But the cost was too high. No, it had to be this way.
Slowly over the next few days, we sort of fell into a pattern. Secret looks. An occasional smile. We’d pass each other in the hall and nod slightly as our hands brushed each other’s. She would glance up into my eyes and my heart would break. Then we would separate without anyone ever learning the truth about what was really going on.
Somehow, Karla and I actually pulled it off. Somehow we kept our hands off of each other and kept our secret. It wasn’t easy, to say the least.
At home, we kept our distance from each other. At dinner, I made a point of sitting across from her. If we were doing dishes together we kept ourselves several inches apart. Every part of me wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I forced myself to keep my hands to myself.
If we were all hanging out, watching TV or playing video games. I’d make a point of sitting on the other side of the room. Far enough away that I couldn’t accidentally betray the truth.
Of course that didn’t stop me from shooting her quick looks and wiggling my eyebrows when the others weren’t looking. She would bite back a laugh then give me a scowl, admonishing me for teasing her.
At school, I ignored her. Or at least pretended to. Of course, she couldn’t walk into the room without my eyes tracking her every move. But we didn’t sit together at lunch. I didn’t hang out at her locker.
Other boys weren’t a problem. I mean Karla was beyond hot. Of course the other guys were interested. But I put out the word that she was out of bounds. They would have to go through me or my brothers. They thought I was being protective, not possessive. There is a difference after all.
Normally, it would have pissed off most girls. But not Karla. I think she found it endearing. Buck and Parker were fully on board. No. Other guys weren’t an issue. Not if they knew what was good for them.
Every day she would ride the bus home, I’d go off to work at the garage or follow the bus to our house. But it seemed that Mom or one of my brothers were always there. I’d grumble and curse under my breath, but what could I do?
It was eating at me and I know she wasn’t enjoying the situation either, but what choice did we have.
The only thing that made it tolerable were those moments we could steal to ourselves. At lunch behind the bleachers. An afternoon when mom had a yoga class. Late at night while I played my guitar for her in the garage.
We’d spend hours just talking. It’s funny, I can’t really remember what we said, but it was the most important words ever spoken.
It was those quiet moments that cemented our relationship. I began to realize it wasn’t important what other people thought. It was only important what Karla thought. Her desires, her needs, they became my guiding light.
But, like I said, it wasn’t easy. I’d lay awake at night thinking about the beautiful girl across the hall.
She would laugh at something Parker said and my insides would relax. I loved to hear her laugh. Or she and my mom would share a look and both roll their eyes at something Buck said about girls as if he had it all figured out.
I swear, my heart became wrapped up in everything that was Karla and I couldn’t show the world. It was enough to eat at a guy’s soul until there was nothing left.
.o0o.
Karla
This couldn’t go on forever. I’d shatter into a thousand pieces if I had to keep this up. I had never been good at keeping secrets. They ate at my insides turning my stomach into a bubbling cauldron.
People were going to find out. I just knew it. And by people, I meant my mom and Aunt Kim.
I’d kept the secret from Beth and Cindy. It didn’t seem right telling them when we were keeping it from Buck and Parker. Jake, of course, didn’t care at all about keeping it a secret. He had a lifetime of experience not telling people stuff.
To make it even worse was the idea that this was Jake Benson. Every other girl in school drooled over him. I saw the way they looked at him. Their eyes boring into him, trying desperately to catch his attention. Silently letting him know they were his for but the asking.
It made my blood boil when they would laugh and flip their hair at him. It took every bit of self-control to stop myself from marching up to him and pulling him down so that I could lay the deepest, sexiest kiss on those delectable lips of his. I know I was being territorial. But I couldn’t shake the fear and jealousy rushing through me.
I swear at times it felt like I was an overstrung guitar string. Humming, ready to break at the simplest thing.
When mom called to check on me, my heart jumped as my palms grew sweaty.
We talked about her new assignment, about my new school, then she asked the question I had been dreading.
“So,” she said, “any boys I need to know about?” Her tone was light and teasing but I knew that beneath it was an honest concern.
It took everything I had not to tell her anything. I so wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to know that a guy like Jake Benson found me special. I wanted the whole world to know.
“No,” I said as I kicked myself for lying to her. “I’m focusing on my grades.”
She laughed, but I think she didn’t completely believe me.
“How about Kim, her sons. Are you getting along?”
I sighed, “Aunt Kim is great,” I said eagerly. “I swear, I think she’s just happy to have another girl in the house.”
“And the boys?” she asked with a hesitant voice.
“Parker and Buck are great. Different, but you were right, it made things easier knowing someone at school.”
Again there was a hesitation on her end. “And Jake? From what Kim has told me, he can be rather intense. Filled with anger was the impression I got.”
“No…” I started before I caught myself defending him to quickly. “I guess,” I continued, “but he’s not too bad. We sort of tolerate each other.”
My heart squeezed tight, outright lying like that. Who had I become? What would I do to protect Jake and me?
“I’m glad honey,” she said. “That things are working out. But really, you should be dating. This is your senior year. You need to create memories.”
I almost choked. If she only knew the memories I was creating. Everything inside of me screamed to tell her the truth. I wanted to share my news. I wanted to ask questions. I wanted her to point out the pitfalls and dangers so I could ignore them.
Instead, it bit the inside of my cheek.
We talked for a little more then scheduled the next call for the following Saturday.
“I love you,” she said “And I’m proud of you. You know that, honey. Right?”
My heart broke as a tear began to form in the corner of my eye.
“I know,” I managed to say. “And Mom, I love you too. You are the greatest.”
She laughed, but I could tell there was a pain in her voice. I wondered if she was enjoying being an ambassador. Were there regrets? After Dad, she had never really been in a serious relationship. An occasional date, it might last a few weeks or so. But then she’d break it off.
I’d asked her about it once, she had looked at me sadly and shrugged. “Why bother,” she said. “We will be moving in a year or so. And men don’t follow women to their new jobs. At least not the men I find attractive.”
As the memory came to me I flashed to next summer. I would be going off to college. What then? A sudden sickness filled me as I looked into the future.
Luckily, Jake chose that moment to knock at my door and tell me dinner was ready.
I sighed heavily, pulled the door open and threw myself into his arms. I needed him to hold me. I needed his help to deal with my guilt, loss, and fear of the future.
He stiffened and I knew he was afraid someone would see. Refusing to let him go, I pulled us both into my room and closed the door.
“Just hold me,” I whispered.
His strong arms wrapped themselves around me and encased me in a cocoon of warmth and safety. Nothing coul
d go wrong as long I was there, I thought to myself.
“Is everything okay with your mom?” he asked with a caring tone that broke my heart.
All I could do was nod as I cried into his broad chest. “Yes,” I said. “I just hate this. The secrecy, it’s killing me. I want the whole world to know that you are mine and I am yours.”
He grimaced and nodded, “I know. Hang in there. We will figure it out. I promise.”
I sighed. He was right of course. What choice did we have?
“Come on,” he said giving me a quick squeeze. “If we don’t hurry the guys will eat it all.”
I laughed because he wasn’t wrong. I opened the door and looked both ways up and down the hall to make sure no one was there then nodded to him. He smiled sadly, then left me to try and compose myself.
When I felt semi-normal again. I joined the family for dinner. Aunt Kim asked after my mom. Buck and Parker began an argument about their last HALO game and Jake ate quietly, occasionally looking at me with soulful eyes that tore me into a million pieces.
He was worried about me. He understood. I honestly think he was more upset about me being upset than anything. Jake Benson had a protective streak a mile wide. It was the kind of trait a girl could fall in love with.
“So,” Aunt Kim said to me. “Who are you going to the Homecoming dance with?”
I caught Jake stiffen as he stared down at his food. We hadn’t discussed it. All I could do was shrug. “Beth, Cindy and I are thinking of going together.”
Aunt Kim frowned, “What? No boy has asked you?”
“Not if they know what is good for them,” Buck said as he dished up seconds from the casserole.
Aunt Kim gasped then shot her sons an evil glare. “Are you guys scaring away boys?” She knew her sons well. “Karla is not your sister and you have no right to do that.”
“That’s okay,” I said hurriedly hoping to stop this line of conversation. “Besides, I don’t think I would want to date any boy who could be scared away.”
Jake bit back a smile as he continued to stare at his plate. I knew if he looked up at me I’d do something stupid and expose everything. Oh, how I wished we could go to the dance together. Wasn’t that what boyfriends and girlfriends did? Sometimes life seemed so unfair.
I was dating the hottest guy in school and I couldn’t even go to a dance with him.
Both Buck and Parker looked at each other with a touch of guilt then shrugged. I noticed that neither agreed to stop acting as my bodyguards. Really, it was sort of sweet when you think about it. They weren’t being protective because they were possessive. No, it was just a natural part of their personality.
I really believed that it was just a genetic trait of the Benson brothers. A valuable one if you ask me.
Aunt Kim shook her head, obviously upset. “I want you guys to stop that. Karla doesn’t need you watching over her like she’s some delicate flower.”
Jake snorted then cringed when his mother shot him her evil stare.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything,” Jake said.
Buck frowned. “Yes you did. Remember, the first day of school. You must have told a dozen different guys that she was off limits. You were about ready to kick Mike Stevens’ butt when he didn’t see things your way.”
My insides tightened up. He had done that before we kissed. When we were still hating each other. Why?
“Mike Stevens needs his butt kicked just on general principle,” Jake said as he gave his brother a look that told him to shut up or he’d shut him up.
Buck smiled back, obviously loving the idea of getting his older brother in trouble.
“It doesn’t matter who did what when,” Aunt Kim said. “What matters is I want you three to back off, do you understand me?”
“Really, Aunt Kim, it isn’t a big deal,” I said as I desperately tried to keep the guys from getting in trouble.
“It is to me,” she said as she glared her best mother stare into her sons. She held it on them until each of them dipped their head in acceptance of her decree.
All I could do was laugh inside. The boys at school were the least of her worry. If she knew what I thought about the boy across from me she would have been shocked into next Sunday.
Chapter Ten
Karla
It was two days before I could get Jake alone enough to talk. As I was dumping the trash from lunch I caught his eye and nodded to the hall.
He nodded and followed me. I led us on a round about course until I found a quiet corner. I put my back to the lockers and waited for him. God, the boy was delicious looking. Tall, wide shoulders, jeans, and boots. All male.
When he joined me, he looked around quickly then leaned down to kiss me. I put my hands on his chest and pushed him back.
“What? No one can see us,” he said with a deep frown.
“We need to talk.”
I saw a hint of worry behind his eyes and my insides softened.
“Buck said that you weren’t going to the dance,” I said. “Why not?”
His brow furrowed. “Because I’ve got to work.”
I knew he was fibbing, I had learned enough to see when he was twisting the truth. It was rare. And usually for my own good.
“Not good enough, why?”
He sighed heavily then looked deep into my eyes. “Because it will kill me seeing you dance with other guys. There, satisfied.”
The anger in his voice shocked me.
“We could dance together,” I said. “I’m sure no one would think anything about it.”
“Once or twice, not every dance,” he snapped. “And it wouldn’t be right to expect you to sit on the sidelines. The guys in this school aren’t idiots. A pretty girl, a dance. And believe me, I know what they are thinking, hoping.
“It’s just a dance.”
He laughed, “It is never just a dance. Not in their minds. They will all be hoping it becomes more. A phone number, a date, and then bed. Not necessarily in that order.”
“Jake,” I said, surprised. I started to tell him how wrong he was until I realized he wasn’t. I wondered how it would feel to see Jake dancing with other girls. Girls like Bella for instance. No, not an enjoyable image.
Shaking off the ugly picture dancing in my head, I looked up and said, “You are going to the dance. I am not going through high school without dancing with you.”
He sighed heavily then nodded. I relaxed and smiled up at him. “Now that that is settled. Why aren’t you kissing me?”
Jake’s grin made my insides curl up as he leaned down and took my lips with his.
Two long weeks later, I stepped out into the living room. Both Parker and Buck whistled. I could only smile as I twirled for them. A spaghetti strap black dress, Aunt Kim’s choker with an ivory cameo. And wedge heels I knew made my legs look good.
“Where’s Jake?” I asked as my heart fell. He was the one I was dressed up for. I wanted to see the look in his eyes when he saw me.
Parker shrugged his shoulders. “He said he’d meet us there.”
For the briefest second, I wondered if he was going to back out.
“Come on,” Buck said as he slipped on his coat. Both he and Parker were dressed in sports coats and slacks. Aunt Kim looked at them with a sad smile. I could almost hear her saying that they were growing up too fast.
Buck had a nasty bruise under his right eye from last night’s football game. But it made him look dangerous. Parker looked composed, handsome, in control.
Aunt Kim handed Parker the keys to her car and raised an eyebrow. I wanted to tell her not to worry. This was Parker. He’d never do anything wrong. It wasn’t in him.
“Come on,” Buck said again as he waived his hands for us to hurry. “I want to be there before Jenny.”
Parker and I rolled our eyes. I stopped and pulled Parker to the side so I could adjust his collar. Buck growled under his breath. Parker shot me a conspiratorial wink then said, “I don’t know, we don’t want to get there too e
arly.”
I laughed.
Buck clenched his fists and shot his brother a hateful stare. “If you don’t hurry. I will make your life a living hell.”
Parker laughed, “You already do.”
Aunt Kim shook her head. “That is enough. Stop being mean, Parker.”
Her middle son looked at her, “I don’t think I was being mean. Really, Karla, was I being mean?”
Before I could respond. Buck yelled. “Will you two hurry up?”
I laughed, I had learned to really enjoy teasing Buck. One of life’s little pleasures.
Eventually, we made it to the car and then the school. The entire way all I could think about was Jake and about how unfair it was that we had to keep our secret.
Beth and Cindy met me at the front door. I noticed that both of them couldn’t stop themselves from checking out Parker and Buck. But then, who could blame them.
“Have you seen Jake?” I asked them before I could stop myself. Parker, who hadn’t gotten out of earshot yet, turned back and gave me a strange look. My heart stopped beating for a second but I pushed the fear down and pretended like my question wasn’t important.
Luckily, Parker seemed to dismiss it and left us alone.
Both Beth and Cindy, however, gave me a strange look. Unlike Parker, they were not so easily fooled.
“Why?” Cindy asked.
My mind scrambled for a quick answer. “Because he owes me. It was his turn to do dishes last night. I thought I might have him ask you guys to dance as payback. But hey, if you don’t want me to. Say the word.”
Their eyes grew as big as dinner plates. Sometimes I can be a genius. I loved killing two problems with one stone. They were no longer wondering about me and Jake. And, it would be a lot easier to watch Jake dance with them instead of Bella and her friends.
The three of us made our way to the far side of the room where I could keep an eye on the front door for when Jake showed up.
When the band started warming up, my insides started to harden. No Jake. Where was he? When the band started playing I sighed heavily. No, I reassured myself. He would show up.
Our Secret (The Benson Brothers Book 1) Page 6
