Xo, Zach

by Kendall Ryan

  Connor ran over and grabbed onto my shirt. “Mom, can I have tickets to do the cake walk again? Please?”

  I glanced at Sandra, and she gave me a knowing smile. Jordan wanted to keep playing Twister, so we agreed to meet back up later in the night. As Connor pulled me forward, I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I stopped in my tracks when I saw the caller ID.

  Zach was calling. I stared at it for a few seconds, too nervous to make any movement in case it would somehow answer the call. He usually just texted, but he must have been wondering why I’d been ignoring his texts. I just wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened between us yet. More than that, I worried that if I was alone with him I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from doing it again, and more. The memory had come back in random flashes since that night, and just the thought of it sent a rush of heat straight to my lady bits and made my heart pick up a few paces. I could practically come just from thinking about his tongue on my nipples, running along my body and down to my… Get a grip, Poppy, you’re around children. I forced thoughts of Zach from my mind and turned my phone off, but not before realizing that Connor had seen the name on the screen.

  “When is Zach coming over again?” he asked, tugging on my arm to get me walking again.

  Shit. I really needed an exit strategy to handle this.

  “I’m not sure,” I said carefully. I didn’t realize how much Connor would like him after just one meeting, and I definitely didn’t want my son getting hurt because I couldn’t control myself around Zach. “We’re both really busy.”

  “Next time he comes over he can help me build my Lego castle.”

  I bit my lip, not sure what to say. I had to admit, the image of Zach on the floor with Connor building a Lego castle was pretty adorable.

  “We’ll see if he has time.” I gave Connor’s hand a squeeze, worried that I’d made an even bigger mess of things than I’d realized.

  In the crowd of happy families, it was hard not to want that for Connor and for myself if I was being honest. I tried to be both a mom and a dad for him, but it would definitely be nice to have a positive male role model in his life. Zach was sweet and thoughtful, had a great career, and he had been great with Connor. It was all too easy to imagine the three of us on the weekends, cooking breakfast together in the kitchen or taking Connor to play in the park. I didn’t know what would happen between Zach and me, but I knew I’d better figure it out fast because I was in way deeper than I’d ever expected.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Zach

  Your words are your testimony, and I've become a believer.

  I didn't think it was possible, but your inner beauty has surpassed your outer.

  Where you go, I want to follow.

  I crumpled the piece of paper into a ball and tossed it across my office where it landed with a satisfying swish into the wastepaper basket. My words weren’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough.

  One magical night spent in my arms wasn’t enough to persuade the ever-cautious Poppy to give me a real shot. We’d spent a few perfect hours in my bed doing everything but making love, and now I was a believer.

  I’d gone and done the stupidest thing I could think of, I’d fallen for her—a student, a woman who’d claimed to have sworn off men—and a single mom. I knew nothing about parenting, knew nothing about the commitments that might come with dating someone who was a mother, but none of that mattered. I wanted to try. And I was willing to face whatever consequences the university might throw my way. But was Poppy?

  I tore out a fresh sheet of paper, took a deep breath, then tried again.

  Poppy,

  You’re scared—and so am I, but I’m not too afraid to try. You’ve told me all the reasons why we’re wrong for each other. But let me tell you some of the reasons why we’d be perfect together.

  I feel more for you in the past few weeks than I have for anyone—in years. You said you were looking for someone smart, someone funny. You also said you’d prefer that person have a vagina, but let’s be honest, Poppy. You sucked on my dick like it was a popsicle on the Fourth of July.

  The obstacles you’ve faced and overcome only make you more beautiful in my eyes. I adore Connor and while I’d take things as slow as you wanted, I’d love to be part of his life too.

  I’ve fallen completely in love with you. It’s wrong, I know. I’m an advisor—you’re a student. But I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t put my truth out there and at least try.

  And if that’s not enough, I promise you will always come first, and that I will chop all your onions. Forever and ever.

  What do you say? Be mine?

  xo, Zach

  I stared down at the words on the page. They were honest, raw. I’d laid myself bare, and I had no idea what Poppy’s response might be, but I couldn’t live with myself if I never tried.

  Folding the note into thirds, I slid it into an envelope, and sealed it, quickly scrawling Poppy’s name on the outside.

  Then I checked my calendar, and chewed on my lip as I evaluated if I had enough time to deliver the letter to her house over my lunch break.

  Fuck it.

  So, I’d probably be a few minutes late. Poppy was worth it. She was worth everything.

  By the time I arrived back at the office, I only had time to grab a cup of coffee and a stale bagel from the faculty lounge, but it didn’t matter. My appetite was gone. I hadn’t been brave enough to ring her doorbell, to deliver the letter myself, so even though her car was parked in the drive, I’d stuck the envelope in her mailbox and sped away, like a pathetic teenager with an unrequited crush. But the truth was, I wasn’t brave enough to watch her read it, wasn’t brave enough to be rejected.

  I took a sip of my coffee and tried to focus on work. A sudden knock at my door had my stomach knotting with nerves. Was it Poppy?

  I rose and pulled open the door.

  “Hi, Mr. Austin.” The geeky looking kid who always wore pajama pants grinned up at me.

  “Hey, Tad. What’s up?”

  He swallowed, looking nervous. He’d never been to see me during my office hours before, and I wondered what was on his mind. Whatever it was, maybe it’d be a good distraction from what was on mine.

  “I was hoping you could look over my paper for Dr. Chan. See if it’s up to her standards.”

  “Sure thing. Come in.” I stepped aside, wandering back to my desk and waited while he pulled out the single page double-spaced essay he’d written.

  While I read over his paper, Tad played on his phone. I didn’t get young people’s fascination with their phones. Like they couldn’t go three seconds without reaching for the damn things. I realized that Poppy had never done that. I’d never once seen her fill a quiet moment by staring at a screen. It was just one more thing I liked about her.

  I finished the paper, and pulled out a red pen.

  “May I?” I asked.

  Tad nodded, and stuffed his phone back inside his pocket.

  “This opening line could be stronger for starters. It needs a hook. Needs to give the reader a reason to care, a strong pull to read on.”

  He nodded, brows pushing together.

  I reworked his first line, and Tad nodded eagerly.

  “Wow. Thanks.”

  I continued going over my feedback on how to improve the piece and was just about finished when someone else knocked on my door.

  Tad grabbed the page, and rose to his feet. “I think I can take it from here. Thanks again. I see now why Poppy has said such great things about you.”

  I smirked, heading for the door. “Poppy has?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, a bunch of times, actually.”

  Hope bloomed in my chest, and as I opened the door to my office, somehow, I already knew who would be standing there.

  She was here.

  Tad let himself out, turning sideways to scoot around her.

  If he suspected something, he d
idn’t show it. And seconds later, he was gone, disappearing down the hall and leaving the woman I’d fallen for standing just an arm’s length away.

  When I looked back at Poppy, I saw for the first time there were unshed tears in her eyes.

  “It was you,” she whispered.

  The poems. She must have recognized my handwriting. I nodded.

  “I knew it was you.” A single tear rolled down her cheek, and I took her hand, tugging her inside my office and closing the door behind us.

  “But I don’t understand, what about New York?” she asked, eyes wide and glued to mine.

  “Fuck New York, Poppy.”

  “What do you mean fuck New York? It’s your dream. I won’t let you give that up for me.”

  I shook my head, trying to put my thoughts in order. “I thought I needed a change of scenery, thought I needed to go somewhere to leave this writer’s block behind. It turns out I was just looking for inspiration from the wrong place, or writing the wrong fucking book entirely. My fiction project wasn’t coming together no matter how hard I tried to force it. And then I realized why. Nothing between us has been fiction, Poppy. Nothing has been fake. From that first moment you asked me to be your fake date—we both knew. We felt it then. It scared you, but you can’t deny it. We have a connection. It’s big and it’s real and it scares me too, Poppy.”

  Her lower lip trembled, and she drew a steadying breath. “What are you saying, Zach? You don’t want to go to New York anymore?”

  I shook my head. “These past few days, I’ve started a new manuscript—nonfiction. The story of us, and it’s flowing from me like nothing else has before. I don’t need to go to New York. Not when my muse is right here.”

  “I would never ask you to do that,” she said, voice breathless.

  “You don’t have to. I’m insisting on it. The only way I’m moving anywhere is if you and Connor come with me, but for now, I’m staying put.”

  With tears still shining in her eyes, Poppy reached for my hand. “So, tell me about the story of us. Is there a happy ending?”

  I chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m not that far yet, but yes, I can promise you there will be. There’s so much sex though, it’s ridiculous.” I was kidding, but my words had the desired effect. Poppy raised her eyebrows and let out a soft laugh.

  “Is that so, Mr. Austin?”

  My mouth captured hers in a fiery kiss, and within seconds, I was lifting her, setting her on the edge of my desk where I could worship her mouth with mine. Nipping at her lower lip, she parted her lips for me, granting me the entrance I sought.

  Fingers tugged at buttons and belts and our kisses grew hot. But after only a few minutes, the reality of our setting slammed into me like a ton of bricks. I pulled back and straightened her sweater.

  “Come home with me Poppy. Make love to me. Be mine.” I met her eyes with determination. She couldn’t reject me now. She wouldn’t. I could feel it.

  She smoothed one hand over my hair where her roaming fingers had made a mess of it. “You really promise to chop all my onions? That’s a big task.”

  “I meant every word I said in that letter.”

  She pressed her lips to mine once again. “I have one more lecture I need to attend today. Then I’ll pick up Connor from school and bring him to my parents’ house for the night.”

  “All night?”

  She nodded. “I think we’ll need some time to figure things out, don’t you?”

  The only things I intended to figure out tonight was if she liked it fast and deep or slow and tender, but I nodded. “We do.”

  “I’ll see you at six?” she asked.

  “I’ll make dinner. See you then.”

  With one last, chaste kiss Poppy was gone.

  * * *

  Why the fuck had I said I would make dinner? It was no secret that I didn’t really know how to cook—save for throwing a steak on the grill or warming myself something in the microwave.

  At five o’clock I grabbed my phone, resigned that I would just order a pizza. But then it occurred to me I didn’t know what Poppy liked on her pizza, and I really didn’t want to fuck tonight up by something so mundane as the wrong pizza toppings. So instead I dialed the one person I knew would help me.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hi, honey. What’s going on?”

  “Poppy’s coming over for dinner in an hour and I have no idea what to make.”

  My mother let out a joyful squeal that caused me to pull the phone back from my ear. “Oh, there’s so many wonderful things you could make. I can come over and help …”

  “No, Mom. I’ve got this.” The last thing I wanted Poppy to find when she got here was my mom and me stirring pots and bickering when she arrived.

  Mom hummed something to herself. “Fine. What do you have in terms of ingredients?”

  I opened my fridge, and after surveying the inspiring contents, I opened the freezer next. “Frozen chicken breast and some cheese. And beer.”

  “She’ll be there in an hour you said?”

  “Yeah.” My gut tensed and for a second I thought I was fucked.

  “I’ll tell you what. I just made homemade pizza dough for my dinner. What if I brought you that?”

  I could have laughed at the irony if I wasn’t so stressed. Far be it from me to argue with the universe’s plan that we eat pizza tonight. “I don’t know what she likes on her pizza.”

  Mom huffed. “I’ve got everything. Pepperoni, mushrooms, spinach, pesto, olives, you name it.”

  Shit. That would be awesome. “You would do that? What will you eat?”

  “For my one and only son? You bet I would. And I’ll figure it out. It’s not a big deal, Zachary.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “’Course, sweetie. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes to drop everything off.”

  After I hung up, I did have a moment where I felt like a douchebag for needing my mom to bail me out tonight.

  But then she arrived with the dough and ingredients, and even a bottle of red wine, and I let all that go.

  I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, this is perfect.”

  “I know.” Mom smiled and without any fanfare, she turned and headed back to her car. I’d been half-worried that she’d try to wrestle her way into my dinner with Poppy, and was relieved to see her drive away.

  Soon I had two lopsided pizza crusts rolled out onto sheet pans and the wine opened and resting. All that was left to do was wait.

  I had no idea which way tonight was going to go—would Poppy say yes to this, to me? Or would she reject my offer and leave me brokenhearted?

  Chapter Twenty

  Poppy

  I held up a pair of black panties, biting my lip. I’d spent the last twenty minutes staring at underwear, trying to pick out the perfect pair. I’d been a bundle of excited nerves all afternoon, my heart alternating between skipping lightly and pounding when I thought about what I was about to do.

  I chose a black, lacy thong with a matching bra and tiptoed into the bathroom. Earlier, I’d dropped Connor off at my parents’ house, where he was spending the night. Rather than admitting I was going out to get laid, I had told my parents I was meeting up with someone from school to work on writing and would probably be out late. It was almost true, right?

  After I’d shaved and moisturized, I carefully applied eye liner, mascara, and a nude lipstick. I smiled in the mirror to check the effect, and my stomach fluttered. I couldn’t believe I was going to spend the night at Zach’s. It was more than that though – I couldn’t believe I was actually going to pursue the idea of actually being with him. I kept grinning as I walked back to the bedroom to get dressed. I was still in shock that he was the one leaving those poems, but I guess I should have known. He was so sweet and caring, and well, his dirty mouth was just a small part of who he was.

  I pulled on tights and a black dre
ss that was a bit more snug than I usually went for. I looked in the mirror, adjusting my dark hair. I slipped into a pair of black heeled boots and smiled at myself one more time in the mirror before making the drive to Zach’s place.

  * * *

  As I rang the doorbell, my heart began to pound. I hadn’t expected to be nervous, but sleeping with the sexiest, smartest, most caring man I’d ever met, who also happened to be my graduate adviser? I wasn’t exactly a virgin, but this was definitely uncharted territory.

  The door swung open and my breath caught in my chest, the combination of my nerves and excitement making the sight of Zach all the more jarring. He looked as sexy as always, in black jeans and a button up plaid shirt. His hair was messier than usual, and I couldn’t help thinking of how I’d be running my hands through it later. I swallowed at the thought, forcing it from my head.

  “Hey,” I said, as I stepped inside, grinning stupidly. My mind felt blank. I was acting like a teenager about to get her first kiss. I swallowed and grinned at him, hoping he didn’t notice my nerves.

  “Hey,” he said, grinning back, running a hand through his hair. “Come on in.”

  He gestured inside, but he seemed less forward than usual. Was it possible that Zach, crass, dirty mouth Zach, was just as nervous as I was?

  I set my bag down and felt Zach watching me from the doorway.

  He crossed the room toward me, and helped me out of my coat before hanging it in the hall closet. When he turned to look at me in my dress, he let out a low groan.

  “Fuck. You look so damn sexy right now.”

  Suddenly he was across the room, all shyness gone, pulling me against him and kissing me roughly. He backed me up against the wall as I parted my lips in surprise. I was taken aback for a moment before my instincts kicked in, and I unbuttoned his shirt until I could slide my hands along his bare chest and stomach. There was no one here to discover us—I could be as bold as I never dared before.