Worth The Fight

by Rachael Brownell

  "At the time, I remember thinking how sweet it was. To hear you say that you loved me. For you to actually say the words. And my heart swelled in my chest. Because I loved you too. You meant everything to me. And then I started to freak out. I wasn't sure what you meant, and I was too afraid to ask you to clarify, so I tried to brush it off. I was tipsy. You were tipsy. It was time to get some sleep.

  "I figured I'd ask you in the morning. Then we woke up to our parents screaming at us and I forgot. You never said it again, so I didn't think twice about it. Until now."

  "I remember," Liam confesses, leaning forward and kissing me gently on the lips. "There was this sense of relief that I had told you even though I thought you didn't hear me. It felt honest. There was a weight lifted off of me after telling you. And then panic set in the next day that you had heard me, but we were both grounded and wouldn't see each other until we went back to school. Things felt normal, but on the inside, I was waiting for you to stop talking to me, to pull away, but you never did."

  "I'd love to say that I wouldn't have freaked out back then, but I can't. We were both finding ourselves or trying to. It would have been easy to fall into a relationship with you without fear of the consequences. And if we had, who's to say we'd still be friends right now?"

  "I'd like to think we would. Look at Sasha and Kevin. They've lasted this long. We could have too."

  "But you don't know that."

  "I know you. I know me. I know my love for you has only grown stronger over the years. It's never wavered. Our friendship has never been more solid."

  "We were kids, Liam." I let out a sigh at the absurdity of this conversation. We've gone from talking about me in only my heels to what could have happened a decade ago in a matter of moments.

  "And you didn't feel the same way about me," he states, his words creating a tension between us.

  "That's not true." But is it? "I've always loved you. As a friend and probably as more. I don't know the exact moment I realized it. I don't know why I didn't see it before. I also don't remember a time in my life where I wasn't excited to see you. To spend time with you. In all honesty, I've probably always been in love with you but didn't understand the feelings I had. Because the more I learn about love, the more I open my heart, the more I realize my feelings for you haven't changed over the years. They've intensified, but they haven't changed."

  I stare at Liam, willing him to hear the words I've just spoken. Wanting him to feel them in his heart.

  The truth is often the hardest to hear. The hardest to believe.

  Loving Liam wasn't a choice for me. It's a part of me. He's a part of me. The more I think about it, focus on it, allow the feelings to overwhelm me, the more I realize I've always loved him. That our love has only grown and matured over the years as we have.

  "You're still my best friend, Liam. You always will be. Yes, I'm still afraid I'll lose you if this . . ." What's the word I want to use here? Doesn't work out? Isn't real? Neither of those seems to fit.

  "If the fire burns out?" Liam states, his voice filled with dread.

  He hit the nail on the head.

  And the last thing I want is for the feelings I have to fade. For the first time in my life, I feel completely at peace with life. I don't feel like I'm running toward something. I'm right where I need to be. Where I want to be. With the person I want to be with.

  "It's not going to," I promise him, pushing myself off his lap and bending to pick up my temporarily forgotten heels.

  "You sound confident in that statement," he replies, his eyes focused on my heels dangling from my hand at my side.

  "I am because I know you'll fight for me. For this. For us. And I'll do the same."

  "Your daddy always said—"

  "I know what he said." My father's words ring loud and clear.

  Whatever it is CJ, make sure it's worth the fight. If it's not, let it go.

  Garrett wasn't worth the fight.

  Liam. Our friendship. Our love. There's no doubt in my mind it's always been worth fighting for. It always will be.

  "Where are you going?" Liam asks when I turn to walk away from him.

  "Bed. You coming?" I ask glancing over my shoulder at him.

  The hunger in his eyes disappeared when our conversation took a turn. It's back now, and there's no doubt in my mind, he's hungrier than before.

  Plastering a wicked smile on my face, I sprint out of the living room and down the hall. I'm about to cross the threshold of Liam's bedroom when he catches me, lifting me off the ground and carrying me over to the bed.

  I expect him to down me on the mattress but instead, he sets me on the ground at the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around me.

  "Candles and roses," Liam whispers as he slowly unzips my dress.

  "Overrated," I reply, my voice catching in my throat. My hands begin to tremble in anticipation, my heels clacking together before I drop them.

  "You deserve the best, Cass. You deserve more than I'll ever be able to give you, but I swear to God, I'm going to try my damnedest to give you everything you'll ever want or need."

  "All I need is you, Liam. That's all I've ever needed."

  Placing one hand under each dress strap, Liam slides them down my arms, then releases them from his grasp as he reaches my hands, my dress falling to the ground at my bare feet.

  "You are so beautiful. Inside and out. You're the most amazing woman. Strong. Resilient. Loving."

  Placing a kiss on my bare shoulder, Liam's hands begin to roam the corset I put on just for him this morning. Tracing the outline of the bodice, his fingers brush against my breasts, and I find myself leaning into his touch. Wanting more. Need building inside me.

  Turning in his arms, I reach up and pull his lips down to me. He comes willingly, and when our lips meet, something inside me snaps.

  All it takes is one kiss to completely unravel me. To make me forget about everything else.

  We've kissed before. We've shared some amazing make-out sessions.

  But this kiss . . . this is the one that does me in. It feels honest and raw. I'm putting every emotion I feel for him into this one kiss, and he's accepting it.

  Desire. Devotion. Admiration.

  Love.

  Pure, raw, selfless love.

  The kind people hope to find one day. That rare feeling that is hard to describe because, no matter how hard you try, no words will ever come close.

  "Cass," he begins, pulling away for a moment before kissing me again. Twice. His hands now massage my ass, pulling my body against his. "I promised you romance."

  "Romance tomorrow," I state firmly as I begin to unbutton his shirt. There's too much between us. I want to feel his skin against mine. For our bodies to become one.

  "But," he protests between kisses. Between thrusts.

  Removing his shirt in one swift motion, my hands make their way to the button of his pants. I expect him to stop me, to put up a fight. By the time I'm pushing his pants over his hips, he's trying to help me.

  Hands are everywhere. Clothes are flying. My corset is gone, and my back is on the bed, Liam on top of me. Our legs intertwined, I can feel how much he needs me as he presses me into the mattress, capturing my mouth, his tongue dragging across my bottom lip, begging for entrance.

  He slows his movements, gently caressing my body with one hand, kneading my right breast, causing my nipple to harden. His touch singes my skin as he runs one hand up and down my side, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

  When he pushes up onto his elbows, the feel of his body against mine a sudden loss, I groan in disapproval.

  "Make love to me, Liam."

  It's not a demand. I'm not pleading with him. It would have been a simple statement if my voice wasn't filled with lust and desire. If the heat from my stare didn't fuel the fire burning inside both of us.

  Slowly and methodically, Liam loops a finger in either side of my underwear and tugs them down. Standing, he pauses for a beat before removing his
boxer briefs.

  Keeping my eyes trained on him when he leans over, I hear the slide of a drawer. The rustle of foil. Then I watch as he expertly rolls the condom on, a flush creeping onto my cheeks at the sight.

  In the moonlight shining through the windows, I take him in. Every inch of his beautiful body is on display, but that's not what I'm focused on.

  All I can see right now is the love he has for me.

  It's in the way he's looking at me. It's the gentle way he takes his time with me, exploring every inch of my body and driving me crazy in the process. In the way he slides inside me, our bodies becoming one for the first time, as if he's holding back because he's afraid to hurt me. In the way he caresses my cheek as he kisses me while claiming my body as his.

  More than anything, it's the love I feel explode from within me as my body convulses beneath him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I expected things to be awkward.

  You know, the "I just slept with my best friend and now what" kind of moment.

  Or even better, the "do I sleep here or go back to my bed because there were no boundaries set" scenario.

  What about the next morning?

  Do I act natural?

  As if it didn't happen?

  Is he expecting me to wake up and want to go again?

  Is he going to want to talk about it? I can't imagine him bringing it up over breakfast.

  "So, we had sex last night. It was good for me. What about you?"

  Yeah, I can't see that happening.

  But this is Liam we're talking about, and nothing about our relationship has ever been or will ever be awkward. In hindsight, I should have known better. My internal freak out could have been avoided if I had just let myself enjoy the aftermath of what had happened for longer than two seconds.

  Because he answered all those questions for me and squashed all my insecurities the moment he rolled onto his side and pulled my body against his, cradling me as our bodies attempted to calm down. And once my breathing was relatively normal again, he whispered the three words I needed to hear the most, sealing what felt like our fate with a kiss to the nape of my neck.

  "I love you."

  Smiling to myself, love radiating from every inch of my body, I echoed his words as I closed my eyes and allowed sleep to encompassed me.

  Waking up the next morning I'm surprised to find I'm alone in Liam's bed. When I reach for where he was sleeping, the sheets are cool to the touch. Pushing myself into a sitting position, I pull the covers up over my bare chest and take in the disarray of the room.

  My corset is on the floor near the door. Liam's shirt is a few feet away, his pants in a heap next to it. Peering over the side of the bed, I locate my dress and underwear along with Liam's boxer briefs. The condom wrapper is partially visible from under the bed.

  The events of last night come rushing back. Dancing at the reception. The way he kissed me in front of everyone unapologetically. Then there was the feel of his body against mine. The way he took his time even though I could tell he was wanting to go faster.

  We didn't have sex last night. He didn't fuck me.

  Liam made love to me.

  The difference is astounding. I may have only been with a few people, but nothing compares to last night. I have a feeling nothing ever will. Because making love seems to be a foreign concept these days.

  With Garrett, sex was for pleasure. I enjoyed it, but there were times when I felt obligated to have sex. Even in the beginning of our relationship. Back then we were both kids, we didn't really know what we were doing, and things often became uncomfortable after.

  That's why I was worried it would get awkward this morning.

  After the first time Garrett and I slept together, I didn't know how to act. I knew I had to leave or I'd miss my curfew, so I quickly dressed and basically ran for my car. He didn't even bother to walk me out, not that I gave him the option. He was probably still searching for his underwear as I was pulling away from his house.

  The next time, I slept over. His parents didn't seem to care as long as we were safe. My parents were gone at that point, and even though I wasn't rebelling, Liam's parents gave me free rein to do what I wanted.

  It was a tough time for me.

  Liam, on the other hand, had a lot to say about me staying out all night. About me sleeping over at Garrett's. About the fact I was making some poor life choices.

  All I was focused on was making it through each day. I wanted nothing more than to drown my sorrows at the bottom of a bottle, but I knew that was a bad idea. I felt responsible for their deaths. If I hadn't been drinking that night, they wouldn't have had to come get me. They wouldn't have been hit by a drunk driver.

  In my mind, as much as I blamed myself, I also blamed alcohol.

  Instead of drinking to forget, I used sex as a coping mechanism. Garrett was happy to oblige. That's probably why we lasted as long as we did. That's probably the reason he got involved with Kendra as well. After college, my sex drive wasn't the same as it was in high school. I had coped with my loss.

  Learned how to deal with it the right way. Partially forgiven myself.

  "Are you planning on joining me, or did you want to stay in bed all day?" I hear Liam ask. When I look up, I find him leaning against the door frame in only a low hung pair of sweatpants.

  I now know what's hidden beneath those pants.

  Staying in bed all day is starting to sound like a fantastic idea.

  After I have a cup of coffee.

  Tossing back the covers, I feel his eyes on me as I slowly walk past him to his dresser and begin searching his drawers for a T-shirt to put on. I slip the first one I find over my head and realize it doesn't cover my ass. I locate my thong and pull it on.

  "Breakfast," I suggest, walking past Liam, who hasn't moved a muscle since I got out of bed.

  He smacks me on the ass playfully, eliciting a giggle from me and putting a pep in my step, and follows me into the kitchen. He already has breakfast ready, coffee brewed, and the kitchen table set.

  "What time did you get up?" I ask as I fill my coffee mug, the scent of fresh-roasted beans bringing a smile to my face.

  "A few hours ago. I got a call and couldn't go back to sleep."

  The clock on the stove says it's a little before eight o'clock in the morning. Too early to be getting phone calls. Nothing is so important it can't wait until a decent hour on the weekend.

  "Who's calling you that early on a Sunday?"

  Liam's ignores my inquiry and busies himself by plating our food. Leaning with my back against the counter, I watch him move effortlessly around the kitchen as I sip my coffee. The pop of the toaster startles him, causing him to jump slightly.

  "What's going on? You seem on edge."

  Nothing startles him. He's always aware of his surroundings. I've never seen anything get the jump on him, let alone a toaster.

  Hanging his head, Liam grips the counter for a moment before turning to face me. His expression is laced with pain and sorrow.

  My heart drops in my stomach. Something horrible has happened. The last time I saw him look this concerned, this hurt, was the night my parents died.

  "What's wrong?" I stand straight and square my shoulders. I can handle this, and he needs to see that. I can be brave. Strong.

  "It's not what you think, so calm down. An officer was shot and killed last night. They need my help investigating."

  "I'm so sorry. That's horrible. Did you know him?"

  "Yeah. I've worked with him a few times. He was a good cop and a stand-up guy."

  "Why are you helping?"

  "Because they have an inclination that someone working at the department may have been involved. Possibly his partner. He was shot while off duty. In a safe area of town. There was no reason for him to be there last night unless someone asked him to meet there. That's all I've been told so far. I'll know more after I start looking into it."

  He'll find out what happened. Liam is damn
good at what he does. His dedication to finding the truth is amazing. He won't rest until they have answers, no matter what those answers may be.

  "So you have to work today?" I ask, realizing what he was trying to tell me without saying it.

  "Yeah. I'm sorry, Cass. I want to spend the day with you, but I need to hit the ground running as soon as possible."

  "Don't worry about me. I'll be here when you get home. Figure out what happened."

  Pulling me into his arms, Liam holds me tight for a few seconds before thanking me for understanding. How could I not? The work he does is important. And in a situation like this, time is precious.

  After breakfast, Liam changes into his standard black suit and white shirt, then heads out the door while I clean up the kitchen. He's gone no less than five minutes when I hear my phone ringing.

  Where did I leave it?

  Where is my purse?

  When we came home last night, I dropped my things as we walked through the apartment. Following the path we took, I locate my purse half under the couch but not before the ringing stops.

  Sliding my finger across the screen I notice I have a missed call from Betty, Liam's mom, and a new text message. Today would be a great day to get lunch with her since Liam is working. Opening my messages, I decide to call her back after I shower.

  Shit!

  I forgot about this group message Kendra started last night.

  I shouldn't have opened it.

  KENDRA: Pot, kettle, black @Cassidy. How long have you been sleeping with Liam? Since high school? You little slut. You think we're stupid? We saw the way you two were looking at each other. Get off your high horse and admit to everyone that you were the reason the wedding didn't happen. It had nothing to do with Garrett. You've been in love with Liam the entire time.

  AARON: @Kendra you need to get back on your meds, girl. Or maybe you need glasses to see what's right in front of you. @Cassidy and @Liam didn't plot against you. @Garrett doesn't love you. How's his jaw BTW?

  KENDRA: FU @Aaron

  AARON: No thanks. I know too many people who have been there, and I'd rather not catch anything. My manhood is valuable. Plus, I'd rather not be labeled a cheater or home-wrecker. There's only room for one of those in this group, and that's you. Oh, but wait . . . you're not part of this group anymore, are you? If I give it a go, I'll call you for tips. You seem to be a pro.