Stalemate

by Iris Johansen

  “Did you fuck him?”

  She absorbed the shock and then said, “No, I didn’t. Did you think I did?”

  “Diaz said you told him you did.”

  “To give me a better position to bargain. I’d think you’d figure that out.”

  “It was hard to figure anything out when every word was punctuated with a fist in my stomach. It sort of drove his point home.”

  She flinched. “I can see that it would. Do you believe him?”

  He met her eyes and then shook his head. “Not when I’m sane.”

  “Diaz said in their hearts all men believe women are whores.”

  “Diaz is wrong. But there’s a streak of the primitive that makes us think women will always go to the strong. It’s something I can’t fight.”

  “The hell you can’t,” she said unsteadily. “And you are strong, Joe. Even if you were in a wheelchair, you’d still be stronger than any other man I’ve met.”

  “I won’t ask if that includes Montalvo.”

  “I did not fuck him.”

  “But did you want to?” He moved toward the door. “I think the answer is yes. I don’t even want you to deny it. I don’t think I’d believe you. Hell, you may not even realize that you do.”

  “But of course you can see right into my psyche as if it were a blueprint.”

  “Yes, I know you. Maybe better than you know yourself.”

  He had reached the door and panic seared through her. “Don’t you dare leave. We have to talk.”

  “Not now. I’m a little raw at the moment. Okay, I have an ego and you stung me by closing me out of the action. That could be part of it. And after all these years of dealing with your obsession about finding Bonnie maybe I’m just tired. I don’t know. I have to do some thinking.”

  “Joe…”

  He gazed back at her. “I know you care about me. I know you’re upset and hurt. I can’t help you this time, Eve.” The French doors closed behind him.

  Jesus.

  She sank into the rattan chair and huddled there. She had hurt him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She had to find a way to help him, heal him. Yes, she was hurting, too, but she was afraid no one could help her.

  Those last words had sounded too much like good-bye.

  17

  Eve was still on the veranda when Montalvo came back to the compound four hours later.

  “Eve?”

  She stirred and sat up straight in the chair. “Is everything secured at the village?”

  “A few pockets of resistance. Armandariz can take care of the rest.” He squatted in front of her chair. “I came to take care of you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Liar.” His fingers moved delicately over her jawline. “You’re tense as a violin string. Galen said you’d gone out here to talk to Quinn.”

  She nodded jerkily.

  “And it didn’t go well.”

  “You could say that.”

  “Why?”

  “He thinks I want to go to bed with you.”

  His fingers continued to stroke her cheek. “Do you?”

  “Sometimes.” She hadn’t realized she’d blurt out the truth that she hadn’t fully admitted to herself. “But it’s only sex. And I won’t do it.”

  He sighed. “I’m afraid that’s true. But what a splendid match we’d make. It would be beyond belief.” He touched her lips with his forefinger. “Just once, Eve?”

  She shook her head. “Even if there weren’t Joe I couldn’t risk it. You’re…I think you’d be too much.”

  “Too much what?”

  “Too much darkness, too much intensity, too much passion.” She shrugged helplessly. “Too much.”

  “I’m working on the darkness. I believe I have a chance to come into the light now that I’ve brought Nalia home and killed Diaz. The intensity and the passion?” He smiled. “No way. I told you that we mirrored each other. It may be those qualities that are my most potent ammunition.”

  Her lip was tingling beneath his touch and she turned her head. “I like my life. I love Joe. You’d…devour me.”

  “I might try.” He rose to his feet. “You’re feeling insecure at the moment or you wouldn’t be so lacking in confidence. I think I’ll leave you alone to pull yourself together. You don’t know how difficult it is to be this restrained.” He gazed down at her with a smile. “What a team we’d be, Eve. We’d have it all.”

  She shook her head.

  He studied her face. “You don’t want to take that first step. I’d help you, Eve. There’s so much more between us than sex.”

  “I love Joe,” she repeated.

  “Of course you do. But there’s a place for me too. I can’t promise I won’t try to squeeze Quinn out. We’re both alpha males. But I can be patient. I know what we have in store for us. I see it. I can feel it.”

  And he was making her feel it too, she realized. He was blurring the images and drawing her into the circle of intensity as he always did. Fight it.

  But dear God, she was weary of fighting.

  “I could push it,” he said softly. “You’re hurting and I may never get another chance when you’re this vulnerable.” He shook his head. “But that’s not good enough for me. I want you to walk toward me and take my hand. I want you to stand beside me as you did in that church, strong and independent and joined in purpose.” He turned and headed for the door. “So I’ll wait. My time will come.”

  He was gone.

  Relief cascaded through her.

  Relief…and disappointment.

  Jesus, what the hell was happening to her? She had always known where she was going and this bewilderment was tearing her to pieces.

  Forget it. Go to bed. It wasn’t as if she were the one to make a decision, she thought bitterly. She wasn’t sure Joe still wanted her. Montalvo had already said she wasn’t enough for him right now. She might very well end up alone.

  And it would probably serve her right. Perhaps a person as obsessed as she should be alone. That way she wouldn’t hurt anyone but herself.

  She got to her feet. No use sitting here brooding. She would shower, start to pack, and then go to sleep. Tomorrow she’d talk to Montalvo about arranging for her to go back to Atlanta.

  It was time to put her life back on track.

  “Eve? Are you asleep?”

  She turned over in bed to see Joe silhouetted in the open doorway. “No. Come in.”

  He closed the door and crossed the room to the bed. “I was going to wait until morning. But I couldn’t do it.”

  “It’s close enough.” She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s almost four A.M. That’s morning.” She sat up in bed. “And I couldn’t sleep anyway.” She tried to smile. “You pretty well blew me away.”

  “I know. I had…issues.”

  “Obviously. Will it help if I tell you I understand every single one?”

  He sat down on the bed beside her. “It helps.”

  “Should I turn on the light?”

  “Not now. There’s enough moonlight coming in that window.” He was silent a moment. “I can work my way through most of those issues. Once I’m healthy I don’t believe you’re going to treat me like a second-class citizen. You never have before.”

  “You were never hurt and in danger before. I don’t promise I wouldn’t do the same thing again. I love you, Joe. Protection goes with the territory. It’s self-preservation for me as well as you.”

  “Then I’ll have to be damn sure I don’t get wounded again. I can’t take it.” He paused. “And I’m not afraid of Montalvo. I can find ways to make you forget him. He’s the new kid on the block. I know you better than he ever could.”

  I looked at you and saw myself.

  “Yes.”

  “That wasn’t very convincing.”

  “I’m convinced you can do anything you want to do.”

  He reached out and took her hand. “Except one thing.”

  She knew what was com
ing and instinctively tensed.

  “Bonnie. I can’t make you forget Bonnie.”

  “No, you can’t,” she said unevenly. “Not ever. And if that’s becoming a problem, it’s the one thing I can’t solve.”

  “It’s a problem. I used to think if I could just find her that it would be over. But it’s not happening and you almost died this time trying to find her.”

  “And so did you.”

  “Yet when we get back to the U.S., you’re going to go after that lead Montalvo got for you.”

  “Yes.” Her hand tightened. “So if you’re smart, you’ll leave me. You don’t deserve this.”

  He looked down at their joined hands. “Do you want me to leave you? Will it make it easier for you?”

  “God, no.”

  He was silent a moment. “Then I think I’ll stick around.” He kicked off his shoes. “Scoot over. The last time I held you, I was so drugged I couldn’t appreciate it.”

  She shifted over in bed and he enfolded her in his arms. Lord, he felt good. “I love you, Joe,” she whispered. “This is all I want. You’re all I want.”

  “That’s good to know.” He kissed her temple. “And I’ll work very hard on keeping the status quo intact.”

  “So will I,” she whispered. “Forever….”

  Montalvo was in the library when she came downstairs later that morning. “Good morning.” His gaze searched her expression. “You’re…serene. I’m not sure that’s good for me.”

  “I want you to arrange transportation to send Joe and me home.”

  He nodded. “Ah, a reconciliation. Definitely not good for me.”

  “Will you do it?”

  “Of course. I’ll have you out of here by late this afternoon.” He stood up. “Do I get a fond kiss good-bye?”

  “No.”

  “Coward.” He smiled. “I’ve never kissed you and I thought it would be interesting. But I agree it’s better not to run the risk. It would get in the way.”

  “No risk,” she said. “How is Miguel?”

  “Much better now that I let him shoot Soldono.” He grimaced. “But Venable isn’t as pleased. He wanted to bring Soldono back to your justice. I don’t trust courts.” His expression darkened. “And Miguel deserved his revenge.”

  She shivered as she remembered the boy hanging from that cross. “When are you taking him to the hospital in the U.S.?”

  “As soon as I wind up my affairs here. I’m closing the compound.”

  “What?”

  “I’m retiring. I have all the money I could possibly need. I’ve accomplished what I set out to do.” He inclined his head at her. “We’ve accomplished what I set out to do. Armandariz and I are burying Nalia’s remains in the cemetery in the village where she was born.”

  “Then she’s truly home,” she said softly.

  He nodded.

  “Good. That makes me very happy.” She turned to go back upstairs.

  “And as soon as I get Miguel on his feet, I’ll be keeping my promise about Bonnie’s killer.”

  “I have the names. Joe and I can follow through on it.”

  “But that wouldn’t be keeping my promise.”

  “We can do it,” she repeated.

  He studied her expression. “We’ll discuss it another time.”

  “No, I don’t want you near me, Montalvo.”

  He nodded slowly. “Quinn is feeling threatened?”

  She didn’t answer.

  He tilted his head appraisingly. “Or are you the one feeling threatened?”

  “We can handle it ourselves.” She started up the stairs. “Just as we’ve always done.”

  The sun was setting as Eve, Joe, and Galen got into the jeep.

  “Why don’t you go down and tell her good-bye?” Miguel asked from his bed across the room from the window where Montalvo stood looking down at the courtyard below. “It’s what you want to do.”

  Turn around, Eve. You know I’m watching you.

  “How do you know what I want to do?” Montalvo asked.

  “I have nothing to do but lie here and think,” Miguel said. “And since I have a very boring selection of subjects I chose you.” He paused. “You let her go. I didn’t think you’d do it.”

  “She’s not ready for me yet. It would have been a disaster if I’d not walked carefully.”

  “But you could say good-bye.”

  “It wouldn’t have been satisfactory for either one of us. She’s very defensive about Quinn.” He smiled. “And not saying good-bye is not a bad thing.”

  Turn around and look up, Eve.

  She gazed straight ahead as the driver started the car.

  I’m here, Eve. Just a glance…

  Her shoulders tensed and for a moment he thought she’d look back.

  She didn’t do it. Her shoulders were straight, her eyes still straight ahead as the driver drove through the gates.

  Of course she hadn’t looked back. It would have been foreign to her character to give in to that impulse.

  But for an instant she had thought about it and that was a triumph too.

  “They’re gone.” He turned away from the window and strolled back to the bed. “By tomorrow they’ll be safely tucked away in their cozy cottage by the lake.”

  “You don’t seem upset.”

  “There’s no use being upset.” He poured a cup of coffee for Miguel and lifted it to his lips. After the boy had taken a few swallows he set the cup on the saucer. “It’s counterproductive. And you know that’s not my way.”

  “So what will you do?”

  “I’ll go and put my Nalia in her final resting-place. Then I’ll take you to that Emory Hospital and get you well. I’m very tired of waiting on you like this. I think you’re beginning to enjoy it too much.”

  Miguel smiled slyly. “Maybe.”

  “And then I’ll put you into a school and make you slave at the books.”

  Miguel’s smile faded. “I’m staying with you.”

  “Who said I wouldn’t be there?”

  “All the time?” Miguel asked suspiciously.

  Montalvo’s glance returned to the window. “I might take a few excursions while you’re otherwise occupied.”

  Miguel’s jaw set. “I won’t be ‘otherwise occupied.’ Not if it means you’re dumping me somewhere. I don’t give a damn about your books.”

  Montalvo looked back at him and he slowly shook his head. “What am I going to do with you, boy?”

  “Keep me around. We’ve got to be together, Colonel.”

  Montalvo nodded, and carefully avoiding Miguel’s bandaged hands, he grasped his forearm with affection. “I believe you’re right,” he said softly. A warm smile lit his face. “We’ve got to stay together.”

  18

  Lake Cottage

  The sun was going down and casting a glory of pink-and-purple mirror images on the lake.

  Mirror…

  Would she ever be able to think of that word without remembering Montalvo, Eve wondered as she leaned back against a pine and linked her arms about her knees.

  Of course she would. It would only take time. Good heavens, she hadn’t thought of him more than a few times during the entire two months that had passed since they had left the compound. In a year she wouldn’t remember Montalvo existed.

  “Yes, you will.”

  She glanced sideways to see Bonnie leaning against the tree a few yards away. A surge of love swept through her.

  “You know nothing about it,” she said. “You’re a kid.”

  Bonnie sighed. “I told you that doesn’t make any difference now.”

  “You always tell me what I want to hear. That’s very suspicious, you know.”

  “I want to make you happy. It doesn’t mean I don’t tell you the truth.”

  “As you see it.”

  A luminous smile lit Bonnie’s face. “As I see it.”

  “I am happy,” Eve said softly. “Whenever I see you, I’m happy. Of course, that makes me pr
etty wacko.”

  “And are you happy with Joe now, Mama?”

  “Of course I am.” It was the truth. Why shouldn’t she be happy? They had each other and the peaceful life they had almost lost. “Why do you ask?”

  Bonnie just looked at her.

  “Okay, there are things to work out. It’s not as…smooth.”

  “Smooth isn’t always good. Perhaps you needed shaking up, Mama.”

  “Not like that,” she said dryly. “I’ll pass.”

  “He was good for you.”

  “Montalvo? You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “It was like being caught in a storm. You had to fight to survive, but it excited you. It made you come alive. I like to see you all glowing and intent.”

  “I’m glad I made you happy. It wasn’t so much fun for me.” She gazed out at the lake. “And it’s over. I’m only waiting for Joe’s wounds to finish healing and we’ll be going after a man who may have killed you. Did he do it, baby?”

  “I told you that I don’t think about things that happened that night. It makes me—I don’t think about it.”

  Eve closed her eyes as she thought about the horror of that night. “I forgot,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, baby. I could just use a little help.”

  “You’ll have help. You have Joe.” She smiled. “And you’ll have Montalvo.”

  “I don’t have Montalvo. I’ll probably never hear from him again.”

  “You’ll hear from him. He’s there, waiting.”

  “Then I’ll send him on his way. I don’t need him.”

  “Whatever you say,” Bonnie said gently. “It’s getting dark. Joe’s going to make steaks on the barbecue tonight. He’s wondering where you are.”

  “Then I’d better go back to the cottage.” She opened her eyes. “I don’t like to—”

  Bonnie was no longer there. She felt the familiar pang of sadness and loss.

  “Good-bye, baby,” she whispered.

  She got to her feet and strolled down the path toward the lake cottage.

  Joe had come out on the porch and waved to her.

  She waved back at him.

  Contentment and love flowed through her as she saw Joe leaning on the porch rail and smiling at her. Her pace quickened with eagerness as she moved toward him.