The Pacifist

by Elin Peer

  Anne blinked her eyes as if unsure whether she should be offended or flattered. “Thank you, I think.”

  “Sure, no problem, but I’m standing by my words, you’re fucking crazy.”

  “In a good way,” my mom added like the kind Motlander she was.

  I pushed the last piece of my cake to the side of the plate and leaned back in my chair. “Hunter has a point, Anne. You committed a crime like the rest of us. It’s just a matter of time before you’ll get invited for your interview. Cole made a deal that he and Hunter took all the blame for our brewing alcohol and racing, but setting fire to a building wasn’t part of that deal.”

  Anne skewed her mouth like she was chewing on her inner cheek. “Can’t I just decline the invitation?”

  I gave her the same patient smile that I’d given her when we were children and she had been too young to understand that catching bees with her hands was a bad idea.

  “You can try, but I doubt it’ll work.”

  “Then I’ll go somewhere to hide for a while.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to the Northlands after the last hearing in the Council.”

  My mom looked surprised. “You are?”

  “I miss Mila and I want to see her again.”

  “How long do you plan to stay?”

  “That depends on the vote tomorrow night.” I shrugged. “I’d rather be in the Northlands with Ema, Hunter, Mila, and my other friends than be under constant attack in the press here. From the latest news, Khan is under pressure and can use my help to win the election.”

  “Yes, come to the Northlands.” Emanuela gave me a grateful smile. “I’ll feel better knowing that you’re around.”

  Anne looked from me to Emanuela, and back again. “Maybe I could visit you sometime, if that’s okay. I’ve always been fascinated with the Northlands.”

  This was my cue and like a cat stretching in the sun, I told her what I’d been dying to tell her all evening. “It’s funny you say that because they seem to have a fascination with you too.”

  Anne’s hand went to her collarbone. “With me?”

  “Yes.”

  “But why? I don’t know anyone up there.”

  “They’ve seen your modeling pictures and apparently you have a whole fan group.”

  We laughed at Anne’s surprised expression.

  “They like my photos?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s weird. I can’t imagine men wearing bikinis or swimsuits.” She gave a small laugh.

  Hunter leaned in. “Anne, things are very different back home. Here people see the bathing suit in your pictures, but in the Northlands the men see you. And why wouldn’t they? You’re as beautiful as your sister and they are attracted to your femininity.”

  “Really?” An intrigued smile grew on Anne’s face and with a fluid movement, she pushed her long brown hair back over her shoulder.

  “Actually, I had an idea I wanted to discuss with you.” I looked into her eyes. “A way for you to make up for what you did to me.”

  Her smile vanished instantly. “Anything.”

  “I’ve been giving Khan advice on how to win the election. He’s in no way a perfect man, but with Pearl by his side, I believe he’s the best candidate to keep the peace and prosperity in the Northlands. One of my suggestions was for him to have a hugging booth, like I did during my own campaign.”

  “Yes, that’s a great idea.” It was no surprise that my mom was in favor of the idea since it had been her suggestion to me when I ran for the Council.

  “I know, but Khan refuses to do it.”

  Hunter snorted. “Good, because that would have made him a complete joke.”

  “Why?” Anne asked.

  “Because it’s not what we do.” Hunter squared his shoulders. “No one would hug him.”

  “Do Nmen not like hugs?”

  “Sure, but not with our ruler. And the safety concern for him is too great. Not everyone is a fan.”

  I placed both my elbows and palms on the table, leaning forward. “I still believe that a hugging booth would get a lot of attention. Especially if the people hugging are someone the Nmen would form long lines to hug; like women.” My gaze shifted to Anne, who raised her brow.

  “You want me to hug people to help your friend, Khan?”

  “Uh-huh. I’m happy to do it alongside you, but I think your line would be a lot longer than mine.”

  Hunter crossed his arms. “A hug sounds excessive. I’m not sure you two know what you’re getting yourself into. Let’s keep it to a handshake and a picture.”

  “How can a hug be excessive?” Anne asked.

  “A hug is one thing, but we’re talking hundreds maybe. Big men who will swallow you up in their arms and resist letting go again.”

  “Men like you?”

  Hunter nodded. “Yes, and bigger than me.”

  A small smile played on Anne’s lips. “I think I can handle it.”

  My voice rose with excitement. “So you’ll do it?”

  “Yes. It sounds fun.” Anne looked as excited as the time she was five and we took her on a secret mission to Mom’s cherry tree. “When are we leaving?”

  “Whoa, slow down, you two.” Hunter pointed at me. “I see what you’re doing and I can’t let you do it.”

  “Do what?”

  “You’re recruiting Anne to do something that fits your agenda, but she has no way of fully understanding what she’s agreeing to.”

  “Anne is an adult who can make her own decisions,” I argued.

  Hunter stood his ground. “The tournament isn’t until April the sixth. That’s still three weeks away, so why not bring Anne to the Northlands for a visit before then?” He nodded his head like it was already decided. “It’ll give you a chance to make a more informed decision.”

  Emanuela gave Anne an apologetic smile. “Nmen are very protective of women. Hunter means well.”

  “It’s fine. I understand.”

  “Okay, then you can come with me when I leave tomorrow night. If you’re available.”

  “I might as well since all my modeling jobs have been canceled. Apparently, there’s too much attention around my private life at the moment.”

  “Good. Bringing you will give us a chance to discuss the idea with Pearl and Khan. I’m sure they’ll agree a hugging booth is a great idea.”

  Hunter waved his hands in front of him. “Stop saying hugging booth. I like the idea of helping Khan, but please don’t make the mistake of promising people a hug. Just call it a meet and greet. If you feel like hugging you can, but otherwise shake their hands. Trust me, fans can be a bit much. Ema and I have a lot of experience with this sort of thing.”

  Emanuela agreed: “Hunter is right, but if this is important to you, Jonah, then I’m happy to help too.”

  Hunter huffed out, “Then it’s definitely only handshakes. I’m not letting my wife hug strangers.”

  Emanuela pushed her chin up. “Like I need your permission.”

  “Ha! You might not need my permission, but the men do. All I have to do is stand beside you and they won’t touch you.”

  “You know perfectly well that if you stood beside me, they would all be flocking to meet you anyway.”

  “We should all do it,” Anne exclaimed. “The councilman, the soccer players, and the swimsuit model.”

  I lit up in a wide smile. “That would be some meet and greet booth.”

  “Fine with me.” Hunter gave a nod of agreement. “It would give me a chance to meet my fans again and let the clubs see that I’m still popular.”

  “Oooh, I love campaigning.” My mom pushed her plate out of her way. “You should have big banners and matching shirts too. I can make some in the print shop if you need me to, and remember to tell everyone you meet that you are counting on them to vote for Khan.”

  A smile spread on my lips as I listened to my family take over the planning of the meet and greet booth. One of the first things I’d learned at the Council a
cademy when I was a child was that the best way to distract yourself from your own problems was to focus on solving someone else’s.

  “How about this idea?” Emanuela widened her eyes. “If the Nmen are so skeptical about democracy, why not use women to sell it to them? They want more women to come and live there, right?”

  “Sure.” Hunter nodded.

  “So, show them interviews with women on the streets here. Have them explain why moving to the Northlands would be much more appealing if the country was a democracy instead of a dictatorship. Have a headline that says democracy is sexy.”

  They kept throwing out ideas and I couldn’t wait to tell Mila about our plans. The thought that I’d see her again soon made me smile wider. And then Hunter dropped the bomb.

  “I’m not sold on the idea to sell democracy as sexy, but the meet and greet booth could work. Actually, you know what would be the perfect place for this booth? Mila’s tournament. There’s going to be tens of thousands gathered.”

  I’d worked so hard to block the thought that Mila’s tournament was going to happen soon.

  Shifting in my seat like the chair was on fire, I got up. “Excuse me.”

  “Are you okay, Jonah?” my mom called after me as I hurried out of the room with an intense pain in my chest and stomach.

  Mila was marrying and I’d blown my chance to stop her.

  Fresh air. I need fresh air!

  Outside, I took large inhalations of the cold night air in an attempt to get my shaking hands under control.

  The stars were shining bright above me, just like they had the first night I spent with her on the rooftop star lounge.

  Time was running out and I was losing Mila. For real!

  Bending over, I thought I was going to puke.

  Sweet, adorable, funny, and kind Mila.

  Falling to my knees like a man hit with a bat in the head, I clamped my arms around my solar plexus, which was burning like I’d just swigged down a large glass of acid. I’d never prayed in my life, but something made me turn my head to the sky and ask the stars for help.

  “Please… you can take my seat on the council, but not Mila. I need my North Star or I’ll be lost.”

  Our last night together came back to me. Her question about marriage, and my stupid, stupid rejection. I hid my face in my hands.

  What have I done?

  I sucked in more of the night air as a brutal and ugly realization hit me. All my talk about staying authentic and defending romantics in my speech. Mila was the purest romantic of all, and I’d rejected her need to put a label on our love because I feared what society might think of it.

  I’d called myself a rebel and yet I’d been willing to conform to secure my seat on the council.

  What a hypocrite I’ve been.

  People like Mila were as rare as pearls in the ocean. I’d known that from the first time I met her. How had I let a jewel like her slip through my fingers when I should have grabbed on with both hands?

  I’m the biggest fool in the world.

  I wanted to call her and beg her to forgive my stupidity and pride, but some things were better said face to face.

  Leaning my neck back again, I swallowed hard, and asked a last favor from the stars.

  “If you can’t grant me my first wish, will you at least make sure that she marries someone kind and worthy of her?”

  There was no answer from above.

  Only the sound of my quiet sniffling broke the night air as I texted a few words to Mila. “Good night, my North Star, I love you.”

  It was a text I’d sent so many nights, but never had I understood the significance of the level of love I truly felt for her. Would she sense it this time?

  Her answer came fast. “Good night, wise one, and good luck tomorrow.”

  Staring at Mila’s text, all I could see were the three missing words.

  She doesn’t love me anymore

  CHAPTER 19

  The Vote

  Jonah

  All day, I’d walked around in a daze feeling strangely detached from the result of tonight’s vote.

  In the scheme of things, my role was minimal and insignificant. We humans liked to believe we were on top of the world, but the Toxic War had showed us we were as vulnerable as any other species on the planet.

  How strange that we spent so much time discussing what rules to live by and held such strong opinions about how others ought to live their lives.

  I doubted any other species on this planet wasted as much time worrying and arguing about such senseless things.

  This time, I wasn’t required to give a speech in the Council but merely answer any follow-up questions that might be lingering from Wednesday’s hearing.

  As I heard them make arguments about my unworthiness on the Council, my mind wandered back to the time I was eleven and my granddad was diagnosed and told he had only weeks left to live. I had grieved his passing while he was still alive, just waiting for the inevitable to happen.

  That’s how this felt. Like a slow but steady road to the end.

  “Jonah, you may answer the question.”

  The mention of my name made me come back to the present and stand up. “May I have the question repeated, please.”

  A Council member as young and new as me cleared her throat. “In regards to your suggestion to modify censorship on entertainment, can you clarify where you wish to draw the line? If we allow free speech in books and movies, then what about in real life? How will it affect our laws on proper communication?”

  I didn’t speak with the same enraptured energy that I’d presented my speech with on Wednesday night. In the acceptance of the inevitable, there was a quiet freedom. I no longer longed for the approval they would never give me.

  “I believe language holds a significant power in our lives. A power that can be used for good and bad. In the olden days they had a word that described the process of releasing, and thereby providing relief from, strong or repressed emotions through language. The word was catharsis. The limitations we’ve put on our people by denying them the use of certain words have consequences that I don’t agree with. We are easily offended and sensitive. No one dares speak their mind freely for fear of being reported for improper communication.

  “I’m not in favor of hateful words, but there has to be a balance where we can show a higher level of tolerance for people who wish to express themselves with a more colorful style of communication.

  “To answer your question, I would like to see a higher level of freedom in both entertainment and real life.”

  “Does that include profanity?” the same young Council member asked me.

  I shrugged. “In my opinion, yes. Whether you want to use it is up to you, but I can tell you from experience that when you bump a toe it feels good to use the worst words you know.”

  Chairman Isobel spoke up. “Since this meeting is being transmitted to the world and the next topic we will be discussing is classified, I ask that the transmission be turned off for a short period.”

  I expected her to show a passage from the forbidden book, and to confront me with the accusations that I’d smuggled out a copy without permission. Instead, she said, “I’m told we’re off air now. Which gives us the opportunity to view a video that was sent to me in confidentiality. I would like to remind everyone that we are now looking at sensitive material that in no way can be shared or discussed outside this Council.”

  Meeting in virtual reality felt a lot like real life. Everyone looked like themselves, but there were features that were only possible here. Hanging in free air in front of every seat, a video popped up showing Pearl in her office. “May peace surround you all, dear Council members. Today, you’re making a decision that will affect generations to come. I’m sending you this message to be sure you understand the important role Jonah Cervici has played in the integration between the Northlands and Motherlands so far, but also the potential he has in playing an even bigger role in the future.

&n
bsp; “We are in the middle of a historic victory for the Motherlands council. With our influence over the last twelve years, the Northlands will soon have their first democratically elected leader. I can tell you that Jonah has been instrumental in that progress, but I’m afraid that your decision today could backfire and help the wrong candidate win. The outcome could be devastating to us all. What you’re about to see is a recording from a meeting between my husband Khan Aurelius and his brother Magni Aurelius captured on a security camera only Khan and I have access to.

  “I’ve tossed and turned all night feeling torn about what to do, but I’ve decided to share it with you for the sake of world peace. I trust that it will be for your eyes only.”

  The picture changed and showed Magni and Khan in Khan’s office. I’d been in there several times but never noticed a camera. From the angle the video was recorded in, the camera would have to be hidden in the bookshelf by the wall.

  “Stop pacing, Khan, you’re making me fucking dizzy.”

  Groans came from Khan, who had his hands in his dark hair. “Those imbecile women shouldn’t be allowed to rule. To punish a man for being a man is just the kind of extreme sabotage they would do. All they want is a world of mindless clones who act the same way as them.”

  Magni was sitting in a chair in front of Khan’s desk and followed Khan with his head. “It’s crazy what they’re doing to Jonah. I mean he’s a Momsi and a pain in the butt, but the man had balls to stand his ground and not apologize to the Nanny Club. For a second, Jonah actually gave me hope that not every man in the Motherlands has been broken by women.”

  Khan stopped for a second. “He seems like an outlier. The rest are like domesticated, docile lions who have been fucking castrated and declawed at birth. It makes me furious that women can be so cruel. Aren’t they supposed to be caring and loving by nature? The Momsies are more like fucking tyrants suppressing anyone different from them.”

  Magni scoffed loudly. “At least we won’t have to listen to Jonah preach about his damn love for democracy. Now he’ll see that our way was always the best. Why the fuck did we let him talk us into having an election in the first place?”