I stand taller, trying to act like his words didn’t just crush me even more than I already am right now. “Careful, brother. You’re saying things out of anger that you can’t take back.”
Bryce sneers, “I’m telling the truth.”
“So you think I’m a piece of shit then?” I ask.
There. He said it. I always knew, I always fucking knew he thought that about me, but he’s never admitted it until now. It takes our mom to overdose to get the truth out. But it’s out.
“Don’t make this about you and me,” Bryce says, shaking his head and stepping away from me. “Don’t turn this into whatever fucking grudge you hold against me.”
Of course, I hold a grudge. This boy left me when I needed him the most. We were tossed into a new home with strangers after our father just died right in front of us and our mom gave us up.
I only knew him, and he didn’t care. He went off and did his own thing. He knows what he did. He knows he fucked up.
I laugh bitterly. “Guilty conscience?”
Bryce’s head snaps back to me. “You think I should feel guilty?”
I shrug. “Shouldn’t you?” We both glower at one another, neither of us saying anything farther. I’ve let my emotions go too far. I guess I never get anything right. I’m always pushing too hard at things I can’t win.
Bryce turns to Harrison, and she looks worried. I feel bad for the girl.
“You should go,” he says coldly.
“Bryce, I’m—”
“Just leave,” he interrupts her. He walks over to the chair in the room and sits down, placing his head into his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees. “Both of you. Get the fuck out of here.” Harrison looks over at me, but I don’t move.
We’re not done here.
She gives him one last look before turning toward the door. It clicks shut behind her and I focus my attention back on him.
“How can you act that way toward her? She’s the one person you should be leaning on right now and you just pushed her away.”
He looks up at me. “What the hell do you know about relationships, playboy?”
My jaw tightens. I want to tell him about Dalton. I want to tell him that I’ve fallen for someone, and when he does this stupid shit, she’s the person I’ve been leaning on. But I keep my mouth shut about her. Besides, that’s over.
It’s all over.
“I know you’re being an idiot. You’re pissed at us, when you should be pissed at the one who overdosed.”
He looks down. “Why can’t you forgive her? Why are you so self-destructive and always blaming everyone around you for how you turned out? We grew up in a nice place. You’re constantly fucking up. You get kicked out of the Army. Who the hell does that?” he asks.
My blood turns cold and my heart freezes. Not letting a second pass, I lift up a chair and throw it across the private waiting room. Bryce’s eyes grow wide.
“Oh, what, you wanna throw a temper tantrum now?”
Tears blur my vision and I can’t help it. I’m screwed up and I can’t stop it from getting to me this time. Too much has happened. I’m tired of being strong. I’m sick to death of it.
I grab my hat and toss it at the ground before looking back at him. “You want to know why I got kicked out?”
His eyes soften, looking hesitate, like he isn’t quite sure he does.
“It’s because I couldn’t take it anymore.” I rub my eyes and look up. “They all died. I was the only one who survived. My whole team. My boys, the ones who had my back even more than you, died right in front of me, and I couldn’t do a damn thing to save them.” I sniff and shake my head. “I wanted out. I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night screaming, sweat covering my body. It’s all still so vivid.”
“Jace,” he says.
I sit down beside him and put my fist to my mouth as tears run down my cheeks. I cry for my brothers that I’ll never see again and the person I’ve become.
“I’m sorry for the way I am, but the things I’ve seen changed me, and there isn’t anything I can do about it.” He puts his arm around me, and I let him for only a moment, and then I sit up straight, wipe my face, and stand up.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“I need a drink. Call me later,” I say, reaching down and grabbing my hat before I yank open the door and head down the hall.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Harlow
I stare out the window with Slim beside me, gently rubbing my hand over his fur. Pain slides down my face, dripping from my chin and splashing onto my shirt.
“I would have given you the best of me.”
I would have given anything to have that. When he told me he loved me, it hit me like a ton of bricks, smashing me into a wall. I have no way out. I’m stuck in this impossible situation.
My life has always been the same—chasing Chloe. I’ve been letting each day pass by, hoping only to be one step closer to finding her.
Until Jace.
He came in and showed me what it means to live. He helped me numb the pain I feel. The guilt I’m responsible for.
I’ve been trapped in a black hole. A sick darkness that I’ve had no desire to climb out of. But he came along, grabbed my hand, and tried to pull me out.
I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be this person. My career, the one thing I’ve focused on, suddenly means nothing anymore.
It’s been a few months since we last saw each other, and I still can’t shake him. Bryce’s case is still cold. If the man is running an illegal gambling operation, we can’t touch it. He knows what he’s doing. He has to have a tight grip on everyone who comes in and out of there. Davy has even put it on the back burner and got off my ass about it.
I finally convinced him that Jace isn’t talking and we have other important things to focus our time on. We’re still watching Red, but it’s not our main focus.
I spent Christmas with my family, and Dad asked me about Jace. He knew I was working that night at Hudson’s, and he did so well not letting anything slip up, but later he told me he hated I had to do that because he liked the boy.
I admitted I did, too, and it was killing me. Life has gone back to normal for me. I’m working hard on finding missing children and nothing else.
Because this is what I’m good at.
The only difference is, I now know what happiness feels like. I’ve had a taste of it, and being without it is sucking my soul dry. I’m a robot and everyone at work has noticed.
“You need to get laid,” Monroe says as I sit at my desk, scrolling through security camera footage. This man yanked a kid right out of his parents’ hands and took off. It’s insane how fast these things can happen.
“I’m not a guy. I can’t just fuck anyone,” I reply, deadpan.
He grins. “Seriously? What’s that guy’s name you were messing with?”
And it’s now I realize I tell Monroe too much about my personal life.
“Malcom and he has a girlfriend, and that was different.”
“Don’t really see how. You were sleeping with him, and it never went farther. You could do it again. Hey, why don’t we go out? We can hit up Red. A little work, a little play. What do you say?”
“I say that’s a terrible idea, and you know I hate clubs.”
“Well, you aren’t going to get over this boy if you don’t move on to someone else.”
I sigh and sit back in my chair, looking over at Monroe as he tosses a ball into the air.
“I’ll get your mind off of him.” Miller walks up behind me and puts his hands on my chair.
“I swear to God, I’ll break your fucking fingers if you touch me,” I warn him. I feel him remove his hands.
“Damn, Dalton. Monroe’s right. You do need to get laid.” He walks off and I feel kind of bad, but not really.
I look back at the computer screen, thinking maybe these guys are right. I mean, is this what men do? They just go sleep with someone else to
get over the last one?
I also haven’t been to Red in a while to scope things out.
Part of me wants to see if Jace will be there.
Part of me needs to shut up.
“Fine,” I say to Monroe. “I’ll meet you down there.”
Monroe grins. “Cool. I could just come get you, though?” he suggests.
“No. I can drive myself.” I don’t want him to confuse the situation. This is not a date. I don’t think Monroe feels that way about me, but you never know. He’ll be thinking he’s the one I’m going to sleep with.
___________
The sun has set over Atlanta, and darkness stretches throughout the city. I stand on the curb beside my car, looking across the street at Red.
Is he in there?
Will he see me?
Do I want him to see me?
God, I’m nervous as shit. I take a deep breath. What will I do if he comes up to me?
Harlow, you’re a grown-ass woman. This is just a man. A fucking guy. Hold your chin up, girl. We got this.
Yeah, we got this.
I got this.
“You gonna stand out here all day, or we going to go in?” Monroe pulls me from my very stressful inner conversation. For a split second, I thought it might have been him.
“I don’t know. I think standing out here is a good option.”
“You worried he’s in there?” he asks, stepping up beside me, looking very nice, dressed in dark slacks and a matching blazer.
I bite my lip. “I’m not even going to act like I’m not.”
He shakes his head. “He really got to you, huh?”
My eyes dart to the ground and I nod.
“I’ve thought about throwing all of this away and telling him the truth.”
He crosses his arms. “You can’t do that.”
“You think I’m stupid? I know I can’t do that.” I look back across the street. “He told me he loved me.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“Because it was personal. I’ve made a fool of him, and he doesn’t even know it,” I say as my heart cries.
“Dalton.” I look back at him. “You can’t be together. You know this. You and him… it just doesn’t work.”
I nod. “I know.”
“If it makes you feel any better, the guys say he hasn’t been coming in a ton lately. Maybe he isn’t even here.”
My stupid heart doesn’t want to hear that either.
“Why did I agree to do this?” I ask.
He laughs. “Come on. Let’s go.” I push off the car and we head to the line. Maybe I won’t see Jace, and hey, maybe we’ll even find a lead on the illegal shit going down here.
Maybe.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Jace
I roll my neck and take a hit of my cigarette. The room is smoke-filled and low-lit. The past few months have been a roller coaster of drugs, women, and alcohol.
It’s been fun forgetting.
It’s been fun not caring.
It’s been a fucking blast not worrying about impressing someone.
I stand up and walk to the two-way mirror. Bryce and Harrison are down at the bar, and Harrison’s friends, Austin and Claire, are with them. I’m up here, obviously surrounded but feeling completely alone.
And I hate it.
I take a drag and lean my forehead against the mirror, blowing smoke. It rolls off the glass in gray thickness, and I shut my eyes as I press my hand against the chilled wall looking out at Red.
“Adams!” I yell, running over to him. His eyes are wide open, staring back at me. My hands shake, and my head does, too. Wild-eyed, I look around.
“Get down!” Banister yells. I duck just as a makeshift bomb is tossed in through the window. Smoke fills the room and I look at Banister, who jumps up and runs over to grab it.
“Banister, no!” I yell, but it goes off. I’m lifted and thrown against the wall, the air yanked from my lungs.
My ears ring, my eyes burn, and I cough, trying to catch my breath. Gunshots sound in the distance…
“You coming down?” Someone shakes my shoulder.
I turn to look, blinking my eyes slowly at my brother.
“Shit, man, are you okay?” Bryce says. When did they get up here? How long was I in my own head?
I turn sluggishly and look to Harrison. She gives me a sad smile. “Why don’t you go lie down?” she suggests.
I ignore them both and push away from the mirror. I pat Bryce’s shoulder, half holding on, as I make my way to the door that leads down the stairs. “Jace,” I hear but walk on.
I slide my hand down the rail as I descend the stairs. Ben stands at the bottom and turns to me when I near. “You all right?” he asks.
I nod. “Never better, Ben.”
“Jace,” a girl says, grabbing my attention. She clings on to me, not even giving me a moment to think straight. Her hair reminds me of someone.
Someone smart and sweet and… I shake my head, trying to rid thoughts of her.
This girl wraps her arms around my neck, and before I know it, she’s kissing me.
And I’m lost and sad and I miss her.
So, I kiss the girl back, and I pray that it’s the woman I love and not some random chick again. But the smell isn’t right, her hair’s short, and she’s different.
They all are.
I move away from her. “Where are you going?” she asks, but I ignore her, too, heading to the bathroom. I quickly walk in, reach into my pocket, and pull out a small baggy. I dip my key in and bring it to my nose, snorting the white powder and happy when the rush puts me in a better mood. I check my nose and rinse my mouth before walking back out.
I turn to look back at the dance floor, making sure that girl isn’t watching. She’s already dancing with someone else. I go right and head to the back of Red. Two bodyguards stand at the back wall and they eye me as I approach.
“Jace.” One nods. “Going down for a while?” he asks.
“Yeah. I think I’ll go lose some money,” I reply jokingly. He laughs and I walk on through the wall. It’s a trick of the eye. It looks like a solid wall, but it’s not. There’s another behind it, and it leads to a kitchen.
“Hello, Mr. Jace,” the chef greets me.
I smile. “How are you, Antonio?”
“Very well, sir. Would you like something to eat?”
“I think I’m going to pass, my friend. But next time.”
He nods. “Have a great night.”
“I hope I do!” I say as I walk through the broom closet. I tap three times on the opposite door before it slides open. My eyes look over the place. Red carpet stretches below my feet, and there’s a cloud of cigar smoke floating in the air.
I smile and head down the stairs.
I need a drink, a cigar, and some poker chips.
_______________
There’s a big-ass grin on my face when I walk back into Red. I’ve won a shitload of money, and I’m high as fuck. I tug on my blazer and lift my chin as I walk through.
The lights are dancing above me, the music vibrating my soul. I walk up to the bar and the bartender notices. He grabs a beer from the cooler and opens it before sliding it to me. “’Preciate it,” I say with a nod. I take a sip as a girl walks up. She’s cute. She orders a fruity drink and I miss the girl who could just drink a beer.
I sniff and rub my nose, turning to her. “You like those fruity things?” I ask her.
She grins, checking me out.
I smirk.
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
I take a drink, licking my lips after. “You wanna head up there with that fruity drink?”
She looks up. “Never been up there.” The bartender places her glass in front of her.
“First time for everything,” I say.
She smiles. “I’m down for first times.”
“Cool. Come on.”
______________
Bryce and Harrison went home hours a
go, and the girl I brought up here sleeps on her stomach in the bed below me as I stand on the roof enjoying a smoke. Smog covers the city, the lights twinkle around me, and I inhale a deep drag as I slide my hand into my slacks pocket. I look down at my bare stomach and run my finger over a scar.
“Shit,” I cough, feeling something wet coming from my stomach. I look down, seeing blood and a piece of metal sticking into me. It’s not deep, but deep enough. I carefully grab it and pull it out, wincing.
“Banister.” I cough. I blink away dust and fragments floating in the air.
And that’s when I see him. His leg is completely gone. He’s not moving. I tremble and cough out a sob.
“Fucking hell.” I’m going to die here. We’re all going to die here. Where are Davidson and Rocket?
“Rocket!” I call out just as another bomb goes off in the next room. Rocks and rubble fly, blasting into me. The wall behind my back gives, and I feel it fall on top of me, burying me, hitting me in the head as I try to cover it.
Gunshots sound and men, who I can’t understand, run in talking. “You motherfuckers,” I hear Rocket. He’s hurt, I can tell in his voice. I want to call out to him, but they’ll hear me.
Pop, pop, pop.
Pop, pop, pop.
And everything goes silent.
I stand on the rooftop with my heart in my throat. I listened to him die. I lay there under the crumbled wall and let him die.
“I’m sorry,” I weep. My shoulders tremble and I fall to my knees. “I’m so sorry,” I cry. I sit back on my hunches and stare up at the sky. God, what is my life? Why did I live, and all of those good men go?
I look out at the city, take a hit of my smoke before tossing it, and wipe my face. I inhale and head back down into the loft.
It’s quiet and early in the morning. Light starts to show in the sky, and I walk over to the girl sleeping.
“Hey,” I say, nudging her arm. She stirs and looks up at me, sleepy and clearly hungover.
Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4) Page 17
