by B. B. Hamel
But the scar of my dad taking that sick bastard’s side over mine never healed, only festered over the next couple of years, and the moment I graduated from high school and could run away, I made my move and started over.
“Good for you. But the piece of shit deserved worse.”
“I know. Sometimes I feel guilty. I should’ve told someone else, you know? Maybe he was doing that to other girls, and I could’ve protected them—”
He shook his head and came toward me. “You did nothing wrong. You protected yourself. You were a sixteen-year-old kid.”
“Sixteen-year-old kids do amazing things sometimes though, right?” I blinked back tears and forced myself to smile. “I’m happy I confronted him. Maybe I scared him into stopping, but I don’t know. I tell myself that it doesn’t matter. But I still wonder.”
Darren touched my shoulder gently. “Don’t do that to yourself. What you did, confronting that sick fuck, then running away from home, that took more courage than most people have.”
I nodded as a couple tears rolled down my cheek. “That’s why I had to start over and that’s why my dad let me. Part of it, anyway. He knew I could make trouble for him if I ever went public with my story, and so it was easier for the old version of me to die so I could live free.”
“I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.”
“I wanted you to know before we got married. I always figured I’d have to tell someone someday, and I guess today’s the day.”
“Thank you for trusting me.” He leaned closer and kissed my cheek gently. “If you want, I can hunt down Jerry and kill him.”
I felt a cheap thrill in my gut. I’d pictured murdering that bastard a thousand times over the years, but I knew that wouldn’t solve anything.
“Thanks anyway. He’s in the past now.”
“If you ever change your mind, say the word.”
“I only want to put it behind me.”
“Then you can. And you should. You’re not that little girl anymore, Winter.”
“I know I’m not. Sometimes I feel like I am though, and I hate it.”
“You’re not powerless.” He moved closer, one hand on my hip, the other laced through my hair. “The fact that you’ve survived this far proves it. When you’re my wife, I’ll give you whatever you want, all you have to do is ask.”
“What about a divorce?”
I meant it as a joke, but he didn’t smile. “When this is all over, if you still want to leave me, I’ll let you go.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do. When things with Roman are settled, if you want to go, you can go.”
I let out a breathy laugh but he still didn’t smile. I saw the resolve in his eyes and knew he wasn’t joking—
And it broke my heart.
I wanted to be free, but I also want to follow this through. I didn’t know if that meant being with Darren forever, but the idea became less and less grotesque with every passing day. I could almost picture it, the two of us standing atop a mountain of dead bodies, ruling over whatever kingdom he managed to carve out of the wreckage. Some deranged part of my brain wanted that future.
Even if I knew it was wrong.
“I don’t know what I want anymore. Can we leave it at that?”
“We can.” He kissed my neck then let me go. “You should head to your room. Isn’t it bad luck for me to see you before the wedding?”
“That’s just on the wedding day.”
“Let’s be extra careful.”
I drifted to the door. I felt lighter, unburdened.
I told him what I needed to tell him and now we could get married.
Why did that thought scare me more?
Maybe because there was nothing else to be afraid of.
22
Winter
The house was swarming with vendors and staff.
It was organized chaos. I stepped out into the hallway that morning and three strange women instantly assaulted me.
“Hold on, hey, what the hell are you doing?”
They tugged and pushed and prodded me into a room down the hall and dumped me down into a chair in front of a massive bronze mirror. Lights shone out, making me blink rapidly.
“Hair and make-up,” the oldest woman said, a thin lady with sleek dark hair and heavy eyeliner. “I’m Kathy, these are Laney and Cindy, my girls.”
They all bore a strong resemblance.
“Uh, nice to meet you.”
Kathy got to work. I was primped, pampered, and painted. At some point, a staff member brought me coffee and a light breakfast. A note was on the corner of the tray, folded in half.
Don’t eat too much, dear. You want to look beautiful on your wedding day. Love, Charleigh.
I ripped the note in half and tossed it into the trash can. Leave it to Charleigh to make a comment about my freaking weight on the morning of my marriage.
It didn’t matter. I went with the flow of things—every detail was handled. Penny appeared a few hours into the ordeal and kept me company until I got the dress on. Kathy, her two daughters, and Penny all stood around and cooed and made noises as they fluttered around me like hungry squirrels fixing every last detail of my hair, veil, dress, bouquet, and whatever.
“Now, Winter, do I need to talk to you about your wedding night?” Penny grinned at me as we lounged in a pair of easy chairs with champagne and crackers.
I groaned. “Don’t be gross. He’s your brother.”
“I know that, but it’s important for a woman to know what to expect for her first time.” Her eyebrows shot up in exaggerated horror. “You are a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Pure as fresh snow.”
“I knew it. You have that glow.”
I rolled my eyes and she laughed.
For ten minutes, I could forget everything. Penny had that easy charm about her, and though she wasn’t Cassie—we didn’t have a shared history and a thousand inside jokes yet—I could see her becoming an extremely close friend. I felt a pang of guilt, but it wasn’t like I didn’t want Cassie to be here. It was just how things were.
There was a knock at the door. I craned my neck as a big, bald man stepped into the room wearing a cheap black suit and looking supremely uncomfortable. He had an earpiece and a rifle slung over his shoulder.
“Miss, uh, Winter,” he said, avoiding eye contact. “You have a guest.”
“I have a guest?” I looked at Penny, eyes wide. “I’m not expecting anyone.”
“What’s going on, Pavlo?” Penny stood up and walked toward him.
“Miss Penny, I was told to escort this woman here. She’s been thoroughly searched and is no threat, but I can send her away if you’d rather.”
“Who is it?” I asked, extremely curious.
“Her name is Roza. She is Roman’s personal assistant.”
I exchanged a look with Penny then gestured for her to come in.
Pavlo stepped aside and a young, attractive women with dark hair waltzed into the room.
She was model pretty. Big lips, thick hair. She exuded confidence as she looked around. Her clothes were simple, modest, business casual, and she held a wrapped box under one arm.
Pavlo stepped close to her. “You behave. I will be outside.”
“I’ll try to keep my hands to myself.” Roza smiled at him sweetly.
He left and closed the door behind him.
I stood up as Penny lingered to the side, looking uncomfortable. I guessed she knew who Roza was.
“How is she?” I blurted out.
Roza smiled and shook her head. “I knew you’d ask about her first. Roman said you wouldn’t, but I knew you would.”
Roman’s name darkened my mood. “He can go fuck himself then, that piece of trash. He nearly got me killed twice.”
Roza’s eyebrows shot up. “I don’t know anything about that.”
“Then you don’t know your employer. How’s Cassie?”
“She’s doing great. Honestly,
she’s as happy as I’ve ever seen her. She’s struggling with this situation and misses you like crazy, but she’s happy.”
I nodded slowly. “Good. That’s what I wanted to hear.” Even if it did hurt. Some selfish part of me wanted her to be languishing inside that big Avalon beach house crying constantly.
“When she heard about the wedding, she wanted to send a present.” Roza held a small box out.
It was thin and wrapped with white paper with a brown satin bow.
I gestured at the side table. “You can put it there.”
She dropped it off without missing a beat. “I wish I could stay, but I was told I’d have five minutes.”
“Can you tell Cassie I miss her? And that I’m okay?”
“I’ll tell her whatever you want. She said to say she loves you and wants you to come home.”
“I’ll come home as soon as I can. And I love her too and miss her. And things are complicated.”
“That’s an understatement.” Roza smiled again and put her hands on her hips. “If it makes you feel any better, Cassie talks about you all the time. Just because she’s happy doesn’t mean she’s not broken up about all this.”
That did make me feel better, but I didn’t say so. I glanced at Penny, who had a strange, clouded look on her face. “Thanks for coming.”
“No problem. I’m not all that important so I doubt Darren would bother murdering me on his wedding day.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” I walked with Roza to the door and spoke quietly. “Are you sure Cassie’s okay? She’s not in danger? Roman really did try to kill me.”
Roza shook her head, looking concerned. “I really don’t know anything about that, but I’ll look into it.”
“Just make sure Cassie’s fine.”
She squeezed my arm. “Good luck with the wedding. There’ve been a lot of those lately.”
Then she was gone, slipping out into the hallway.
The door closed again and I stared at it, trying to keep myself from sobbing.
Cassie, my old life, it was all stretched out behind me. No matter what I did, I always seemed to get steered along in whatever direction, lost and tumbling.
No matter how hard I tried to be strong on the outside, I was still myself on the inside. Still that scared, confused girl.
I hated it, but couldn’t change.
“That must’ve been hard,” Penny said gently.
I looked back at her. “I don’t plan on backing out. No matter what.”
“I know you don’t.”
“I never asked for any of this. Your brother kidnapped me. But if being his wife means I can keep my friend alive and maybe help stop this stupid war, I’ll do it.”
Penny walked over and took my hands. “Do you really mean that?”
“Of course. Cassie’s my best friend.”
She shook her head. “The part about the war. Do you really want to end it?”
I blinked and squeezed her hands. “Absolutely.”
“Good. I’ll help you. Whatever you need.”
That surprised me. My mouth opened, but nothing came out for a few long seconds. “Why?”
“Because my brother’s too far gone to see how worthless all this fighting is. The Oligarchs had a rule about not attacking their own, but that rule’s been squashed and thrown aside, and I’m afraid that the violence will only get worse if we don’t do something.”
That made total sense. This fight between Roman and Darren was only the beginning—a template for future Oligarch wars.
And those battles would be much, much worse.
“I’m happy you’re going to be my sister-in-law.”
“Just sister.” Penny grinned and hugged me. “And I’m happy too.”
Another knock at the door. I nearly jumped out of my dress.
Charleigh burst into the room. She frowned at Penny then looked at me.
“It’s time.” She gestured at the hall.
I nodded, glanced back at the wedding present from Cassie, then followed Charleigh to my future, my heaven, and my hell.
23
Winter
The ceremony was short and sparsely attended.
Present were the family and the staff, several members from mafia organizations I didn’t know, some important business relationships, and Kaspar. The group barely filled half the medium ballroom, much less the large one. The priest gave a simple and straightforward ceremony, and before I knew what was happening, Darren kissed me with the perfect amount of tongue in front of a bunch of strangers, and I was dragged back down the aisle.
My wedding. A whirlwind. Less than twenty minutes long.
The rest of the day was a blur of handshakes, well wishes, and some dancing. The reception was a quiet affair, and I found myself sitting with Darren and Penny for the majority of it, eating all that ridiculously good food the kitchen had spent the last few days preparing.
I watched the sun go down and felt a twinge in my stomach.
I didn’t know why I was nervous. It wasn’t like sex with Darren was a new thing.
But the thought of going up into his room and lying down in his bed—I could barely comprehend what it all meant.
I was his wife. I said the words, signed the paper. It was real.
Winter Servant.
“So what do you think? Was it everything you dreamed of and more?” Penny asked as we stood outside. The sun was nearly down, only the last long rays of light were left. Most of the guests were leaving already.
“It was fast. It felt like a second.”
“I know what you mean. I’m sorry you didn’t get a big, lavish party. And that you probably didn’t know anybody here.”
I shrugged and tugged at my hair. “It’s fine. Just looking forward to getting out of this dress.”
“Are we about to have the wedding night talk again?”
“Oh god, stop it, you know what I mean.”
“Sure, sure, just saying. I’m available if you need help. I’ve got diagrams.”
“There are diagrams?”
“Of course. How else do you learn?”
“I don’t know. Google? YouTube? Pornhub?”
She laughed and shook her head. “Not in a house like this, sis. You’ll figure it out.” She touched my shoulder. “Anyway, I’m getting cold, and I think your husband’s looking for you. Better go in.”
I followed her gaze. Darren stood near the house, looking down at the two of us. He waved toward me, and I thought I caught another smile.
Penny headed up to her room. Darren stood close, watching my face carefully. “How do you feel?”
“Like a new woman.”
“I mean it.”
“I’m fine. My feet are tired. My lips hurt from smiling at everyone. I’m ready for it to be over.”
“Unfortunately, it’s only the start.”
“You really know how to sell yourself.”
He didn’t smile. His eyes were serious, his lips pulled down.
Those handsome lips.
He held out his hand. “Come on.”
I thought going upstairs with him would be hard. I expected to be scared. The thought of that bed, this night, it had me sweating for days.
Now that the moment was here, I found it easy to put my hand in his and follow him up the steps, down the hall, and into his room.
Things with him should’ve been harder.
He kidnapped me. Wanted to kill my best friend’s husband.
He ruined the comfortable little life I’d built for myself.
Forced me into a marriage I didn’t want.
And yet he was the first person to look at me like I mattered. The first man to make me feel something other than revulsion.
There was fear. There was pain.
But who the hell wanted an uncomplicated love?
If that was what I felt, anyway.
Give me messy. Give me broken and crazy.
Anything less and I’d be bored.
Darren wa
s anything but boring.
He shut the door and helped me get out of the dress. We didn’t talk. We didn’t need to. I knew what he wanted and he knew I’d give it to him without a fight.
Tonight, at least.
He took the pins from my hair and took out the braids. He worked carefully, quietly. It was so different from the way that Kathy and her daughters touched me. That was professional and brusque.
Darren was gentle and careful and loving. His fingertips lingered. He didn’t shy away from my skin.
Finally, the hair hung free. I turned and began to unbutton his shirt.
He grabbed my wrists.
His eyes blazed hot enough to burn.
“You need to understand something.” His breath was sweet and intoxicating.
“What?”
“I won’t force you. Just because you’re my wife doesn’t mean I own you. But I won’t hold back, either.”
“Good,” I said, resuming. His buttons came undone, one after the other, until his gorgeous, muscular body revealed itself. “I don’t want you to go easy on my account.”
That got a growl of desire from the back of his throat. I took his shirt off and he unhooked my bra. His hands palmed my breasts as he kissed me and steered me back to the bed.
I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.
I moaned as his hand slipped between my legs. I was soaked through and dizzy with a sudden overwhelming desire. His fingers slid inside and teased my clit as we kissed faster, furious and intense, our first real act as man and wife. I moaned into that kiss, moaned for my husband’s incredible lips as much as for the way he touched me, and gasped as he turned me around and pulled my panties off.
