Beautifully Broken Pieces

by Catherine Cowles

  “Well, you could at least put up some missing-person flyers.”

  I wanted to ask what posters would do if the hiker was in the middle of the woods, but I resisted. “Tell you what, Arthur. Why don’t you come by the station tomorrow. I’ll print up some flyers, and you and the rest of the bridge club can help me put them up around town.”

  Arthur’s chest puffed up as though I’d nominated him for knighthood. “I could get the boys together, and we could help you out.”

  “Thank you. That’d be a big help.”

  He patted me on the shoulder. “That’s what good communities do, help each other when the chips are down. Now, I’ll let you two youngins enjoy your supper.”

  “Thank you, Arthur,” Caitlin said with a strained smile.

  I took a long drink of my beer as Arthur walked away. What a day.

  My careful gaze swept over Caitlin. She toyed with her fork, staring intently at it. “Why didn’t you tell me about the hiker?”

  Shit. It wasn’t that I was trying to keep things from Cait, it was just that I didn’t want to dwell on it. I cleared my throat. “I just didn’t want to darken our night together.”

  Her gaze moved to mine. “I want to be there for you. Support you when this kind of thing happens. But I feel like you never let me in.”

  A muscle in my cheek ticked. Caitlin couldn’t pick and choose which of life’s hardships she wanted me to share. I’d tried to talk about Julie with her once, but she’d just gotten defensive, as if she were competing with a dead girl. I got it, I did, but she couldn’t have it both ways. “I’m sorry, Cait. I’ll try to share this kind of stuff with you more, but to be honest, sometimes I just want to leave it at the office.”

  Caitlin reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Thank you.” Her gentle smile turned sultry. “I just feel like we should be closer, spend more time together. Which reminds me, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay…” Conversations that began like that usually didn’t make me happy.

  “I think we should move in together.”

  I nearly spit out the sip of beer I’d just taken. Instead, it went down the wrong pipe, and I started coughing. “Cait. I thought we talked about taking things slow?”

  Her eyes took on a pleading quality. “I know, but I just love it when you spend the night at my apartment, and you have that big ol’ house up at the ranch that’s practically sitting empty. Don’t you think it makes sense?”

  I took a sip of my water, trying to buy time. How I answered this, had the potential to send Caitlin into hysterics. But, honesty was the only option. “I’m not ready for that. And, honestly, I’m nowhere near there. I might never be.”

  Caitlin’s face fell, and her lower lip wobbled. “Is this because of Julie?”

  My hand tightened around my water glass. “It’s because I’m not there. If you’re looking for someone who wants to settle down quick, that’s not me. I’m sorry.”

  Caitlin’s eyes widened. “No! I want you. I don’t care how long it takes.”

  A weight settled in my chest. I was a total schmuck, leading Cait down this path when I had no idea if it would end in me committing to her. I needed a drink stronger than beer.

  8

  Taylor

  My body cut through the water, the liquid caressing my skin in a way that brought soothing comfort. Nothing gave me peace like the water. Looking at it. Listening to it. But, best of all, was immersing myself in it.

  Sometimes, my laps were angry. Vicious strokes of rage, taken out on the calm surface. Other times, like now, they were peaceful, my body barely creating a splash or waves as my limbs propelled me forward. Either way, the water welcomed me. Soothed my soul, put me back together to fight another day.

  My fingertips touched tile, and I stood, reaching for my water bottle. “It looked like you were running low,” a familiar voice said in a deep and husky tone that sent a shiver down my spine.

  I pulled my goggles off to see Walker extending a water bottle to me. He was casually dressed, wearing dark jeans that hugged his hips and a worn tee that did nothing to disguise the muscles underneath. I swallowed hard, taking the bottle from his outstretched hand. “Thanks. I’m done if you want to use the pool.”

  Walker took a seat on the edge of one of the lounge chairs on the pool deck. “Lap swimming isn’t my preferred method of workout.”

  I shrugged, peeling back my swim cap and quickly dunking my head under the water to smooth out my hair. Placing my palms on the lip of the pool, I propelled myself up and out. Water sluiced down my body as I wrung out my hair. When I looked up, Walker’s eyes were traveling up and down the length of me. My skin suddenly turned hot despite the cool night air.

  I held out a hand. “Do you mind?”

  “Oh, sorry.” Walker stood, shaking his head and grabbing the towel he had been partially sitting on. He extended it towards me, but when I went to take it, he held firm. “Where’s your car?”

  I blinked. “My car?”

  “Yes, you know, the four-wheeled vehicle that gets you from point A to point B.”

  “I know what a car is, smartass.”

  “Well then, where is yours? I didn’t see one at the main house.”

  I gave a firm tug on the towel, and Walker finally released his hold. I quickly wrapped the terrycloth around my body, wanting protection from the stare that seemed to light my blood on fire. “It’s not here yet. It should arrive tomorrow.”

  Walker frowned. “So how did you get here? Jensen pick you up?”

  “I walked,” I said, side-stepping him to gather my belongings.

  “You walked?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you crazy? It’s over a mile, and it’s dark out now.”

  I straightened, my hands fisting around the towel. “No, I am not crazy. We’re in Oregon, not South Central. It’s perfectly safe.”

  Walker let out an exasperated sigh. “From gangbangers maybe, but not from wild animals. Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

  The thought of being in a small, confined space with Walker had my body stiffening. Something about him just set me on edge. It was as if he saw too much. “That’s not necessary. I’m sure the wild animal kingdom won’t bother me if I don’t bother them.”

  Walker scrubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw and then let his arm fall to his side. “We have regular sightings of cougars and bears around the property and in the surrounding woods. It’s not safe for you to walk home alone. If you try to, I’ll just have to follow you. At least I carry a gun.”

  My teeth clenched. “Fine. You can drive me.”

  “Thank you, Short-stack.”

  “Short-stack? What am I, a plate of pancakes?” I snarked, attempting to cover up the sense of unease I felt. Nicknames meant familiarity. Familiarity meant prying eyes and questions. I wanted neither. Quiet. Solitude. Peace. That was all I wanted. Teasing nicknames had no place in my safe zone.

  “Well, you are kind of tiny. It’s pretty adorable actually,” Walker said with a grin that made his eyes dance in the twilight.

  I fought the urge to laugh. I didn’t want to find this man charming on top of handsome. Nope. Didn’t want to go there. Couldn’t go there. I bent forward, slipping on my shorts over my bathing suit before I stuffed my towel into my bag. “Ready when you are.”

  Walker bit the inside of his cheek. “You could’ve gone inside and changed if you wanted to.”

  “Not necessary.”

  “Well, all right then.” He grabbed the bag I was holding from my hand before I had a chance to stop him and headed towards the front of the house.

  I had no choice but to trail behind. Walker stopped at a large, fancy-looking truck and opened the passenger door. His eyes scanned me from head to toe, and that same heat I’d felt earlier flared back to life in my blood. “You need a lift up?”

  My jaw fell open. “I’m not that short.”

  Walker simply chuckled.

&nbs
p; “I don’t need your help getting in the truck,” I gritted out.

  He kept right on laughing, motioning me on with a wave of his arm. “Then, go right ahead.”

  He didn’t move from beside the door. I huffed and hoisted myself up onto the running board and then into the truck. It might have taken some extra effort to do so, but I didn’t need the help of some overprotective behemoth of a man.

  I reached out an arm. “Bag? Or are you unsure if little ol’ me can lift it without some help?”

  “Spunky. I like it.”

  My teeth clacked together, but I said nothing. The man was infuriating. Thinking he knew what was best for me, just like everyone else in my life.

  Walker gave me my bag, and I watched as he rounded the truck, strides a bizarre mixture of relaxed and purposeful. He exuded a casual authority. It made sense that he was a cop. I didn’t think many people would give him grief—just me, apparently.

  The driver’s side door swung open, and Walker effortlessly took his seat. Tall jerk. The engine roared to life. “So, why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow night.”

  I rubbed my thumb against the metal of my ring. “I don’t think so, I’m still not settled.”

  “So you can’t come to dinner, but you can use our pool?” There was a devilish tone to his words.

  I grimaced. “Look, I’m going to be honest with you—”

  “I’d appreciate that.”

  “I’m probably not going to spend a ton of time with your family. You’re all unbelievably kind, but—"

  “But you’re committed to this aloof loner vibe you’ve got going?”

  My hands gripped the leather seat tightly. “Would you stop interrupting me.”

  “Of course, please go on explaining why having dinner with my family would be a fate worse than death.”

  I blanched at the word death but forced my vocal cords to work. “I moved to Sutter Lake for the peace and quiet. I need some alone time right now, and I’d really appreciate it if you would respect that.”

  Walker ran a thumb across his full lower lip. “It sounds like you’ve been going through a tough time. If that’s the case, you need to be around good people. Everyone needs people, Taylor.”

  My shoulders stiffened. “Not me.” I blew out a breath. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have people in your life. I love my friends, they’re wonderful. But I don’t need them. I don’t need anyone.”

  Silence filled the cab, and I worried I might have just come off like a raving bitch. That wasn’t what I wanted. Polite distance I could handle. Someone poking around and trying to figure out what made me tick, I could not. I glanced at Walker’s profile.

  “You might not need anyone, Taylor, but maybe someone out there needs you. Just think about that.”

  The silence returned, and I just stared out at the dark fields surrounding us, Walker’s words playing over and over again in my head.

  9

  Walker

  Icy-cold water ran over my head and onto the dirt as I bent over. A hard slap on my back had me straightening. “Gettin’ a little slow there, old man.”

  I sent an elbow into Tuck’s gut that had him grunting. “I’m six months older than you. If I’m old, you’re old.”

  Tuck and I had known each other since birth. Both of our families had shared in the founding of Sutter Lake. They still owned much of the property the town sat on and kept ranches that butted up against each other to this day. We’d both gone to school for criminology, but Tuck served as part of a Forest Service law enforcement team, and I joined the Sutter Lake police force. We worked cases together semi-frequently and harassed each other monthly at these SWAT team trainings.

  Central Oregon had several small communities like Sutter Lake. None of us would be able to have our own dedicated SWAT teams, but when we all came together, we were able to have an emergency response team that served the tri-county area. We responded to all sorts of calls and had special tactical and search and rescue training. Specialty instruction and risky call-outs meant monthly refreshers to make sure our team stayed sharp. These guys were the best of the best, and I was grateful to have them at my back.

  Tuck snatched the water bottle from my hand, taking a long swallow. He offered it back to me, but I shook my head. “Keep it. I don’t need your nasty-ass germs and STDs.” He was a total manwhore.

  Tuck chucked the bottle directly at my head, but I was too quick for him and plucked it out of the air. “Hey, you know I always wrap it up.”

  “No, I don’t know, but I’m glad to hear you’re playing by health-class standards.”

  “Don’t be jealous of my love life just because you’re stuck in the land of monogamy.” Tuck pulled down the tailgate of my truck and hopped up. “Speaking of, what’s the latest on Miss Caitlin?”

  I gripped the edge of the tailgate a little tighter than was necessary as I hopped up beside him. “Things aren’t great.”

  “What do you mean? I thought you were feeling that situation.”

  “I was. I mean, I am.” I blew out a frustrated breath.

  “Come on, you know you can talk to Papa Tuck about your feelings.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head. “She wants things to be more serious than they are. Than I want them to be. Maybe ever.”

  Tuck grabbed another water from the cooler in my truck bed. “I never could figure out why you were so set on these relationships. Just go out and have fun. No muss, no fuss, no chicks angling for a ring.”

  I groaned. Tuck was a dog. Don’t get me wrong, he was always honest with the girls he took to bed, but he had zero plans of settling down anytime soon. “I’m just not built like that. I like the company as much as everything else. Don’t you miss having an actual conversation with a woman?”

  Tuck shrugged. “I have plenty of conversations. They’re just with a lot of different women. Variety is the spice of life, my friend.”

  An image of Taylor pushing out of the pool flashed in my mind—water running down her curvy body, turning her golden skin slick. God, that made me the biggest kind of ass. Couldn’t even stay focused on my girlfriend when I was thinking of breaking up with her. Maybe I was more like Tuck than I thought.

  “You dog, you. You’ve got your eye on someone else, don’t you? Who is it?”

  I grimaced. “I don’t. I mean, there’s this girl, but it’s not like that.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if the skies had opened up and lightning struck me right there.

  Tuck clucked his tongue. “Uh-uh. We are blood brothers, cradle to grave. Spill.”

  I toyed with the water bottle in my hands. “Did you hear that someone moved into our guest cabin?”

  Tuck straightened. “Permanently?”

  “For a year. A girl from LA.”

  “That sounds promising. If she’s from LA, she’s probably smoking.”

  “She’s pretty.” World’s biggest understatement. “She’s also this weird, walking contradiction. One-part cold aloofness, the other sarcastic spunk.” Taylor Lawson was fire and ice. And the combination had intrigued me from the moment I met her.

  A sly smile crept over Tuck’s face. “You like her.”

  I lifted a single shoulder. “She’s nice.”

  Tuck’s smile grew. “You really like her.”

  “What are you, five? I told you, it’s not like that. I have a girlfriend,” I griped.

  Tuck’s face grew serious. “Walk, you’ve had one foot out of every relationship you’ve been in since Julie.” I tightened my grip on the water bottle and tried to keep my expression passive. “I get it, I do. Her death marked us all. Hell, it’s why we’re both in law enforcement now. But just because she’s gone, doesn’t mean you can’t have that great love again.”

  The water bottle in my hand began to crumple as I tightened my grip. “Julie was my one.”

  “She was one of your ones. God would never be so cruel as to only give us one shot at happiness.”

  I wasn’t so sure. It had seemed l
ike a miracle to find it in the first place. A second time was surely an impossibility. I smacked Tuck’s gut with the back of my hand. “What is this? Lessons in love from Sutter Lake’s own Casanova?”

  Tuck grinned. “You never know, maybe I’m hiding my true nature as a romantic. Maybe I need to meet this new neighbor of yours.”

  My jaw locked, and I hated myself a little for the jealousy that flared to life within me. “You can’t. I don’t want your smarmy ass around her.”

  “Afraid she’ll fall for me, huh? It’s to be expected, I am the better-looking and richer of the two of us.”

  “Yes, I’m terrified she’ll fall in love with your ego and fart jokes.”

  “I’ll just call up Mama Sarah or Jensen and get them to introduce us. I bet they’d be thrilled to play matchmaker.”

  “Don’t.” The word came out harsher than I’d intended, surprising even me. The brief sparks I’d felt with Taylor were more than I’d ever felt with Caitlin. In that moment, I knew I needed to end things with Caitlin. It wasn’t fair to her. She wanted something I’d never be able to give her.

  Tuck sobered. “All right. I’ll stay clear.” I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “So, what’s new with the Cole family? Jensen still dating that douchebag, Bryce?”

  I was grateful for the subject change. “Bryce isn’t a douchebag.”

  Tuck scoffed, straightening his baseball cap.

  “He’s been good to Jensen. She hasn’t introduced him to Noah as a boyfriend or anything yet. They’re taking things slow.”

  “At least there’s that.”

  I studied Tuck. “What’s your problem with him? This is the first guy she’s dated since that ass in college. Bryce has a good job, he’s not a player. We should be relieved there’s someone decent in her life.”

  Tuck peeled back the label on his water bottle. “I don’t know, just something about him, I guess.”