One Small Step

by M. A. Binfield

  Iris walked with Priti to the dance floor. “The irony is that I actually think Jess is quite keen on her.”

  “But she can’t get you out of her system, eh? You must be quite the lady-killer.” She raised an eyebrow as they approached the edge of dance floor.

  “Mind control. Got it from a library book. Makes me irresistible.” Iris stood to one side so that Priti could pass in front of her.

  “So that’s why you’re here tonight on your own.”

  “The library made me take the book back.” Iris shrugged, enjoying the aimless banter, and Priti nudged her as they found a place for themselves amongst the other dancers, moving happily together as a Beyoncé track was replaced by Taylor Swift.

  * * *

  Cam joined Iris at the bar, standing alongside her, their shoulders touching. Iris and Priti had just finished dancing, and Cam had taken the opportunity to finally get some time alone with Iris.

  “Can I have a pint of water please?” Iris asked politely.

  The young woman serving her smiled as she turned away. She looked handsome in her waitress tuxedo, short blond hair, and piercing blue eyes. Cam wondered if she was more Iris’s type than Priti and a hot flash of what felt a lot like jealousy passed through her body.

  “I didn’t have you down as a dancer.”

  “Why not? I could get insulted by a comment like that.” Iris’s tone was playful, and her eyes gleamed. Cam felt pulled in, speaking suddenly getting more difficult.

  “I don’t know. At work…I mean…well, you just seem so serious sometimes.” Cam’s heart was beating in her ears and she felt slightly tongue-tied.

  Iris tilted her head, her eyes not leaving Cam’s face. “Are you complaining that I don’t dance enough at work?” Cam wondered if Iris was flirting. She felt heat rise from her feet and settle somewhere unexpected.

  “Next time I come to see Graham, I’ll try and throw in a little rumba for you.” Iris moved her hips from side to side.

  Cam could only stare, enjoying the movement of Iris’s mouth, her white teeth, her full lips. Her eyes impossible to look away from. Cam hoped she was a little drunk because feeling this way sober would not be good at all.

  “Come with me a minute. I want to gossip and I need some air.” Cam took Iris’s arm and pulled her across to the fire exit a few yards away.

  They stood outside against the wall, enjoying the cool air of the evening. Cam wanted to talk, that much was true, but she also wanted Iris to herself, even if only for a few minutes. She told Iris that Amanda’s date wasn’t a date but a friend. She passed on the news of Vicki and Harry’s breakup. She tried to say the words “irreconcilable differences” but stumbled every time, until she gave up and they dissolved into laughter. And now Cam had stopped talking and they were just looking out across the grounds.

  “England is so old. This house, these gardens, they’re older than Seattle. That tree.” She pointed and Iris looked in the direction of her pointing finger. “Not that one, that one.” She grabbed Iris’s finger and aimed it at a large fir tree. “It’s probably older than my mom’s house.” She paused. “I’m a little drunk I think.”

  “I think you’re probably right.”

  “And I’m not thinking straight.” The choice of words registered somewhere in Cam’s brain and she frowned. “In fact, I’m sure I’m not.” She looked up at Iris with a shrug, wanting her to understand, wanting them to talk about just how not-straight Cam was, but knowing that it was all forbidden, and that none of it mattered a damn.

  Iris smiled at her.

  “What are you smiling at?” Cam loved the way Iris looked when she smiled. Her features softened and she looked even more beautiful.

  “You. You’re a very cute drunk.”

  Cam groaned.

  “Are you okay? You’re not going to be sick are you?”

  Cam shook her head. “A cute drunk? That’s really what you’re thinking? Well, that’s no use, that’s no use at all.”

  “Well, what kind of drunk were you aiming to be?”

  Cam paused, daring herself to answer, and then shrugged, offering no response. She wanted Iris to find her attractive, she wanted to be an irresistible drunk, but how could she say that? She shivered.

  “I’m cold, but I don’t want to go back inside.” Cam knew she sounded truculent. She wanted something but couldn’t admit to wanting it. Iris didn’t respond, but their closeness made Cam’s nerve endings vibrate.

  “You’re nowhere near as bad as they all make out, you know? Jess said you were dangerous and you’d make a move on me, and all you did was fall asleep. And that’s no good for my self-esteem.”

  “Cam?” Iris’s voice sounded like a warning.

  Cam wanted to talk about that evening, about what Jess had said, about the two of them falling asleep nestled on her couch.

  “And then you just ran away.” Cam was tipsy enough to chance saying things she would probably regret.

  “Come on, Cam. Let’s go back inside. Let’s get your cute drunk self some coffee to warm up.” Iris’s voice was calm and even. Cam hated how unreadable she was. She pushed herself off the wall and followed Iris toward the fire door that led back into the hall.

  Cam headed back to the table and Iris went to the bar to get coffees. They both needed one. As she waited to be served, Iris felt a presence at her elbow, and she turned. Jess was staring at her, pulling at her lip with her fingers nervously, looking like she had something on her mind.

  “You’re going to make a fool of yourself.” Jess spoke as if they’d been in the middle of a conversation.

  “Sorry?” Iris didn’t understand.

  “She’s just bored and enjoying the attention. Even you must know that.” Jess nodded toward their table. “I still care for you. And I don’t want to see her make a fool of you.”

  Iris suddenly understood. She felt the anger and the embarrassment clash. “And that ‘care’ you have for me, is that why you’ve gone out of your way to mess in my life. Chatting shit to Amanda about me, trying to sabotage my friendship with Cam by telling her fiancé a load of bullshit about how I can’t be trusted to be around her?” Iris didn’t care how bitter she sounded. “I mean, I’m just trying to figure out what you caring for me looks like and how I’m supposed to recognize it. Because it looks to me that you’re just being spiteful and jealous.”

  Jess stepped back as if Iris had slapped her. Iris felt a second’s regret and then remembered that Jess had had it coming. There was no part of her warning about Cam that was meant kindly. She just wanted to cause trouble.

  The coffees were ready, and Iris turned to pick up the tray and stalked off, dismayed that Jess had somehow picked up on something. She headed back to the table, wishing desperately that people would just leave her alone. The table was empty except for Hazel. She put the coffee down with a sigh.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Hazel looked concerned.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.” She rubbed her forehead. “Just Jess being Jess.” Iris gestured across the table. “Where is everyone?”

  “Dancing, toilet, bar. Who knows? I’m just glad of the rest.” Hazel peered at Iris. “Sure you’re okay, mate?”

  Iris wanted to talk to her, to tell her about her feelings for Cam and the confusion she felt. Even about what Jess had said. But she didn’t dare.

  “Is there someone for me do you think?” Iris took a long drink of her wine.

  “Of course there is. You, mate, are an absolute catch. But to make an omelet you have to crack an egg. An available egg. Or several available eggs probably.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. I can’t cook, and I’m rubbish with metaphors. I just mean that you need to get out there, meet some new people, y’know.” She leaned across and squeezed Iris’s arm.

  The music in the room seemed to be getting louder, and the dance was getting fuller as the tables were emptying after the meal. Iris remembered how much she’d been dreading and looking forward to the evening in equal measure. The truth wa
s that she loved to dance, loved to lose herself in the music with others who felt the same way. She didn’t do it very often now that she was single, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss it.

  Jess headed back to the table, Diane at her side. “Diane says she can’t keep up with me so she’s come back for a drink and a rest.” Jess looked at Iris. “Iris, you’re not dancing. Could we?” Jess pouted slightly, and Iris couldn’t tell if this was an attempt to appear seductive or a form of petulance that would mean she would throw a tantrum if refused. After what had just happened, she couldn’t believe Jess would still have the nerve to ask. Before Iris could react, Cam stood up at the other side of the table.

  “I think you’ll find it’s my turn actually, Jess. I was promised a dance, and I’ve been waiting patiently for my chance.” Iris looked from Jess to Cam, unsure of how to respond. The look on Cam’s face confused Iris. She was biting her lip looking unsure, but her eyes were more certain and they held Iris’s gaze. She stood and nodded in Cam’s direction.

  “You’re on, but remember we’ve got a big match on Sunday so no treading on my toes.” Iris moved around to Cam’s side of the table, hearing Jess grumble and not caring. Cam took her by the arm and steered her across the room, and she was aware of nothing but the feel of Cam at her side and the blood pulsing through her body.

  Cam leaned in to Iris. “You owe me big for saving you from Jess.” Her voice was teasing, flirtatious, but the words made Iris stop still yards away from the dance floor. She wondered if Cam had actually wanted to dance with her or just done the right thing for a friend in need. Cam held her gaze and gave her a shy smile. It was all the answer she was going to get.

  They maneuvered their way into the heart of the dance floor, surrounding themselves with people. Everyone seemed lost in the music and occupying their own world. An up-tempo song—something by Rihanna—came to an end as they arrived and was replaced by a slower, more rhythmic track that Iris didn’t recognize. Around them, people began to move as the song started in earnest.

  Cam started to sway. Iris let the music wash over her. She began to move, but she couldn’t take her eyes off Cam who was turning slowly from one side to the other, moving her hips in time to the beat. Cam closed her eyes, and Iris began to doubt that Cam was as aware of her presence as she was of Cam’s, but almost before the thought could complete itself, Cam put her hands on Iris’s hips. The movement seemed so natural, and Iris felt the tender pressure of her hands as they sought to pull her closer and to help them sway in time with each other. Iris had her hands at her sides and felt self-conscious, not sure what to do.

  Cam opened her eyes and looked at Iris searchingly. Cam’s eyes showed a need that Iris saw clearly for the first time, a need that was very similar to her own. The realization shocked her, and her face must have betrayed her surprise, because she felt Cam stiffen in front of her. Iris moved closer then, wanting to reassure. She rested her arms on Cam’s shoulders so that they were now dancing together half an arm’s length apart. Iris was oblivious to everything and everyone around them. The music had the effect of loosening her muscles. The alcohol had already washed away her good sense. Iris couldn’t help but stare at Cam’s mouth. Cam bit her lip—an unconscious gesture—but one that made Iris want to cross the small distance between them and crush her lips with a kiss.

  Cam’s hands moved from Iris’s hips to the small of her back, drawing them even closer together. Cam’s eyes were open now, shining and clear. She held Iris’s gaze, the two of them locked in their embrace, moving slowly, barely. Iris was aware of nothing but the two of them. She was dangerously close to losing control, to leaning the few inches she would need to in order to touch her lips to Cam’s, not knowing whether Cam would push her away or respond by returning the kiss.

  The feel of Cam’s hands on Iris’s back created spots of tingling warmth, and Iris felt the awareness of their touch drown out all her other senses. Cam reached beneath her shirt and stroked the bare skin of her back. Cam’s touch was electrifying, shooting lightning bolts through Iris’s body that grounded between her legs. Iris groaned. It must have been obvious to Cam that this signified arousal. Her reaction to it was not to pull away but to pull Iris tighter to her, to lean her head on Iris’s shoulder. Her mouth was next to Iris’s ear, and Iris could hear Cam breathing raggedly in a way that suggested she was just as turned on by their closeness, by the touching.

  Iris couldn’t fight off her need to respond. Her arms were around Cam’s neck, her hands loosely clasped. She moved so that her hands were touching Cam’s neck. She used her thumbs to gently massage the top of Cam’s spine, to stroke her soft skin. She let her fingers explore Cam’s hair at the neckline, running them through it, lacing them in Cam’s hair. She felt Cam arch at her touch and moan in Iris’s ear. There were words, as well as soft moans, as they enjoyed the feeling of each other’s skin, the touch of each other’s fingers. Iris was lost. She’d wanted this but had no idea that Cam felt the same.

  Cam lifted her head from Iris’s shoulder and faced Iris. She was so very clearly as aroused as Iris was. Her hand moved to touch Iris’s mouth. Her thumb stroking Iris’s bottom lip, her own lips parting, their heads moving closer together.

  All at once, the music changed. The new song was an old Abba classic, and some of the dancers around them cheered as they recognized the beginning. It was enough to break the spell. Cam stepped back, dropping her arms to her side. The reality of where they were and what they had been doing seemed to land with Cam. Iris tried to put a reassuring hand on her arm, but Cam looked at her with such confusion that she felt the need to withdraw it.

  “Cam, it’s okay. It’s…” What could Iris say? They had both been aroused, dangerously close to doing something that would have had terrible consequences. They had crossed a line.

  “It’s not okay. I shouldn’t…I’m sorry. I…need to go. I need to go.”

  Iris stepped back slightly as Cam turned away, hurrying back toward their table.

  Iris’s heart was pounding and her skin was alive. She was happy to escape to the bar. She needed to clear her head and process what had just happened. Cam had touched her, touched her in a way that you don’t touch a friend you’re dancing with. Iris had responded and…she shivered as she remembered the look in Cam’s eyes. The desire was unmistakable. She could only imagine that her own eyes would have betrayed the same thing to Cam.

  Fuck. That wasn’t supposed to happen. Cam wasn’t single and neither of them were the kind of people who wanted to do what they’d come so close to doing. She needed to sober up, needed to get back in control. Cam had been drinking too, but what the hell just happened? Iris had spent the early part of the evening feeling like a fool, seeing Cam with Ryan, the two of them looking happier together, feeling like she was reading too much into every gaze in her direction, but now this. She drained the glass of water that the bartender had placed in front of her and asked for another, wanting to wash away the alcohol as fast as possible.

  She saw Ryan approaching. Her body tensed. He stood next to her, his back to the bar, mirroring her posture.

  “Hey.” She willed herself to behave normally.

  He nodded back at her. “How you doing?” Ryan’s tone was neutral, but his body language suggested he was as tense as she was. Iris swallowed down the panic that told her he must have seen her with Cam, seen them dancing, or worse, that Cam had told him what happened and he was here to confront her.

  “I was feeling a bit squiffy. Just taking on some water so I can last the night.” She pointed at the glass.

  “Yeah, good idea, not really sure that drunken pining is a good look on a woman, even one as good-looking as you.”

  He held her gaze. She couldn’t look away, knowing it would give her away.

  Iris pretended to misunderstand. “Priti? No, you’ve got that wrong. That’s just Jess mischief-making. We’re friends. Not even that really.”

  “Is Jess making mischief when she tells me I need t
o watch you around Cam? I thought she was, assumed she was exaggerating, but then tonight I saw you.” Iris’s heart beat loudly in her head. She waited for it all to come crashing down.

  “You were looking at her and I thought about how gorgeous she is and how it’d be perfectly natural if you’d noticed that.” He spoke softly. It sounded more menacing somehow. “She’s a little sweetheart, maybe a bit too naive sometimes, always sees the best in people, y’know. She likes you, Iris. She’s always telling me how cool you are and how much she’s enjoying getting to know you.”

  It was a warning. But even in warning Iris off Cam, Ryan was patronizing, not taking Cam seriously. She felt her hackles rise.

  “She wants to be your friend, Iris, that’s all. Don’t imagine it’s anything more than that.” He pushed himself off the bar and stood in front of her. “And I hope you won’t be the kind of person who tries to exploit how much she likes you. I know you can be, have been.”

  “That’s not fair. I’m not like that anymore.” The memory of them holding each other, touching each other on the dance floor made her stop. “I would never do that. Cam is my friend.” The words sounded hollow. She couldn’t deny she wanted Cam, but she also knew now that some part of Cam wanted her back. This was a fucking mess. But it was not all her mess and she was going to do everything she could to sort it out.

  “For Cam’s sake, I’m going to walk back to our table now and pretend we haven’t had this conversation, but maybe, just maybe, you should concentrate on making her happier, happy enough that you don’t have to worry about people like me.” She downed the second glass of water and slammed it down on the bar, before striding back to the table. Her legs felt unsteady and her heart was hammering in her chest, but she felt more sober than she had all night. She was ashamed of her part in what had just happened but hated Ryan warning her off like it was all on her. Did he really think Cam wasn’t capable of making her own choices in life? Cam was the one who sat them under a blanket and let Iris sleep in her arms. And Cam had touched her on the dance floor like she wanted more. Iris wasn’t really the one he needed to worry about.