Damaged Desires: A Frenemy, Military Romance

by LJ Evans

  “I promise,” she said, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.

  LAX was a mess of humanity. Babies and toddlers crying, people arguing, excitement and boredom and trepidation filling the air. I texted Tanner that we’d landed and was glad to see Marco when he greeted us at the baggage claim. He handed me an earpiece and microphone that I put in place. The driver’s chatter immediately filled my head as he radioed his status at the SUV to Malone and Tanner back at the control center the FBI had established at the hotel.

  The looks Dani naturally drew began to attract even more attention when it appeared to the world that she had two bodyguards standing over her. Dani was aware of it, trying to take it in stride but also appearing uncomfortable with it. It was a relief when I finally held the door open on the vehicle for her. She climbed in, and I followed her while Marco took the front passenger seat.

  “You checked the undercarriage?” I asked.

  The driver nodded. “But I was watching the entire time.”

  When we arrived at the hotel, we pulled into a delivery entrance, per the plan. Marco and I left the SUV first, scanning the limited rooftop views and the docking bay where trucks usually loaded and unloaded products.

  “Owl on the move,” I said quietly into the microphone.

  Dani snorted. “Owl?”

  I’d known using the goddess Athena’s little sidekick for her code name would get a reaction out of her, but I didn’t smile. I wasn’t getting into it while we were on the move. I held my hand out to her, and she left the vehicle while I sheltered her from the alley and the sky above us. Then, we were inside a wide corridor used to haul the laundry down to the private machines in the basement.

  Marco trailed us to the service elevator, and when the doors opened, he remained behind.

  We hadn’t been in an elevator since the day Dani had been poisoned. The day she’d bravely faced her fear of the contraption. Unfortunately, we were staying on the twenty-ninth floor, which meant enough stairs to make it unreasonable for her to be traveling that route. Brady was staying in the huge presidential suite a floor above us. We had rented the entirety of both floors—one of the moves Malone and Garner had protested about and for which I’d paid for out of my pocket. The hotel security was used to Secret Service requests from presidential stays, and I’d pretty much put every measure which was normally used for our country’s leader in place for a country music star and his PR manager. It had caused a lot of grumbling and eye-rolling.

  I didn’t give a damn.

  When the elevator started to move, I pulled Dani into my arms and rubbed soothing circles on her back. “You okay?”

  She nodded. She held onto me tightly, inhaling and exhaling in long, slow breaths. But she wasn’t shaking like she had that first night in Florida. She wasn’t dropping her bag and losing her shit. It was progress.

  When the door dinged open, she didn’t race out. She really was Athena, a warrior facing her fears. She squeezed my hand as if to reassure me before stepping into the hallway where Alice and Trevor both waited. “Owl has arrived on the floor,” he said into his suit sleeve, his voice echoing in my ear.

  A blue-haired Alice smiled, hugged Dani, and then led the way down the hallway to the room on the corner I’d requested. It was up against the emergency stairs on one side. The only other people staying on the floor were members of Brady’s team. His band was going to be at the award ceremony with Brady because they were performing one of his singles. It meant that, for a short period at the ceremony, Dani would have a seat filler next to her. I’d demanded it be an FBI agent or one of our security team, and the AMA staff had agreed as long as they were appropriately dressed, which wasn’t a problem. We would all be in tuxedos. Blending in was as important here as it was in the middle of the desert.

  “We’re on a tight schedule,” Alice informed us. “I’ve got hair and makeup coming to the room in about twenty minutes.”

  “Are those still the same names you gave me previously?” I asked.

  Alice nodded. “Yes. No changes. Brady’s down at the theater for a practice session, so we’re getting Dani ready first.”

  I nodded at the plan we’d already agreed to. No last-minute changes, I’d reiterated multiple times. Even then, I was reviewing every single thing that could go wrong at every single moment. In many ways, I wanted Fiona to show herself today. Having to leave here with the threat still hanging over us would be harder than just having it done with. Malone had been right about getting it over with the quickest way possible by using Dani as bait, even though I hated every second of it. We’d leaked it to the press that Dani would be attending the ceremony with Brady—quietly enough to make it sound like it wasn’t supposed to have been known.

  Alice handed each of us a keycard when we got to the room. “These are yours. Marco has sent one of the new guys to retrieve both of your bags and bring them up.”

  “No one else has a keycard, correct?” I clarified, even though keycards were the easiest thing to make in the world if you had the right device.

  Alice nodded. “Just these two were made.” She turned to Dani and said, “I’ll be back with hair and makeup,” before she hurried down the hall, talking into her microphone.

  I put a hand out to halt Dani from following me into the room as I cleared it before letting her in.

  “Owl is at the lookout,” I said. “I need a watch outside while I go to command.”

  “Received. Larson is on his way,” Tanner spoke in my ear.

  I turned to Dani, and she had a small frown on her face. I stepped toward her and tried to rub it away with my thumb.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “We’re sharing a room? Do you really want everyone to know we’re sleeping together?” she asked, stepping away.

  “Yes,” I said back without hesitation. “Is this going to be a problem?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, an echo of my own position, and it made me smile, which only seemed to deepen her frown. “I just…”

  She started and then paused as if she was trying to find the right words, and it tugged at my newly pinkened heart, stabbing at the raw, unprotected muscle.

  “It just would’ve been nice to have been a part of the decision,” she said finally. “This has all blown up faster than I can think.”

  “Us?” I couldn’t help the hardness that entered my voice, reality edging into our dream a little more, pushing at the peace and oneness I’d felt with her at Wellsley Place.

  “God, no. Not us,” she said, rubbing her finger against her frown line. “Well, yes. I mean, the entire situation, but also our part in it. We’ve been fast and unexpected, and I haven’t figured out what to say, or who to tell, or―”

  “I don’t want you to figure out a way to spin us, Dani. There’s no press release you need to send out announcing to the world that you’re mine and I’m yours. And I don’t intend on hiding this. We aren’t just sex. We’ve been over this.”

  “Have we?” she asked.

  “Larson outside the lookout.” A voice I didn’t know spoke in my ear. I hadn’t met any of the FBI team or the additional men Garner had added to the detail. Larson was one of them.

  “Wellsley, you on the way to the command center?” Malone’s voice asked in my ear.

  “I’m on my way,” I said into the mic before looking back into her worried face, my heart hammering at a rate it never went even when I’d been jogging miles at a steady pace. “Who exactly is it you don’t want to know about us?”

  “No one,” she said quietly. “I just haven’t told my family. You haven’t told Tristan.”

  “AMA security has asked us to meet with them,” Tanner’s voice now droned in my ear.

  I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. “I realize we haven’t exactly discussed our future. Hell, we haven’t even talked about tomorrow, and I apologize for that. I’ve had my head up my ass, figuring out my own
shit. I’ll tell whomever you need me to tell, and they can go to hell if they don’t like it. But I can’t do it right now. Right now, I have to head down the hallway and make sure every scenario I’ve asked to be covered has been handled by a team I don’t trust. Right now, your safety has to be my focus. This is my mission: getting you through it without one hair out of place. That’s all that matters for the next twelve hours.”

  It took her a moment, but then she squeezed me back. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Go. Do your Otter thing,” she said.

  I pulled away and went to the door. “Don’t open this door without hearing from Larsen on the other side that it’s safe to do so and without confirming for yourself who it is,” I said with a finger pointing to the peephole. “I’ll be back before it’s time to take you down.”

  She nodded and, for a moment, looked uncertain again before the wall that was confident Dani came back over her. “Go. I’ll see you in a little while.”

  I hesitated a moment more before giving her a nod and leaving. I shook hands with the oxen of a man standing outside, introducing myself. He was one of Garner’s Ranger buddies. “No one but Alice and the hair and makeup folks who have been pre-approved go in.”

  He nodded, and I strode away, feeling like I’d just left part of my soul back in the hotel room.

  Dani

  STAY

  “Not really sure how to feel about it.

  Something in the way you move,

  Makes me feel like I can't live without you.”

  Performed by Rihanna w/ Mikky Ekko

  Written by Sudduth / Parker / Ekko

  As the hotel door swung shut, I let out a breath of air I’d been holding.

  I’d blame my momentary lack of brain cells on the amount of energy I’d given to the ride in the service elevator. It had taken its toll on me. So many things had happened since I’d last stepped in one that I’d almost forgotten the panic that filled me every time. As I’d looked about the closed space with just Nash and me in it, I’d realized something. Nash had taught me exactly what to do if someone stepped as close as Fenway had. If I’d known how to control my body and my enemy's body a year ago, Fenway wouldn’t have been able to put his disgusting lips on mine. He wouldn’t have been able to corner me or touch me. I knew for a fact I could have controlled the situation with one fat, lazy man.

  I had Nash to thank for it. When he’d pulled me to him as the elevator had moved, rubbing soothing circles on my back, I’d let him. Not only because it felt good, but because I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for what he’d given me—a confidence in my own strength that I hadn’t had in a year.

  Then, I’d turned around and made him feel like I didn’t want anyone to know about us. That I wanted to keep us a secret until the right moment. I was being ridiculous; he was right. What had I expected to do? Send out a press announcement to our family and friends with a neon sign stating, “Dani and Nash are together”? Did we owe anyone an explanation? Mac would want one. Mac would want his chance to tell me all the reasons I shouldn’t be with any SEAL, let alone the one who was best known for charming the pants off of the ladies and who’d been burdened with the guilt of surviving.

  The bottom line was, I loved Nash. It was an unusual occurrence for me. I hadn’t given my heart to anyone ever before, and I was pretty sure he hadn’t either. He still hadn’t said he loved me, and I hadn’t repeated it after the flowers and the uttered words yesterday, but I wasn’t sure I needed him to say the words for me to know. He’d shown me how he felt, and that was more important than words. I knew that for the hundred-percent truth it was. In D.C., words were spread around like honey on a biscuit, running over the sides they were so smooth, but they’d just been words. Words which were disproven by the actions and votes.

  Nash wrapping me in his arms, kissing me until I couldn’t breathe…that was all the proof I needed, wasn’t it?

  A knock on the door jolted me out of my thoughts and my stance in the entryway. I placed the bag I’d carried onto the plane on the bed and went to the door. I could see Alice with a dress bag draped in her arms and the fuzzy forms of two other people.

  After being cleared to open the door, I gave myself over to the team Alice had brought with her. With all the events I’d been to in D.C., I was used to being styled, but I’d always done my own makeup. It was a different experience to allow someone to create an image of me that would be presented. When they were done, they left me with Alice to get dressed.

  “I knew you were nervous about me selecting a gown for you, so I hope you like it,” she said.

  The dress was midnight blue, which was a color known for dependability, intelligence, and calm. In addition, it was layered with sequins that glistened in the natural light streaming in the hotel window. The combination of color and shimmer was a brilliant confidence that spoke to me. It had a boat neck that would completely cover me in the front, but it dropped low in the back. The overall length was shorter than I’d expected for an award ceremony.

  “You don’t like it,” Alice said with a note of panic in her voice.

  “It’s beautiful. I was just expecting something longer. More formal.”

  Her blue hair shimmered as she nodded her head. “If this was the Grammy’s, I’d agree with you, but the AMAs are much trendier. Brady’s tux has sharper, more modern cuts with a midnight vest that has silver striping to match the shimmer coming off your sequins. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to fit in at the Oscars.”

  I realized how much thought Alice had given to the clothes. It was as much thought as I put into my apparel every time I’d attended an event in D.C. But instead of a stuffy ballroom full of politicians, I was going to be mixing with the cream of the musical world. Definitely a different vibe.

  “I can see why Brady said to trust you. You absolutely know what you’re doing,” I told her, and relief washed over her face.

  She hung the dress back up on the door and then pulled out a smaller bag. “We have to keep the jewelry simple with the sequins and the boat neck, but these platinum chains should be okay. Once it’s all on you, we can decide to skip them in favor of a platinum choker if it’s too much.”

  “What did this all cost?” I asked.

  “The jewelry is on loan, and the dress was donated by the designer.”

  “Really?” I said, surprised.

  She smiled. “You’re Brady’s date for the AMAs. They know their name is going to be dropped on the red carpet every time they show Brady for each nomination. It’s a lot of airtime.”

  “I guess I’m used to more sedate political events where I have to pour money from my pocketbook to attend and pay for the dress.”

  “Well, one thing I can promise you…this will not be sedate.”

  ♫ ♫ ♫

  Almost two hours after Nash had left me, I was ready to head upstairs to Brady’s suite. I looked one more time at myself in the mirror. The dress was almost too short, but I was determined not to pull at it all night. The three metal chains of varying lengths Alice had given me to wear were so thick they could have held an anchor in place. They weren’t a style I would have picked, but they screamed chic and trendy even if they were so heavy they almost dragged me down. I’d be glad to be rid of them by the end of the night even more than the four-inch silver stilettos.

  As the time started to tick away, I texted Nash to make sure he knew I was waiting for him. He texted me back, saying he was heading up with Malone as they discussed a few more things but that Marco and Trevor would escort me up. It was an unexpected act of trust in the two men.

  I could barely fit my phone, keycard, and a lipstick in the tiny yellow bag Alice had provided as my one splash of color. There was no room in it for the earbuds I’d need for my meditation app. But for the first time in over a year, the thought of riding in an elevator didn’t send me into a panic. Striding down the hallway with Marco and Trevor, my only thought was of seeing Nash’s
face when he saw me in this dress. Of being able to tell him without words exactly how little I cared whether anyone knew about us or not.

  As soon as the elevator doors shut, I did a self-check. My heart was racing, but again, thoughts of Nash always had my heart racing. My hands weren’t shaking. My eyes weren’t blurring. I probably would never love elevators, but I wasn’t going to lose it completely in one anymore. It brought a smile to my face that I couldn’t keep back.

  Before I knew it, the doors opened, and there was Nash with a worried look on his face that didn’t match the elegantly cut tuxedo he wore. Nash was so handsome it was almost impossible on a normal basis, but dressed in a tuxedo, it was easy to see why someone had put him on a calendar. He was everything I’d ever want staring down at me. Tall, dark, and broody with his dark-green eyes cutting through my body like lasers.

  He saw my smile, and relief coursed over him as he realized I hadn’t freaked out in the elevator. On seeing my calm, he dragged his eyes slowly down every part of me, starting with my eyes that had been accented to glow almost neon blue, down to the dress that clung to my curves ending just below my butt. His eyes continued to slide down along my toned legs which had been dosed with a hint of shimmer. When he made it back up to my face, my smile had widened, and I turned around so he could see the small dip in the back of the dress and the way the partial updo made my dark curls cascade over my bare skin.

  Before I even had the chance to turn, he was tugging me to him. Marco and Trevor chuckled before heading down the hall without us. When Nash went to kiss me, I put the tiny bag up between our lips. “I really want to kiss you right now, but if I do, Alice will literally stab me before Fiona gets a chance.”

  Nash growled, pushing the bag out of the way and placing a kiss on my temple that sent little tingles of joy through me. I sighed, and he backed away with eyes almost black like they looked when we were mid-passion and sin.

  “I change my mind. I can’t call you Athena anymore,” he said quietly.