Broken Silence: A Young Adult RH Coming Of Age Romance

by Jarica James

  Trent and Adam don’t waste time, piling their plates high. The rest of the guests follow suit. I'm thankful Cole and Adam sandwich me at the table since my new grandparents sat across from me. I'm afraid they won’t accept me not talking much or my relationships, and it's like my friends have a radar for my anxiety. Cole reaches his hand over and rests it on my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze. Adam takes my hand that's resting on the table. I give them both a smile to show I'm doing okay before using my free hand to eat.

  “Charlie, I did a terrible job introducing my parents. This is Maria and this is Robert,” Sophia introduces them. She's clearly trying to break the silence. They are wonderful though. I can’t help but like them and that scares me. I try so hard to get over my abandonment issues, but even if they didn’t, I would turn eighteen at the end of this school year and they won’t be a part of my life anymore. I know how it works when you age out of the system.

  They talk to me through the meal. Explaining everything from Sophia growing up, to how proud they were of her becoming a lawyer, to how much they miss her husband, to their jobs. Her dad is a doctor and refuses to retire. He works at a pediatric clinic and loves it. Her mom was a nurse in the same practice but retired last year so she could work on perfecting her recipes. It sounds so grandmotherly that I can't help but smile. They're one of those couples that just makes your heart want to burst. They're sweet to each other and the way he looks at her like she's perfect has me smiling.

  We are all finished when Maria stands up and clear the table. Sophia stops her with a gentle hand and motions for her to sit. Sophia stands up instead and clutches a small stack of papers to her chest.

  “I wanted to thank my parents for their generosity in letting us all enjoy the holidays here. After the awful last few months we had, Charlie and I needed some fun time with family and friends. I’ll try not to babble, but I have an announcement to make, though the outcome depends on Charlie.” She turns to me, and I just return a look of pure confusion. I'm hoping she isn’t going to ask me to move somewhere else since I really like Arcadia Hills.

  “Charlie, I have a court date set for us just in case. Would it be okay if we went and finalized this?” she asks as she hands me the papers she had been clutching like a lifeline to her chest. I take them from her and read over the words. Then I read them again because I can’t process it.

  It's a copy of submitted court documents for my adoption. My mind has to read it three times before it sinks in. She wants to adopt me? Me? I pop to my feet in a rush and walk around the table to her, crashing into her and hugging her to me as tightly as I can. Tears spill over and stream down my cheeks, soaking the material of her shirt. My emotions are a mess, and I’m overwhelmed. Relief filters through me, and I tuck her closer.

  “Is that a yes, Charlie?” Sophia jokes. I pull back and brace myself.

  “Yes. I love you, Sophia. You were already such a good mom to me. I would love it to be official,” I choke out as I start to cry harder. Sweeping my gaze around the table I realize everyone has their mouths hanging open. I give my friends a sheepish smile. They probably didn’t realize I could talk at all at this point and with all the therapy my voice is even more clear. The only one who is smiling and not shocked, is Cole who has heard me before.

  “I thought you couldn’t talk?” Alice asks, causing Adam and Abby to groan. I guess they thought it was inappropriate to ask but leave it to Alice to be the one.

  “I guess I should probably explain a little about my past so it makes sense,” I admit, and Sophia starts to stop me. “I won’t go into the awful details of most of it, especially because talking is painful.” I reassure her with a meaningful look at the twins. I know it isn’t something they should hear.

  “A little over three and a half years ago, I had some pretty severe damage to my vocal cords and esophagus. It caused permanent damage, hence the raspy quality to my voice. I wasn’t able to talk for months while it recovered due to the pain. When I was released, I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with everything and that’s why I didn’t put in the work to improve it. My nightmares also make it worse, inflaming it easily. It won’t ever sound the same as before, and it will always bother me if I talk for long periods of time, but I can talk. If I don't use it often, it's more painful when I do speak,” I explain, then promptly sit down. A wave of guilt washes over me that it took this long to reveal this information to them. There's a mixture of horrified looks and pity. I study my friends who all just look like it's no big deal. Cole gives me a squeeze, and Adam leans over to kiss me on the cheek.

  “Well that’s enough excitement for mealtime, how about dessert?” Maria asks, giving me a quick wink. I give her a grateful smile in return and stand to help collect dishes, and my friends all join in. We pile them on the counter in the nearby kitchen and help Maria carry platters of cupcakes out to the table.

  “Baking is a hobby of mine, so I hope you all like to eat,” Maria jokes as she passes cupcakes to anyone who's interested. I'm all over the chocolate cupcakes, so I don’t need the encouragement.

  "Well eating is a hobby of mine, so I'll help out," Cole tosses back, taking a bite of a vanilla cupcake. Everyone laughs but mouths are too full to say anything else. Her cupcakes are practically gourmet, and I snag two more before groaning in defeat and patting my stomach.

  After dinner I make my way into the kitchen to help with dishes. Sophia quickly joins me along with Maria. It's actually nice. We work in companionable silence for a while, focusing on our work. Eventually Maria can’t stand the quiet and turns on a radio. I just laugh as Sophia and Maria dance around putting dishes away and wiping down the counters. They’re so much alike it’s scary.

  I'm content here with them, with my friends. For the first time in way too long, I feel like I'm with family.

  When we're done, I head upstairs to find my friends again. They pushed the bed out of the way and have a double game of Twister going.

  “Come on, Charlie! It’s not too late!” Abby yells from her position of being tangled around Adam and Trent. Cole calls out another instruction, and Adam collapses. I take a seat next to Cole and watch my friends enjoy the game.

  “Have you played before?” Abby asks, clearly still trying to get me to join in. I shake my head no, and she looks appalled. “All right, rematch after this with Charlie joining!” she announces like it’s already decided.

  “I don’t think you have a choice, Charlie girl,” Cole says pointedly, looking at Abby with a shake of his head.

  “Alice is joining, too!” Trent demands, causing Alice to look up from her book at him. She rolls her eyes at his attempt before going right back to reading, dismissing his idea.

  “I’ll join if Cole does,” I tease. I give him a shoulder bump, and he smiles.

  “Only for you,” he says, before announcing the next color.

  “Wait, Cole is going to join? It’s official, Charlie changes the rules,” Adam jokes, and Cole throws a pillow at him.

  “Cole never plays, he’s too broody,” Abby says and pulls her face into an exaggerated frown. My laughter is nearly silent and I give a shrug. I do change the rules, because he likes trying new things with me. But the funny thing is, they all do.

  Abby wins two turns later, doing a victory dance in the middle of the mats. Trent gives her a fake, worshiping bow, and I can’t help but giggle, noticing that even that hurts less already.

  “Have I ever told you how much I love that smile and laugh?” Adam murmurs with a sweet smile. I shoot him a shy grin, and he threads his fingers through mine.

  “Rematch time!” Abby announces as Trent takes over the spinner. Two spins in and I'm already thankful I'm at least flexible. It's harder than it looks. My stomach is still a bit tender from the last of my cuts healing and I drop a few turns later when I can’t stand the stretch to the next available circle. I claim the spot next to Adam who already went down too and watch the others, absently rubbing the wounds.

  "Still both
ering you? It was a bad game to choose then, sorry," he says, moving me to sit in his lap. I lean back against him and relax, the new position giving the tenderness relief and I let out a contented sigh.

  Cole is actually impressive. He has a gracefulness in the way he moves, which works in his favor for this game. Soon it's down to him and Abby, who is also ridiculously flexible.

  “I bet Cole wins,” Adam says with a grin. I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. He's flexible, but I saw how Abby won the last game. “Give him some credit, he used to dance.”

  My mouth drops open in shock. I can't picture Cole as a dancer. He has that whole dark and brooding, heavy metal type of look.

  “No!” Abby shouts as she collapses on the mat. Cole stands up and holds out a hand to help Abby off of the mat. “I should have known!” she yells in fake indignation as she gives him a playful shove. We're interrupted by a knock on the door.

  “Hot chocolate delivery!” Sophia announces, carrying a tray filled with a kettle, cups and spoons, and some hot cocoa mix. Trent, always the charmer, jumps up to help carry it over to the rug.

  “How are you doing, sweetie? I hope I didn’t overstep asking that over dinner?” Sophia worries her bottom lip and wrings her hands.

  “I’m fantastic, Sophia. Maybe we can sit down with your parents and get to know each other a bit better sometime, while we’re here?” I offer. She smiles as her eyes fill with tears.

  “I would love that. Goodnight, guys,” she says to the others and leaves the room. Neither of us are very good at the emotional side of life, so I guess we're a good match.

  “Scary stories?” Trent suggests with a fake creepy voice.

  “Not a chance,” Alice vetoes quickly.

  “Movie?” Abby offers. It's met with a few mumbles and noncommittal shrugs.

  “Actually, I wanted to talk to you guys before bed, if that’s okay?” I ask tentatively. I'm not brave enough to look up yet.

  “It’s so weird to hear you talk,” Trent says with a small laugh.

  “Go ahead, Charlie. What’s wrong?” Alice surprises me, she isn’t usually the type to show concern. I smile in reassurance.

  “Nothing is wrong. I wanted to finally tell you guys about my past. Now seems like a good time. After all you’ve been through with me, you deserve to know,” I answer softly. Everyone settles down on the rug and we each take a newly filled mug.

  The hot chocolate works out perfectly, keeping my voice from getting hard to understand and soothing the ache. I know I’ll regret it tomorrow, but it’ll be worth it.

  “You can share if you're ready. Don’t feel like you owe us though, friends and partners are there for you, regardless of what we know about your past,” Abby speaks up as she walks over, sitting next to me. The others form a circle around me, knee to knee.

  “I want to,” I say firmly, as she takes my hand and Cole rests his on my knee. They're offering me support in their own ways. It's now or never. I can do this.

  Monday

  Evening

  Charlie

  “Three years ago, a friend encouraged me to go to a party. It wasn’t something my parents were okay with, so I snuck out. That was a typical occurrence back then. While I was gone, two men broke into my house. When I snuck back in, I noticed someone had been in my room. I thought I was busted and almost walked downstairs but heard what was going on before I could. They had my parents and brother downstairs, so I called 911. I hid in the closet, waiting for help to arrive. After some shouting, I heard three gunshots. I managed to not scream, but one of the men came back up to search for me again. They knew exactly how big my family was and didn’t like that I was missing. He eventually found me and dragged me out of the closet, and when I struggled, he used his fist and the back of the gun to hit me on my throat. The other guy yelled that the police were almost there, and he shot me over his shoulder. His aim was off, and I didn’t get hit like he hoped,” I say, raising my shirt to show the small scar on my side. They all wear serious expressions, but don’t look freaked out beyond saving... yet. I take a deep breath and a long pull of my cocoa.

  “I ran downstairs as soon as I heard the front door. I found my parents and my brother dead, hunched over and tied to chairs, blood everywhere. I screamed and couldn’t stop; I broke mentally, I think. With the damage he’d already caused, I made it worse. Hence why it took so long to heal and I have so much scar tissue. The cops tried to calm me down and lead me away, but I wouldn’t listen. I can still picture it, from every drop of blood to their vacant, unseeing eyes. It was terrible. That’s why I have nightmares. I have to relive that scene almost every single night. Meeting you guys was the first time I started to get a break from them. Until the attempted kidnapping and eventual kidnapping.” I finish the first part of my story with deep breaths, trying so hard not to sob. The pressure of Cole and Abby holding my hands helps ground me, my back still resting against Adam’s chest.

  “I’m so sorry,” Adam whispers, his voice choked with emotion.

  Alice has tears running down her cheeks as well.

  “Did they find out who it was?” Trent asks.

  “No, remember they reopened the case recently,” Abby reminds him.

  “I knew who it was, they said it was a job. The police wrote it off as a traumatized kid not remembering details correctly. But a man found me a year later, but when he found out I couldn’t talk, he left me alone. He said if I told anyone or tried to talk again he would kill me, so I didn’t tell and I didn’t talk. At that point I had bounced around from a bunch of foster homes in town. My friends abandoned me, and everyone in school forgot about it. I eventually went from someone they felt sorry for, to a freak. My best friend decided me not talking was too much for her. She knew the doctor said I could talk with physical and vocal therapy, but I refused. Once it healed, I sounded like a different person. I wouldn’t talk because I couldn’t bring myself to. I was embarrassed by the way I sounded, and it ruined my dreams of singing on Broadway. The worst was that I lived and they didn’t. Talking meant I would have to answer questions and try and live my life. I just couldn’t do it. I thought about giving up a lot in that year. I didn’t want to live without them, live with that pain. It was probably survivor’s guilt, but it was unbearable. I couldn’t do it though, knowing my mom would be so mad at me for even thinking it,” I confessed, ashamed.

  “Don’t be embarrassed, I don’t think anyone would blame you for dark thoughts in that situation. We won’t judge you, babe. I’m thankful you didn’t,” Cole says in a low voice.

  "Me too. You've changed my life, all of our lives," Abby says, bringing my hand to her mouth for a kiss. I give her a watery smile. She's too perfect.

  “I struggled so much with that survivor’s guilt. If I had been home, I wouldn’t be here. To deal with it, I managed to turn off all emotions as a coping mechanism about three months in. After all of it, I was just done crying and feeling. It was just too much. So I turned into a human zombie, for lack of a better word. I went through the motions, but it wasn’t really living. I was too much to handle for most foster homes, with the gossip and my screaming nightmares every night. So I went from a normal life to one where nobody wanted me. The fact you guys wanted me when I got here, that was big.” I make eye contact with each of them, giving them an appreciative look; I want them to realize just what it means to me.

  “Misfits stick together, and we recognized one of our own,” Trent teases, always trying to lighten the mood.

  “The people who kidnapped you, were they part of all of this?” Alice asks. I nod.

  “I don’t know what all you guys know. My dad worked for a company and found out that they weren’t doing ethical practices. He found out the boss funneled money into a different organization, and they killed him for it. When they found out someone else was involved, they killed them too. It was by luck that they found the link in the cases and reopened my family's case. I found some evidence in my dad’s office supplies. The police assumed it wa
s a robbery gone bad, so it wasn’t properly searched. When the police questioned the boss, the organization realized I was a threat. Hence, the attempted kidnapping and abduction.” Cole looks like he wants to interrupt but doesn’t want to stop me from talking. I glance over and he gives a sheepish smile.

  “Was the counselor involved? We obviously heard she was arrested, but it seems so crazy.”

  “I don’t think she was to begin with. They just found an easy person to pay off. She wasn’t a good person, so they used her to get me. She didn’t think she would get caught, but I told Sophia about her before she told them lies. When they tried to grab me, I shoved my phone into my bra, hoping I could use it later if they didn’t notice. They didn’t. They emptied my pockets, and my bag got left behind so they thought it was safe. That place was hell, guys. They kidnap teenagers and elderly people to do human trials on. It's a form of pre-clinical trials experiments. Mine was healing, so they pumped this crazy vitamin and chemical mixture into me, then gave me the cuts and broken rib to see how rapidly I would heal. I assume I would have been given a lot more infusions while they monitored it, but I was rescued before it continued. The guards and their leader beat me because I struggled and fought. The guy who explained everything to me said it was a huge operation, though. I’m going to strengthen my voice and become an agent someday. I have to end this.” My voice takes on a hard edge as my determination leaks through.

  “This seems like an awful scary movie,” Adam mumbles. He has that protective look in his eyes as he holds me tighter. “It’s over now. You have us to help you heal.” Such simple words, but I feel them in my soul.

  “I’ve felt so broken. I feel like I’m a completely different person. In most ways I am. I no longer shield myself from people or try and fit in. I’ve learned it doesn’t matter. My heart and soul were shattered that night. As corny as it sounds, you guys helped me glue it back together. It’s like a broken vase. You can repair it, but the fractures remain. I’m stronger now, but I won’t ever be able to just get over it like so many thought I should,” I finish as the tears slip down my cheeks. Trent reaches over and wipes them off.