Skeleton Key

by Piers Anthony

  Santo smiled. “Which of us would be the best to contact them?”

  “Squid and Larry.”

  “Us?” Squid asked, startled. But as she spoke she realized that it had to be her, because she was the protagonist, and Larry because he was her companion. Also that he was the secret host to the Demoness. Yet she continued her protest, because it reached her mouth before she could stifle it. “We’re not important, and we don’t have the strongest talents. Nobody notices us.”

  “Exactly,” Santo agreed. “We more noticeable children will do our best to keep the enemy’s attention, while you two, unnoticed, do the real work.”

  Myst, Piton, and Noe nodded. Maybe they simply preferred to remain with the boat.

  “We’re stuck for it,” Larry said.

  “So it seems,” Squid agreed. “Very well. How do we connect with Ion and Hilda? Will we have to try to protect them from childish mistakes?”

  Santo smiled. “Remember, all descendants of Piton and Data’s great grandfather Bink have Magician-caliber talents.”

  “We don’t,” Piton said. “Because we’re half-skeleton crossbreeds. Our magic is to change back and forth.” He switched to skeleton form and back again.

  Santo smiled. “It may be that you simply have not yet discovered your talents.”

  That set the boy back. “I wonder.”

  Santo returned to the subject. “Tata, what are their talents?”

  The screen flashed. “Piton and Data are as yet unclassified. Ion’s talent is to be immune to all elixirs, including healing. Thus when he broke his legs in an accident, they did not heal, and he must use a miniature flying carpet to travel.”

  “Broke his legs!” Squid exclaimed. “He’s a cripple? This is getting worse.”

  “He is nevertheless a Magician,” Santo reminded her. “Presumably he can eat or drink anything without harmful effect, and may, by touching others, enable them to do the same. The poison of snake and insect bites may be considered potions, so he should be immune to those too. The potential is considerable.”

  “Point made,” Larry said. “If it works on lethe water, or love elixir—”

  “It should. No magic forgetting or compelled love.”

  “I am impressed,” Larry agreed.

  “Hilda’s talent is sewing,” the peeve continued.

  “Worse yet!” Squid said. “Any girl can sew. It’s in their nature. That’s not Sorceress level. It’s not even magic.”

  “Clarification?” Santo asked.

  “Hilda’s sewing is magic,” the peeve said. “If she sews a kitchen apron, whoever wears it becomes a phenomenal cook. If she sews a suit of armor, its wearer is invulnerable to attack. If she sews a party dress, the girl who wears it becomes so sexy that her mere glance freaks out any man within range.”

  “Oh, my!” Myst said. “Did she sew my panty?”

  The screen flashed. “Yes.”

  “I want to meet her!”

  “All in good time,” Santo said. “At the moment we have to drop Squid and Larry off inconspicuously so that they can intercept those children and perform their mission.”

  “And how will we rendezvous again with Fibot?” Larry asked.

  “That is a question,” Santo agreed. “If we could track them, so could the enemy. They need to be beyond tracking.”

  “There may be a way,” Squid said. “I can tune in on any of you who think of me. If you think of me every so often, I will know when you are near, and—” She broke off. “But you may not be near.”

  “You can safely be aware of us,” Santo agreed. “But we can’t be aware of you.”

  “We could have places we visit,” Piton said. “When they want to return, they can be at one of those places. If Squid knows of us, she’ll know when to intercept us.”

  “That should do it,” Santo agreed.

  “Such as near Castle Roogna, where we drop them off.”

  “Yes. It’s a bit haphazard, but it will have to do.”

  Squid wished there were a more certain way, but they did have to keep the boat hidden from the enemy. However, that was only part of the problem. “And how do we intercept Ion and Hilda?” Squid asked.

  “They visit with their mother at Castle Roogna regularly,” the peeve said. “They probably play in the orchard, or with the zombie guardians. You can find them there.”

  Squid was not completely convinced of the feasibility, but thought it was at least a fair chance.

  “We will drop you off when we randomly zigzag near Castle Roogna,” Santo said.

  “So now it has been decided,” Noe said. “Now it is okay to cry?”

  It was okay.

  Squid and Larry retired to their cabin. “At least now we have half a notion of the danger,” he said. “And maybe what we can try to do about it.”

  “That’s better than nothing,” Squid agreed. “But there is so much more we don’t know.”

  “Amen.”

  They held each other and tried to sleep.

  There was a knock on the door. It was Santo. “We are close to Castle Roogna.”

  They hastily went with him topside. Firenze hugged Squid as she passed the mast. “Farewell, sister.”

  Then Win hugged her as they went stern-side. “Good luck, sister.”

  “Remember,” Santo said as they made ready to climb overboard. “We’re the decoy. You’re the mission.” He hugged her and let her go.

  Squid was too choked up to answer any of them. She was afraid she would never see them again. But she appreciated their concern.

  They climbed down to the land. It was night, but the lighted towers of Castle Roogna showed in the distance. They knew where to go.

  They watched the boat sail up and away, a mere shadow in the sky. It carried no lights, as it was hiding. Even the sail was smoky dull.

  “I have known the fire boat and your siblings far more briefly than you have,” Larry said. “But it hurts me to separate from them in this manner.”

  “We’ll rejoin them in due course,” Squid said, hoping it was true.

  They held each other in a comfort squeeze, and it helped. The knowledge that they would never be romantic lovers, regardless of their ages, gave them a certain freedom to express themselves. The cuttlefish and the fake boy: they trusted each other because of their significant differences.

  Then they set out afoot for the castle. There was enough moonlight so that they could avoid hazards like trees and gulches. Evidently most of the monsters had been cleared out of the vicinity, because of the castle.

  They came to a river flowing crosswise to their route, so that it barred their way. “Is it safe to swim across?” Larry asked.

  “Let me check.” Squid slipped into the water and reverted to her natural form. She sensed plants and fish and one hungry green allegation, but it was too far away to be a danger. Anyway those creatures tended to be more accusatory than physically vicious. “It is chill but safe, for now.”

  Larry took off his clothing, balled it up, and fastened it to his head. He wasn’t concerned about exposing himself to her: it was dark enough to conceal details, and anyway, they had come to know each other well enough so that nudity was not a problem between them. That was one of the advantages of non-romantic acquaintance. Then he waded in and swam across.

  On the other side he shook himself dry and dressed. “I wouldn’t have dared swim without your assurance.” He looked around. “I’m hungry.”

  “I smelled some beans nearby,” Squid said. She walked to the place and picked some.

  “No. Those are kidney beans. They can have kidney stones.”

  “How can you tell?”

  He paused, surprised. “I’m not sure how I know, but I’m sure. These are not safe to eat.”

  Squid got an idea that flashed dimly over her head. “A n
ew talent! could you have one?”

  “But no one has more than one talent.”

  “We siblings have been getting quietly upgraded. I never had talents unrelated to my nature before, but now I do. I can modify my appearance far more effectively than before, and tune in on anyone who speaks my name. You could be similar, with other talents. You are close to the source.”

  He considered. “You may be correct. In that case we do not want to mention them to anyone not of our group.”

  “We do not,” she agreed. “So we’ll pass up the kidney beans, but you can check on any other food we get, just to be sure.”

  “I will.”

  Now the castle was close. It was surrounded by orchards with exotic fruit, nut, and pie-trees, a nice place.

  Then something moved. It tromped on the ground, coming toward them. There was an awful odor. “Hooze therre?” it demanded.

  A male zombie! But she remembered that they weren’t enemies, but castle guardians.

  Squid stepped boldly forward. “Just two children,” she said.

  The zombie paused. “Oooh, thee twinnns. Ghoogh bback inssidde.”

  She realized that the zombie couldn’t see well enough to distinguish one child from another. But maybe he could help. “No, we are two other children. We want to visit the twins. Please, tell them to come out here to meet us.”

  The zombie pondered. This was slow, because of course his head was filled with rotten muck that had once been brains. Only magic kept the zombies going, not the physics or chemistry of living folk. “Yessh,” he finally agreed, and shuffled away, dropping traces of spoiled flesh.

  They waited. “I realize that the zombies aren’t aggressive,” Larry said. “But I hope we don’t have much more contact with them.”

  “I understand that predators don’t much like their taste,” Squid said. “So they make effective guards.”

  “They surely do.”

  Soon there was the sound of something approaching. It turned out to be three somethings: the zombie, and two children. A blond boy sitting on a flying carpet, and a dark haired girl.

  “So it’s true,” the girl said. “Children! Who are you?”

  Squid elected to answer. “I am Squid, from—”

  “You’re one of the kids from the future! What are you doing here?”

  “You know of me?” Squid asked, surprised.

  “Everybody knows of you! Astrid Basilisk rescued you. It’s in the Xanth History Book. But you’re supposed to be on the fire boat.”

  “We were there, but then I—”

  “Aren’t you some kind of fish?”

  “A cuttlefish. But—”

  “And somebody adopted you anyway.”

  “Ease and Kandy adopted me. However—”

  “So why aren’t you with them, instead of poking around our playground?”

  Now the boy spoke. “Give it a rest, Sis. She’s trying to tell you.”

  Squid took advantage of the momentary silence. “And this is Larry, who is traveling with me.”

  The girl looked at him. “I never heard of you.”

  Larry smiled. “Naturally not. I’m an incomplete nonentity.”

  “So what do you want with us?” the girl demanded.

  There seemed to be no point in pussyfooting. “We are on a dangerous mission and we need your help.”

  “Why?” the girl asked immediately.

  “We can explain,” Squid said. “But it’s a secret mission, and you can’t tell anyone else.”

  The boy shook his head. “Mom would know anyway. She knows everything.”

  “And we can’t do anything or go anywhere if she doesn’t know,” the girl said.

  This could be mischief. But their mother, Princess Ida, was the Sorceress of the Idea, and it might indeed be impossible to keep their mission from her. But Squid decided to give it a try. “Then maybe we should talk to your mother.”

  Boy and girl exchanged a glance. “Okay,” they said almost together.

  “Take us to her,” Larry said.

  “This way.” The boy’s carpet floated toward the castle.

  They followed. “I’m Hilda,” the girl said. “My talent is sewing. My brother is Ion. His talent is immunity to elixirs. Usually men have sons and women have daughters, but there was name reverse wood caught in the Stork Works, and our names got reversed, so I am my father Hilarion’s daughter and Ion is our mother Ida’s son. We’re stuck with it.”

  “We’re Squid and Larry, as you know,” Squid said. “My talent is to change my appearance, so I don’t look like an octopus. Larry’s talent is to change his age.”

  “Neat. Can he turn 21 and find out what the mean old Adult Conspiracy is hiding?”

  “No. He remains a twelve-year-old boy inside.”

  “Blip!”

  Squid had to smile. It was the usual reaction. Every child was frustrated by the Conspiracy.

  They reached the castle moat. The moat monster’s head reared up out of the dark water. “It’s okay, Moatie,” Hilda said. “We’re taking them in to see Mom.”

  The head sank back into the water. This was clearly a well trained monster.

  They crossed the drawbridge, which remained down, and entered the castle. It was even grander from inside than from outside, with clean floors, sparkling glass windows, and carpeted stairs.

  A walking skeleton blocked their way, but heeded Hilda’s reassurance. Another well-trained monster. Except of course that they had half-­skeleton friends, and their mission was on or near Skeleton Key. So much depended on a person’s perspective!

  Upstairs they entered a small private chamber. “Mom!” Hilda called at the doorway. “We got company! Squid and Larry.”

  “That’s nice, dear.” The woman was sitting in a comfortable chair. She was ordinary looking, for an adult princess, except for one thing: a tiny moon orbited her head. It was about the size of a pong ping ball, but looked exactly like a planet, with green forests, gray mountains, and blue seas.

  “I see you are surprised by Ptero,” Ida said, jolting both Squid and Larry out of their joint stare. “It is my idea world. Those who travel to it discovered that it is actually full size; its small appearance is because of magical perspective. All people who exist or ever existed or who will exist are to be found on it and its moons.” She smiled. “Those moons are not directly visible: it is a bit more devious. There is a duplicate Princess Ida living on Ptero, and about her head orbits another world, Pyramid, with four triangular faces. On that world exists another Princess Ida, about whose head orbits Torus, in the shape of a doughnut. And so on; there are a great many worlds. There are tourists who like to visit some of the more exotic ones.”

  Squid hauled herself out of her fascination. “Thank you. I think I knew of, of Ptero, but actually seeing it is awesome.”

  “You must be hungry, dear. Have a late dinner.” Ida gestured to a table where four places had already been set. She had been expecting them!

  Soon they were feasting on pieces of brownberry pie and boot rear, the standard fare for visiting children. Trust a parent to know what children needed.

  “Now the zombies tell me that you came to see Ion and Hilda,” Ida said when they finished. “That you are on an important mission and need their help.”

  “That’s true,” Squid said uneasily. “But we’re not supposed to tell any adults.”

  “My children don’t meet many other children in Xanth. The children who were here grew up and became adults. Ion and Hilda could use some socializing with others in their age range. It would be nice if mine could visit with the siblings and their friends.”

  She thought this was innocent play? “Maybe sometime.”

  “It is a child’s game that brought you here?”

  “Not exactly.” This was getting increasingly awkward
.

  “Something is amiss. Let me look at you.” Ida’s gaze oriented directly on Squid. “Oh, my! I am familiar with your history, Squid, but did not realize the current situation. You’re the protagonist!”

  She could tell just by looking? “Yes.”

  Then Ida looked closely at Larry, and did a double-take. “Oh, my!” she repeated, but did not say more.

  How much did she see? The girl inside his body, or a Demoness? “So we—” Squid started.

  “Certainly you can travel with Ion and Hilda,” Ida said.

  Just like that? “I—I have to tell you it may be dangerous.”

  “Of course it is, dear. But not nearly as dangerous as inaction would be.”

  How much did she know? With all her orbiting worlds she could have uncanny sources of information. Inaction would leave Caprice Castle in the awful hands of the Demon Collector. But was that all that Princess Ida saw? “So we can go to—?” She didn’t want to say it aloud, lest an enemy be tuning in somewhat the way Squid herself tuned in on her own name.

  “Tomorrow. Tonight you rest and sleep.”

  That seemed feasible. “Thank you.”

  “Thank you, Squid. We are bound to help you in any way we can. There is nothing more important.”

  She knew.

  The Castle Roogna facilities were very nice. Ion and Hilda showed them some of its special features, such as the magic tapestry hanging on the wall of the main bedroom, that illustrated any part of Xanth that they thought of in its presence, including aspects of its illustrious history. Such as the rose garden that Rose of Roogna had planted long ago, whose magic roses could tell marvelous things about any person who needed special information. Such as the castle ghosts who were more friendly with innocent children than with cynical adults.

  “One thing about our route to the Sometime Islands,” Hilda confided to Squid. “It is devious, and no one else can use it. You will have to trust Ion and me to guide you along it.”

  “We will,” Squid promised.

  Then they slept, but Squid’s dreams were not easy. She had a premonition that something weird was about to happen.

  Chapter 7

  Portal

  The four children set out in the morning, buttressed by a good breakfast and backpacks with food for the journey. They took an enchanted path, where there was no danger, but soon stepped quietly off it to follow an obscure winding trail that seemed to lead to nowhere.