We both gasped and turned to look out the back of the truck window into the shocked faces of Buck, Jenny Carson, and her mother.
Chapter Twelve
Jake
“Damn,” I cursed under his breath.
“No,” Karla whispered with a look of terror on her face. I swear she looked as if she had just lost her most treasured possession. Like she’d dropped her favorite toy off the side of a cliff into a raging river.
“Don’t worry,” I told her as we scooted away from each other. “Buck won’t tell my mom.”
“Are you sure?” she asked with obvious doubt.
I nodded. “My brothers and I have too much on each other. It is known as mutually assured destruction. If we start telling mom stuff it would pull the world apart.”
She frowned and I could tell she wasn’t completely assured.
Buck got out of the car and leaned in to say something to Jenny Carson then turned and stared at me with an angry scowl. If looks could kill I would have been dead a dozen times over. Then glancing at Karla, he shook his head, obviously disappointed.
“I thought you were smarter than that, Karla,” he said as he passed us.
“Buck …” she called but he waved his hand dismissively then walked into the house.
Karla turned to me with a hurt expression that pulled at my heart. Somehow this was all my fault. Being discovered. Loving each other. She grabbed my arm as her eyes implored me to fix it. To somehow make it all go away and let our world return to what it had been but minutes ago.
“I promise,” I told her. “Buck won’t say anything.”
“Jenny Carson will,” she snapped. “I bet even now she’s calling her friends. By Monday, everyone at school is going to know.”
I stared down at her. “Would that be a bad thing. I mean, it had to come out sometime.”
A tear formed in the corner of her eye as she stared at me. “Not like this. Not like we were sneaking around. As if it was something to be ashamed of.”
All I could do was shrug. What difference it made was a mystery to me. But she was probably right. It was going to change things.
“Come on,” I said as I got out of the truck. “Just pretend nothing is going on. I’ll talk to Buck later.”
Karla shot me concerned look filled with fear and trepidation. But she squared her shoulders and got out of the truck. The two of us walked to the door slowly, as if we were walking to the gallows.
I opened the front door then held back to let her go in first. Karla stepped inside then froze in place. I looked over her shoulder to see my mom standing there with her arms folded, staring at us as if we had betrayed the human race.
Buck, who was standing off to the side, shook his head, letting me know he hadn’t told her.
All I could do was swallow hard and close the door behind me. There was no avoiding the coming storm.
Staring straight at me she said, “How could you?”
It was as if I had finally pushed her over the edge. Finally, I had disappointed her beyond the breaking point. The trouble in school. The run-ins with the police, all of that could be forgiven, but not this. My insides tightened up. I hated failing her, but she didn’t understand. This was Karla.
“Aunt Kim,” Karla began with a pleading voice.
Mom, waved her hand, telling her to stop so that she could focus on me.
“Mary Carson just called me,” she said to me with a shake of her head. “I will ask again, How could you?”
God, I hated small towns. Everyone knew everyone. Mom and Mary Carson had probably been best friends in school or something. Just my luck. I could tell by the set of her jaw and the glint in her eyes that there was no avoiding this. I couldn’t just pretend nothing had happened. Nor that it wasn’t important.
“Listen Mom …” I began.
“Don’t you ‘Listen Mom, me,” she snapped. “How long has this been going on.”
I took a deep breath, “Months,” I answered. I was finished with hiding and telling lies. Karla deserved the truth.
Karla flinched. Mom’s eyes grew very big.
“We didn’t plan it,” I quickly added. “But you can’t help who you fall in love with.”
Mom didn’t soften. I had hoped a little romantic flavor might make things go easier. But no. Mom was past that point.
“No,” Mom said. “This is unacceptable. I won’t let you ruin Karla’s life.”
“Mrs. Benson,” Karla gasped.
My insides tightened up as if my mom had punched me in the gut. That was what I was. A disaster for Karla. At least in my mom’s point of view.
“You mean like Dad ruined your life when you became pregnant with me.” I snapped back before I could stop myself.
It was Mom’s turn to flinch. I could see it in her eyes. I’d scored a point. But she recovered quickly.
“You know that’s not true,” she said. “your dad was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Deep down I knew she was telling the truth. But why couldn’t she see that it was the same between Karla and me?
“Mrs. Benson,” Karla said with a hint of anger to her voice. “It is my life. And Jake is not ruining it. He has made it worth living.”
Mom rolled her eyes. “And what happens when you graduate. You are going to Columbia, in New York City. What then? Are you going to throw all of that away? What would your mother say?”
My heart squeezed shut as the truth of Mom’s words hit me. But before I could say anything. Karla squared her shoulders and scowled at my mom. “Maybe,” she said, “that is my choice. Not yours. Not my mother’s. Mine.”
My heart swelled as I watched Karla fight back. No, I realized. This was wrong. I shouldn’t be putting her through this. Nor my mom.
“You might be right, Mom,” I said.
Karla gasped. Buck eyes grew, Mom scowled at me, trying to figure out what I was doing.
Turning to Karla I said. “I can’t stay here. It wouldn’t be right. Besides. We both need time to figure out stuff.”
“Jake?” Karla said with a confused expression. I could see the worry behind her eyes and it pulled at me. I hated doing this to her, but it was the only way. Either that or we were going to spend the night fighting with my mom.
“We’ll work it out later,” I told her. “I’m gong to stay at E.J.’s until then.”
“No,” Karla whispered with disbelief while her hand grabbed my arm as if she was going to stop me.
“It’s the only way,” I said as I stared down into her eyes. “I’ll see you at school on Monday. We can talk about it then.”
She continued to frown up at me. It squeezed my heart to see the pain in her eyes but it had to go down this way.
I glanced at my mom, she was biting her lip. I knew she wanted to say something. But I had no idea what. I could see that there was no back down in her. This was too important to her. Fine, I thought. If I wasn’t living here then she couldn’t complain about me seeing Karla, could she?
The look of fear in Karla’s eyes was enough to make me hesitate. But I had to do this. I needed time. I needed space. My mom’s words echoed in my mind and refused to let go.
“Please Jake,” Karla said as she stepped up to me.
I smiled down at her then leaned down and gently took her lips with mine. “I’ll talk to you later,” I said then turned and left before anyone could talk me out of it.
Behind me, a soft sob hit me like a knife between my shoulder blades. But I couldn’t stop. Not until I thought about things. One thing I knew deep in my soul. I would not ruin Karla’s life. She was too important to me.
.o0o.
Karla
Watching Jake walk out the door had to be the most painful thing I had ever experienced. My world was dissolving around me. Only hours earlier, I had been on top of the world. Jake had said he loved me. Now he was walking out the door. Walking away from me.
“Karla,” Jake’s mom said softly as she reached out to touch my s
houlder. I flinched away from her then ran to my room.
This couldn’t be happening. My heart felt as if it had been ripped into a thousand little pieces. And what of the future? I had seen it in Jake’s eyes when his mom talked about the future. I could see the seed of doubt she had planted.
An anger built inside of me until I wanted to scream with frustration. Somehow, the ugly sobs slowed down to just whimpers of pain. Eventually, I curled up into a ball and fell asleep, exhausted.
The next morning when I woke, I immediately tried calling Jake, but he didn’t answer. My heart skittered as I wondered if he was all right. A thousand different scenarios ran through my mind. Everything from him lying dead in some ditch somewhere to him getting on his motorcycle, throwing his guitar over his back and taking off to never be seen again.
Aunt Kim tried to makeup but I purposely ignored her. She had ruined everything. I knew deep down that I would never really be able to forgive her.
Both Buck and Parker looked at me over their bowls of cereal as if I was a lost kitten who had been kicked to the curb. What they didn’t realize was that I felt like I’d been run over by a bulldozer.
Everything was numb. And I knew it would stay that way until I could talk to Jake.
As I got off the bus on Monday morning, I immediately scanned the crowd, praying that he was there waiting for me. But no Jake. Instead, I got curious stares. Obviously, the story had flashed through school like a computer virus.
All I could do was ignore them as I hurried to first period class. Maybe he was there already. But again my heart fell. No Jake.
In fact, he didn’t show up for the class at all. My insides turned over with fear. Where was he? How could he do this to me? He had promised we would talk at school. I had put all my hopes into this moment and now he was letting me suffer all alone.
Both Beth and Cindy tried to corner me on my way to second period but I shook them off. I wasn’t ready for them. Not until I had talked to Jake and figured out what was going on.
I held my breath as I stepped into third period.
Nooooo. Still no Jake. The aner grew inside of me. All I wanted to do was strangle him. How could he do this to me?
Sitting down at our station, I looked over at his empty stool and sighed.
The class became a blur. The teacher talked but I didn’t really hear a word. She turned us over to working on our art projects but I just sat there and stared into space. What now? Was all I could think.
Just as I thought I might lose it and with only ten minutes left of the class. The door opened and Jake stepped in. He shot me a quick look but didn’t smile. Then handed Miss Hanson a piece of paper.
She scanned it quickly then nodded for him to take his seat.
“Where have you been?” I hissed as soon as he sat down.
“The councilors,” he whispered back.
“Why?” I asked as I frantically tried to understand.
He shrugged. “To find out what I have to do to graduate early,” he answered. “Or take the GED,” he added.
My world came to a screeching halt. What had he said? What was this all about?
Suddenly his brow softened as he stared into my eyes. My heart stopped beating as I could see it in his expression.
“Mom was right about us,” he said waving back and forth between us. “Or me, really. I won’t ruin your life. And if I stay around here I know I won’t be strong enough to stay away.”
Chapter Thirteen
Karla
My world came to a screaming stop. Everything disappeared except for Jake. How could he do this to me? He had said he loved me. But … now, this?
“No,” I said with an emphatic shake of my head. No this couldn’t be happening to me.
But before Jake could explain himself the bell rang. I swear he sighed with relief.
“Come on,” he said as he nodded to the door.
All I could do was follow him. This was not happening, no way. Jake was breaking up with me before we even had a chance to become a true couple.
As we stepped into the hall, he took my hand and wove his way through the crowd and out the back door.
My heart fell. This must be true. He was taking me somewhere so that we could be alone so he could destroy my soul in private.
When he looked down at me, I could see it in his eyes. He was serious. He really didn’t want to be my boyfriend. He didn’t want me.
Every cell in my body felt betrayed. Violated.
“I’m sorry Karla,” he said. “But it is the only way. I swear. I wish it wasn’t. But it is.”
“Why?” I demanded.
He sighed heavily. “Because like my mom said. It has to come to an end someday. And in another seven months we will become so wrapped up in each other that you will not go to Columbia. You will throw it all away. You know it’s true. I can’t take that risk.”
My stomach clenched up. Deep down, I knew he was right. I had known it for months. I couldn’t see myself walking away from Jake Benson. Every part of me knew that he was my soul mate. The one person I would love for the rest of my life.
His rightness didn’t make things easier though.
“We don’t know what will happen,” I said as I reached up to touch him.
He gritted his teeth and stepped back as he shook his head.
“I won’t. I can’t,” he muttered. “You are destined for great things. A life of importance. I’d just stop you. And you know it. I can’t do that. I love you too much.”
My heart broke into a thousand pieces as a tear slowly worked its way down my cheek. Jake was breaking up with me and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
“What about you?” I sniffed. “What are you going to do? Why do you have to leave?”
He shrugged. “There is a vocational school for lineman. Wood Walkers, they call it. A friend of my dad’s said he can get me into the union and a job with the power company after I graduate.”
Jake was moving on, I realized. He had already mapped out a future. A future that didn’t include me.
“What about your music?” I asked. I knew him. Deep down that was his secret dream. To play music for a living.
He shrugged. “We’ll see. But I need a real job that pays real money.”
“Promise me,” I said as I stared up into his eyes. Makeup with your mom. This isn’t her fault.”
He smiled and shook his head. “That is so typical of you. Always worried about other people.”
I didn’t feel kind and forgiving. All I could feel was hurt and bewildered. I had gone from a happy girl in love with the greatest boy ever to a broken girl filled with pain and misery.
“I mean it,” I added.
Jake sighed heavily then nodded and I knew he would keep his word.
He stared down at me and I swear that his eyes turned misty as he said. “I will always love you, Karla Forest. But this is the only way.”
And with those final words, Jake gave me one last smile then turned and walked out of my life forever.
.o0o.
Karla
Of course, my world did not completely end. Sometimes I thought it would have been better if it had. Instead, I had to deal with the day to day pain of a world without Jake to share it with.
The days ran together in a fog. And no one could make it better.
Aunt Kim looked at me with sorrow and regret. Both Buck and Parker walked around me as if I was a cancer patient with months left to live. And in all honesty, I felt like one. There was no happiness in the world. Nothing to look forward to.
Beth and Cindy tried to keep my spirits up. But I didn’t want to cooperate. I wanted to wallow in my pain.
What made it so bad was that Jake wasn’t there to share it with. I had lost the only person who would ever understand. Truly understand. Jake not being there was terrible. But it might have been worse if he was.
Having to see him each day would have killed me.
Once again, he had been a knight by lea
ving. I know that was why he did it. To spare me.
The first week was sort of a numb blur. I honestly don’t remember a thing. The next week became a little easier until my mom called.
That is a conversation I will never forget. I spilled it all. The hurt, the pain, the anger. She tried her best to cheer me up.
“If you want,” she said over the phone, “I can take some vacation time and fly back to the states. I should have an opening in a couple of weeks. Or. we can have you come to Spain. I can jump up there to see you.”
I had to smile with chagrin. “That’s okay, Mom. Besides, I’m sorry. But it wouldn’t help.”
She sighed heavily. “That bad?”
“The worse,” I said with a small laugh. “It doesn’t get worse than this.”
“I know honey, but believe me. Someday, you will realize it is all for the best.”
Her words ignited a new anger inside of me. “How is that even possible? How can a life without your soulmate be better?”
There was an awkward silence on the other end. I knew I was pushing up against forbidden territory but I didn’t really care.
“I mean it, Mom. Can you tell me that you are happier than Aunt Kim? You both chose different paths. But from what I can tell, you both have the same level of happiness. Isn’t that what this is all about? Finding what makes a life have meaning?”
“Honey…” she gasped.
“No, Mom, How are we supposed to know which is the better way. All I know is that for the rest of my life, I will regret not knowing what Jake and I might have made together. We had that taken from us before we could find out.”
The anger inside of me continued to build. I was angry at everyone, Mom, Aunt Kim, even Jake. Everyone knew what was best for me. But no one took the time to ask me what I wanted.
A long awkwardness hung between us as I ground my teeth to stop from saying something I would regret later.
At last, I took a deep breath and tried to get some control.
“Listen, Mom, we’ll talk later. I’ve got to go.”
Our Secret (The Benson Brothers Book 1) Page 8
