Remember Joy

by Ginny Sterling

  “What happened?”

  “My roommate took…”

  “Your roommate? You aren’t supposed to have anyone else living here. There is no one else on your contract,” Mrs. Stivers, the property manager, said harshly. The next few hours were a conglomeration of nightmarish events spiraling out of control.

  Cora was suddenly homeless for breach of contract, unable to put down a deposit on another place to rent, nor could she prove who she was. Sleeping in her car that night, she went to a nearby coffee shop to wash her face and straightened her clothing before going into work to talk with her boss.

  She cashed out her 401k and took the penalty, reducing the amount she thought she was going to get into half. She had to call them to arrange to send a check to another location, desperately afraid that if she sent it to the apartment that Becca would steal that too.

  Angry, humiliated, and feeling desperate – Cora knew that she would never forget the lesson that she’d been taught, nor could she stay there in Dallas where everyone was practically strangers. She wanted a small-town life where everyone knew each other. She wanted to feel safe and not have to look over her shoulder all the time, where she could afford to live on her own, and not have to worry about running into Becca. She’d never felt such bitter hatred towards someone and wasn’t sure how to cope with the feelings inside her right now.

  She had to get away and knew that she would never let anyone into her world again. She couldn’t rely, or trust anyone ever again – no one but herself.

  Ghazni, Afghanistan

  Mike’s ears rang horribly after hearing the explosion nearby. Stunned, he looked around and saw the shock and disbelief on the rest of his teams faces. Some of them had been knocked back by the blast. Minter the Moron, the biggest dork out there (next to him, of course) that he adored like a brother, was lying on the ground screaming.

  He saw the wild panicked look on Wilkes’ face and the instant wave of guilt on Griffin’s – knowing the older man instantly blamed himself for letting one of them get hurt. He put on a tough guy act but was really a softy on the inside and Mike knew that now.

  “Ethan! I’m here! Minter, I’ve got you!” Wilkes screamed, scrambling over to where Minter was lying on the ground. Several men were scrambling in the dirt, trying to get to Minter, but Cooper couldn’t move

  “Look at me! Look here! Look at me, brother!”

  It was nauseating to look at the carnage in front of him. There was blood everywhere. Ethan’s leg lay off in the distance, barely recognizable. Mike never considered himself a wuss, but the scene in front of him wasn’t from the movies or any sort of special effects – this was real.

  He couldn’t help the wrenching nausea that suddenly hit him as Minter’s life was ebbing away in the sand before his very eyes. Mike threw up several times in the sand, unable to stop himself. His eyes burned with tears and even Post collapsed in the dirt onto his knees in shock. They all knew Ethan Minter was going to bleed out there in the Afghan desert.

  “Keep him looking at you,” Griffin screamed at Wilkes. The older man stood up and yanked off his belt, trying to knot a tourniquet on Ethan’s leg to stop the bleeding. Radar, the K9 bomb dog, was whining and circling the men warily. “Don’t let him look at me, Wilkes! You got that? Minter you aren’t going to die like this!”

  “Keep talking to him, Wilkes.” CPO Griffin ordered harshly as he picked up Minter bodily. Ethan’s head lolled back and Wilkes was clutching at Minter’s hand desperately. “Let’s go! Now! Move it!”

  Everyone was racing back towards the direction they’d come from as fast as they could move in the blistering heat. They were in full gear and the only thing pushing them was adrenaline and fear. Mike thought about shucking his heavy pack on his back if he had to throw up again but he didn’t want to leave anything there in the desert for someone else to find.

  “Keep talking Wilkes! Don’t let him go!”

  “Ethan you hear that?” Wilkes yelled at Minter’s listless form. “We’ve got you, man. You’re gonna be okay!”

  Time moved in slow motion and Mike felt like it was taking forever to get back to base. Post grabbed Mike’s elbow as they ran at one point to keep him on his feet. Mike couldn’t look anywhere but the sand in front of him. He couldn’t look at Minter or the hysteria on Wilkes’ face. Fifteen minutes later, Minter was in a room, away from prying eyes, and had finally stopped the horrific screaming. The silence was deafening and covered the area around the small building with dread.

  “Is he… dead?” Wilkes whispered fearfully.

  “No, they gave him morphine and knocked him out so they could close off the wound,” Mike muttered, feeling a wave of nausea rise up again in his stomach from where he sat on the ground outside of the building. They were all sitting on the ground, waiting, as if their legs couldn’t hold them any longer.

  “Man, that was brutal,” Mike kept repeating, shaking his head in disbelief. He was desperately trying not to vomit again for two reasons. He was afraid he’d end up with dehydration – which could be fatal here – and he was trying to keep his dignity intact so that way he didn’t revert to being ‘the pest’ or ‘kid’ again. He was finally feeling like he belonged with this group and he loved them all like family.

  “He’s alive,” Post said firmly, putting a hand on Colin’s shoulder where he sat beside him in the dirt. “Minter’s gonna make it. He’s too stubborn to die. Are you okay, Wilkes?”

  “No,” Colin admitted painfully, “I don’t think I will ever be the same again.”

  Mike understood that and met Post’s eyes. No one would ever forget today and they all felt emotionally scarred in different ways.

  “Wilkes! Get back here man!” Mike yelled out in disbelief as he spotted Wilkes up a rocky hill while the others were down here in formation.

  “Are you trying to find a bomb out there?” Cooper snapped at him, feeling an uncontrollable rage overwhelm him as he tapped on Wilkes’ helmet angrily. The sheer disregard for his own safety blew Mike’s mind.

  He couldn’t have something like that happen again while he was present. To Mike, his world was falling apart before his very eyes and spinning out of control. Griffin had actually declined reenlistment and moved to Texas. Mike had written Ethan an email but never really heard much back. Mike knew he was alive, but not much else.

  “You know, if you step on one you might not make it out alive like Minter did. It’s not a contest, man. You don’t have to blow off your leg like him,” Mike hollered painfully and realized that he’d gone too far. The men around him got silent and you could have heard a pin drop.

  Learning from experience, Mike leaned back and nearly fell over from the weight of his pack, as he saw Wilkes draw back to punch him. Flinching he expected to feel his nose break again any second now and realized wryly that he was going to have to learn control of his mouth someday.

  “You take that back!” Colin Wilkes roared.

  “It’s the truth!” Mike hollered, just as upset as the man before him obviously was. His whole demeanor had changed and his face was flushed bright red in anger.

  “I’m just angry enough to say it to your face. All of us see it and nobody wants to haul your butt out of here,” Mike admitted candidly. “Dude, you are the biggest guy in the pack. What are you, three hundred pounds of muscle?”

  “I’m not trying to get even with Minter, you idiot!”

  “And I’m not trying to get a massive hernia dragging your bleeding carcass out of some sand filled canyon. My junk is precious to me,” Mike said bluntly to the bigger man, pointing at his own pants. A few guys snickered around where they stood. He was serious and beyond caring right now. He would not, could not, watch another man die from sheer stupidity and carelessness.

  “Now if the other guys want to carry you out- fine! Keep going off on your own towards the places we haven’t swept for landmines yet. Boys - let’s see a show of hands. Anyone want to drag Wilkes’ six-foot and five-inch frame back to camp
in this unbearable heat?” Mike asked plainly, feeling a wave of regret for the man as silence surrounded him. Since when had he become the voice of reason? He wanted to be the lighthearted guy that he tried to portray to the outside world. It was easier to fake being happy than to face the overwhelming despair he felt constantly.

  Colin stood there dumbstruck.

  “I rest my case. Man, we love you… but you got a death wish and you’re too careless for your own good. You gotta pay attention and let whatever is going on in your head – you gotta let it go.”

  “Cooper’s right,” Post admitted. “Let’s move out, men.”

  2016

  “Cora, are you playing Candy Crush?” Ava asked her quietly in the breakroom of the insurance office they worked at. Taking a bite of her peanut butter sandwich, Cora nodded quickly and went back to playing. It was none of the woman’s business what she was doing during her lunch break.

  Truthfully, Cora was so lucky to have this job right now and would play nice with her coworkers as much as required. She wasn’t letting anyone in her world again – ever! Being homeless for two weeks and sleeping in her car was the most horrific thing she’d ever gone through. It was such a quick brutal slip down a slope she’d never anticipated and she was still in the process of recovering a year later.

  “Shoot,” Cora muttered as her time ran out and she was out of lives. Now Ava would want to talk to her if she wasn’t busy. Ava was nice enough and Cora knew a little about her, but that was about it. She drove a red Honda, had a baby girl named Aurora, went to the same therapist as Cora, and was talking to some guy online. The therapist was almost a necessary evil in her life because Cora had never been able to get past the utter devastation and betrayal.

  She was scared and someone jerked her security blanket out from under her. Growing up, she was an only child and her dad ran off before she was born. Her mother had passed away when she was fifteen and she’d been on her own since. She had distant relatives but wasn’t close with them. Her mother had runaway as a girl and never looked back – thus estranging Cora as well from her distant family.

  “Do you play Candy Crush a lot?”

  “Why?”

  “I’ve got this guy I’m talking to and his friend is always playing,” Ava began but Cora shut her down immediately.

  “I don’t want to date anyone.”

  “I’m not asking you to.”

  “Then what are you getting at?”

  “I thought that maybe you two could exchange emails or letters – or whatever you do in Candy Crush and send each other lives or treats. I don’t play the game so I’m not a hundred percent sure – but I know that Cooper is all over it and talks to Colin about it all the time.”

  “Do you know what level he’s on?”

  “I’ve got no clue.”

  “And you aren’t setting me up?”

  “Gosh no – the man is in the military and all the way in Afghanistan.”

  “He’s across the globe, not looking for anything from me, and plays Candy Crush?” Cora mused silently as she stared at Ava trying to get a read on her. If the woman was lying, she’d be extremely upset and probably start looking for another job since she couldn’t handle betrayal anymore in any fashion. She was still putting herself back together and it had been a long, arduous battle she’d fought mentally and financially. In fact, Cora was still sleeping on a twin bed on the floor of her studio apartment, since she was unable to buy a bedframe or more furniture just yet.

  “He’s really nice and I promise – he’s just into Candy Crush. That’s all.”

  Sighing heavily, Cora looked at her cell phone and saw she had another thirteen minutes until she earned back a single life on the game. Her phone was several years old and had to last as long as possible. This silly, addictive game was her only consolation and enjoyment in the rare bit of free time that she allowed herself.

  “Give me his name and email,” Cora conceded and instantly felt wary as Ava’s face blossomed into a huge smile. “I might look him up or contact him – might, maybe, possibly – but I’m not making any promises!”

  “No problem. I will drop him a line and tell him to be on his best behavior or else,” Ava promised, smiling happily at Cora.

  “This is a friend of the guy that was working on your car in the parking lot last month?”

  “Yes.”

  “And he’s a good guy – that guy you are talking to?”

  “Colin is the best,” Ava said dreamily, closing her eyes. Cora stared at her and felt a surge of jealousy flare inside of her. “Colin is sweet, caring, protective but not pushy in the slightest. It’s like he is just happy being with me or taking care of me. I miss him terribly and hope he is safe in Afghanistan.”

  “He’s there with your Candy Crush buddy?”

  “Mike Cooper – and yes. Mike is in the same barracks and does explosives just like Colin. All of those guys in that group are super sweet. I should introduce you sometime to a few of them next time I get a chance. Ethan, John, Colin, Mike, Jamie… well, you get my drift – there are a lot of them. Mike is the ‘Candy Crush buddy’, as you have dubbed him.”

  “And this Mike guy isn’t a creep – none of them are?” Cora asked warily. “I will admit that it was really touching to see your guy taking care of your brakes for you and it surprised me.”

  “I promise you – they are all really good people.”

  “You better not be lying to me,” Cora whispered painfully, staring at Ava as she smiled encouragingly at her. Ava laid her hand on Cora’s arm and nodded.

  “I understand,” Ava said softly. “They are good and you…”

  “Don’t say ‘trust me’ because that phrase is the kiss of death right there,” Cora interrupted. “I will think about emailing this Mike Cooper guy but if I do – it’s not because I believe you or trust you. It’s because I want to or need another life for my game.”

  Ava blinked in surprise and looked shocked at Cora’s harsh words, making Cora immediately soften her tone since she had to continue working here for now. She liked this job and it paid halfway decently. The hours were good and it gave her more time to focus on building her own business so she could become self-sufficient and never worry again about money.

  “It’s not personal – I have some serious trust issues.”

  “You and me both, but for different reasons.”

  “Do you want to share your personal demons?”

  “Not any more than you do,” Cora retorted and nodded politely. “Just put his info on a sticky note when you get a few minutes.”

  “That’s all I could ask.”

  Cora sat in front of her old computer and waited for it to boot up. The unit was on its last legs but it needed to work for a while longer. Cora was willing to nurse it along as long as she had to. The desktop computer was purchased at a Goodwill store and she had to replace some of the memory cards, but it still functioned. The monitor was an old thick boxy tube monitor with a radiant green circle in the upper left corner of the screen indicating where it was going bad too. The monitor was free and the computer cost her all of eighty dollars – so she was willing to deal with its quirks to try and get ahead.

  Cora was brilliant with creating websites and troubleshooting problems online. She did contract work from her home for extra money. The computer and monitor were set up on a flimsy desk in the corner of the living room that was adjacent to her bedroom loft area.

  None of her stuff was in excellent condition but it was hers and it was paid for. She was making progress from the girl that had to sell plasma to buy groceries and clothing that first month that she was getting started again. That girl was long gone. She vowed she would never have to do something like that again.

  As the computer finally came on and connected to the internet, Cora sighed. She had no idea what to say to this guy. She’d been staring at the sticky note repeatedly, wondering if she should send out an email or not. Truthfully, she was stuck on the same level of Ca
ndy Crush and couldn’t get past it right now. She needed some gifts on the game and could use a few extra lives. Truthfully, what she needed was a shoulder to cry on at times, and she was terrified to let anyone in.

  Mr. Cooper,

  I received your email address and name from Ava Buchannan – I believe she is acquainted with a friend of yours, Colin Wilkes. She requested I reach out to you because we both enjoy a common game and truthfully – I could use some help.

  I’m stuck on level seven hundred and forty-one and can’t get past that cursed maze. I’ve got some pink goo that keeps swallowing up the blocks and reminds me a lot of how I am feeling right now.

  Every time I turn around – I’ve got some other nightmare just waiting to drag me down. Life just sucks. I wish there was some magical speckled candy that could make everything better or wipe the slate clean just so I could sleep at night or function. I feel completely pathetic that I am reaching out to a stranger on the other side of the world but I have no one here I can rely on. I’ve learned my lesson there – the hard way!

  I just need a bit of help, you know?

  I’m tired of being kicked while I’m down and things have been rough lately. I can’t concentrate and keep having to wait for another life every chance I play the game… so how about you and I exchange lives, tokens, candies, and emails – and maybe I can finally beat the level.

  Sincerely,

  Cora Dillion

  Ps – What level are you on anyhow?

  4

  Ghazni, Afghanistan

  Mike waited impatiently for his turn at the shared computer. He hadn’t received an email from his new pen-pal last week and he hoped that he would get one this week. It was a real drag having to wait for your assigned time to use the computer or waiting for it to free up. He played the game as much as he could and sometimes snuck in to simply earn more candies in the game by logging in daily. If he couldn’t play, he was at least going to throw everything he could into the game when he did get his turn finally.