My Confused Cub (Lovable Grumps Book 2)

by Jayda Marx

  “Hold that thought, okay?” I told Jay, who nodded and took another shot before teetering on his stool. I quickly served the other guy a beer and closed out two tabs before returning to an obviously inebriated Jay. “Are you doing okay?”

  “No.” He dropped his face into his hands. “Did I tell you I wanted to lick you?”

  “You did.”

  “Fuck.” He heaved his head up to look at me. “I’m sorry.” He looked sorry; his brow was tucked in and his lips were drawn tight. Even though he was sloshed, he was still a gentleman. Well, maybe not a gentleman, but he definitely had a sweet streak.

  “It’s okay,” I insisted. “It’s been a while since I’ve heard anything like that.”

  Jay’s eyes widened in disbelief. “Why?”

  Isn’t it obvious? “Because I’m old and gray,” I shrugged.

  “I like old guys,” Jay replied, and his eyes grew even larger. “I mean, you’re not old, you’re just...older...than me. I like that shit.”

  A warm tingle exploded in my stomach and I couldn’t stop the smile from crossing my lips. I was collecting pieces of the drunken Jay puzzle and it was forming a beautiful picture. “Is that why you liked Mr. Taylor?”

  Jay gasped. “You know about Mr. Taylor?” I bit my cheek to keep from laughing, and he leaned closer to me and whisper-shouted, “I thought I kept it a secret.”

  That cleared my smile away. “Why would you keep it a secret? Because he was your boss?”

  Jay nodded slowly. “And because he’s a man.”

  Well, fuck. “And you think being attracted to men is wrong?” I kept my voice steady when I asked, even though anger took the place of the tingle in my gut. Homophobia was one thing I wouldn’t tolerate, and depending on his answer, I was done with our conversation.

  “No, no, no!” Jay shocked me by reaching out and taking my hand. “That’s not what I meant. Gay people are great. Two of my dads are gay.”

  What? “You were raised by two gay men?”

  “No, I was raised by a straight guy, but he isn't my dad. My dad is gay and getting married to a man who is four years younger than me. But it’s okay because he’s my best friend. And I love my gay dads.”

  Holy. Shit. This puzzle was more complicated than I originally thought. “But you don’t want to be gay?”

  “No, I do. I mean, I think I do. I think I am.” His drunken babbling was making my head spin. Jay sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. “All I know is that when I see a man - even better an older man...especially an older man with tattoos…” He paused to rake his heated gaze over my body, “I can’t help but think about...stuff.”

  “But you’ve never tried...stuff.” He shook his head no and things were beginning to make sense; he was inexperienced and confused, but beginning to piece together who he was.

  “I thought about trying one of those fucking apps.”

  “What apps?” I asked, tipping my head.

  “You know, the apps for…” He waved his hand in the air, “Fucking.” Oh my god, he was being literal. “To see if I liked it. But it seemed like a bad idea.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t.” He didn’t need a stranger who may be rough with him. He needed someone to take their time and show him everything he was missing; someone older with more experience who would be patient and gentle. Someone like me.

  “Yo Vic, I’m ready to head out,” the same man from earlier called. Dammit. But maybe it saved me from making a desperate ass of myself.

  “I’ll be right back.” I squeezed Jay’s hand before dropping it and I hustled over to my other patrons. Everyone was winding down for the night and settled their accounts. After the last person staggered out, I hurried back over to Jay, just to find him face down on the bar. I tapped his shoulder, but he didn’t budge.

  I counted down the register, wiped off the bar and washed the dirty glasses, and Jay was still plastered (pun intended) to the counter. I sat down on the stool next to him and rubbed my hand over his back.

  “Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.” All I got in response was a rumbling groan. “Come on, big guy.” I heaved his head upright and finally he blinked awake. “There you are. Jay, can you tell me your address? I’ll order a car for you.” He just stared blankly at me; the lights were on, but nobody was home. “Can I see your wallet?”

  Jay tipped up onto one hip and dug his wallet out of his pocket. He handed it over without question and before I pulled out his driver’s license, I returned his credit card. I didn’t charge him for the whiskey because it was my bar and I could do what I wanted, dammit. “1734 Elmore Street,” I read aloud from his license. “I’ll get you an Uber.”

  Before I could reach for my phone, Jay grabbed my hand to stop me. “Come home with me,” he pleaded, his eyes full of heat and longing.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” That wasn’t entirely true; my dick thought it was a great idea, but it wasn’t what I wanted for Jay. I was sure that if he were in his right mind, it’s not what he’d want either.

  “Please, I...I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  Fuck. The guy had been through the wringer and did seem upset; maybe it wasn’t the best idea to leave him alone, especially with a huge amount of alcohol in his system. Maybe there wasn’t any harm in making sure he got home safely. “Okay,” I caved, and Jay smiled softly while squeezing my hand.

  “Thank you.”

  I smiled back and helped him to his feet. Once he was standing, I saw that I was right; he was taller than me, but only by about an inch. Jay slung his arm over my shoulder and I did my best to keep him steady as we lumbered out of the bar together.

  “Give me your keys and I’ll drive you home in your car,” I offered once we were outside and I had the building locked up.

  “They’re in my pocket. Why don’t you come get them?” he countered, flicking his eyebrows.

  Jesus. “I think it’s a better idea if you hand them over.” Again, not true, but I was trying my hardest to be a gentleman.

  “I’m sorry,” he replied again as he dug his keys out. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

  “Nothing’s wrong with you, Jay,” I soothed, patting his shoulder. “You’re just not thinking straight.”

  To my surprise, he barked out a laugh. “Not thinking straight!” He laughed a rumbling, gravelly sound that warmed my insides. “I haven’t been thinking straight for four years!”

  “Hell, I’m going on thirty years,” I added, chuckling right along with him. He laughed harder until he stopped abruptly and stared at me.

  “How old are you?”

  “I’ll be fifty in a few months,” I admitted, waiting for the fallout of him learning my age. He said he liked older guys, but I’d seen his license and I was just a few years shy of being double his age.

  “So you knew you were gay when you were…” His eyes glassed over as he tried to mentally count backwards. The poor ‘numbers guy’ was too sloshed to do simple math. At least he didn’t seem to care about how old I was.

  “About twenty,” I nodded.

  “Am I too old?” he asked seriously. I had no clue what he was talking about until he added, “Should I have known before now?”

  Ohhh. “Jay, everyone moves at their own speed. I’ve known men who were in their forties or fifties before figuring out their truth. I’ve also known men who knew they were gay in their early teens. There’s no right or wrong answer or cut off time to figure this shit out. It can be tough and that’s okay. All that matters is your happiness.”

  Jay shifted to face me and cupped both of my cheeks in his big, warm palms. He stared deep into my eyes and my breath caught. He inched closer to me and my pulse pounded when he placed a gentle kiss...on the tip of my nose. It was the sweetest, most romantic and yet most baffling kiss of my life. I blinked after Jay as he turned away and folded his tall body into the passenger seat of his car.

  The drive to Jay’s house was interesting. For the first half of the tr
ip, he cranked up the radio and sang along to the songs...badly. The poor guy couldn’t carry a tune or match pitch to save his life, but he did have great taste in music. He was jamming out to classic rock, which was my favorite genre. After some persuasion, I sang along with him, though I didn’t sound any better. We belted out the notes like a couple of screeching howler monkeys, but dammit, we had fun.

  When we were about halfway to his house, the alcohol seemed to catch up with Jay again, and he yawned widely. My pulse pounded again when he rested his head on my shoulder and nuzzled against me until we pulled into his driveway. His slow, even breathing and heavy head told me it wasn’t going to be easy to convince him to go inside.

  “You’re home,” I told him, bouncing my shoulder a little. Nothing. “Come on, fireball, let’s get you inside.” I stroked my hand over his bristly cheek, but he just swatted my hand away and groaned. “Sorry about this.” I climbed out of the car and Jay slumped across the console in a very uncomfortable-looking position. He grumbled and sat up as I jogged around to the passenger side and opened his door. “Here we go.”

  It took all of my strength to tug his thick body out of the car, and he was quick to wrap his arm around me again. As we stumbled up the cobblestone walkway, I got a good look at his house. It was cute; a white one story cottage style home with red shutters and a gray roof.

  I unlocked the door with one hand while balancing Jay in the other. When we stepped across the threshold, I noticed his home was decorated simply and immaculately clean.

  “Where’s your bedroom?”

  “Ooh la la,” Jay slurred, and I snorted a laugh. I didn’t have sexy intentions; I knew I couldn’t support him much longer and needed to put him down. He was probably a good fifty pounds heavier than me, and was leaning most of that weight on my shoulders. “That way.” He pointed half-heartedly down a hallway and we trudged along.

  Luckily the hallway was short. The first two doors we came to led to a closet and a bathroom, but the third opened into a tidy room with a large bed dressed in white blankets in the center.

  I nudged Jay’s hip with mine and he belly flopped onto the mattress. He rolled up onto his side and gave me what I think were supposed to be sultry eyes, but they were so bloodshot and glassy that the effect was lost.

  “Are you coming in?” he asked, stroking the bed beside him.

  I wanted to. God, how I wanted to. But Jay was in no position to make a decision like that. “In a minute,” I lied, and he nodded happily as he buried his head into his pillow. “First I have to get your shoes off.” Something about Jay’s super neat house told me that he’d be pissed if he got dirt in his bed.

  I slipped off his sneakers and tucked them under his bed. “Now I have to get us a blanket.” He had the comforter trapped beneath him, so I went back out to the hall closet and found an extra quilt. I threw it over Jay, smiling when he hummed his appreciation. His eyes were closed and I knew it wouldn’t be long before he was fast asleep.

  I whispered, “Goodnight,” but when I turned to leave, Jay’s large hand caught mine. I turned to face him and was taken aback by the longing in his eyes. It wasn’t the same lusty longing they held earlier, though; rather, they appeared sad and...lonely.

  “Don’t go,” he pleaded in a soft voice.

  I couldn’t leave him. That one whispered request was so earnest that it grabbed my heart and threatened to never let go. I kicked off my shoes and sat beside him, resting my back on the headboard.

  “I’m right here,” I told him as I gently combed my fingers through his hair. It was as soft as I imagined it would be.

  “You’ll stay?”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Within moments, Jay’s breathing evened out and he was gone to the world.

  Chapter Four

  Jay

  Holy mother of god, my head hurts. I heaved myself into a sitting position and clutched my stomach as it sloshed around. I breathed in slowly through my nose and out through my mouth until the queasiness settled. What the fuck did I do last night?

  Bits and pieces of the previous night bounced around my brain; I remembered meeting Vic, the insanely sexy bartender, and shooting Fireball. Lots and lots of Fireball. My stomach rolled again and I jumped from bed to run to the bathroom.

  But before I took a single step, a noise from down the hall caught my attention and instantly chased away my hangover; a man’s voice. Someone’s in my fucking house. I crouched down and grabbed the baseball bat I kept under my bed before slowly and quietly padding down the hallway.

  I stepped into the living room, listening intently. Just a few moments later, a shuffling noise came from the kitchen. The bastard’s in there. I raised the bat high above my head and ran into the kitchen, ignoring my headache while screaming at the top of my lungs. I hoped to just scare the man away, but I’d use the weapon if I had to.

  “Holy shit!” Vic yelled from in front of my sink, and dropped the coffee mug in his hand. The porcelain shattered against the tile and scattered into a thousand pieces. Luckily the cup was empty and didn’t send hot coffee over his toes.

  “Vic?” I dropped the ball bat to my side. “What are you doing here?”

  “Having a fucking heart attack!” he replied, clutching his chest.

  “Jesus, are you okay?” I put my weapon on the counter and carefully stepped over the mug shards to usher Vic to a chair.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. You scared the piss out of me, though.”

  “I’m so sorry.” Once he was sitting down and I was positive he wasn’t actually having a heart attack, I retrieved a broom from the pantry and swept up the broken cup. I didn’t want Vic to get hurt, plus I just couldn’t stand looking at the mess. I dumped the mug into the garbage and put the broom away before sitting down next to Vic. “So, what are you doing here?”

  He gave me a sad smile. “Do you not remember anything about last night?”

  Last night? “Oh god, we didn’t...did we?” I finally had my first sexual experience with a man and I don’t even remember it!

  “No, nothing like that.”

  “Oh good.” I realized what I said and yelled too loudly, “No! That’s not what I meant!” I ran my hand over my face and continued in a tone that didn’t make me sound like a raving madman, “I just meant that I’d be disappointed if I couldn’t remember that.” Vic’s gentle smile told me he understood.

  “I’m sorry I startled you. Last night at the bar, I offered to call you a car, but you asked me to bring you home. Then you asked me to stay. I sat with you all night to make sure you’d handle the liquor okay. When you started stirring awake, I came in to make you some coffee.”

  Hearing him relive the events of the night, everything came back to me. I’d invited him into bed, but he turned me down; he knew I was too drunk to do anything and refused to take advantage of me. Instead, he’d kept watch over me all night. His actions told me clearly what kind of man he was; honorable, caring and sweet.

  The more I thought back on the night, the more I remembered; spilling my guts to him at the bar while he listened attentively, singing together in the car, even…”Oh god, I kissed you,” I blurted out. “I’m so sorry; I should have asked.” It was just on the nose, but still; I was no better than Jill when she was trying to put her hands all over me. “You were just being so nice by listening to my problems and saying there was nothing wrong with me even though I’m a little mixed up. I got carried away.”

  “It’s okay,” Vic replied with a smile. “I thought it was very sweet.” His eyes fell on his fingers as they drummed on the table. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you told me and there’s something I’d like to ask you.”

  Is he gonna ask me out? Oh god, this is so exciting. Play it cool, Jay. “What is it?”

  “How would you feel about having-” he took a deep breath before finishing, “A Daddy?”

  I jumped up from my seat so quickly that I knocked the chair onto the floor. Way to be cool, Jay. “No
way.” I’d fallen into a porn wormhole a time or two and came across some videos of Daddies and littles. I held no judgement for anything people were into, but it wasn’t for me. “Bottles and diapers and shit just aren’t my thing. If they’re your thing, more power to you, but I can’t. Nope. Not for me.” I wasn’t offended by his offer, but I was overwhelmed. It was just my luck that a man was finally interested in me, but looking for a relationship that I couldn’t provide.

  “Easy,” Vic said as he raised from his chair slowly with his hands up in front of him. “That’s not what I meant; they’re not my thing either. Please sit down.” I picked my chair off of the floor and settled into it without taking my eyes off of him. “I meant a Daddy as in a mentor; I can teach and guide you through anything you’re curious about. I’ll give you pleasure and show you how to give it in return. What do you think?”

  What do I think? I think I’m about to need a clean pair of underwear. Vic was offering me the chance of a lifetime; to figure out my wants and needs while he guided me with his experience. I already knew from the way he’d treated me when I was drunk that I could trust him. He could’ve done anything to me, but he chose to look after me. There was only one problem. "Do I have to call you that? Because I've already got dads coming out of my ass and I don't think I can handle another one."

  Vic gave me a naughty smile. "I can promise you that it's more fun to have a Daddy coming in your ass."

  I blinked at him. "I really want to laugh at that, but I think my brain is broken."

  He did laugh. "You don't have to call me anything - Vic’s fine. You also don’t have to worry; there are absolutely no strings attached. That’s not really what I’m looking for right now. It’ll just be fun between friends.”

  His words were like a punch to the gut. I liked Vic, but he obviously didn’t feel the same way about me. He was interested in my body, but not my heart. I’d like to get closer to him and possibly have a relationship, but that wasn’t what he was looking for. I understood; I was a mixed-up guy carrying a shitload of baggage. Who would want to jump into a relationship with someone like that? Still, if noncommittal sex with a smoking hot older man was all I could get, I’d happily jump at the chance.