Stir Until Petrified

by Theda Vallee

  With my nose to the ground I followed the faint smell. I stopped at another door that reeked of the priest. Wagging my tail anxiously I turned to whine at Luc. He needed to keep up with me!

  He opened the door and I flew out the back of the church. The scent became stronger as I barreled down the path heading straight for the rose garden. The rose bushes were tall, planted close together along the path and in full bloom. A mouse could hide in here forever.

  His scent was there but separating it from the pungent aroma of the roses was proving difficult. I wandered in and out of the bushes, trying desperately to latch on to it. All the different scents colliding made my head start to throb. I was also feeling the strain of all the running I’d just done. Even in dog form I was out of shape. I sat down on my haunches. My tongue flopping out panting while considered my next move.

  Three bushes up I saw the leaves shift slightly. My whole body went on high alert. There was a slight breeze, but it was above the flowers, not down here on the ground. I narrowed my eyes, watching the twisting branches closely. Sure enough, a tail tucked itself up under a trembling leaf. Charging in with my dog instincts fully loaded, I dove into the bush. Luck was on my side. My teeth grasped a tiny foot. I struggled for a few moments trying to figure out how much pressure to apply without hurting him. The mouse wiggled squeaking in my grasp. My tail wagged in triumph as I untangled myself from the thick layer of leaves and thorns.

  I needed to find someone quick. I wasn't sure how long I could keep hold of the Father without clamping down harder. I didn't want to break something while he was in mouse form. Who knew how that injury could translate when he shifted back. The priest wasn’t going without a fight though. He nipped at my nose with his sharp rodent teeth. My eyes stung with pain each time he lashed out. I turned to head out of the rose garden, hoping Luc wasn’t too far behind me.

  Electricity pinged my tongue followed by a cracking sound. My paws froze mid-step as I stared cross-eyed at the mouse dangling from my mouth. Was it just my imagination or did his tail just lengthen? Another sharp zip of electricity was followed by yet another loud crack. The little mouse body began to convulse. The fur began to disappear as if was being sucked up into a vacuum. Olive colored flesh replaced the patches of hair as they receded. Shit. The Father was shifting again.

  Stella felt my panic and took charge. The bones in my body began to push outwards. I could feel them snap and reform as crippling spasms of pain shook my body. Stella had decided that shifting back with the Father was the way to go. He was a much faster shifter as he’s shown already. What made her think that me lying on the ground writhing in pain was the best way to make sure we held on to him?

  Despite the dizzying pain I shot out my newly reformed hand. Groping blindly, I felt around for the priest. My hand wrapped around a jiggly mound of flesh. I dug in, holding on for dear life. Please don’t be the Father’s junk. I silently prayed as I waited for the shift to finish.

  When the torment subsided. I lay on the ground with the Father struggling to free himself from my grasp. I had a hold of the fleshy upper part of his arm. He was bigger than me in every way. There was no way I was going to keep my grip. I’d needed to use leverage. The only way to do that was to get on top of him. I rolled myself on top of him trying hard not to focus on the fact that we were both naked. Our clothes were on the floor of his office where they had fallen when we shifted. There was no way this was not some kind of sin.

  “Get off me, you insufferable woman. I’ll be ruined if anyone sees us!” he bellowed, his face turning red as he struggled.

  “Oh, and no one’s going to drag my name through the mud for straddling a priest in a rose garden?” I snapped back at him.

  Voices approached us from the cobbled path. There was nothing I could do to protect either of our dignity. If I got up, he’d make a run for it. I was going to have to stay put no matter who came around that corner.

  I sighed in relief as Luc and Brady came into view. “Hi. Can I get some help please?”

  Peals of laughter greeted my plea. Brady doubled over clutching the tops of his thighs as the laughter overtook him. Luc’s body shook convulsively as he worked to plaster a serious look on his face.

  “Really? Does she have no shame? Can someone please explain to me why she’s humping a priest in the rose garden?” Leontyne said in disgust as she came up behind the boys.

  Leontyne’s assessment of the situation set them off into another fit of laughter.

  “Can you idiots please stop laughing like hyenas and help me?”

  “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I expected when we came around the corner.” Luc walked over, still chuckling, and pulled his button-down shirt off handing it over to me.

  I stood up not bothering to cover myself. It’d all been on display as they stood there laughing, feigning modesty was pointless. I slid the shirt over my head, grateful Luc was so tall. It hung down past my butt hitting me at mid-thigh.

  “Leontyne, can you go get their clothes out of the Father’s office? Brady, help me get him up.”

  They got the Father to his feet, Brady clamping a pair of magical cuffs on him as soon as he was standing. The cuffs contained a spell that forced the wearer to follow whoever they were bound to whether they wanted to or not. He wouldn’t be able to run, even if he shifted again. Defeated the Father stood forlornly amongst the flowers, his hands covering his private parts.

  “What’s going to happen to him?” I asked Luc quietly.

  “We’ll take him to headquarters for questioning. He ran. Innocent people don’t run,” Luc said with confidence.

  “I almost ran,” I said, my voice shaking with anger. “How can you just flippantly decide that someone is guilty like that? The world is terrified of us. Of course, he ran. He figured he was dead either way.”

  “Etta, you have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve been doing this job for years. You can’t have sympathy for criminals. They’re good at lying. They’ll all tell you they’re innocent. None of them are.”

  “Your theory sucks. I was innocent. Question him here. Vee will get the answers out of him. If he’s innocent, leave him. No one needs to know all of this happened. Please.”

  Luc chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating what I’d said. He’d fought for me when I was on the Osservatori chopping block, despite his years of brainwashing. Maybe it was because of the weird thing between us, but maybe it was because somewhere in him he knew that the Osservatori were wrong too often for comfort.

  “Fine. We’ll try it your way,” Luc answered.

  “I owe you.” I smiled at him. It was the first real smile I’d given him since my arrest. If only this Luc could show up more often

  “You owe me big time. You have no idea what a pain Leontyne’s going to be about this.” He grimaced at the thought. I didn’t doubt that she was going to have a hard time with a gag order on this one. He looked at me intently. I could see the thoughts swirling in his honey eyes. Why exactly had he decided to try it my way?

  “Here you go kitten. Cover yourself before we’re all struck down for our unclean thoughts. You have amazing breasts by the way. I’m impressed with how perky they are,” Brady said, inserting himself between Luc and me.

  “Shut up about my tits,” I said, snatching my clothes from him. I had a feeling they weren’t going to let me forget about this ever.

  Chapter

  14

  My phone chirped on the nightstand announcing another text. I picked the phone up, taking a deep breath to calm the feeling of dread that crept into my chest. Shit. It was Leontyne again. She’d left five voicemails and sent seventeen text messages in the last twelve hours. Luc had said she wasn’t going to be happy when we left Father DeNazzi at the church safe and sound yesterday. That was the understatement of the year. She was next-level furious. Instead of blaming Luc for the decision, she’d focused all her wrath on me. This most recent message was in all caps and included threats of bodily harm if I didn’
t reply. There was no way in hell I was going to call her! Stella, on the other hand, couldn't wait to see Leontyne. She was bouncing around like a magical Rocky Balboa in my gut, ready to be a contender.

  I’d considered forwarding the texts to Luc to let him deal with her, but that seemed juvenile. She and I needed to work this out like adults. We didn’t have to become BFF’s, but we needed to be able to trust each other enough to work together. I was hoping she’d cool down a bit if I gave her a few days. In the meantime, I was going to avoid her like the plague.

  As luck would have it, I had the day all to myself with no possibility of interacting with Leontyne. Luc and Brady had driven to Las Flores, some small farm town two hours inland, to investigate a lead. They’d gone to observe a high school English teacher who looked like a possible threat on paper. Her lineage traced back to three distinct strega bloodlines with a smidgen of fae sprinkled in. There was no indication that she’d broken a rule in her entire life. The only reason she’d shown up on our radar was because, in theory, she might be powerful enough to keep sixteen people in a coma. It was a waste of time. Everything I’d read about her screamed that she was an innocent law-abiding citizen. Without any new leads in the case, we were grasping at straws. I had a feeling we’d be harassing a lot more innocent people if we didn't solve this case soon.

  I’d made Luc promise they wouldn't arrest her unless they had proof that she was guilty of something. I was suspicious of how quickly he’d agreed. Why was he so willing to bend the rules? Father DeNazzi was still at the church safe and sound just like Luc had promised. We’d grilled the poor priest for over an hour with Vee’s magic pumping over him, forcing the truth from him. My heart ached as he spilled his perceived sins. Our interrogation produced nothing but a handful of tiny transgressions that every human, no matter how pious, was guilty of. When we left, he’d looked broken. At least I’d saved him from the Osservatori dungeons. It was the best I could do for him.

  “Did you see how much freaking money is in your bank account?” Nerina said as she flung open my bedroom door.

  “Why is knocking such a foreign concept to you? Wait! How did you get access to my bank account?” I demanded.

  “You’re an idiot and saved your password on your computer. I was going to ask you to borrow some money for a few days, so I needed to check and make sure you had it,” Nerina said with a shrug like it wasn’t a complete invasion of privacy to go digging around in other people’s bank accounts.

  I almost smacked myself in the forehead. I was an idiot. Nothing was sacred with my sister. There was no point in getting mad at her, especially with how excited she was. Anything I said right now would be lost in the wave of her glee.

  “How much money are we talking?” I asked.

  “Sixteen thousand dollars and some change.” Nerina looked at me grinning ear to ear. She was vibrating like a rocket about to launch.

  “That has to be a mistake. There’s no way they’re paying me that much money. Don’t touch a dime. I’m going to text Luc to get this straightened out,” I said, grabbing my cell phone off the nightstand. A bank error in real-life didn't work like it did in Monopoly. You did not get to keep the money.

  I shot a text off to Luc before heading downstairs to work in the kitchen. I was excited to spend the day knuckle deep in dough. I’d missed it. It was one of the few places where I knew exactly what to expect. Nonna also desperately needed my help. Things had been chaotic in the bakery. Nonna refused to hire outside help, instead relying on Aunt Sophie and Nerina to fill in for me. Aunt Sophia was as useful as a roll of wet toilet paper. Whatever she touched was instantly a disaster. Nerina had no baking skills to speak of. No matter how simple the recipe was, it somehow came out inedible when she was done with it. Nonna had been working double time to keep up with the baking. I had to somehow convince her to let us hire someone before she worked herself to death.

  My phone pinged with Luc’s reply as I got to the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks, gaping in disbelief.

  “No mistake. Monthly salary deposit. Sorry I tried to get more but you should get a raise in 6 mos”

  Monthly! He tried to get more?! Did he think sixteen grand a month was chump change? I was freaking rich! Our bakery kept a roof over our heads. We had food, and the lights always stayed on. After the bills were covered, there was never much leftover. Each of us got a very small stipend most months. Other months our bank account had cobwebs. I had no idea what to do with this kind of cash.

  “You look freaked out. Do we get to keep the money?” Nerina stared at me anxiously from across the room.

  “It’s my monthly salary,” I said. My hands shook as I re-read Luc’s text to make sure there was no misinterpreting it.

  “What salary are you talking about, dolce? Did they Osservatori give you blood money?” Nonna asked.

  “Sixteen thousand dollars a month,” Nerina said before I could answer. “What are we going to do with that kind of money?”

  “We? I got munched on by dogs for this money,” I said, only half-joking.

  “I had to give you sponge baths for a week after you got munched on by those mutts.” Nerina placed her hands on her hips to ensure I understood her sacrifice.

  “I have to spend every day with my pazzo sister who destroys everything she touches and thinks the customers are all giving her the malocchio,” Nonna said with a grimace.

  Aunt Sophia walked through the swinging door at the mention of her name, as if she’d somehow been summoned. She was covered in chocolate. What did we even sell that had enough chocolate on it to cover her so thoroughly? Gia was behind her mother, a container of wet wipes in her hand.

  “Don’t ask,” Gia said, frowning as she led her mother to the sink. “What are you guys yapping about in here?”

  “Etta’s rich,” Nerina said.

  “How rich?” Gia asked as she scrubbed her mother’s clothing.

  “Sixteen thousand a month rich.” I felt slightly dizzy as I spoke the words out loud.

  “We can afford the good wine,” Nerina said in awe.

  “You can get me a gift. I would like for a hat,” Aunt Sophia said. “I think hats are lovely, no?”

  A smile tugged on my lips at her request. I wanted to do more than just get her a hat. This money had been earned by all of us. We’d all been put through the wringer by the Osservatori. Not one of us had walked away without some life-altering change thrust upon us. We all deserved a damn hat.

  I was always practical. Frugal might as well be my middle name. Instead of dreaming about fancy wine, my mind had automatically gone to the most sensible way to spend the money. Not this time. This time I would be spontaneous. Tomorrow we’d sit down together to figure out the best way to use this money going forward. Not today, though. Today I wanted to spoil my family rotten.

  “Can we close the bakery early? I think we need a spa day,” I said to everyone’s surprise. “Before you say no, Nonna, just hear me out. We’ve never done anything frivolous or extravagant in our whole lives. We’ve never been able to. Before we figure out how to be sensible with this money, I just want one day where we do the stupid thing. Just one day.”

  Nonna looked at me from across the room. I could tell she was weighing the pros and cons of my offer. Nerina gave me giant thumbs up from behind her. She didn’t need any convincing. Aunt Sophia and Gia stood by the sink both watching Nonna with hopeful faces. How could she say no? We all looked so pathetic.

  Nonna winked at me before reaching behind her back to untie her apron. “Well, what are you girls waiting for? Go put the closed sign up. We are going to a spa day.”

  We invaded the spa in a whirlwind of sound and movement. Italian girls are not known for their inside voices. Add the fact that we were all brimming with excitement and you had a recipe for audio overload. The woman at the front eyed us with an air of arrogance that always seemed to permeate fancy spas. It would’ve intimidated me a month ago. I might have left, apologizing for the inconvenien
ce of my presence. I’d sat in a roomful of people who discussed killing me like someone would discuss the weather. A snotty receptionist was nothing compared to that.

  Nonna had never set foot in a spa or salon in her life. She didn't believe in paying other people for things she could do herself. Her idea of a haircut was trimming her split ends with a pair of grooming scissors that’d been manufactured before World War II. Her idea of a mani and pedi was filing down her nails with an emery board she got for free when she visited her podiatrist. She would take a handful to last her all year.

  “You agreed to come, Nonna. You’re going to ruin our fun if you don’t pick a few things off this list,” Nerina said, a bit of exasperation slipping into her tone.

  “I will like watching you have a nice time. That is my spa day,” Nonna said refusing to look at the menu of services.

  “I’m going to pick things for you and pay for them whether you use it or not. If you don’t use them, it’ll be like flushing money down the toilet,” I said. Wasting money was Nonna’s kryptonite.

  “Violetta Marie, you will do no such thing!” Nonna tilted her chin up imperiously.

  I ignored her use of my full name along with the chin tilt that meant she wasn’t playing, because neither was I. Marching up to the receptionist desk I smacked my plastic bank card onto the counter. “Last chance. Pick something or I do it for you. I’m swimming in cash. It won’t hurt me to throw a little bit away.”

  I turned away from her to make good on my threat. She could be stubborn but so could I. She forgot she’d taught me everything I know.

  “Fine. I will have a little trim,” she huffed.

  “And?” Nerina demanded.

  “Foot massage and pedicure,” Nonna said, finally looking at the services menu that had been shoved in her hand. “Also, this mud mask. What is hot rocks? Why would I want hot rocks on me?”

  “I’ll show you video while we get our toes done.” Gia linked arms with Nonna leading her towards the first stop in their pampering. She was holding her arm securely, ensuring Nonna couldn’t change her mind.