It still surprises me every time he says it, though.
It still shocks me that he told other people, women specifically, he could never love them because he was in love with someone else. That he was in love with me.
I may never get used to hearing it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't bring a smile to my face every time I do.
Chapter Fourteen
My nerves are at an all-time high this morning. Not because of the sexual tension constantly surrounding me and Liam.
It's wedding day.
White dresses and flowers.
A trip down the aisle.
Two of my best friends vowing to love one another for the rest of their lives.
A reminder that I was in their shoes a little over a month ago but, instead of saying “I do,” my life was turned upside down. Everything I thought I knew was a lie. My entire existence was in shambles and I was drinking to numb the pain. Something I swore I'd never do again.
Alcohol became my coping mechanism. I want to regret being weak and not staying true to myself, but I can't. If I hadn't been drinking, I probably never would have found the courage to kiss Liam. I never would have let my guard down and been bold enough to act on the strange feelings he suddenly brought out of me.
Feelings that now overshadow everything else.
Feelings that make the darkness seem like a distant memory.
Love is a powerful emotion. It can change your perspective on everything. My love for Liam has always been there, hidden in the depths of my soul. And now it's shining brightly.
But not too bright.
Not today anyway.
Today isn't about us or the way we feel about each other. It's Sasha and Kevin's day. I don't want to overshadow their celebration with whispers about us.
So we're going as friends, as far as everyone thinks. With the exception of the bride, and probably the groom, no one knows anything, and they won't.
Sure, we'll dance together. Sit next to each other. All the things a normal couple would do on a date, with the exception of PDA. Public displays of affection have never really been my thing.
No kissing.
No holding hands.
No groping or dirty dancing.
He promised not to give anyone a reason to suspect that we were more than just friends. We've attended multiple weddings together as friends, and today is going to be no different.
In exchange for his cooperation, I promised him we could leave a little early and spend the rest of the night together. Alone. In his bed.
Not doing the one thing we really want to do but doing other things. Exploring for lack of a better word. That can be just as fun and rewarding, if not more so, than sex. And I'm excited to find out exactly how rewarding it will be.
"Are you ready?" Liam asks standing in the doorway to my bedroom.
"Almost," I state frantically. I'm still shoving things in my bag. Sasha was expecting me ten minutes ago to help her get ready.
Thinking about tonight distracted me and put me behind.
I needed clothes for the wedding, but I also wanted to make sure the undergarments I packed were sexy enough for later. That they went with my outfit. That Liam wouldn't be turned off when he helps me out of my dress later.
All that required thought, and those thoughts led to other thoughts, which led me to where I am right now. Shoving everything in front of me in the bag as quickly as I can so we can leave.
"Okay," I start, turning to face him. "I'm—"
Damn.
Sexy doesn't even begin to describe Liam right now.
He's wearing a navy-blue Oxford shirt. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and the top two buttons are undone. The color of the shirt accentuates his eyes, making them appear brighter than normal. Like two beams of soft-blue light staring at me, radiating promises of delicious naughtiness.
On top of all that, the dark-gray dress pants he's wearing, with the pristine pleat down the front of each leg, fit him perfectly in all the right places from what I can see. Resting perfectly on his hips, giving him a slimming look, and the material stretching tighter over places I know there isn’t any extra room.
If his ass looks good in those pants, I'm going to end up mounting him in the car. I can see it happening.
"Ready," I finally finish after checking him out from head to toe, twice, without shame.
"Like what you see?" he jokes, a sinister smirk slowly spreading across his face.
"I thought you were getting ready with Kevin." I don't need to answer his question. My reaction was plenty.
"Guys don't get ready together. We drink beer and shoot the shit while we wait."
"Oh."
It's all I can come up with. I'm still entranced by his stare. My thighs are pressed together in hopes of alleviating some of the need blossoming right now. If we stay here any longer—
"Come on. The quicker we get there, the faster it's over, the sooner we get home."
Right.
Check.
Time to leave so we can focus on coming back. There will be plenty of time to focus on my dirty thoughts later. Right now, we need to get to the church. We need to devote our attention to Sasha and Kevin. It's their special day.
My sole focus right now needs to be on Sasha.
That's what a good friend would be able to do.
But the problem is I'm not feeling like a very good friend right now. Especially after Liam takes my bag and leads the way out of my bedroom. I'm feeling like a horny slut because his ass looks even better than I imagined it would.
Pushing away all thoughts of Liam's pants, I lift my chin and brace myself for what is going to be a trying afternoon. As we pull into the parking lot of the church, I force a smile on my face, then take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
I can do this.
I can be a great friend and a part of the celebration today.
I'm not bitter or jealous. I'm not embarrassed that the last time I stepped foot in a church I ended up running out like my dress had caught fire. Because none of that was my fault. Deep down, I know that. Hell, most of the people who will be here today probably know that.
Still, as I walk through the side door and down the hall to where I know Sasha is waiting for me, my chest begins to tighten and my pace slows.
Forgetting Liam is by my side, I jump slightly when he takes my hand in his giving it a light squeeze. "You've got this."
If I'm going to make it through today without falling apart and ruining things, my nerves are going to have to be put in check. I'm going to have to push away all thoughts of my failed attempt at marriage. All thoughts of what happens after the reception.
It's not going to be easy, but I can do it. For Sasha and Kevin.
Sasha's mom is fussing over Sasha's dress when I walk in. I watch in awe and wonder if my mother would have done the same to me on my wedding day.
Shit!
I do not need to be thinking about my mother or my wedding day.
"Finally," Sasha declares, catching sight of me in the reflection of the oversized mirror in front of her. "Can you please tell my mother to go get ready?"
And just like that, I snap into action. Sasha needs me.
After kicking her mother out, I help Sasha put the finishing touches on her hair and makeup before I begin getting ready myself. Slipping into my dress, I notice Sasha watching me closely.
"What?" I ask as I take a seat next to her so I can reach the clasp of my heels.
"Nothing. You look beautiful. I love that color on you."
"Kendra picked it out," I note, a hint of disgust in my voice.
"Well, if nothing else, she has taste in clothes. Burgundy is your color. It accentuates your tan, and the bodice on that dress makes your boobs look fantastic."
"You don't think it's too loose on me?"
Kendra and I went shopping three months ago for our dresses. I've lost a little bit of weight since then, but I didn't really notice it until I zipped my dress
up a few minutes ago. When I tried the dress on that day, it was tight in the top and fitted at the hips. It was perfect.
Standing, I twirl in a circle for Sasha, her smile brightening.
"Nope. It's perfect, and you look stunning."
"Not compared to you, but that's the point of today, right?"
A tiny girl, Sasha is barely five foot tall. What she lacks in height, she makes up for elsewhere. She has a perfect hourglass figure. Big boobs, tiny waist, nice butt. The dress she picked accentuates all her assets, and I can't wait to see the look on Kevin's face when he first lays eyes on her.
"How much longer?" she asks, reaching for her phone. I took it away from her when I noticed her checking the time every two minutes earlier. She's eager, I get it. I was the same way.
Snatching up her phone before she can get it, I flip it over and check the time. Fifteen minutes until showtime. "Not long at all. Do you want anything to drink before you put lipstick on?"
Crossing her arms over her chest in disapproval, causing her boobs to threaten to make an appearance over the corset of her strapless dress, Sasha shakes her head.
Her father walks in a few minutes later, and that's my cue to take my seat. Liam is waiting for me at the entrance to the garden when I walk outside. The moment he spots me and our eyes meet, my insides churn and need builds.
"You look amazing," he says as I approach, looking me up and down, his eyes eventually landing on my shoes. "You promised not to wear those."
"Did I?" I tease.
"You're asking for trouble, Cass," he growls, taking my hand and pulling me close so he can whisper in my ear.
"Maybe I like trouble," I counter, pushing out of his embrace and walking up the aisle.
No sooner have we taken our seat, the music changes and everyone stands. I'm disappointed I can't gauge Kevin's reaction from where I'm seated, but I can see Sasha's. She's radiating happiness, practically pulling her father along. I watch as he taps her on the hand gently in an attempt to slow her down, but she ignores him.
Her sole focus is on Kevin.
On her future.
On the man she's devoting the rest of her life to.
Because she loves him and he loves her.
Because they were meant to be together.
Their love has never wavered. We've all known each other since grade school. They were friends first, for a long time, and then one day, things changed between them. They've been together for almost ten years now. Ten years of trials and tribulations they've traversed together.
It's all brought them to this moment. A moment they'll cherish for the rest of their lives. A life they'll share together.
Because that's what weddings are about. Love.
Weddings represent the beginning of the rest of your life. And if you're lucky like Kevin and Sasha, your soulmate is the person who will be standing by your side, promising you forever.
If only we could all be so lucky.
I used to think Garrett looked at me the way Sasha is looking at Kevin. With nothing but love in her eyes. Excitement. Trust. Honor.
But as I stand here and watch one of my best friends promise to devote the rest of her life to loving and taking care of her husband, I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn't walked in on Garrett and Kendra. What if I had married him?
Would we have the house with the white picket fence in the front yard?
Kids and a dog?
Date night on Fridays while the kids stay home with a babysitter?
Barbecues in the summer with all our friends and family in attendance?
Is that the life we would have had together?
A complete lie.
If so, when would the world have come crashing down on us? Because at some point I would have found out about him and Kendra. Secrets don't stay hidden forever. And if he had kept seeing her on the side, the truth would have shone through eventually.
My thought is that it would have hurt more later on. After we said our I dos. After we brought children into the picture. After devoting years to him and only him.
The fight plays through my mind. Me with a child on my hips as I confront him after learning the news. Him in denial, flippantly brushing off my accusations while a toddler is trying to get his attention. A third child is crying in the background.
And then Liam's standing there. Hands on his hips. Looking at Garrett is disgust. Rage in his eyes. He's about to say something, his mouth opening slightly, when the image fades away.
Liam's pulling me into my seat.
"You okay?" he whispers in my ear as the music fades and the officiant clears his throat.
I only nod because I'm all choked up. I have no words to describe the scene that just played out in my mind. No words would be able to convey the horror of the situation or the relief I suddenly feel that I learned about Garrett's indiscretions when I did.
And that relief is overwhelming.
It's what's causing me to get choked up as I listen to Kevin read his vows. As he describes his love for Sasha so poetically. His words are sincere, and the tears in his eyes as he speaks bring tears to my own.
The vows I wrote for my own wedding were nothing compared to what I'm hearing right now. They seem generic in comparison. A promise to love him for the rest of my life. To start and end each day together. To stick by his side through life's ups and downs.
Mine were about the life we were planning together and how I was preparing to make the journey.
But Kevin . . . he nailed his vows.
His vows have nothing to do with the false promises. His are about being grateful for every moment he's been able to spend with her and will be able to spend with her. About cherishing her and being thankful for the opportunity to traverse life together.
Because at the end of the day, once it's all said and done, you don't know what the future holds. You have one life. You should live each day as if it's your last. That's all you can do.
Make the most of it.
Take the risk.
Do what makes you happy.
Chapter Fifteen
"Are you crying?" Liam asks, nudging me in my side with his elbow.
"No," I reply defensively as I wipe away the stray tear. "I have something in my eye."
"Liar."
Why am I even trying to defend myself? Of course I'm crying. Any woman would be after the beautiful and emotional ceremony I just sat through. They're tears of happiness for my friends.
"Let's get something to drink," Liam suggests, offering me his elbow as we cross the street to the reception hall.
In his mind, something to drink meant two tall glasses of water. I was thinking more along the lines of a beverage with a little kick to it. Something that will ease the tightness in my chest and help me relax.
One drink. Maybe two.
Nothing crazy.
So when I add two rum and cokes to his order, he gives me a side glance that tells me he's concerned.
"I'm fine," I promise him.
"So you drink when you're fine now?"
"I'm a big girl, Liam. I can handle a few drinks to celebrate my friends getting married."
I shouldn't have to explain myself to him of all people.
"So this has nothing to do with the guest list?"
"Why would it?"
His eyes grow wide, but he doesn't elaborate, and he avoids answering my question by paying the bartender.
"Is there something you're not telling me?" I ask as I pick up the two glasses of water and follow him to our table in the corner.
"They were at the wedding, Cass. I didn't realize you didn't see them. You walked right past Kendra on the way to our seats."
My feet slide to a stop, and I search the room for the two faces that will make this night less than fun for me.
"They're not here. I'm pretty sure Aaron took care of it."
My eyes continue to scan the small crowd of familiar faces to confirm his statement.
"Cass
," Liam calls, but I don't turn to face him. "They're gone. I promise."
"Why would they even show up? They know they're not welcome."
"For the same reason he showed up at the house the other day. Because he knows he fucked up, and he wants you back."
He wants me back?
That's rich. He didn't want to be with me to begin with.
"He doesn't want me back. He wants what he can't have. Right now, that's me."
"Whatever the reason, he's an idiot."
Finally giving up my search for them, I close my eyes and push the anger away. The hurt. The feelings of not being good enough.
This is what he wanted.
He wanted to remind me that he chose her. That I wasn't the one.
He wanted me to feel bad. To ruin the day for me. And I'm not going to let that happen.
Tonight is going to be fun. I'm going to dance and celebrate and enjoy life.
Even if I have to constantly remind myself that Garrett and Kendra did me a favor every five seconds. They saved me from making a huge mistake, from devoting my life to a man who didn't deserve my love.
"Come on, Cass. Let's find our table. Sasha and Kevin will be here any minute."
Wrapping his arm around my waist, Liam leads me to our seats. Aaron is waiting with a huge smile on his face and an ice pack resting on his hand.
"What'd you do?" I ask as Liam pushes my chair in for me.
"Took out the trash," he remarks, making eye contact with Liam and smiling like the devil he can be from time to time.
"Is that a euphemism? I don't get it." Looking between the two of them for clarity, neither speaks and both avoid eye contact with me. It takes a minute for me to connect the dots, but once I do, I let out a laugh that seems to echo off the walls. "Which one?"
"Are you kidding me? I'd never hit a girl, no matter how much she deserves it." Aaron feigns offense, but his smile doesn't fade.
"Nose or eye?"
"Jaw. It might be broken."
Aarons a big man, but he's more of a lover than a fighter. It takes a lot to get him riled up. I'm not sure what Garrett said, but it was enough to bring out the inner beast in him.
I wish I could have seen it.
After giving us the play-by-play, and having a good laugh at Garrett's expense, Aaron changes the subject to more enjoyable topics. Mainly his recent travels and the high jinks he got into on his trip home, including his watch falling off in a port-o-potty and picking up a hitchhiker that tried to seduce him at a truck stop.
Worth The Fight Page 12
