And I didn’t care one . . . damn . . . bit.
Chapter Sixteen
Sage
Everything that happened after that was at lightning speed, like someone had hit a fast forward button on real life.
Our clothes came off in a frenzy of motion, and by the time we made it to his bedroom, I was completely naked.
Xander’s shirt was gone but his jeans were still on, hanging open at the fly like he couldn’t take the time to get them all the way off before pouncing.
He laid me down on a soft mattress with his mouth on mine, his tongue still plundering. Spreading my legs wide to accommodate his big body, I hooked my calves around his hips and panted against his lips.
His beard scraped along my skin as he moved down to my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin between my ear and collarbone. My hands went to his head on a moan, and I fisted his hair as his kisses turned softer. I vaguely noticed one of his hands working between us, and a second later the head of his cock slid through the slickness at my core just before he plunged in to the hilt.
“Oh god,” I cried out, my back arching completely off the mattress at the delicious feel of his long, thick length stretching me. Xander stayed planted deep and buried his face in my neck with a rough, craggy growl while we both tried to adjust to the overwhelming feeling of being joined together.
“Fuck,” he grunted against my skin. “Knew I’d be addicted as soon as I felt you around me.”
He wasn’t kidding. He pulled out and pushed back in, and just that one glide felt better than any sex I’d ever had. It took a moment for me to realize exactly why it felt so good, but once it did, I froze solid.
“Shit. Xander, stop,” I gasped.
He quit moving, leaving just the tip of him inside me as he brought his head up. His eyes darted across my face as his forehead pulled into a frown. “What?”
“Condom.” His eyes cleared, but he stayed rooted in place like he actually needed time to consider the ramifications of going ungloved. I, on the other hand, did not. “Xander,” I whispered, the one word coming out a desperate plea. “Hurry.”
A ravaged, frustrated sound vibrated up from his chest, and he finally pulled out.
I whimpered at the loss of him, squeezing my thighs together against the emptiness as he moved to his bedside table. The sound of a condom wrapper being torn echoed through the room, and a second later he was back.
Looping an arm between me and the bed, he slid me up so my head was resting on the pillows. The action was so gentle and thoughtful, unlike anything that had happened since that first kiss outside Rebels, that my eyes began to sting.
Before I could be horrified that I was seconds away from crying, he used his knees to spread my legs and drove back in.
It wasn’t soft and slow. It was hard and fast, demanding, and absolutely incredible.
With each powerful snap of his hips, I lifted my own, meeting him thrust for thrust.
“Christ,” he murmured, “you’re so goddamn tight.”
“Harder,” I begged, digging my heels into the muscles of his ass. “Fuck me harder.”
“Jesus.” He picked up the pace, slamming in so hard the headboard banged against his wall.
“Yes,” I moaned, squeezing my eyes closed and throwing my head back. Each drive of his cock forced me closer to an orgasm I knew was going to be out of this world. “Just like that.”
“Eyes,” he gritted out, sliding deep and grinding against my clit. “Look at me, Sage.”
I managed to peel my eyes open but could only get them halfway up. “God, you feel so good. So big. Move faster.”
His head came down, and my lips parted to let him in. His tongue brushed against mine in time with each of his thrusts. His big hands spanned my waist and slipped up over my ribs to my breasts. His thumbs scraped across my tight nipples, sending a shock straight to my clit that made me suck in a breath.
“You like that, baby?”
“Yeah,” I answered on an exhale. “I’m close, Xander.”
Leaving my breasts, he wrapped his fingers around my wrists and raised my arms over my head. He cuffed them in one of his hands and pressed them down into the pillows as his other slid between our bodies. The rough pads of his fingers brushed my sensitive clit, making my eyes go wide.
“Give it to me,” he commanded as he fucked me harder, faster. “I wanna fuckin’ hear you.”
With one last thrust and brush to my clit, I went off. “Xander!” I shouted out my release until my voice grew hoarse and my whimpers and moans became throaty.
He stayed with me through the whole thing, keeping the snap of his hips strong and steady until my orgasm finally began to taper off.
A moment later, he followed me over that edge, throwing his head back on a low groan as he came long and hard.
The fingers around my wrists loosened as his weight came down on me, and I used that to my advantage, wrapping my arms and legs around him and holding him close.
That had been the best sex of my life, with a man I’d come to care for and crave more than I had wanted to admit to myself.
But there it was.
Then he moved, effectively bursting that bubble we’d been in. Pulling out quickly, he shot off the bed and righted his jeans as he started for the bedroom door.
I sat up in confusion, my happy post coital glow flicking off like a switch being flipped. Pulling at the bed sheet to wrap it around my body, I stared out the door and into the hall, shivering at the sudden cold sliding across my skin.
I heard the sound of a toilet flush, followed by a sink running, but when it shut off, he didn’t reappear.
That was when it hit me, and as soon as it did, I felt lower than dirt. The warm I’d experienced only seconds ago fled and ice took its place, wrapping its frigid fingers around my heart.
Taking the sheet with me, I climbed from the bed and searched the floor for my clothes. There were shirts and jeans scattered all around, but none of them were mine.
I found my panties just outside the bedroom door. Bending to snatch them up, I slid them up my legs and moved farther from the room. My bra was at the mouth of the hall. I quickly donned each article of clothing I located until I was standing alone in Xander’s living room, completely dressed.
I heard the click of nails coming from the direction of the kitchen and turned just as Bear hit the living room.
“Hey boy,” I said quietly, leaning down to give his head a pat. I looked in the direction the dog had just come from and let out a sigh. “He in there?” Bear planted his butt on the ground and opened his mouth, letting his tongue flop out the side. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I didn’t want to see him, but I had no other choice. Xander was standing at the counter, his arms wide, palms braced on the top, with his head hanging low. I cleared my throat to alert him to my presence and waited for him to lift his head.
When he did and his gaze locked with mine, I saw that not only were the shadows there—shadows there had been no sign of the entire time we’d been in his bed—but that the demons were right at the surface as well.
Not your problem, Sage, I scolded myself when I felt my heart give a harsh tug. Not . . . your . . . problem.
Keeping my voice as calm as possible, I said, “I know it’s late, but could you please take me back to my car?”
A flash of confusion flitted across his face before he asked, “What?”
“I need you to take me to my car. I want to go home.”
“Home?”
His lingering befuddlement was beginning to piss me off, and my voice came out harsh and clipped with my next words. “Yes, Xander. Home, as in I want to go there but can’t because I don’t have my car. So will you please take me back to Rebels?”
“No.”
My chin jerked back into my neck. “No? What the hell do you mean, no?”
“Word only has one meanin’, Shortcake.”
“Fine. Then I’ll call a cab or something.” I let out
a huff and started to turn when I realized my purse and cellphone were currently wedged beneath the driver seat of my baby. Swallowing my pride, I turned back around. “Can I use your cell?”
“No.”
“Stop saying that,” I snapped, balling my hands into fists.
Xander pushed off the counter and stood tall, crossing his arms over his broad chest. That was when I noticed that he’d zipped his jeans, but the button was still open and his belt was hanging undone from his hips. “Then stop askin’ questions that require me to answer in the negative.”
“You can’t just keep me here!” I cried, stomping my foot like a child. “I want to go, so either you take me, or give me your phone so I can call someone. Those are the only two options.”
Dropping his arms, he started around the counter and stopped a couple feet away from me. One hand went back to the countertop while he rested the other on his lean hip. “You remember what I said when we got here, right?”
Of course I remembered.
“Yeah, well, that was before you treated me the same way I assume you treat all the women you pick up from that shitty bar. You used me to get off, then couldn’t get out of that bed fast enough. Maybe I could’ve let that slide if your entire body hadn’t been locked with regret when I walked in here, but it was. Sorry if I’m not feeling all warm and fuzzy after that, but it’s obvious you don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here, so please, take me back to my car.”
His features shifted after my little speech, and what I saw made me stop. Stop moving, stop talking, hell, I even stopped breathing.
That same twisted grin he’d given me earlier reappeared. “You got off on that just as hard as I did, baby. Don’t bother denyin’ it. Your pussy clamped down on my cock like a goddamn vice. So don’t act like you don’t want more of that.”
My hands clenched tighter, the sting of my nails breaking the skin of my palms radiating up my arms. “That’s the second time tonight you’ve talked to me like I’m a whore,” I said in an enraged whisper. “There won’t be a third.” With that, I stormed out of his kitchen.
“Where are you going?” he called, his bare feet banging against the rough wood floors as he rushed after me.
“I’m walking. This was a huge fucking mistake.”
“Sage, wait—”
“Fuck off.” I grabbed the doorknob and gave it a turn. As soon as I pulled it open Xander was there, yanking me back and slamming it closed again.
“I’m sorry, Sage” he spit out, desperation laced through those three words as he pushed me back against the door and took my face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”
I grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands away, but he threaded his fingers into my hair and pressed in deeper.
“What are we doing here, Xander? What the hell is this?”
“Fuck,” he clipped out. “I don’t know.” His forehead came down and rested against mine. “I don’t have any answers, Shortcake. All I know is I don’t want you to leave.”
“How you treated me tonight—”
“I fucked up. I know that, and I’m so goddamn sorry, baby. Please, just . . . say you’ll stay.”
I hesitated for several seconds. I’d learned through major error to cut out the people who made me feel bad about myself or hurt me over and over again. But still, there was something about Xander I couldn’t get out from under my skin. I felt the darkness in his eyes every time I looked at him like it was my own. Whatever secrets he was keeping to himself were destroying him. And as much as he’d hurt me tonight, as stupid as it made me, I wanted to stay. I wanted to help him.
I wanted this Xander. But I worried how long it would be before the one I didn’t like made a reappearance.
“Please, Sage,” he repeated when I took too long to answer. He dragged his nose along the side of mine in a feather light touch and brushed my lips with his. “Stay with me tonight.”
“All right. I’ll stay,” I finally whispered. But even though a part of me was thrilled at the idea of spending the night sleeping next to this man, there was another part that couldn’t shake the feeling I was treading on dangerously thin ice.
Only time would tell if I’d make it to the other side . . . or if I’d fall through.
* * *
Xander
She was the first woman I’d kissed in eight years.
The first woman I’d sunk myself deep inside without seeing my wife’s face on the backs of my eyelids.
And tonight she’d be the first woman I shared a bed with since I’d walked away from Rebecca all those years ago, leaving her all alone and pushing her into the arms of the monster who eventually ended her life.
For eight long, miserable years I’d lived with the guilt of what I’d done. I might not have been the one to take her life, but she died because of me. That guilt was in my bones. It was in the air I breathed. It was a part of me.
But tonight, when I was with Sage, it vanished. The memories disappeared. There were no thoughts of Rebecca, no thoughts of how badly I’d screwed up everything.
No thoughts of all I’d lost.
For that short period of time, all I could think about was Sage and what she made me feel.
When it was over, that guilt rushed back a thousand times stronger. I beat myself up for allowing myself to forget. And what was worse was the knowledge that Sage was, hands down, the best I’d ever had. That realization fucked with my head, and because of that, I lashed out. I fucked up. I handled everything that came after in the worst way possible. I ran, needing time to get my shit straight.
But then everything changed. She’d come to me, throwing that attitude I found so goddamn sexy, and I realized something in that moment.
Sage was nothing like Rebecca.
My wife had always had a soft, sensitive heart. She wanted so badly to see the best in everyone, and believed forgiveness was key, even when it came to the people who didn’t deserve it. She wasn’t made for a world as cruel as this one, too fragile to endure the pain that came simply from living. She’d been born to cruel, heartless parents who didn’t shelter her, leaving scars on her soul that never healed properly and left her raw and exposed.
She’d needed a protector, and when I stepped into that role, she’d handed over the reins completely, so happy to have me as her pillar of strength that she never batted an eye. With me there, she chose instead to pretend all of the ugliness from her past was nothing more than a scary dream, feeding herself that same lie over and over until she finally began to believe it. She knew she was safe as long as I was around, and because of that she made the conscious decision to go into each new day with blissful ignorance.
That made the bumps in the road that were a part of life nearly impossible for her to handle, and when the hard times hit, she’d fall apart, staying that way until I could swoop in and piece her back together.
She’d been the love of my life, and I’d been more than happy to give her all of that.
Then the day came when I needed someone to lift me up and pick up the pieces of my broken world. And just like that, in the blink of an eye, everything we had fell apart.
Sage was nothing like that. She didn’t need a protector. She’d proven time and time again that she could take care of herself. From what little I’d pieced together, I knew she hadn’t had the easiest life. But where Rebecca crumbled under the weight of the world, Sage had pulled herself up, dusted herself off, and started over, stronger than ever. She demanded respect and wouldn’t accept anything less than being treated the way she knew she deserved.
She had a big heart. She cared deeply, and her loyalty knew no bounds, but she’d proven tonight that she wouldn’t let anyone walk on her.
When Sage turned to walk away, I lost it. The moment my front door opened, I felt like I was at risk of losing something huge, something more important than I could have imagined. I couldn’t let her leave.
That freedom I had when we’d been together earlier was intoxicating, bu
t it wasn’t just that. Her eyes had shined with pain tonight, and it was me who’d caused it. That knowledge sliced through my gut like a heated blade through butter. I hated myself for hurting her. I had to do something to fix it. But it was the unexpected, overwhelming fear of losing her that made me jump into action.
And now that I’d won this round, now that I’d gotten her to agree to stay, I felt like I’d just won a goddamn Nobel Prize.
“Xander,” she called, drawing me out of my thoughts and back into the present.
I slid my fingers deep into that soft, unbelievably thick hair as I stared down at her. “Yeah?”
“I’m tired,” she said, her exhausted voice giving truth to those two words.
“All right, baby. Let’s get you to bed.”
She let me take her hand and lead her back down the hall to my bedroom where she allowed me to slowly undress her. When I reached for the hem of her top, her hands came down on mine, stopping me. “Not a big fan of sleeping naked,” she admitted, her cheeks flushing an adorable pink. “I can’t get comfortable like that.”
Dropping my hands, I moved to my dresser and pulled open the top drawer, taking out one of my shirts. “Wear this,” I said softly, passing it to her. I wasn’t sure why, but I fucking loved the idea of her sleeping next to me in my bed wearing my tee.
She finished removing her clothes and jewelry and slipped the shirt on. It swallowed her tiny frame, but I couldn’t recall her ever looking as beautiful as she did just then—which was a feat, since she was gorgeous all the time.
We remained silent as we climbed into bed, and after flipping off the bedside lamp, I rolled to her without giving it a single thought and wrapped her in my arms.
And with the scent of lilies filling my nose and a soft, warm body pressed against mine, I did something else for the first time in more than eight years.
I fell asleep, and I did it easy.
Chapter Seventeen
Out of the Darkness: a Hope Valley novel Page 13
