Kiss Me, Macrae: A Winter Novella

by Amy Sandas

  Macrae wanted to understand why she couldn’t surrender to this thing between them.

  Because something had been broken inside her the day she’d faced Lucas and her father and realized they stood together against her. She hadn’t understood just how broken until she met Macrae and experienced the painful yearning for something she no longer believed in.

  The thought caused a sharp stab of pain in her chest that she did her best to ignore. Glancing at his hand where it gripped hard to the balcony railing—to keep from touching her?—she began, “The other day, you asked me if I had plans to join my father’s firm.”

  She paused and Macrae made a soft sound of acknowledgement.

  “I said no, but the truth is I had hoped to. Actually, I was once desperate and fiercely determined to do so. The few times I tried to broach the topic with my father, he brushed it off. You see, he was content with allowing me the freedom of studying architecture, but only as a hobby. He could not conceive of the thought I’d take it more seriously. A woman’s place was in the home, after all. A career could only distract from her duty to husband and family.”

  Allegra couldn’t keep the caustic tone from her voice. She absolutely hated such antiquated notions and she’d fully expected to be able to change her father’s mind.

  “I knew I’d have to prove my dedication before he’d ever take me seriously. So, I began working on something to showcase what I was capable of. Father’s firm had been working on a near-Herculean project for years. The client wanted a specific aesthetic and was rejecting every design presented. The building site posed its own problems, which made the client’s demands practically impossible. The reputation of Father’s firm rested on getting this job done right.”

  “You designed the solution,” Macrae interjected. The certainty in his tone surprised and warmed her.

  “I did.” The smile of pride tipping the corner of her mouth did not stay for long. “I worked on it in secret. Everyone at Father’s office was accustomed to having me about asking questions, reviewing blueprints, and so forth. They’d been indulging my interest for so long, they no longer thought anything of my pervasive presence.” She swallowed. “One draftsman in particular was always eager to help me. We’d sit and discuss the impossible project at length. He always listened to my opinions and even sought them out on occasion. He told me my questions were insightful. For the first time, my input was being taken seriously. He did not come from a family of affluence or privilege and he had worked hard to become hired by Father’s firm. I admired his ambition. And eventually, we started seeing each other outside the office. Socially.”

  She met Macrae’s hooded gaze. “He told me he loved me.” Oddly, that particular lie no longer hurt like it once did. “He said he would marry me but not until he had worked his way further up in the firm. He wanted to be worthy of my hand. I believed him.”

  “I take it ye shouldnae’ve.”

  Allegra did not allow herself to become distracted by the anger in Macrae’s voice. “No. I shouldn’t have. He propped me up with false promises and flattery. He convinced me we were a team—that he wanted the same thing I wanted. But I remained protective of my work, showing him only bits and pieces. I didn’t want to reveal it all until I felt it was completely ready. Until I felt it was good enough to convince Father that I was serious in my desire to work beside him. Lucas asked more than once to see the full project, but I refused. Eventually…he found a way around my denial.”

  “He seduced you.”

  Bitterness flared in her chest. “He deceived me and manipulated me. He became my lover for the sole purpose of stealing my work and passing it off as his own.”

  “Bastard.” The vehemence in his tone matched the fire of anger in her heart.

  “Lucas took my plans to the firm and claimed them as his. My father was shocked to find such talent in his unassuming draftsman but he promoted him on the spot. Lucas had counted on me keeping quiet on his perfidy since I would have to admit my own scandalous behavior, but I was not about to let someone else take credit for what I had worked so hard on.”

  “Good for you, lassie.”

  Macrae’s quietly muttered words surprised her. Allegra noted the heavy scowl shadowing his eyes and the tension hardening his body as she told her story. She could see the anger seething through him on her behalf and she could see the pride in his eyes as well.

  “Well,” she huffed a breath. The defeat of that moment was with her still. “In the end, I ruined my reputation for nothing. Father didn’t believe the plans were mine. He took Lucas’s word over mine, believing I claimed the work as some sort of revenge for a lover’s spat. Word of my indiscretion soon spread through town—no doubt aided by Lucas as a means of ensuring my complete downfall.”

  She took a deep breath and let it out. The exhale hovered in the frosty air for a moment before dispersing. She should be cold standing out there in nothing more than her ball gown, but the heat of anger kept the chill at bay. Tipping her face, she met Macrae’s gaze with a direct stare. “Now do you understand?”

  Chapter 14

  Baird’s stomach was tight and his chest ached. His entire body vibrated with the need to take the fierce, prideful woman standing before him into his arms. Instead, he gave a short nod. “Aye.”

  Relief flickered across her stalwart gaze. Glancing back toward the ballroom, she said, “Then you’ll cease your campaign?”

  He frowned. “Tae win ye? Never.”

  Dark eyes snapped back to meet his. “Then you don’t understand at all.”

  “I ken ye have yer reasons for distrusting my declarations, but it doesnae make them any less true. Nothing ye’ve said changes what I feel for ye.”

  A sound of deep frustration slid from her throat. “You’re unbelievable.”

  Baird smiled despite the tension still filling his frame. Just because he wasn’t going to give up didn’t mean he didn’t see the challenge he faced. “I’m a man in love.”

  A shiver coursed through her as she closed her eyes. “Don’t say that. You cannot possibly love me.”

  His sigh was heavy and deep. “Ye’ve the heart of a warrior, lassie. How can I do anything but respect and admire that fire inside ye? But I wonder if you’ve been fighting so long, ye canna recognize when there’s no need tae.”

  “There’s always a need.” Her voice was sharp as she opened her eyes to stare boldly back at him. “I know better than to expect anyone else to fight for me.”

  “I’d fight for ye, beside ye, with ye. Tae my last breath,” he replied gruffly, feeling the truth of it down to the marrow of his bones.

  Her eyes searched his with intense and probing purpose.

  Though his heartbeat thundered through his blood, Baird remained steady under her scrutiny. If she didn’t believe him now, would she ever? “I’d never hurt ye, Allegra. Ye can trust me.”

  She stiffened and her eyes darkened before she replied in a flat tone, “Lucas said exactly the same thing.”

  Frustrated emotion pressed up through his throat. “I’m not him.”

  “I know,” she said softly, “but I’m still me. Trusting Lucas cost me nearly everything I cared about.”

  Baird’s grip on his remaining control thinned to a thread. “So that’s it, then? Ye close yerself off tae anything else? What about love? What about growing old with someone who’d keep yer feet warm on cold nights?”

  A glint of something he’d never seen before entered her gaze. “You want that with me?”

  His laugh was harsh and heavy. “It’s what I’ve been saying, isnae?”

  Her lovely features grew tense, her gaze introspective. “I’m not sure I know how to do that. I’ve been standing on my own for a long time. Even as a young girl, I understood the world wouldn’t easily provide the things I wanted for myself. I was never the docile young lady people wanted me to be. I was always too bold and outspoken, too ambitious, too assertive and confident. If I’d been born male, I’d have been admired and
respected for such qualities. Instead, I was more often derided. But I couldn’t let any of that bother me.”

  Baird stepped toward her. “It’s all the things ye just listed that make ye so bloody perfect.” His voice lowered. “For me.”

  Hitching her chin in that challenging manner of hers, she asked, “And you think you’re perfect for me?”

  “Aye,” he replied with absolute conviction. “All I need’s a chance tae prove I’m the man ye need…for now and forever.”

  Careful not to touch her, he angled his body toward hers. When she didn’t lean away but tipped her head back farther to keep meeting his gaze, hope ignited inside him. “Ye ken what I want—what I’ve wanted from the start. Believe it or no, ’tis the truth.” Emotion flickered in her eyes and he sighed—a deep, heavy, soulful sound he just couldn’t hold back. “What I wouldnae give tae hold ye right now, lassie,” he murmured thickly.

  Her lashes fluttered over her eyes as her lips parted. But she didn’t reach for him, nor did she ask him to reach for her.

  With a sound of frustration, he took a step back. “I cannae keep doin’ this.” The longing inside him made him feel raw—exposed and empty. He ran a hand back through his hair and straightened his shoulders as he met her proud but wary gaze. “Ye ken where tae find me.”

  Then he walked away. It was all he could do. If he stayed another moment, he’d give in to his urge to take her into his arms and kiss her until her fears disappeared and she believed in the fate guiding them. But he’d made a promise and he’d hold to it.

  She’d have to come to him.

  Allegra watched him slowly fade into the dark of night and the swirl of freshly falling snow. As soon as he was out of sight, a frigid chill soaked into her bones and an uncontrollable shivering rattled her from head to toe.

  But Macrae hadn’t gone inside—he’d stalked off into the garden instead—so she stayed where she was. Maybe a part of her thought he’d come right back.

  He didn’t and eventually the cold chased her indoors, where she quickly excused herself from the party and made her way to her bedroom. Susanna eyed her strangely when they exchanged good-nights, making Allegra wonder if the stunned feeling in her chest reflected on her face.

  Eventually the warmth of her bed dispelled the icy chill from her limbs, but the trembling deep inside wouldn’t cease.

  Sleep proved impossible.

  Every word Macrae had ever said—from the moment he’d first opened his bright green eyes and muttered a thick “mornin’”—ran through her mind in a repeating litany. As the night drew long and dark, her body warmed with memories of his hands smoothing over her bare skin, his tongue exploring her mouth, his hardness pressing intimately to her softness. When she closed her eyes, she couldn’t escape the sparkle in his gaze or the flash of his grin. Or the way he tilted his head intently when she spoke. Or how he made her feel alive with expectation whenever he walked into the room.

  As dawn slowly drew near, her thoughts shifted to quieter things—his grief and guilt when he talked of losing his sister, his loyalty and dedication to recovering and preserving a family legacy that had all but been lost, and the depth and richness in his voice when he’d declared himself a man in love.

  With her.

  The weight of uncertainty that had been pressing outward from her chest twisted into a sweet ache at the thought of such a noble, kind, generous man truly loving her.

  Her heart wrenched painfully at the sudden realization of how absurd it was to compare him any way to Lucas. It shamed her that she had thought for even one second they were anything alike.

  Baird Macrae was everything decent and honorable in a man. He was also passionate and loyal and supportive. Life with him would be full of laughter and heated glances, warm embraces, and invigorating mountain walks. Respect, friendship, and sensually passionate kisses that made a woman shed her inhibitions as she clung to his strength, followed his lead, and willfully accepted the risk of loving him back.

  And she did. Love him back.

  The realization was an amazing shock and a calm certainty at once. It burst free inside her and spread outward in all directions. She loved him. It was so simple and right and perfect and terrifying.

  Allegra tossed aside her bedcoverings and swung her bare feet to the floor. In long strides, she crossed to the widow and pulled back the heavy drapes. Chilled air seeped through the frosty windows, but she stepped closer, peering out through the purple hues of early dawn.

  It was too dark to make out any more than the shadowed outline of the mountains in the distance and she had to imagine the walking path she always took. But as she stood there, an indelible craving for the frosty bite of the winter morning air consumed her. She needed to move her legs in long strides over snow covered ground as her breath puffed out in clouds of vapor.

  After turning from the window, she threw on her clothes.

  Not much later, she stepped from the house into the back garden just as the first fingers of sunlight started to reach upward along the horizon. The morning was still and quiet, with no wind or falling snow. Just the rhythmic crunch of her boots on the frosty ground and the air moving through her lungs.

  The rough and rugged winter landscape cleared her mind while the physical movement eased the tension from her body until all she was left with was a soft, aching hunger deep in her core.

  A feeling both sweet and sad, raw but comforting.

  As she ascended the hill overlooking the small loch and Macrae’s lodge, she picked up a stone along the way. Reaching the top of the rise, she took a few deep breaths of the thin air, allowing it to fill her completely before she exhaled. After carefully adding her stone to the cairn, she turned to look down on the loch and lodge below. She was surprised to see a thin stream of smoke issuing from the chimney.

  Macrae hadn’t just left the party after their conversation last night, he’d left Darrow House altogether. He was there now, nestled in that stone house below.

  Warmth and emotion flowed through her. Starting in the center of her chest and flowing outward to her fingers and toes and up through her throat until she felt almost choked by the feeling.

  Ye ken where tae find me, he’d said.

  It appears he’d been right.

  Chapter 15

  Allegra held her breath as she waited for the weathered wooden door to open. When nothing but silence greeted her knock, she realized Macrae was likely asleep at such an early hour and might not hear her.

  Not to be deterred, she removed her mitten to prevent any muffling of the sound and lifted her hand to rap her knuckles on the door once again. Before she could, it opened.

  Macrae filled the doorway with his large, muscled form. He wore casual trousers, no coat or vest or shoes, and a shirt that was open at the collar and rolled at the sleeves. His red hair was wildly tousled and he looked a near replica to that first morning when she’d awoken in his bed.

  Her breath exhaled on a heavy puff and her heart squeezed tight as tingling flutters of anticipation took flight in her belly. “Good morning,” she muttered, trying to gather her scattered thoughts.

  The corner of his mouth lifted as he lowered his chin in a brief nod. “Mornin’”

  The rough richness of his voice—so beautiful and strong—filled her with a sense of rightness and reignited her purpose.

  “I was just taking a walk.”

  He arched his brows and cast a glance out over the frost-edged loch and snowy mountains beyond. “Aye, and it’s a lovely mornin’ for it.” He brought his gaze back to hers. “But a bit early tae be oot’n’aboot, isnae?”

  “I couldn’t sleep,” Allegra admitted in a heavy murmur.

  The green of his eyes darkened. “Me neither, lass.” Then he stepped to the side. “Come in. I’ve tea on the stove and biscuits tae share.”

  Tea and biscuits.

  Allegra smiled as she stepped over the threshold. The lodge was bigger than it appeared from a distance, but it was still no m
ore than a few rooms extending from a main living space that boasted an enormous stone hearth undoubtedly designed to roast large game directly over the flames. Only a modest fire burned in the grate this morning, though it still managed to spread warmth throughout the entire room.

  Macrae gestured toward the worn leather sofa set before the hearth. “I’ll just fetch the tea then.”

  Allegra started across the room, unwinding the scarf from around her neck and releasing the ties of her heavy cloak as she went. After draping her outer garments over the back of an oversized chair, she took a seat on one end of the sofa and watched the big, burly redheaded Scot walk toward her with a delicate teacup and saucer balanced steadily in his large hand.

  The sight of him struck her acutely. The curious tilt of his subtle smile. The heat and hope in his eyes. The strength and confidence in his movement.

  He was wonderful and Allegra needed him.

  She needed his smiles and his kisses and the way he appreciated her vulnerability as much as he did her ambition.

  She needed him to challenge her and she needed his friendship.

  Though she had every intention of forging ahead with her plan to do the work she loved, she could finally admit that she needed this man to make her life as deeply beautiful as it could be.

  By the time he stopped and carefully lowered his great body to a crouch before extending the tea toward her, her heart was beating wildly in her chest. Green eyes met hers and he offered a subtle grin. “I havenae got a tea table nor even a tea tray, so you’ll have tae balance this on your lap.”

  Allegra had no idea how such a mundane statement could cause a flutter of delicious longing inside her, but it did. She took the cup and saucer from him. “Thank you.”

  “No cream, just a wee bit of sugar, aye?”