The Pacifist

by Elin Peer

  “I know, but it’s better than…” I trailed off but Magni finished my sentence.

  “Not having any legs at all.”

  “Yes.”

  He huffed out loud. “I’ve already agreed to think about it.”

  “But you’ve been thinking about it for over four months.”

  “No, actually, I’ve been saying ‘no’ for over four months, and you people keep bringing it up.”

  I sank deeper into the pillow behind me and changed the subject. “Jonah is leaving tomorrow.”

  “Good.” My dad placed his right arm across his chest and I knew that if he’d had his left arm still, he would have been crossing them.

  “Hey, that’s not nice. Jonah has been nothing but kind to you.”

  My dad sighed. “I’m just grumpy and Jonah is getting on my fucking nerves.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he…” Magni sighed again. “He keeps pestering me with questions that I don’t have answers to.”

  “He just wants to help. We all do.”

  “I know that, but talking to Jonah always gives me a headache. He’s like Pearl. I think it comes with being a Council member in the Motherlands. They ask too many questions and are always so god damn nosy about other people’s feelings. It’s annoying.”

  I tilted my head. “They’re not nosy, Dad. They just show a genuine interest in people, that’s all.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  I sighed. “Mother Nature, you truly are grumpy. Are you hungry?”

  “No. I told you, I’m bored.”

  “How about a movie then?”

  “I’m sure you have better things to do than be stuck in this room with me.”

  “Dad.” I let my hand caress his long scruffy beard. “You don’t have to be stuck in this room. I could take you out in the park. We have the hoverchair. And what about tonight when Khan announces the first democratic election in the Northlands? You should be there.”

  With his right hand, Magni pushed himself higher on the bed and gave me a stern expression. “You know I won’t let my men see me like this. I can follow the announcement from here.” He nodded to the interactive wall.

  “But…”

  “It’s not up for discussion!” He looked straight ahead, signaling that he was done talking about it.

  “This is what you fought with Mom about, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, and I don’t know why you’re taking her side.”

  “Because you can’t hide in here forever. That’s why.” When he gave me the cold shoulder, I got out of the bed and stood to watch him for a second. “Dad, you know we all love you. Seeing you hurting is hurting us too. No one is going to think less of you because you got injured. It wasn’t your fault.”

  My dad’s voice was raw when he answered, “Mila, I know you mean well but you can never fully understand what it means to be a proud Nman. No one will say it to my face but they all feel sorry for me.” His voice rose in volume. “I don’t want any fucking pity!”

  I lowered my head, feeling bad about having upset him when my intention had been to cheer him up. “I’ll get you some snacks from the kitchen.”

  “Don’t bother. I’m not hungry.”

  “You’ve lost weight.”

  “Yeah, about a hundred pounds of legs and an arm.”

  “It’s not funny.”

  Magni gave me a dry look. “No, it’s not.”

  I left his room with a heavy feeling in my body. At least today, my dad hadn’t screamed and thrown things around.

  “Mila.” I had only just exited, when Jonah called my name. “There you are. I was looking for you.”

  Despite being twenty-five, Jonah looked young compared to the men here because he didn’t have a beard.

  “I was saying hi to my dad.”

  Jonah took the last step on the staircase and stopped. “How is he? Is he excited about the announcement tonight?”

  “You know my dad isn’t the best when it comes to change, and that he’s no fan of democracy.”

  Jonah gave a single nod. “I’m sure that he’ll see the benefit of it soon though. Do you want me to talk to him?” He moved toward my parents’ suite, but I intercepted him, linked our arms, and led him down the hallway toward my room.

  “My dad seemed tired. Maybe he’ll feel better later.”

  Jonah was tall for a Motlander and looked down at me with a gentle smile. “All right. If he’s too weak I can come back another time.”

  I answered him with a smile and changed the subject.

  “Did you have a good meeting with Khan and Pearl?” Pearl had been a member of the Motlander Council before she married my uncle, Lord Khan, who was also the ruler of the Northlands. It was clear that she’d taken a keen interest in Jonah, who was the first male to serve on the Motlander Council in four hundred years.

  “I did. They invited me to visit them any time so I think I might be back in a few weeks, when they’re making the final decisions on the public transportation that we’ve been working on.”

  “Really? Wow, that’s exciting."

  “Yeah, it’s a big deal. The Northlands will be the first place to have the new transportation system, but if it’s successful we could be expanding it to the rest of the world.”

  His enthusiasm was infectious. “I bet Pearl’s and Khan’s real agenda for asking you to come back here is because they want help with their campaign.”

  “Could be.” Jonah bumped my side a little. “Let’s just pretend it is. I’ve been a fan of Pearl since I was a teenager, so the idea that she values my input and needs my help is an ego-boost.”

  We reached my door and the sound of my small dog scratching from the inside made me sigh. “Loki, stop it!” The small dog was barking and as soon as I opened the door, he jumped up my legs to get my attention.

  Holger and Happy, my other two dogs, were bigger and calmer. “I’m excited to see you too,” Jonah told Happy, who was making sounds of joy and licking his hands.

  “I need to take them out for a walk. Wanna come?” The minute I picked up their leashes, my dogs ran to the door and as always, Happy was jumping up and down like a mountain goat.

  “It’s funny. I swear dogs smile too.” Jonah pointed at Happy. “Look at him.”

  “That’s why I named him Happy.”

  Jonah followed us out and closed the door after us. “How about letting the dogs run full speed while we race on the hoverbikes in the park? That would be fun.”

  “Honestly, Jonah. You and your racing. You’re worse than Mason.”

  Jonah almost tripped over Loki who kept close to our feet. “It’s in my blood, I can’t help it. One day you should come to the theme park my family owns and we can race on old dirt bikes. I’ll bet you’d love it.”

  Angling my head, I smiled. “It’s funny how different you are from other Motlander men.”

  Jonah frowned. “I’m really not, Mila. It’s just that you’ve been in the Northlands for twelve years. Your view on us Motlander men has been skewed by the prejudice against us that is so widespread here. I mean according to your father, all Motlander men wear makeup, beads in their hair, and we dress like women. None of us are supposed to have an inkling of muscle, sex-drive, or quality sperm.”

  Jonah was spot on. That was the impression we all had of Motlander men, so I nodded.

  He protested, “It’s not like that. Not anymore, at least.”

  “I’m not saying that you’re like that, but from what I remember…”

  “Mila, you were ten years old when you left the Motherlands. How about you come back with me and see what things are really like?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t leave my dad and he wouldn’t allow me to go anyway.”

  Jonah frowned. “Allow you? Mila, what are you talking about? You’ll be twenty-two in six weeks. You’re an adult woman. No one can control you unless you let them.”

  I bit my lip. “No, I know that. It’s just that he tolerates our t
ouching and being friends, but for me to go with you without an escort; that would be unheard of.”

  Jonah raised an eyebrow. “Are you afraid that if you go with me, I’ll overstep your boundaries?”

  The idea of Jonah coming on to me, made my heart hammer, and my mouth felt dry, but I managed to make a “tsk” sound. “No, of course not. I’m pretty sure if you were interested in me that way, you would have made a move already. It’s just that my tournament is coming up in the spring and if the participants learned that I was traveling alone with a man, rumors might spark.”

  Jonah kept his eyes locked with me a little longer than usual. “Except they all perceive me as a homosexual, don’t they?”

  I looked down, biting back my desire to ask Jonah if they were right. Jonah and I were close friends but he had never brought up sexuality before and neither had I.

  “Mila?”

  “Yes?” I lifted my gaze.

  “I’m right about them thinking I’m a homosexual, aren’t I?”

  Forcing out the words, I admitted, “Probably. Or maybe asexual.” If Raven were here, she would have shamelessly asked Jonah what his sexual orientation was, but I wasn’t that straightforward.

  “Hmm…" He said, “So why don’t we use that to our advantage and you can come back with me for a visit?”

  When I didn’t answer, Jonah reached for my hand. “Say yes, please.”

  “Can I think about it?”

  “Sure.”

  We walked the dogs for a few minutes until we came close to the obstacle course in the park where Mason, my younger brother, was working out with two of the soldiers who belonged to the security here at the Gray Manor.

  “Hey, Jonah, come here.” Mason was gesturing and whistling and it made all the dogs sprint toward him.

  We turned in the same direction.

  CHAPTER 2

  The Obstacle Course

  Jonah

  Mason stood in front of the obstacle course with his hands on his hips and a big smug grin on his face. “I’ll bet I can beat you by more than twenty seconds.”

  The boyish excitement that radiated from the eleven-year-old, was amusing, but I didn’t doubt that he was right. Mason was born to compete.

  “You want me to race you?”

  “That’s right. I’ve seen you running in the park and this morning you did push-ups. Think of this as just another type of exercise.”

  “But…” I didn’t get to finish my sentence before he interrupted me.

  “Just do your best. Nobody expects you to be good at it.”

  “Umm…” I wasn’t sure what to say to this self-assured boy who was already taller than me despite being only ten for a few more months.

  “You shouldn’t pressure him,” one of the guards said. “Motlanders don’t like to push themselves.”

  It had been a year and a half since I first visited the Northlands. In that time, I’d learned not to get offended by their insulting assumptions about me.

  Looking over the obstacle course, I asked, “Okay, so what do we have to do?”

  Mason lit up and explained the seven obstacles. Pointing to the last one, he said, “I can climb that tree in less than twenty seconds.” He threw a nod to the two soldiers. “I’m even faster than Kal-El and Neptune.”

  My eyes grew wider. “Did you say Neptune? Like the planet?”

  The guard in question spoke up, “No, I’m named after the Roman god of the sea. Why are you shaking your head at that?”

  “My apologies. It’s just that you Nmen never cease to amaze me with your names.”

  “I’m named after Superman,” Kal-El said with pride.

  “Is that another mythological god?”

  Kal-El, looked away and muttered, “Something like that.”

  When Mason snickered, Neptune explained, “Superman was a cartoon character that could fly.”

  “He was much more than a cartoon character. Superman was a bad-ass from outer space, all right?” Kal-El defended himself, but that only made Neptune shrug.

  “If you say so, but being named after a god is way better. Nobody messes with a god.”

  My eyes fell to his injured hand, which looked to be wrapped in a layer of bone accelerator. “So, I assume that’s self-inflicted then?”

  It was clear to me that Neptune wished I hadn’t noticed. He moved his hand behind his back and offered no explanation.

  “Anyway, as I was saying, I can beat them and they’re grown men.”

  “And I’m not?”

  “Yeah, but you’re a grown Momsi, and that’s different.”

  “Mason!” Mila’s tone was reprimanding. “We don’t use the term Momsi.”

  “Sorry, I meant he’s a grown Motlander.”

  “That I am. But surely, where I come from shouldn’t determine how fit or athletic I am.”

  Kal-El and Neptune, who both looked to be in their mid-twenties like me, exchanged a glance while Mason said what they were all thinking, “It kinda does, ’cause everybody knows that we Nmen are much stronger than men from the Motherlands. It’s a genetic thing.”

  “Then let me ask you this, strong one.” I hid my smile. “Are you sure you want to race me? Sounds like I have nothing to lose and you have nothing to win. Think about it. If I beat you, what will people think? It sounds like losing to a Momsie man would be embarrassing to you.”

  Mason snorted and pushed out his chest. “There’s no way I’ll lose against you. Are you in or not?”

  "I’m not exactly wearing my running gear."

  "You’ll be fine. Those sneakers and loose pants will work great."

  "If you say so." After rolling my shoulders and jumping up and down a few times, I took off my thick sweater and left only my long-sleeved t-shirt on. “Okay, then let’s do it!”

  Mila reined in her three dogs to avoid their chasing us, while Kal-El gave Mason some last-minute advice.

  “Remember to breathe and find your balance before stepping onto the beam, and this time – fucking duck your head when the balls swing at you.”

  Mason was eager and exclaimed, “Can I go first?”

  I swung my hand in a grand gesture and smiled. “Show me how it’s done.”

  We all cheered for Mason and I was impressed how athletic he was and how well-coordinated his long lanky body was. In the middle of the course, he got knocked down by a large ball swinging from side to side.

  “I fucking told you to duck,” Kal-El shouted to Mason, who pushed back up from the ground. Placing a hand on a rib on his left side, Mason’s face distorted in a grimace, but the other guard, Neptune, cheered him on, “No time for pain, just get your ass back up there.”

  The second time, Mason managed to get through without getting hit by any more balls. Running toward the last obstacle, the tree, Mason accelerated full speed and used a cat-like technique, taking a few steps on the trunk and leaping high in the air for one of the branches. Once he had a good grip, he pulled himself up. I counted how many seconds it took him to reach the top. Seventeen seconds.

  “You’re like a monkey, aren’t you?” I teased when he came back down. “That was incredible, Mason.”

  “Told you I’m fast.” His blue eyes shone with pride.

  “Well done little brother.” Mila reached up and tousled his red hair that complimented his freckles.

  He pushed her hand away with an embarrassed mutter. “I’m not little.”

  The guards patted him on the shoulder before turning their attention to me. “Your turn, Councilman. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

  I had been a fast runner since childhood and with my family unit being in charge of a Nostalgia Park where visitors could experience simulated time traveling, I was used to physical activities.

  “What was your time again?” I asked Mason.

  “Three minutes and fourteen seconds.”

  “All right.” Wetting my lips, I swung my arms a last time and took position. “I’m ready.”

  Neptune held up
his arm and set the timer on his wristband. “3, 2, 1, Go.”

  The first obstacle required only the use of my arms. Jumping up to reach the first iron bar, I had to switch between my left and right arm and pull myself along twenty more iron bars, positioned far enough apart for me to have to use my legs to swing to get momentum. I was happy that Mason had gone first and demonstrated the technique.

  When I got through and jumped to the next obstacle, I heard one of the guards say, “Damn, I didn’t think he would have the strength to do that.”

  It always astonished me how Nmen underestimated us people from the Motherlands. My sister, Emanuela, was a soccer player and one of the best athletes in the world. I’d bet if she were here, she would beat all of us on this obstacle course.

  “There’s no way he’ll get through the next one. It’s all about core muscles.”

  I ignored their comments and focused on getting through a tunnel that was too low to crawl in. Pushing off on my elbows and using my hips and legs to wriggle forward, I kept my head down and my eyes on the light at the end of the tunnel.

  “Fuck, that was fast.” Mason’s outcries were followed by Mila’s cheering for me.

  “Keep going, Jonah, you’re winning.”

  It helped that I’d seen Mason go through the course. The third obstacle reminded me of a short zipliner, except that once you grabbed onto the two handles you were twirled around while going fast through the air. I hated getting dizzy and was grateful that at least there was a large safety net underneath in case I fell. I ran up the stairs to the platform and with a firm grip on the handles, I kicked the release mechanism and felt my body spinning around and around, like a dancer on ice doing pirouettes.

  It was a small miracle in itself that I didn’t let go of the handles before it was over and that I managed to not throw up after.

  The guards and Mason were laughing and making comments about how I had screamed while spinning, but I also heard one of them say, “He must have some muscles hidden under that shirt because he’s fucking fast.”

  If only they knew how many summers I’d worked in my family’s theme park. Last year alone, I’d spent three weeks as a rappelling guide; two to four times a day, I’d had to manually pull myself and a visitor up on a platform because one of the wires in the park wasn’t tight enough. I wasn’t buff like most of the Nmen, but I was strong.