Why me?
No, I had to take this slow, I realized. Although a large part of me wanted to squeal with happiness. I would have to hide my true feelings. Both from Jake and his family. There could be no other way.
Of course, as I lay there, the entire evening was played over and over in my head. The feelings his music invoked inside of me. The story about his father. Jake Benson was a lot deeper than I ever thought.
He made me feel special, I realized. As if I was worth something. Worth a lot.
Somehow I fell asleep but not before I melted inside at the memory of his kiss. My world had shifted. There was a power between us. A connection that pushed away the rest of the world. It had been just Jake and myself. Nothing else mattered.
The next morning, after I grabbed a quick shower. I got dressed in my best jeans and cutest top, brushed my hair way more than necessary, and held my breath as I stepped into the kitchen.
No Jake. He’d already left. Aunt Kim caught me frowning and asked, “Everything okay?”
All I could do was nod, trying to assure her that things were fine. But all the while, deep down inside, my world was crumbling. I had wanted to see him this morning. To get some kind of read as to if what had happened had been real or had it all been a figment of my imagination.
Aunt Kim continued to study me for a long moment then gave up and returned to getting ready for work.
When the bus let us out at school, my heart raced. I would see him in first period. What would he do? How were we supposed to handle this. Or was there anything to even handle?
It was just a kis, after all, I told myself over and over.
“Do not read too much into this,” I mumbled to myself.
“What was that?” Buck asked as he came up behind me.
My heart jumped. Five minutes at school and I had almost blown it. “Nothing,” I answered as I hurried to my locker.
Luckily, both he and Parker were boys. They were oblivious to under-currents of emotion. Body language was an unknown concept. In fact, from their perspective. If a person didn’t tell them something was wrong, then nothing was wrong. Subtle hints were not their strong suit.
After I nodded goodbye to them, my feet seemed to naturally slow down. As if they didn’t want to confront what was going to happen. But, I couldn’t avoid it forever.
I pulled the door to my English Lit class and immediately found Jake in the back corner. Our eyes locked, he gave me a wan smile that told me everything I needed to know. My heart dropped. We were not acknowledging what happened between us.
No, it was as if it had never happened.
Bella and her friends shot me an angry scowl but I ignored them. I had bigger disappointments to deal with.
Deep down I had wanted for him to greet me with a hug and kiss. I wanted to tell the world that Jake Benson found me attractive.
Gritting my teeth, I fought to hold back a tear. Turning my head so he wouldn’t see how it hurt. I slipped into my desk and tried to ignore him.
But really, I couldn’t blame him. He didn’t owe me anything. It was just a kiss after all. Of course, in my world, it had been the greatest kiss in the history of humankind. But obviously, not in Jake’s world.
Of course, in second period, Cindy noticed something was up and pulled me aside at the beginning of class.
“Everything okay?” she asked. I laughed to myself. I had spent the entire morning and a long bus ride with Parker and Buck and they’d been oblivious. In thirty seconds, Cindy picked up the change in me.
“I’m fine,” I answered without smiling.
She frowned, obviously understanding that I meant I wasn’t fine and my world sucked.
“What can I do?” she asked. “Is it one of the brothers?”
My insides turned over, I desperately wanted to tell someone. I mean this was the greatest news in the world. Or the worst, I was beginning to understand.
I shook my head. “Not yet, maybe later. I’m okay, really.”
She studied me for a moment and I think she was going to press but thankfully, the teacher started her lecture and Cindy had to hold off. But I knew I was either going to have to change my demeanor or tell someone.
As the bell rang to end class I shot her a quick smile and told her I’d catch up later. I had to get to third period first. I wanted him to see me calm and composed.
When I sat down on my stool at our station, I turned to watch the door as I fought to slow my racing heart. We were going to be able to talk together. What should I say? A thousand things flashed through my mind. But I realized it was what he said that was important.
“Hey, Karla,” Jake said next to me as he pulled his stool around to sit closer to me.
I jumped. My mind had wandered off and I hadn’t even seen him come in.
“Good morning,” I managed to say.
He balked for a moment the smiled slightly. “So it’s going to be like that?”
At that point, my mouth sort of started working before my brain could stop it. “Hey, I thought this was what you wanted. After all, in first period, it was like I didn’t even exist.”
The anger in my voice shocked even me.
Jake’s brow furrowed as he leaned forward. “What? You wanted Bella to know …”
“Yes,” I interrupted. “I wanted her and everyone else to know. But I know we can’t and that sucks.”
He continued to frown then reached out and took my hand in his. A tingle flashed up my arm as I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes.
A feeling of rightness filled me. A simple touch and my world was right again. He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. We hadn’t really talked about us. The us that was just the two people that mattered.
It was just a kiss, I reminded myself. But it had felt like so much more.
He looked down into my eyes and I swear he was reading my mind.
“After class, meet me out front,” he said with a smirk that set my heart racing. He was up to something. I had learned enough to know what boys look like when they are anticipating breaking the rules. Jake was a poster child for a bad boy on a mission.
Seeing that I got it, he smiled then focused on Miss Hanson. But he didn’t let go of my hand.
It was impossible to stop myself from smiling when I caught several girls in class shooting us looks, each one registering his hand over mine.
Chapter Eight
Karla
After class, Jake shot me a quick smile then left. I was a little upset because he just assumed I would meet him out front. Of course he was right, but that was beside the point.
As I made my way against the grain of kids rushing for lunch, I wove and ducked to get outside. It was like fighting against a raging river but I finally made it. My heart raced as I opened the front door to the school and stepped out into a bright day. What was he up to? I wondered as a dozen different emotions ran through me.
Jake was waiting for me. He sat astride his motorcycle and raised an eyebrow.
“Here,” he said as he tossed me a pink motorcycle helmet.
I caught it and gave him a questioning glance.
“I picked it up this morning,” he said with a cocky grin. “That was why I left the house so early.”
All I could do was stare down at the helmet in my hand and then at the boy across from me. He had planned this. All morning I had been eating my insides out and he had planned this all along. Why couldn’t he have told me?
“Come on,” he said as he nodded to the seat behind him.
My stomach dropped and my mouth went dry. Leave school in the middle of the day. Was that even possible? What would my mother say? Or Aunt Kim. But those thoughts were immediately replaced by a delicious feeling of rebellion.
This was my life after all. Who knew that breaking the rules could be so much fun.
Pushing aside all the worries and questions, I slipped the helmet on and climbed up behind Jake. He shot me a quick smile over his shoulder and started the bike.
This time he didn’t have to tell me to hang on. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around him.
What was going on? I wondered. I thought we had decided to pretend nothing happened between us last night.
It’s just a ride, I told myself, not a marriage proposal. Get real. But that didn’t stop my mind from whirling around in a thousand different directions. Eventually, I put them aside and just enjoyed myself. Hanging on to Jake as he wove us through town and out onto a back road.
“Where are we going?” I yelled as we slowed down around a hairpin curve.
“You’ll see,” he yelled back.
I sighed and let myself become lost in the ride. The blue sky, green pine trees, and fresh air were exhilarating. The strong boy in front of me only made things even more perfect.
We rode like that for almost half an hour until Jake pulled over to a turnout. I had absolutely no idea where we were. Somewhere in the mountains outside of town.
“This way,” Jake said as he stepped off the bike.
We hung our helmets over the handlebars. Jake gave me a quick smile then took my hand and began to lead me down a trail between the trees. A deep pine smell mixed with moldy leaves and a cool breeze washed over me.
Where were we going? I wondered as we made our way through the dark forest. For the first time, I realized just how alone we were. Out here where no one was around for miles. The true wilderness I realized.
Just as I was beginning to worry, Jake shot me a quick reassuring smile and my insides relaxed. He knew what he was doing. The one thing I was sure of in this world was that I could trust Jake.
“Here,” he said as we stepped out of the trees onto a grassy knoll overlooking a high waterfall.
I gasped. The raw power of the rushing water flowing over a high cliff. The deep blue pool beneath it, the stream that ran off down the valley everything was so perfect. A crow cawed in the tree above us, obviously upset at being disturbed.
“It’s beautiful,” I said.
He smiled down at me and said, “it is now.”
My cheeks grew warm as I turned away to stop him from seeing me blush. But I couldn’t deny the way his words made my insides tingle with happiness.
The two of us stood there for several minutes just taking in the glorious sight.
“We need to talk,” Jake said with a serious frown.
My heart jumped. This could not be good.
“About last night,” he started.
I turned on him and gave him my best scowl. “If you apologize for kissing me I will never forgive you.”
He smiled weakly and I knew in my gut that was exactly what he had planned on doing. Instead, he laughed and seemed to relax.
“That doesn’t change the situation,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I like you. A lot. I think that kiss sort of proved that.”
My heart jumped into fast mode as a warm feeling of happiness filled me.
“Even though I kicked you out of your room?” I asked with a teasing smile.
He laughed again then shrugged. “Let’s just say I’ve come to realize there are more important things in this world.”
Again I shivered with happiness. “And I like you,” I said as I looked up into his eyes. I knew I was shading the truth. I was in a lot more than like with Jake Benson.
He smiled widely and I swear, the boy had no idea how desirable he was. Tall, handsome, motorcycle, guitar player, bad boy. The guy was a walking, living, dream.
“But …” he continued and suddenly the happiness was shattered. The most detestable word in the English language in my opinion.
“But?” I asked, all the while, dreading the answer.
“But,” he continued, “we can’t follow this thing between us.”
I wanted to cry. He was sort of breaking up with me before we even got started.
“Why not?” I asked before I could stop myself. I knew the answer but didn’t want to face it.
He shook his head. “Because, Karla. There has got to be at least ten reasons why we shouldn’t.”
“Only ten?” I asked as I reached out to touch his arm. For some reason, I had to touch him. Every part of my soul demanded it.
He hesitated for a moment then took a deep breath. “We are from different worlds.”
“Not an issue,” I said as I waved my hand dismissively.
Jake scoffed, “How about you are leaving.”
“Next year,” I answered quickly. “Who knows what will happen between now and then.”
Smiling gently, he shook his head. “How about I have absolutely no idea how to be in a relationship?”
“Well, it is about time you learned.”
Again he sighed heavily as I continued to knock down each problem. Then he pulled out the big guns.
“My mom will freak. And I’m sure your mom would be pissed off. I mean, boyfriend and girlfriend living in the same house. Of course they would be mad. No, they would be livid.”
A warm tingle passed over me when he said the words, boyfriend, and girlfriend. My new two favorite words in the English language. So much better than but. However, the fact that he was right couldn’t be denied. The last thing I wanted was to upset Aunt Kim.
But still, if that meant giving up on us before we even had a chance. It seemed so wrong.
“If you wanted to keep it quiet. Why did you sneak me out of school on the back of your motorcycle? Two dozen kids saw us.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes, A guy has to do what a guy’s got to do. But that doesn’t make it smart.”
“I don’t know, Jake,” I said as I put my arms around his neck and pulled him down so that I could kiss him. If I couldn’t convince him with words. Then maybe there was another way.
Jake sighed as he pulled me close and we became lost in each other.
Eventually, he pulled back and stared down at me with a strange expression. “You are making it hard to think straight.”
I laughed, “Really? Good, then it is working.”
Jake rolled his eyes then took a deep breath. “I guess we will have to keep it a secret. At least for a while.”
My heart jumped. He wasn’t tossing me aside. He wanted to find a way to make it work.
“Can I tell Beth and Cindy?” I had to tell someone. I mean wasn’t one of the joys of having a boyfriend like Jake, bragging about it to the world. I was special because this amazing boy thought I was special.
He shrugged. “That’s your call. But if my mom finds out then your mom will find out and you’ll be shipped off to Switzerland.” His sad eyes studied me for a second as I realized that to him, that would be the worst possible outcome.
I melted inside. Jake Benson cared about me. A girl could live on that fact for years.
“What about your brothers?” I asked.
Jake scoffed. “No way. They wouldn’t tell Mom. But they would make my life a living hell.”
It bothered me that we would be deceiving Parker and Buck. But then we would be deceiving everyone by keeping this secret.
“We need some rules if this is going to work,” I said.
His brow furrowed then he nodded for me to continue.
“One. Bella needs to know you are not interested in her.”
He continued to frown. “I’m not interested in her.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as a delicious sense of justice filled me. “Regardless. She doesn’t know that. You can’t sit with her and her friends during first period.”
“Really?” he said with shock. “You are setting ultimatums already. What? Next, you’re going to tell me I can’t talk to other girls, ride motorcycles, or get into a fight.”
“No,” I answered quickly. “Just Bella. She is determined to get her claws into you and never let go.”
He smiled broadly, “You sound jealous?”
I sighed inside. “Not jealous. Just realistic. I know girls like that. They wrap boys around their fingers. It’s their specialty.”
Jake studied me
for a second then threw his head back and laughed. “See, this is why I don’t do relationships. You forget, I’ve been dealing with girls like her for years.”
I cringed. Of course. This was Jake Benson. He was the one who controlled women and never the other way around. But I wasn’t going to back down. I lifted an eyebrow and waited for him to agree.
As he studied me, I was tempted to give in but I knew that if this was going to work. This secrecy. I needed some control.
“Okay,” he said at last. “What else?”
“The normal,” I answered. “You can’t walk me to class. We can’t hold hands. And … no kissing obviously. Not in public.”
He frowned. “That sort of defeats the whole reason for having a girlfriend.”
I slapped his shoulder. “I’m serious. If people think we are together it will ruin everything. The only way this will work is if we pretend we don’t like each other.”
Taking a deep breath, he nodded. “I guess it is the only way. But I’ve got to be honest with you. It’s going to suck.”
My heart skipped. What a perfect thing to say.
The two of us looked into each other’s eyes as we both realized what had happened. We had agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. A sense of overwhelming power filled me. Jake Benson was my boyfriend. The thought seemed so farfetched, yet so right.
Chapter Nine
Jake
The next morning, before first period, I pulled Jimmy Powers aside and worked out a plan. When Mr. Gonzales started writing on the board I leaned forward and squinted like a blind bat. Mr. Gonzales caught it and frowned.
“Are you having trouble seeing the board, Jake?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess.”
Jimmy jumped up from his chair. “I’ll swap with him.” God, the kid was a subtle as a brick through a plate glass window.
Mr. Gonzales nodded his approval and returned to writing about the key points to ‘The Great Gatsby.’
I grabbed my book and started to make my way up front. Bella shot me a scowl as if I’d murdered her first born. Jimmy smiled widely like he’d just won the lottery. And Karla gave me a secret smirk that warmed my soul.
This was getting to be ridiculous, I thought. Why couldn’t I just tell everyone what was what and let them deal with it? Life would be so much easier.
Our Secret (The Benson Brothers Book 1) Page 5
