Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4)

by Paige P. Horne

  “What time is it?” she asks.

  “Early. You need to go.” I walk to the bathroom to jump into the shower, hoping she’ll be gone when I get out.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Harlow

  Springtime casts winter to the side. It covers us in perfect warmth, showing favor to the blooming flowers and buzzing bees. The heated air sweeps across my face as I run through the park. My lungs burn, and sweat slides down the side of my neck as my legs keep pushing. My shoulders ache from thick tension and stress, and my stomach is in constant knots.

  I saw him.

  As soon as he walked out from upstairs, my heart begged me to run to him. It kicked up its beat and urged me forward, linking its hands together, in a pretty please gesture, because we hadn’t seen him in what felt like years. But as soon as Jace hit the bottom step, a girl wrapped herself around him and he kissed her.

  He really kissed her.

  I saw crimson.

  And suddenly, I was so envious of this woman I’d never met.

  Her hands were on him.

  Her lips were tasting his. How she grabbed him seemed effortless, like it was the natural thing for her to do.

  While I stood there uncomfortable in my own skin. While I had every single opportunity to do just what she was doing, but I couldn’t.

  Because I didn’t have the freedom she had.

  I was stuck in a position I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

  I loved a man I couldn’t touch.

  I wanted a man I would never have.

  My mind raced to places I didn’t want it to. Like, would he have her in his bed? Would she get to love him tonight? Would his name slip from her lips as he made her see stars?

  At that moment, I hated everything about me.

  And I loved everything about her. Her hair was short and simple. Not messy and always thrown up. Her skin was glowing under the twirling lights and her lips had a smile.

  How good it must feel to be this woman I’ve never met.

  Because she had him.

  My blood ran cold, and my heart slowed down its beat. My bones shivered, and my chest sunk.

  It’s been months.

  He’s over you.

  Did you think he meant those words back at the cabin?

  I love you.

  This can’t be a man who was in love.

  How could he move on so quickly?

  A few months isn’t enough time.

  At least not for me.

  The realization of that made my knees weak. Ice water flowed down my backbone, and my heart froze over. I stepped back into the darkness and remembered who I was. My lungs filled with blackness, and I shut everything off.

  I’m married to my career. Jace was just a job.

  He didn’t love me, and I didn’t love him…not really. It was the thrill of our relationship that had me hooked.

  That was all.

  Just the thrill.

  I watched him walk away from the girl and make his way to the bathroom. I lifted my beer and took a sip. Monroe was on the dance floor with some girl. I was envious of him, too.

  How had my life gotten to this point?

  I rubbed my forehead and focused back on Jace as he walked out of the bathroom and looked this way.

  See me, I’d thought.

  Make eye contact.

  But he didn’t. Instead, he turned and went the other way, looking confident and carefree. And then he blew my mind.

  I sat up straighter, my mouth hung. After all this time, he hadn’t said a word, and now he never had to because he just showed me. Jace walked right through the all brick wall and disappeared.

  “Bingo,” I’d whispered.

  It was there all this time, right in front of everyone. But who in the hell would even think, hey, there’s a door back there? There was no way I could have gone and checked it out. There were bodyguards all over the place. So, I ordered a shot of whiskey and smiled when I took it.

  Cheers. Here’s to finally getting this shit over with and moving on with my life.

  ____________

  “I know exactly where it is,” I tell Monroe as we sit in the car enjoying some coffee and…doughnut.

  Yeah, yeah, fuck off.

  “But you still have to get in. You still have to bust the man at the scene. You’re going to have to contact Jace again and get him to take you inside.”

  “I know,” I reply. “I’m ready to do this. I’m over the guy. I just want to move on, and the sooner I bust his brother, the sooner I can.”

  “So, what’s your plan?”

  I exhale. “I’m going to try to win him back.”

  Monroe looks over at me. “You sure you can do this?”

  My jaw tightens, and my heart skips a beat. I remember watching him walk back in Red with the biggest smile on his face, and then I remember the woman he grabbed from the bar. It was a different one this time, and he took her upstairs.

  He loves me.

  Yeah, right. He just loved the chase, and once he realized I wasn’t giving in, he got bored and moved on.

  But I’ve got other plans now. I’m going to win him back, but this time, I’m not letting my emotions get in the way.

  I’m going to be a man.

  I’m going to use him and make him want me, and I’ll even let him have me just so I can earn his trust. After that, I’m going to bury his brother and move the fuck on with my life.

  “I’ve never been surer. This will be over before we can blink.” I start the car and head back to the office.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Jace

  “You all right?” Bryce asks me as he walks into the loft. I’ve been hanging out here more than at home lately because Bryce has been staying at his apartment. He and Harrison are pretty serious now. Mary came through. She’s clean and sober today, getting a grip on her life, trying to be a better person, blah, blah. Pops and Emily, after years of being an unmarried couple, are tying the knot, and I’m…well, I’m not doing much of anything.

  I take a sip of my beer, looking at the TV.

  I smile over at him. “I’m good, brother. You? Where’s Harrison?”

  “She’s got a date with Claire.” He rolls his eyes.

  I laugh. “You wanna have a date with me?”

  He takes a seat. “No.”

  I fake offense. “What’s so wrong with me?”

  He grins. “You’re not K.”

  I shrug. “I get that.”

  We look at the TV, neither of us saying anything for a moment, and then he says something that settles deep in my soul, moving the grief there, trying to break up the pieces to ease the pressure.

  “Whatever you’re thinking. Whatever you’ve got set inside your mind about what happened to all of you out there.” He rubs his hand over his knee, and then he looks at me. “It’s not your fault. It was a goddamn tragedy, and I know you’re hurting and blaming yourself, but no one faults you.

  “I know this sounds selfish, but I’m glad you’re the one who came home, because it would have killed me, Jace.”

  His honesty shocks me. Our relationship has been rocky, but there’s so much love between us. I’d do anything for this guy, and I know he’d do the same for me.

  We may fight and have urges to strangle one another at times, but it doesn’t change how deep our bond goes.

  This boy is my brother. He messed up when we were growing up. I’m the fuck-up now.

  Eventually, the ice thaws and you’re left with the cold truth.

  Life isn’t easy and people aren’t perfect, but it’s important to have a few good ones by your side for the ride, because no one wants to go through this alone.

  I’ll never get over the things that happened in the Army. They’ll always be something I think about, second-guess, wonder if I would have done something differently would any of my boys be here with me now.

  But there’s the cold truth again.

  I can’t change the past. What has happe
ned, it’s happened.

  I’m the one left.

  And I forget sometimes that maybe I’m the lucky one.

  Maybe.

  I’m too choked up to reply, so I just nod.

  We spend the rest of the evening tossing back some beers and catching up on the good old days.

  And it helps me.

  It really does.

  I’m scarred on the inside and outside. But the thing is, my scars have made me who I am.

  They’re proof that I fought the battle, and although I’m damaged, I still won.

  _____________

  Bryce leaves me and heads back to his apartment once Harrison is done with her date with Claire. I sit up on the roof, smoking a cigarette, looking out over the city when my phone vibrates. I lift up and slide it from my pocket.

  My chest falls when I see who it’s from.

  Hey.

  That’s all it says.

  Why should I respond to this? It’s been months, and I’ve heard nothing from her. She must have switched grocery stores, because I haven’t seen her there either. I’ve contemplated going to Hudson’s bar more than once but decided against it. That’s her turf, and I wasn’t going to chase after the woman. I left it on her when she got out of my truck that day.

  I inhale a deep breath and twist my snapback around, taking another drag from my smoke.

  I look back at my phone, my digits twitching, not knowing what to do.

  I can’t go through that shit again. It was pure hell. I fell hard for the girl, and she crushed me. What if she does it again?

  Yeah, fuck that. I put my phone back into my pocket and finish my smoke before tossing it. I head down and walk to the fridge to grab a beer when someone knocks on the door. I twist to look. No one ever comes here besides Harrison and Bryce.

  I remove the cap from my beer and walk over to the door. I move the blind to the side, and holy shit.

  She’s looking down the alleyway, and I quickly let the blinds fall back into place.

  What the fuck?

  How did she know I was here?

  I hold on to the doorknob, contemplating on what to do. Why is she here?

  Why is she doing this? I could ignore her, go back to the couch, and enjoy my beer.

  But she’s here.

  After all this time apart, she’s right on the other side of the door.

  I can handle that. I can talk to her without this turning into anything.

  I exhale and turn the knob, opening the door. Little did I realize what exactly I opened the door for.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  (Weeks later)

  Jace

  Wheat fields and springtime warmth. Butterflies and orange-red skies. We’re lying on a blanket, surrounded by nature and openness. My life has turned upside down, completely flipped. I watch Dalton as she talks about a funny story from her childhood. I’m hooked, fully captivated by her.

  She’s sitting crossed-legged, toying with a piece of grass between her fingers. Her hair’s up, away from her neck, her freckles scattered specks of beauty across her soft skin.

  My feelings for her have multiplied. The day she knocked on my door I was cautious, not having any idea why she was there. When I opened it, she gave me a small smile and I couldn’t remember why we weren’t talking.

  “You busy?” she asks.

  “Why?” My guard is up still. My heart is closed off behind a glass wall.

  Her hands are behind her back. She pulls them around, and in them are a box of playing cards and a bottle of tequila.

  “Thought you might wanna play?” She looks around me. I guess checking to see if anyone is here. In a way I wish there was, just so she could see I’m not as lonely as I feel.

  I take a sip from my beer, resting my arm on the edge of the door, eyeballing her.

  I have no desire to admit how the way she looks right now makes my knees weak. That hopeful, nervous expression on her pretty face makes her look innocent, but my heart knows better.

  She can crush you.

  “And why would I want to do that, Dalton?”

  She lifts her left shoulder in a slight shrug. “Because I miss you.”

  Part of me wanted to tell her to fuck off. Part of me wanted to drag her into the room and make her mine forever.

  Part of me just wanted my friend back, because she was easy to talk to and I needed that.

  That part won.

  We stayed up, playing and talking, and it was then I decided I couldn’t not have her in my life. She meant too much to me. I had no interest in any other woman.

  I wanted her.

  We haven’t been alone since. We’ve met up at Hudson’s for a beer or two, we’ve gone to movies in the park, but there’s been no going over to each other’s places.

  I’m not getting let down again. If she wants me, then she’ll show it.

  I’ve introduced her to my family, and she was my date for Pops and Emily’s wedding.

  We’re out at the ranch now. I got her on my dirt bike, and yesterday she even rode a horse.

  We’ve had a blast, but the sun is going down and it’ll be getting dark soon.

  “We better get back,” I say as I sit up from lying on my side. She looks around like she’s just noticed it’s getting dark.

  We’ve been out here for hours, talking about everything under the sun, literally.

  I stand up and she holds her hand out for me to help her up. She makes a groaning noise when I do.

  “Damn, I didn’t realize how long we’ve been out here. My ass is numb.”

  Laughing, I lift the blanket, roll it up, and hand it to her before I hop onto my bike. She climbs on behind me and slides her arms around my waist. My breath catches just from that. It still hurts, it still stings, but I’ve made up my mind.

  I’ll suffer in silence as long as I get to be near her. Hear her laugh and catch her smile.

  She’s my girl, even if she doesn’t know it.

  I’m pathetic, but I don’t even care. I kick-start the bike and head back to the guesthouse we’re staying in.

  The evening air brushes across my face in a delicious way. I love the freedom of riding my bike. Whipping through the fields has always been a sort of therapy for me, but having Dalton along for the ride is like trading out bliss for heaven. While both are beautiful, one outweighs the other.

  Once at the shop, we hop off and I look back at Dalton as she pulls her hair tie out and redoes her hair.

  “That is seriously one of my favorite things to do now.” She smiles, and it’s infectious.

  “It is one of my favorite things,” I reply, happy as fuck she thinks so.

  I readjust my backwards hat. We didn’t wear helmets since we were just riding in the field. I start to walk as she follows me out of the shop. Pops and Emily are on their honeymoon, and Bryce and Harrison have already left the ranch. It’s pretty much just us here, except for a few ranch hands keeping the place going.

  The moon gets jealous of the sun, deciding it wants to share in the spotlight, revealing itself before dark. It’s twilight, and one by one the stars appear. I twist to look back at Dalton because I don’t hear her footsteps anymore. She’s got her arms crossed as she gazes out at the pasture.

  I watch her as she looks out. I know what’s there. I’ve seen it a hundred times, but seeing her appreciate it for the first time, it’s like having someone listen to your favorite song.

  Horses feed, and fireflies dance, the sky is a soft blue, and everything looks buttery.

  And she looks like everything.

  My heart pitter-patters against my ribcage, and my chest almost aches.

  How I wish she were mine.

  She hasn’t even told me how she feels. I spilled everything, telling her that I loved her. That hasn’t changed. I tried to convince myself that I could move on, but I can’t shake her.

  She’s inside of me now. In the rush of my blood, the beat of my pulse, and the darkness of my soul. There isn’t anything I
wouldn’t do for her.

  She looks over at me with a smile that quickly fades. Her eyes twist with mine, and I beg for her to see me.

  Understand how much I love her.

  The world carries on around us, the moon rising higher, the sun descending. Shadows appear, and the wind rustles the leaves. The smell of flowers drifts in the air, mingling with her perfume.

  There’s no doubt that she should be mine.

  I take a step closer to her. She swallows, her expression almost pained.

  But does she know how I ache?

  Does she realize how happy I could make her? I’m only a few feet away from her now, and I slide my hands into my pockets as I look at her. A sign that I’m not doing anything.

  This is all on her.

  There’s a war going on behind her eyes, and I want to tell her that she’d never have to worry about me hurting her.

  I’d never do that.

  I’d change everything about myself if that’s what she wanted.

  She steps closer to me, and I feel my bones shake.

  Her eyes move from mine to my lips, and she reaches out and runs her finger over my forearm. Chills chase one another across my skin.

  And then she steps closer.

  I look down at her lips, wondering if they taste like the evening air. Sweet spring flowers and her.

  My pulse kick-starts, and I swear if she changes her mind this time, I’ll die.

  “Don’t do this if you don’t mean it, Dalton,” I murmur, restraining myself.

  Her eyes jump up to mine. I feel my jaw clench, my hands twitch, so fucking desperate to reach out to her, but they’re purposely trapped in my pockets.

  “I wish I didn’t want this,” she says. “I wish I could forget you.”

  “Why?” I ask in a rush, confusion laced with underlying hurt.

  “It’d just be easier.”

  I don’t know why it would be easier. I don’t know why she feels this way.

  “But life’s never been easy for me,” she says. “And I think about you without even meaning to.”

  My hands stop listening, and they jump out of my pockets and pull her to me. Our lips crash, and she tastes like everything I thought. Our kiss is a raging storm, tossing waves and wind in every direction. My hands reach down and I lift her. Walking over to a nearby tree, I press her back against it as she kisses me, and this time…God, this time…she drowns me in love.