Trick of the Light

by Fiona McCallum

  ‘Yes. That should be fine. We might not need to. As I said earlier, it’s a pretty straightforward case because she was caught on the premises.’

  ‘That’s something, I guess,’ Erica said. She frowned at being unable to remember him saying that.

  ‘I’ll walk you out,’ Steph said, rising from her chair.

  ‘That’s not necessary. We can find our way.’ There was silence in the dining area as the three officers thumped heavily down the hall.

  ‘Hang on, Mum, what’s this about you moving? Monday?’ Mackenzie said.

  Erica rubbed her face, buying time and looking for the end of the thread inside her of where to start with this long, complicated but also quite simple tale. The job? Or before that – with Stuart?

  ‘But everything has changed now, hasn’t it, with the girls being back?’ Steph said.

  ‘No, I don’t think so.’ Erica creased her face hard, trying to think. She should be asleep. Her brain was not used to working this hard at this hour. She sighed. ‘Okay, girls. I didn’t want to have to tell you this. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to. But your dad left us – well, me – in a pickle. A financial pickle. A pretty big one, I’m afraid. Though it’s my fault for not being more aware –’

  ‘Mum, just tell us,’ Issy said.

  ‘Yes. What’s going on?’ Mackenzie said.

  Erica sighed deeply before speaking. ‘I’m close to losing the house.’

  ‘But how? Because you’ve lost your job?’ Issy said.

  ‘No, not just because of that.’ She sighed again. She really didn’t want to be putting all this onto them, but she didn’t have a choice.

  ‘Just tell us,’ Issy said again. ‘Maybe it’s not so bad or maybe we can help.’

  ‘Hang on. You gave us five thousand dollars each for our trip. How did you do that? Why did you, if …?’ Mackenzie started but stopped.

  ‘I didn’t know then. I found out the next day. And I didn’t want to ruin your trip, have it tainted in any way. Nor how you feel, felt, about your dad. He loved you.’

  ‘And we loved him. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a complete idiot sometimes,’ Issy said. ‘Nor that we weren’t able to see that he wasn’t perfect.’

  ‘Mum, he talked a big game. We know that. You know that. I can’t believe you’d think we’d be that clueless,’ Mackenzie said. ‘So, did he get addicted to gambling – like on the horses, or pokies, or something?’

  ‘Not as far as I know. I think he just tried too hard to hide that his business was failing by moving money around.’

  ‘But of course his business was failing – he could barely work these last few years.’

  ‘He always said it was fine. I thought he must have had plenty of passive income coming in from investments.’

  ‘What about his insurance – didn’t you, don’t you, guys have life insurance?’

  Erica shook her head. ‘He stopped paying the premiums years ago.’

  ‘I hope you can see the idiocy or irony or whatever in you trying to cover up his mess to us,’ Issy said.

  ‘Yes, honestly, Mum. I can’t believe you didn’t trust us with this,’ Mackenzie added. ‘You let us go merrily overseas thinking everything was okay. That you were okay.’

  ‘But it’s not your problem. And at your age you shouldn’t have a care in the world, especially when you’re travelling.’

  ‘But we’re a family. And family helps each other,’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Yes. And I thought we were meant to be even closer now we’ve lost Dad,’ Issy said.

  ‘We are. I’m sorry. I’ve stuffed up.’

  ‘Girls, your mum’s been beside herself trying to sort through everything and get back on track without tarnishing your father’s name. Don’t be too hard on her. And losing her job on top of it.’

  ‘Yeah. Sorry. You’re right, Auntie Steph. We’re sorry, Mum, aren’t we Issy?’ Mackenzie said, getting up and going to Erica and wrapping her arms around her shoulders again.

  ‘So, hang on, you still haven’t said what the story with Melrose is,’ Issy said.

  ‘Yes, and where’s that, anyway? You said you’re moving,’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘North. About three hours’ drive way. I’ve taken a job there. In a funeral home.’

  ‘Is that … wise?’ Mackenzie said, as she went and sat back down again.

  ‘Sorry? What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, won’t it be a bit, er, traumatising dealing with grieving people after losing Dad? It’s only been a few months.’

  ‘I don’t know, Issy, but I’m going to give it a shot. It’s the only option I have. And there’s a three-month probation period so Erica couldn’t find the words to explain that if she avoided everything that reminded her of Stuart and losing him then she wouldn’t ever have got out of bed. She knew through losing her mum that once the pain dissipated enough to let you breathe again and the flow of tears was no longer constant, grief became like another appendage; sometimes it burnt, sometimes it ached, sometimes it was almost a comforting presence, but it was always there. One day they’d realise that, too, and that trying to avoid reminders would cause you to stop living altogether. Eventually you were able to think of your departed loved one fondly and reminisce without falling apart. Well, that had been her experience; other people’s were probably slightly different. Erica still cried over her mother, but the bouts no longer felled her.

  ‘But what about us, the house here?’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Well, you weren’t here. The Melrose job comes with accommodation, so once I got settled, I was going to put this one in the hands of an agent to lease out.’

  ‘So, you’re moving and you weren’t even going to tell us?’ Issy said, staring at Erica.

  ‘I didn’t quite know how to. It didn’t seem right to say in a text and phoning you would have freaked you out, especially when, thanks to Kayla, I’m so all over the place. I was going to wait and see how I liked the job and Melrose – country life – and then let you know.’

  ‘But you don’t need to go now. You won’t bother, will you?’ Steph said.

  ‘I still need a job.’

  ‘You can have my five thousand dollars back,’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Yes, and mine. That will help, won’t it?’ Issy said.

  ‘That’s lovely of you both. And, yes, it would help. But I’ve made a commitment to Walter, the man I’ve accepted the job from, anyway. It wouldn’t be right to let him down. And honestly, I’m looking forward to doing something a bit different. Especially now, after Kayla.’ Erica wasn’t sure she even wanted to spend another night there now. She knew it might be an over-reaction, but couldn’t seem to help it. The whole place, or her view of it, was contaminated. Getting away was just what she needed. ‘I know I’ve done the wrong thing in not letting you guys know everything,’ she hurried on, ‘and yes, in that way I’ve been as big a disappointment as your father. But I need to sort it out. It’s not for you to do. You’re both young and getting yourselves going.’

  ‘And if we hadn’t come back suddenly, which we didn’t tell you about …’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Yes, so we’re just as bad, really,’ Issy said.

  ‘Good surprises are a little different, darlings,’ Erica said.

  ‘But it’s affected things,’ Issy said.

  ‘It doesn’t have to,’ Erica said.

  ‘But it can if you want it to. Could we live here and maybe get someone else, or two people, in to share costs?’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Yes, if you’re going to rent it out anyway, why not to us?’ Issy said.

  ‘Oh. I don’t see why not,’ Erica said. ‘We can certainly crunch the numbers and see where things stand.’

  ‘If your mum needs to rent the house out to someone else, you girls are welcome to stay with me for a bit,’ Steph said.

  ‘Thanks, Auntie Steph, we might have to take you up on that. But careful what you offer.’

  ‘Hang on a sec,’ Issy said. ‘What about Gran
dpa? Are you leaving him too, or has something happened to him? He hasn’t, um, died, has he?’

  ‘No. God. Issy, I would have phoned if he’d … No, he’s good. Well, you know … The same.’

  ‘But you won’t be able to visit him much if you’re a few hours’ drive away, will you?’ Issy said.

  ‘Not for a bit, no.’ Seeing tears in Mackenzie’s and Issy’s eyes caused Erica’s to fill. ‘And that’s the hardest part of all of it. But Auntie Steph, Michelle and Renee and are going to make sure he has plenty of visitors. And you’re both here now too.’

  ‘I guess,’ Issy said.

  ‘He doesn’t really know who’s who anyway. God, I’m exhausted. The jet lag must be starting to set in,’ Mackenzie said, suddenly yawning. And one by one the group was engulfed by a series of yawns.

  ‘What a night,’ Steph said.

  ‘Yes. God. Unbelievable,’ Erica said.

  ‘I’m going to head off. I’m wrecked,’ Steph said, getting up.

  ‘Thanks for coming around. I’ll let you know what we decide about the girls and the house, but I’m definitely still going to Melrose as planned,’ Erica said, hugging her cousin and best friend.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  ‘Are you sure you’ve got everything?’ Mackenzie said, standing in the kitchen with her hands on her hips looking disconcertingly like a younger version of Erica and her gran.

  ‘Though we’ll be up to visit in a few weeks when you’re settled, so can bring anything you’ve missed,’ Issy said.

  ‘Thanks. I think I’m good to go,’ Erica said, her handbag over her shoulder and car keys in hand ready to go but running her eye down the list for what reason she wasn’t really sure – she’d already committed it to memory. Delaying tactic probably. Her gaze stopped on the mantel where Stuart’s ashes sat in their urn. The girls appeared beside her and hooked an arm each around her shoulders.

  ‘Do you want to take Dad with you?’ Issy said quietly.

  ‘No, leave him here with you.’ Suddenly that was the cause of the ache in her heart, the anchor in her feet. ‘He loved this house.’ She went over and touched a finger to her lips and then placed it on the cold steel urn. Bye for now, Stu.

  ‘Right,’ she said, turning around and taking a deep breath. ‘Let’s get this show on the road.’

  As they helped her pack the car all were silent.

  ‘Okay. That’s it,’ she said, closing the boot and turning to the girls. ‘Take good care of each other. And everything,’ she said, hugging each of them.

  ‘Don’t worry, Mum, we’ve only invited thirty-five of our closest friends to the party on Thursday night,’ Mackenzie said. ‘It’ll be fine,’ she added in a high voice before bestowing a cheeky grin on her mother.

  ‘Oh, wasn’t I meant to share it on the socials? Whoops,’ Issy said.

  ‘You two are hilarious. Well, you’d better be joking,’ Erica said.

  ‘Too soon, Mummy dearest?’ Mackenzie said, grinning at her.

  ‘Maybe a little,’ Erica said, smiling back.

  ‘I promise you have nothing to worry about. Right, Is?’ Mackenzie said, serious again. ‘We’ve got this, haven’t we?’ she said, draping her arm around Issy and pulling her sister close.

  ‘Totally. And you do too, Mum. You’re going to be awesome,’ Issy said.

  ‘Yep, you really are, Mum,’ Mackenzie said.

  ‘Thanks, darlings.’ She gathered them into a group hug, gave the girls a quick kiss each on the cheek, let them go and got into the car while letting out a long, deep breath.

  Erica paused while backing out of the driveway to give the girls another wave and to acknowledge the strange sensation flowing through her at seeing her girls on the verandah waving her off. Life had come full circle. She was being taken care of – or at least her adult responsibilities of mortgage, bills et cetera. They’d spent Sunday doing sums and the girls had spoken to their employers about getting their casual jobs back. Erica smiled. She was so proud of them. They’d been welcomed back without hesitation. We did good, Stu. Right then Erica couldn’t believe she hadn’t confided in them from the moment she’d discovered the situation. She was ashamed she hadn’t trusted them enough – trusted herself, having raised them – to be able to handle the truth. Why had she thought otherwise anyway? They’d had plenty of money, but they had never been spoilt or bratty – always knew nothing came without effort. It was why Erica had insisted they stop having a cleaner in when the girls reached an age where they could properly pitch in.

  And what’s more, they even got along well. She had to be honest and admit she really had expected them to have had a falling out and finally confessed to it after the trauma and excitement of the ordeal they’d arrived home to had died down. But no, they were as strong as ever. Tight as ever – in their words.

  Well. This is it. She checked her mirrors and took her foot off the brake. She couldn’t stay there idling in the driveway like she’d changed her mind. Because she certainly had not. Now the girls were back, leaving was that bit harder, but she was genuinely excited for a new challenge and change of scene.

  And she was happy. Well, maybe not happy. Happy would be Stuart still by her side and nothing having changed. But she was content to give this new phase a decent crack. A new adventure. Almost exactly thirty years since the last time she’d left home – and Adelaide.

  As Erica negotiated the streets to get onto the main highway, melancholy seeped in over her dad. She’d hated leaving him yesterday when she’d visited and knew that every time she did she was getting closer to the last time. But he was happy. Yesterday he’d been particularly perky. And he was so attached to the cat – she was grateful he had that interest and outlet for his affection. Yep, it really was those left behind who suffered the most.

  Her thoughts briefly went to Kayla. The police officer who had taken her statement had popped in on his way in to his shift late yesterday and told them Kayla had finally let her guard down completely and confessed to wanting to kill Erica. She’d been able to sense Mackenzie and Issy on either side of her on the lounge holding their tongues and simply nodding along with her. Afterwards they’d said, ‘Well, der, why else would she have had the knife?’ Thankfully for them the seriousness and number of offences Kayla had committed meant it was unlikely she’d be back out on the street any time soon. So Erica didn’t have that mild apprehension to add to her overall concern about leaving the girls behind in the house alone. The police officer said she’d shown remorse. That was something, Erica supposed. And perhaps it meant the young woman might be able to turn her life around. But Kayla wasn’t her problem. Like the officer said, the best they could all do was to get on with life and try not to dwell on any of it.

  Regardless of the officer’s assurances and advice, she’d slept badly – had spent ages lying awake listening for sounds in the ceiling, despite knowing there was no danger now. That was the biggest plus about leaving. The girls didn’t seem to have any concerns about the intrusion, appearing to shrug it away. Erica tried to as well, and didn’t let on about her remaining unease, which had increased with Daphne’s departure.

  As the crowded suburbs became industrial and the houses further apart, Erica settled into her journey and began to appreciate her surroundings and solitude, though she was a little tired and her eyes hurt a bit. She turned up the radio and sang along to the hits from the eighties blaring from the speakers.

  She thought to stop in the small towns she passed through, but never mustered the enthusiasm in time to actually do so. Each time as the highway speed sign loomed ahead, she vowed she would with the girls and/or her friends when she was settled, and became a little excited at the idea of exploring antiques and bric-a-brac stores and art galleries.

  Just as Walter had assured her, the funeral home was easy to spot. She was a little over half an hour early. She’d printed the Google map in case mobile coverage proved patchy, and it seemed the streets were well signposted. Confident of finding her way
back without any problem, she drove past and took herself on a tour of the small town, which revealed itself to be very clean and tidy. On the way she’d been surprised at the colour variation of the land outside the car – some areas looked like the normal lush green of winter but then just further along were farms that must be considered to be officially in drought. God, it must be utterly despairing for a farmer who’d missed out on rain to have to watch his next-door neighbour’s land flourishing. Melrose itself seemed quite dry, but far from being depressing, Erica thought the pale browns and greys of the ground below seemed to further highlight the beauty in the blue-green canopies of the enormous gums and the more vivid green foliage of the pepper trees and other introduced species. She saw no moving traffic, just a few parked cars dotted here and there on the wide streets, and in less than five minutes she was back near the main road she’d come in on.

  Erica parked in the huge empty parking area by the public toilets, turned off the car and got her phone out to send quick messages, as promised, to Mackenzie, Issy, Steph, Michelle and Renee to let them know she’d arrived safely. She tucked her phone away, took her keys from the ignition and got out. After stretching her arms, back and shoulders Erica did a three-sixty-degree turn, taking in the view around her. She then moved away from her car towards the edge of the car park, where bush flanked the mountain range looming large behind, lifted her face to the sun, closed her eyes and breathed in the clear cool air. She detected damp earth, the slightest hint of eucalyptus leaves and earthy bark just over the subtle scent of warming rock and rubber from the bitumen heating up under her feet. Opening her eyes and keeping her gaze on the nearby ranges tinged with the blue the Flinders Ranges was famous for, Erica understood what Michelle had meant about the place feeling tranquil. It went beyond simple appreciation of what she was seeing. She’d anticipated needing time to settle her nerves before meeting Walter, but she was perfectly calm, and it had nothing to do with tiredness; she was strangely invigorated, too, despite the long drive and early start.