Davy doesn’t understand that Jace is not talking about it. He changes the subject when I ask about Red. And honestly, it looks suspicious when I do. I’ve been so stressed out about all of this, I’ve even found myself forgetting about Chloe for a half a day.
I never do that.
She’s been my main focus ever since the day she was taken. She’s the reason I’m an FBI agent. Her abduction paved my whole life.
I’ve almost told Jace I’ve met someone so many times over the last few weeks just so we can stop this.
But my heart is a coward.
And the damage done to it after all of this is over will be irreversible.
“I’m going to go change,” he says.
“Okay,” I reply.
There are two rooms.
Two separate rooms.
He picks up his stuff from the living room and walks into one of them. He doesn’t shut the door behind him, and I can’t stop my eyes from watching. He unbuttons his shirt, facing away from me. He shrugs it off before reaching and pulling his white T-shirt over his head.
I rake my eyes over his back.
Jesus.
Muscles move and my eyes land on a few very noticeable scars. I wonder where he got them? My insides turn to mush, because I’ve never seen Jace with his shirt off. He unzips his bag and pulls out some jogging pants. Is he going to go shirtless?
Fuck.
I don’t think I can handle that.
I rub my forehead, feeling a stress headache coming on. I put the peanut butter down and toss the spoon into the sink. I walk over to the bags and pull out a bottle of wine. I need like ten of these to get through this weekend.
I uncork the bottle and pour myself a glass, just as he shuts the door. And now my mind is thinking did he just drop his pants?
I groan and chug the wine.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jace
I felt her watching me. I know she saw me take my shirt off, and I swear I thought about going shirtless, but I don’t really want to walk around with the scars on my back. I’m not ashamed of them, but it’ll be a reason to talk about the Army and I don’t want to.
I want this evening to be fun, lighthearted, and relaxing for both of us. I toss my clothes onto the bed, wondering if her things will end up here or in the other room. I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that, but a guy can hope. I open the door, catching her walking into the other room.
Damn.
Even though I knew, I’m still disappointed.
I head into the kitchen and start getting the food ready to prepare.
______________
Hours later, the chili is cooking, and we’re at the table playing cards. The wind slams against the door, and Dalton turns to look.
“This is crazy,” she says.
“Yeah, it’s pretty bad out there.” The lights have flickered a few times. I don’t really want the power to go out, even though we have the fireplace. Still, the rooms won’t be that warm, so we’d have to sleep out here. And I just don’t see how that works without us being close.
Which is what I want, but I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to.
She puts her cards down and walks over to the window. After I prepared the food, she came out smelling like lavender and vanilla. Her hair was wet, and she’d put on a pair of really tight, soft black pants with a long-sleeved black silky shirt.
She took a shower and she’s barefoot. I’ve looked at every inch of her.
From her painted black toenails to the fact she has no panty line in those pants, which has me thinking she isn’t wearing any or she has on a thong, and I’ve had to shut down my thoughts on all that immediately, because my dick can’t handle thinking about her in a thong, or without underwear.
The poor guy has suffered enough.
I watch her look out, until I decide I want to see, too. So, I walk over and stand behind her. I put my hand above her on the edge of the window. Her hair has dried, and she’s wrapped it up off her neck. All I have to do is bend and I could easily kiss it.
All I have to do is move my hand and I could snake it around her waist and pull her flush against me. The snow is falling in every direction, getting swept off course by the wind. The trees are swaying. It looks miserable out there and makes me even more grateful to be in here.
With her.
She crosses her arms and shocks me stupid when she leans back on my chest.
I melt.
I puddle at her feet and surrender.
You have me, Dalton. I’m at your mercy, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
The lights flicker again, and off they go.
“Shit,” I say.
Dalton turns around and bumps into me. “Sorry,” she says. She grabs my waist and moves around me, and I slowly exhale as my eyes shut painfully.
Her touch hurts, knowing she can do it freely, but I can’t.
It’s agony.
“I’ll light some more candles. Good thing we have a gas stove and enough firewood to last all night.”
“Yeah,” I say lowly. I swallow and push off the wall. “I’ll throw another log on.”
_____________
“We might have to sleep in here,” I say as I stand up and grab her empty bowl from the table. “The rooms will be too cold.”
“You’re right. But the floor is going to be pretty uncomfortable.”
“Let’s move the mattress then.”
She laughs. “That’s not a bad idea.”
She stands up and walks into the room with her stuff on it. “You coming?” she calls out.
______________
Getting the mattress in here was not easy. The damn thing weighed a ton and sorry, but Dalton wasn’t that much help. She’s got enough blankets on there and pillows to smother us. I’m fucking nervous about sleeping next to her.
Actually, I’m not.
I’m anxious.
I’m ready, and I can’t promise nothing is going to happen. I blow out all the candles after we brush our teeth. Dalton sits on the mattress with her chin resting on her knees. She’s off in her own world when I sit down beside her. It’s cold in other parts of the cabin. Bringing the mattress into the living room was a good idea.
“You tired?” I ask her. She looks over at me but doesn’t take her chin from her knees.
“A little. You?”
I shrug. “A little.”
I lean back on the couch, one leg stretched out, as I pull the other up. I look at the fire and listen to the wind outside.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask, looking in front of me.
“What’s on yours?” she throws back.
“You,” I say, looking over at her. The reflection of the fire makes her face glow. Her eyes shine, and her hair looks like silk. Right now, she looks innocent, like the world hasn’t done something damaging to her. “Come here,” I say gently.
She shuts her eyes for a moment and exhales.
“I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to, Dalton.”
And I mean that.
She bites her lip, contemplating, but sits up on her knees. I stretch my leg out and she climbs over onto my lap.
I put my hands on her hips. “This okay?”
She nods. Lifting her hand, she runs it over the side of my face. I lean into her touch, wanting it so badly, I can hardly stand it.
I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want her. I’m helpless.
I only want to give her everything I have. I’ve never wanted to please someone so much in my life. She makes me want to be a better man.
I can’t see her face, but I know she’s looking at me. Her body blocks the fire. It throws shadows on the walls and warms the room. My thumb lifts the bottom of her shirt and I run it across her skin.
“Jace,” she says, her voice sounding pained as her hand drops.
“How can you act like this isn’t what you want?” I ask her softly. “How can you act like this isn’t everyth
ing?”
She doesn’t respond.
I try to see her face, but it’s too dark in here. I sit up from the couch so my face is close to hers. She doesn’t move. Her hands go to my shoulders.
I’m burning up.
She holds all the cards here. “Don’t you know I’m dying?” I say. “I’m yours, Dalton. All I think about is you.”
I feel her breath against my face, minty and sweet. I’m so close to her lips, all I have to do is move an inch.
Come on, girl. Give me something here.
My pulse is pounding, my soul desperate for a sign that she wants me.
“Do you feel differently?” I ask.
“No,” she whispers so lowly I question if I heard it.
But I know I did, and that’s all it takes. I move and my lips touch heaven. Walls crumble and she kisses me back. Bringing her hands to my hair, she holds on. My hands move up her shirt, memorizing the way her skin feels. I push down, so she falls on her back and wraps her legs around me.
This is all I’ve wanted.
Us, just like this. I sit up on my knees. I’m instantly hard and I can’t even hide it.
She licks my tongue and slow kisses me.
God, this girl.
Why did this take so long?
Why has she held back?
I roll into her and she sucks in a breath.
“You do this to me,” I tell her. She pulls my shirt up, and I break our kiss so she can pull it over my head. Our lips crash, and she runs her hands down my back, over my scars, before dipping them down the back of my pants. I don’t want anyone else; I don’t want a way out of this.
I have no desire to make this a one-time thing. Her legs wrap around me tighter, and I move my hand down her thigh. All of my emotions collide, combusting into a million stardust pieces.
Lust, love, friendship, passion.
I want to hold on to this feeling forever. Capture it and bottle it up so I’ll always have it.
“I love you,” I say, pulling away, just far enough for her to hear me. She stiffens and twists out from under me. “What are you doing?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I…” She gets off the mattress, standing with sorrow in her eyes.
“You what?” I’m so confused right now. Am I really the only one feeling this way here?
“Jace, I really like you, but this is too much. I can’t…”
“You can’t what? I didn’t expect you to say it back. Fuck, forget I said it.”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what?” I move from the mattress and stand up. “What the fuck is it? We have been going in circles for months now, Dalton. Why can’t you be with me?”
“I want to. I just...”
“You just what?” I ask her. “Goddammit. Fucking talk to me.” Her eyes dance around the room.
It’s right there.
Whatever she needs to say is right on the tip of her tongue and yet, she won’t let it out. I run a frustrated hand over my head. I want to hit something.
“I can’t fucking do this anymore. You’re killing me. I can’t be around you and not touch you. I don’t know who fucked you up or why I’m not good enough, but I’m done with this shit.”
My phone starts ringing, and I look over at it. It’s Bryce. I ignore it, but then he calls back again. And then I see I have missed texts and calls. I guess I didn’t have service, and they’re just now coming through. “Hello?”
“Jace, where the fuck are you?” he asks. His voice sounds panicked.
“Why?”
“Mary overdosed. I need you… Fuck,” he says. “Can you come?”
“I’m out of town. I’ll be there in the morning. Is she alive?”
“Yeah,” he says. “She’s holding on.”
“Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
I hang up. I don’t care for the woman, but shit, it is our mom and Bryce is tore the fuck up. I wish there wasn’t a storm. I’d leave right now.
“Is it your mom?” Dalton asks.
“It’s none of your concern,” I say. “I’ll sleep in the other room.”
“Jace, you’ll freeze. Please sleep here.”
“Don’t you fucking get it?” I ask her in disbelief. “I can’t sleep here. I can’t be near you.” I walk into the room and slam the door shut behind me, leaving the warmth of her, the fire, and everything I thought I was about to have.
She did this.
And I’m shattered.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Harlow
I ball my fists as I stare after him. I want to scream and tear this room apart.
This isn’t fair, goddammit.
My heart is ripped to shreds, the pieces falling inside my chest. My lungs hurt, my body wound so tightly, I could implode.
He told me he loves me. God, doesn’t he know how bad that hurts?
All those things he said to me. I feel them.
But we can’t be together. We can’t.
It’s just not in the cards for us.
He’s going to freeze in there, and I don’t know what to do.
He said he was done.
This is what I wanted, right?
I’m just going to have to go to Davy and tell him Jace isn’t talking. That we’ll have to figure out another way.
I’m breaking.
I sit down and rub my face. Tears blur my vision as my hearts aches so badly, I feel like I’m dying.
And I know tonight I won’t be sleeping.
But what’s new?
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jace
The ride home is awful. We’re not speaking, both in our own worlds as I drive us through the thick snow. I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I just lay there wondering where I went wrong. I knew when she opened my door to let some heat in, and I wanted to tell her to come over there, that I was sorry. I took things too far when she clearly wasn’t ready.
God, listen to me.
I’m pathetic as fuck.
Where is Jace, and who is this man I’ve become?
I can’t reach her, and it kills me. I’ve been nothing but open with her, but she refuses to let me in. It hurts, man. It fucking hurts.
I get why Bryce has always fought this shit.
Because it sucks when it’s over.
I guess this is over my head. I don’t know. I would have done anything for Dalton, though. I would have changed who I was.
I turn my blinker on and pull into her apartment. I park the truck, and we both sit quietly, me begging her to say something because I’m letting go and I don’t want to. The snow continues to fall around us, the wind wispy and bitter cold.
Say something, Dalton. Change this, I beg.
But she doesn’t.
She reaches over and opens her door before climbing out, and my heart is falling. I reach up, gripping my steering wheel, my jaw clenched, my chest in agony.
I try to think of something to say to stop this from happening, but I’ve already tried everything.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough,” I say, swallowing my pride. I look over at her standing outside the door. Her face shows nothing but sorrow, and I don’t understand it.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Why can’t she see that?
I can’t keep doing this. As much as I care about her, it just doesn’t make any sense for me to keep this up.
She won’t tell me anything. She won’t let me in.
How am I supposed to deal with that?
She’s hurting us both, and for what?
Why?
Snow falls into her hair. Her cheeks are a soft pink as her eyes glisten over. “I would have given you the best of me.” She closes her eyes and a tear falls and it kills me.
I looked ahead, my throat tightening, my jaw about to break. “If you ever decide you want to show me who you really are, you know where to find me,” I tell her.
“I’m sorry, Jace,” she says. “I’m so sorry.�
� I turn to look at her just before she shuts the door, leaving me alone with nothing but the cold. I watch until she disappears inside.
“I’m sorry, too,” I murmur, and then I put my truck in gear and head to the hospital.
I’m hurt, sad, and this is the last place I want to go, but I need to be there for my brother. I feel physically sick and completely broken.
Moments later, I’m pulling up to the hospital. I hurry inside and head to where Bryce told me he would be, noticing immediately something is up between him and Harrison when I walk in.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“I’m not sure,” Bryce replies, looking like shit. “K was just telling me Mom’s overdose is her fault.”
I look at her. “What? Harrison, that’s ridiculous.”
She shakes her head as tears fall. “No, it’s true. I… I caught her,” she stutters and then looks to the floor. “She was about to use a few weeks ago. She…”
“You caught her, and you didn’t say anything to me?” Bryce turns his full attention toward her, and she shrinks back at his squared shoulders and straight spine. The way he looks at her, it pisses me off. This isn’t her fucking fault.
“Bryce, chill out, man. She didn’t…”
“Fuck you,” Bryce says to me in such a callous way, it causes fire to rush through my blood. The room fills with tense energy. I narrow my eyes, trying to remember he’s hurting. But he doesn’t know what I’ve just been through either. He could stop being a fucking dick.
“You’re mad at the wrong people here, brother.” My voice is oddly calm, because I feel anything but calm right now. This man talks to me as though I’m the one who messed up here, forgetting that the woman he’s defending is the reason why we’re so fucked up in the first place.
“I’m mad at the wrong people?” Bryce laughs coldly. “You wanted this to happen. You were counting on it,” he says bitterly. “As far as you were concerned, she was already dead.” He walks closer to me and I ball my fist. “The woman who brought you into this fucking world deserved more respect than what you gave, you piece of shit.”
Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4) Page 16
