Forever Ain't Enough
Page 8
Chynna lay on the bunk of her jail cell drawing red roses along the border of her notebook paper. She loved writing long love letters to Dray. She fantasized about their wedding day. It wouldn’t be too much longer before she was released from jail. When she walked through the doors leading to her freedom, she would run into Dray’s arms. He would swirl her around in the air, kiss her with all of his pinned up passion, and they would make love for days on end. Oh what a day, what a happy day that would be.
Chynna finished the letter, folded it, and stuck it between the sheets of paper she had in her cell. She lay on the hard mattress and smiled at the thought of something her foster mom once told her. Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge. She fought against sleep as she toyed over her life and how deeply the words her foster mom spoke helped mold her into the woman she was. But was that a good thing? For the first time in her life, Chynna had a difficult time answering that self-reflecting question.
All she wanted was to love and be loved. Dray was the first man, the only man, who loved her and she couldn’t imagine losing him to any woman. Before she gave way to sleep, she looked at the ceiling as if she could see straight through it and into the sky. Her smile deepened. “Dray, even if it takes forever; with our type of love, forever ain’t enough.”
18
“And in the middle of my chaos---there was you.” Unknown
Chynna was in jail but Dray felt like he was in his own mental prison too. He had to reevaluate his life, his desires, and his wants. He did everything he could, hoping against all hope that Bethany would forgive him and marry him, but it was not to be. He learned that actions speak louder than words. That the spirit is strong but the flesh is weak. Only the twists and turns of life brought Dray to this understanding.
The more he thought and prayed about it, the more he came to understand that he was not the man for Bethany and she was not the woman for him. Yes, he cared deeply for her and about her, but their spirits did not, and simply could not, fully connect. Something everlasting did come of their relationship; she led him back to having a deeper and closer relationship with Christ. Could this be the reason they were brought together?
Dray found a small church, joined that church, and became an active member. He was installed as a deacon a few months after joining. His life was different. He wanted to get himself right so he could be the right man for the woman God had planned for his life. He prayed for Chynna and Bethany daily. He acknowledged his own shortcomings and weaknesses as a man.
Chynna, after remaining adamant for some time that she did not need psychological help, relented and began seeing a jailhouse psychiatrist. It turned out to be one of the best decisions she’d made in her life. Through counseling, layers of her painful and horrible past were peeled away and Chynna began to understand why she remained so vengeful and angry. Her childhood was one of turmoil and trauma. No wonder she was the way she was, but yet, the therapist reminded her of how she had persevered. She completed high school, sent herself to college, had a pretty decent job before she got locked up, and so she had a lot to be thankful for. When Chynna began to reflect over her life in that manner, she began to soften. Slowly, her anger melted and she began feeling remorseful about all the things she’d done to others, especially to those who had done no wrong to her.
The therapist encouraged her to write letters to the people she had mistreated or sought revenge on whether she knew how to contact them or not. Chynna followed the therapist’s advice. With each letter she wrote, she felt the weight of her past being slowly lifted from her spirit. She wrote to KeeKee who had since moved to another state to accept a promotion with her company. She asked KeeKee to try to find it in her heart to forgive her for involving her in her messed up life. She wrote a letter to a couple people on her job, a girl in school who she’d bullied relentlessly, and her final letters were to Bethany and to Dray.
Surprisingly, Chynna received a reply from Bethany, who was getting married in a few days, and also from Dray who surprised her by asking if she would put him on her visiting list.
The letter she received from Bethany brought her to tears. There used to be a time when it was difficult, if not impossible, for her to cry but the change within was beginning to manifest outwardly and she felt emotions that she’d held at bay for so long.
“Thank you for such a wonderful letter,” Bethany wrote. “Of course, I forgive you. I wouldn’t be a Christian if I couldn’t forgive others. Anyway, if things hadn’t worked out the way they did, I would probably be in a marriage that was not ordained by God. But instead, in a few days I’m going to marry my King, my Prince Charming, the man I know for sure in my heart is the one for me. In a small way, I have you and what you did on my wedding day to thank for that. (lol) Yeah, it’s crazy how it all turned out, but I’m grateful that God remained in control. I wish you the very best, Chynna. I really really do. I pray that you are healed mentally and spiritually. From your letter, it seems you are well on your way to living a full and happy life. May God bless you and may His favor reign and rule over your life, Chynna. In God’s Love, Bethany”
Dray soon agreed with Bethany that the way things had turned out between the two of them was for the best all along. He was practicing how to be content and walk in the path God set before him. He vowed to become a God-directed man and not a self-directed man. When he received the letter a few months ago from Chynna, he was elated at the words she spoke, as he had thought of her every single day since she was locked up.
Chynna always had that special something that pricked at Dray’s heart. In spite of her evil ways she could be sweet as pie. After all, she wasn’t totally responsible for the way she was. He thought about how her young life must have been. To be mistreated and abused physically, sexually, and mentally over and over was something he could not identify with…well, not until he met Chynna. But overall, he tried to put himself in her shoes. He came to the conclusion that he would have been just like Chynna, maybe even worse, if he had endured what she endured and experienced in her childhood.
He looked at his phone and smiled with anticipation. It was time for him to leave. He didn’t want to be late. He locked the door to his townhome as he made his way outside to his car. He had no regrets about anything, except how things went down on what was supposed to be his wedding day. He and Bethany had an amicable relationship. When she told him she was getting married, he was genuinely happy for her.
Dray looked back at his townhome as he pulled out of the garage and onto the street. With a smile on his face, he drove off.
This was the day and he couldn’t wait. An hour and a half later, he turned onto the private drive, parked his car as close as he could to the entrance, and resigned himself to wait. After almost forty-five minutes, a huge smile formed on his face when he saw the figure exiting the building. He opened the car door, jumped out and ran toward her. There she was, the woman of his dreams, the woman he always knew he wanted to spend his life with—Chynna. They had a long road ahead of them, but together, and with God’s help, they would heal. Dray believed that. As Chynna cried in his arms she heard his words, “I’ll love you forever, my love, but even then… forever ain’t enough.”
Words from the Author
“Fire in the heart sends smoke into the head.” German Proverb
It’s been said often, “Love is a many splendored thing.” I can attest to this. But does love include harming or betraying the one you love? Is that truly a form of love? I don’t think so.
Dray and Chynna’s tumultuous relationship, unfortunately, was riddled with sporadic acts of physical and verbal abuse, mostly coming from Chynna’s end. Yet, Dray still loved her. Though he sought love and acceptance in the arms of another, his heart still remained with Chynna.
The way Chynna grew up affected her life as an adult. She had been taught to seek payback at all costs. Teaching and instilling such evilness into the mindset of another, especially a child, is another form of abuse. Maybe this c
ouple can make it and learn how to love without hurting each other. As we know, nothing is impossible with God. My parting words to whoever is reading this story is to look within and ask God to clean up, fix up, and perfect anything that is flawed in your life. Love can be a many splendored thing but only if your heart is pure.
About Shorts by Shelia Books
“Shorts by Shelia” are shorter stories I’ve written to be read during your lunch break, while you’re at a doctor’s appointment, or when you just want a good and quick read.
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God’s Amazing Girl
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Forever Ain’t Enough
Show A Little Love (out of print)
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Weary to Will
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A Christian’s Perspective: Journey Through Grief
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