pushed inside.

  Her hand left mine as she wandered to the window. I set our bags down, then tugged my black tuxedo jacket off and flung it over the chair in the foyer.

  Her hands pressed against the glass, her breath fogging it as she gazed at downtown and all the trees, water, and houses below. “It’s always felt so small.”

  “The Cove?” I asked, strolling closer as I undid my cufflinks.

  “Yeah. But looking at it like this”—she stopped, her head turning, and a smile shaping her lips—“it’s anything but. It’s kind of beautiful.”

  “It is,” I said, my eyes on her as I tossed the cufflinks. They hit the floor with a clatter, but I didn’t care to see where they’d rolled.

  Peggy’s hands slid down the glass as mine landed on her hips, caressing, shifting the smooth material of her gown over her even smoother skin. “What do you think it’ll be like?”

  “What?” I asked her neck, moving her long curls aside to graze my lips over the curve of her neck.

  A fluttering sound preceded her answer. “College. Being away from home.”

  My tongue pressed flat against her jumping pulse, and my front flattened hers to the glass. “You already know the answer to that.”

  Her hum was more of a moan. “Enlighten me again.”

  I spun her around, my hands grabbing hers and raising them above her head against the window. Her eyes were on my mouth, and her chest was rising and falling faster with every breath.

  With a lick of my lips, I lowered my forehead to hers and let our noses touch. “It’ll be an adventure. The kind where I can take home with me.”

  Tugging her hands away from mine, she kicked her heels off before throwing her arms around my neck. “I hope you’re going to do what I want you to.”

  Her words heated my skin, my heart, and my dick.

  I press
ed my hands to her ass, letting her feel how hard I was. “You’ve still been taking the pill?” Her mom had gotten her a prescription a month after we’d started dating. I’d brought a string of condoms with me, but fuck if I wanted to use them.

  It was her and me for eternity. I wanted no barriers between us if we didn’t need to use them. Besides, I’d never gone bareback before. I’d heard it was indescribable, but there was no one else I’d ever take that risk with.

  Peggy owned all my greatest risks. She always would.

  I didn’t care that she’d bleed. I wanted it. My dick throbbed with how much I wanted to be the one to make that happen. To break her open, steal her innocence, and transform her into a woman made only for me.

  When she sank her teeth into my neck, then kissed the sting, it seemed she agreed. “Yes. Every day. It’s even in the bag.”

  After the shitstorm that was Daphne and Lars, it was fair to say Peggy was a little spooked on the whole young parenting deal. I couldn’t blame her, even if most situations probably weren’t as complicated as theirs.

  Tugging up her dress, I lifted it over her head and kept my eyes trained on hers as the silken material slipped from my fingers and cascaded into a puddle on the floor behind her. Slowly, I let my eyes drop. She was wearing a strapless bra, white with a tiny bow in the center.

  That tiny bow, the lace material cushioning her breasts, made air clog deep within my lungs.

  I cleared my throat, my finger rising to brush over the bow before tracing where the ribbed edges of her bra met her milky skin. “Maybe I should go beat one out in the bathroom beforehand. We can make out after, and I’ll get hard again.”

  Peggy laughed, then reached behind her and unclasped the bra, and my mouth dried as it dropped to the floor. The air-conditioned space tightened her nipples. I’d like to think it was from me too, but I didn’t much care. My hands slid around them, thumbs ghosting over the tight knots, then I squeezed.