Poison

by West, Jade

  “You didn’t cause the epilepsy,” she told me. “I was already having seizures, they just weren’t that severe.”

  “Stop,” I said. “I don’t deserve it. I was a cunt, and I caused everything.”

  “You were a cunt, but you didn’t cause everything. Just made it worse.”

  I wanted to hold her tight and never let her go, but we were both paper thin and barely capable of standing, and we’d never manage it. Not another round of rocking and sobbing when we didn’t have any tears left to cry.

  “I can’t see how we fix this,” she whispered, and it twisted the pang in my ribs a whole load harder.

  I didn’t want to say I couldn’t either, because I couldn’t give up. Her stare was a pool of cold, dark misery with only a sliver of hope. I only wished mine had a sliver of hope staring right back at hers.

  My fingers were weak as I pulled the cigarettes down from the shelf, and I didn’t even ask if she wanted one, just handed them over.

  “I’ve never quite needed one like I need one right now,” she said, and managed a laugh.

  I pushed a laugh out of me right back. “I’ll be to blame for this too. Your fresh smoking habit.”

  “Add it to the list.”

  “It’s quite a fucking list.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  She should hate me with every inch of her, but she didn’t. She was still in love with me. It was shining right through her, and it was the greatest gift I could have wished for. Maybe that was the universe’s ultimate form of karma, if there was such a bloody thing. Giving me a taste of something that meant so much, just to snatch it back away. And I’d live with that, because I’d deserve it.

  But she’d never deserve it.

  Anna would never deserve a breath more of this misery.

  She stubbed her cigarette out on the plant pot tray where I’d stubbed mine, and it was her who closed the distance, resting her head against my chest as her arms gripped my waist.

  “We only have the now,” she said again. “Let’s make the most of it.”

  I kissed her head and squeezed her back. “I’ll always make the most of it.”

  I wasn’t expecting it when she headed over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of prosecco. I definitely wasn’t expecting it when she looked through three of my cupboards until she found the right one for glasses.

  She popped the cork and poured out two, and I clinked hers to mine as she handed it over.

  She took a swig before she smiled. It was still a butterfly kiss on a broken heart, but it was enough to have me smiling right back at her and taking a swig of my own.

  “I’m so used to everyone pulling faces at everything I do,” she told me. “People would be wrestling this glass from my hand and bundling me off to bed before I’d even got a taste back at home.”

  “You know your own mind,” I said. “You’re perfectly capable of knowing what you do and don’t want to do, Anna. If you need my help or my opinion you’ll ask for it. I’m more than happy to give either.”

  “It’s because they care,” she continued. “But I’m so tired of not living.”

  “I care too. I’d walk through flames if it saved you from a single seizure, but I can’t.” I sneered at myself. “Plus, it would be the biggest hypocritical shit show in creation if I advised you not to drink anything.”

  She put her glass down on the counter after just a few sips, and then she wrapped her arms around my neck all over again.

  “Let’s live the now,” she whispered. “I’m done with thinking and crying and wishing for some kind of miracle answer to this crazy.” She paused. “Please God, can we try to forget it, just for one night.”

  “How?” I asked her, but I already knew. I ditched my glass on the side, and my hands tugged my shirt up over her ass and grabbed tight.

  “Fuck me,” she breathed. “Fuck me hard enough to take it away.”

  My answer was a kiss, and it was deep and dirty and wet enough that she gasped against my mouth. I pushed my thigh between hers and the horny minx in her shone bright. She rubbed herself against my leg, and her mouth was on mine, open wide.

  I managed to stumble back and turn off the oven, and her hands were busy freeing my cock and jerking hard.

  Holy fuck, I could have blown my load right there and then. But no.

  No fucking way.

  I didn’t lead her upstairs. I opted for the living room, guiding us through the door and down onto the sofa without pulling my mouth from hers.

  “Make me forget,” she breathed again.

  My smile was all for her. “I’ll make you such a dirty little bitch, you’ll forget everything.”

  I tore my shirt off her so hard a few of the buttons pinged off, and her tits were straining ready. I was rough. Really rough.

  She begged me for rougher, and I gave it. I gave her even rougher.

  “Make me a dirty bitch, Lucas.”

  I’d make her the filthiest little bitch she’d ever been.

  I slammed three fingers inside her deep and she wanted more. My thumb was against her clit, circling hard, and I spat on another two fingers and pushed them into her ass. Her back arched and legs spread wider and she took it with a curse.

  “That’s it,” I hissed. “Believe me, Anna, it’s going to get dirty. I want it, Anna. I want you, so fucking dirty.”

  “Do it!” she hissed, then moaned as I pulled away.

  She knew exactly what I was going for as I headed out to the kitchen, but still her eyes opened wider as I held up the filthy white lace we’d already made so dirty.

  “Oh fuck,” she whispered, and I was already there, rubbing the panties against her clit.

  “Watch,” I said, and she did. She propped herself up on her elbows and stared down at my fingers strumming her through the lace.

  I made her come over and over, working so hard on that horny little nub that her thighs were trembling as she took it. I played her body better than ever I played my own, mouth watering as those panties soaked right through.

  Once again she knew what I was doing before I did it. I positioned myself between her legs and took my cock in my hand, stretching that lace across her slit. I told her to keep her hands away and she gripped the cushion behind her head, pinning her lip between her teeth like my filthy little angel ready to play. I cast off my clothes between jerks and she watched me, moaning fresh as my flesh came into view.

  That much adoration made my cock all the harder.

  My balls were aching, needing to blow, and my hand was slick with precum. My breaths became ragged, eyes fixed on that beautiful pussy as she ground it back up at me. I stretched those dirty panties tight over that delicious pouting cunt before I jerked a final thrust and unloaded, spurting thick cum all over them, and then I was right up and at her, slamming her flat onto the sofa with that sopping wet lace ready and waiting.

  “Open your mouth,” I told her, and she whimpered as she did it, opening up nice and wide.

  I pulled that dirty white lace tight between her lips, and her tongue came out to meet it.

  I told her to suck on that filthy lace and she sucked on it with the most adorable lust in her eyes. She had me. She fucking had me, legs wrapping around me, pulling me into her hot cunt.

  I pinned her down and fucked her fast and fierce as she sucked on those filthy panties, teasing me so sweet that I was soon ready to fucking blow again.

  “You’d better keep fucking still,” I grunted as I pulled free and moved to straddle her pretty face.

  It was bliss. Both of us fixed on my cock as I jerked it fast.

  “Open wide,” I hissed. “And don’t even think about fucking swallowing.”

  She did what she was told, opening her mouth all over again with that lace sopping slick between her lips. My cum splattered even thicker this time than before, spurting over her tongue and lips and those dirty panties like a seedy fucking fountain.

  “Don’t fucking swallow,” I hissed again, and she managed
a sharp little nod.

  My cum collected at the back of her throat, panties still tight, and I was straight back down at her pussy, sucking on her clit as she squirmed.

  I knew it was sensitive as all hell.

  I knew it would take every scrap of restraint for her not to swallow hard and catch her breath. But she was a good girl.

  She was my good girl.

  She was the filthy little angel that never failed to drive me insane.

  Her body was a shuddering wreck as she exploded again, and I pushed my fingers back deep into her ass to ride the waves. Her moans were gargled and bubbling, and my balls were aching fresh, mind lost to everything but that moment.

  “Don’t fucking swallow,” I said again, and she nodded. I pulled my fingers out of her ass and was straight up in front of her as I sucked them clean. Holy fuck, how hungry I was when I sucked them clean. Her eyes fixed hard, and she tipped her head back ready. Oh fucking yes.

  I stretched her lips apart and stared right inside her mouth with those soaking panties still spread tight.

  “Suck,” I said, and shoved my fingers in deep, pushing the lace all the way to the back of her throat, and she retched, then sucked and swallowed, moaning hungry.

  Fuck, she was my world. My match. My everything.

  I pulled my fingers free but she kept on sucking that lace clean, and then she opened back up, to show me how well she’d done.

  And I kissed her.

  I kissed her with those panties still between our wet mouths, tongues crashing and twisting as we tasted. I lifted her up from the sofa and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, as keen for the kiss as I was.

  Dirty,

  Oh fuck, it was dirty.

  It was me who finally pulled the lace free and kept on kissing her.

  I don’t know how long we were holding tight. I don’t know just how long that kiss ate us up and wouldn’t let go.

  I do know that my dick was aching with the throb as I got hard all over again, and I do know it was her who hitched herself up and took me inside her.

  It was a beautiful rhythm. Slow and steady. Neither of us wanting it to end.

  “I love you,” she whispered, and her lips were puffy with kisses.

  “I’ve always loved you,” I whispered back. “I always will.”

  It was dark outside by the time I came inside her. She took it with a smile and held me tight, and I didn’t let her go. Couldn’t let her go.

  We breathed together and lay together and lived in the moment. And that moment was bliss.

  It was everything I’d ever wanted.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Anna

  It was a stunning release. Enough to obliterate the confusion and hurt and tragedy, even though it was just a flash of calm in the storm.

  I fired the oven back up and took care of the lasagne while Lucas took care of the dogs, and it was good. Just what we needed as we munched at the table and soaked in the high.

  I was determined to keep the high going as long as possible, finishing up my glass of prosecco before moving onto juice while Lucas finished the bottle. We smoked, and laughed, and remembered old times, and it was magical. Truly magical.

  So was going to bed in his arms and sleeping, flesh to flesh.

  Unfortunately the storm of life’s carnage was back in full force when we woke the next morning. We were both heavy with what was looming as he fucked me one final time in his bed. It was slow and steady, and everything we could do to delay what would be coming just as soon as we got ourselves up and dressed and facing the day. It was just a blink before Sunday was motoring ahead and I had to state the obvious.

  “I need to go home. I have my parents to see, and Nicola is screaming to head over to mine, and I need to face this. I can’t keep holding it off.”

  He nodded. Because he was in the same space, and I knew it.

  He had his mother, and Maya, and Millie to face up to.

  I put my clothes into quick wash and dry, minus filthy knickers, and presented myself in some kind of order in muddy shoes, then said goodbye to Bill and Ted while they wagged their tails like I was their lifelong friend.

  Then Lucas took me home.

  It was on the way that I made the dumb decision to head into the garage shop for a pack of my own cigarettes while he fuelled the truck, and it became dumb on top of dumb when we saw Hannah Ames in the opposite queue while me and Lucas were standing there together, clearly too close to be just friends.

  Hannah Ames, matter of factly right there with her three kids bustling around her and asking for sweets from the counter.

  Hannah Ames, one of Maya’s closest friends.

  She smiled but it was fake, and we smiled back, but it was mortified.

  And that was it. The storm reached a new high. Our days of secrecy were truly numbered.

  There was a fresh round of heaviness in the truck as we reached my street.

  “What now?” he asked, and I shrugged.

  “We think, I guess. Think and hope for a miracle.”

  He kissed me before driving off, and I made my walk back to my apartment feeling like a criminal, even though my heart was soaring high.

  Vicky was scowling when I hit my living room, asking me a round of questions I struggled to answer. She had her gym clothes on and her hair scraped back, a big pot of yoghurt in her hand while she watched vintage comedies.

  She put the TV on mute when I sat down next to her.

  “You’re going to be in so much shit when people get hold of you,” she said, and I shrugged.

  “I guess I face it, then,” I told her.

  She muttered something damning and put the sound straight up again as I headed on through to shower.

  One confrontation down.

  A fair few harder ones still to go.

  I replied to my parents saying that I was on my way for lunch, and I replied to Nicola saying I’d see her that evening, and she messaged back with nothing but a thumbs-up.

  And then I did it. I dressed myself up, and put on my makeup as something vaguely like a mask, and I headed on over to my parents’ place on the other side of town.

  Mum answered the door with a horrified expression, eyes full of nerves at just how the hell I was doing, and I felt like a criminal all over again, trying to soothe her with a smile as we made our way through to the living room.

  I took a breath and started with my blurt of an explanation, but she hissed at me to shush and gestured on through to the dining room, through the double doors. And there he was.

  Sebastian.

  Laughing with my dad, while my dad patted him on the back.

  Holy fucking crap.

  I hadn’t seen Sebastian in weeks, and my stomach tumbled when I saw him smiling over at me, and I didn’t want it. I didn’t want even a hint of him on my criminal Sunday, bad on top of bad.

  I bit my tongue as we sat at the table to eat our Sunday roast, and every mouthful was hard as I battled to keep my nerves in check. And there it started.

  Make sure you go steady with your chicken, Anna. Did you sleep last night? Make sure you drink enough water, you don’t want to bring on a seizure. Don’t want to bring on a seizure. Don’t want to bring on a seizure.

  Underneath the thin smiles and overflow of instructions to take care of myself, there was such a thrum of disapproval and rage it raced my heart in my chest. In some ways I was glad Sebastian was there smirking across at me, just to stop the explosion from Mum and Dad, but the line of crap was still pretty tight between the two.

  I made sure to leave before he did, bailing out with a happy fake goodbye while they scowled and said I should stay. I used Nicola as a welcome excuse, and air kissed Sebastian from as great a distance as possible before giving my parents a hug and saying I’d be back to see them soon.

  And then I bailed.

  I dashed back to my apartment after giving a no need, thanks to Dad when he offered me a lift, and I took advantage of the walk. Another litt
le burst of calm in the storm.

  Time for round three.

  I was braced in my living room when Nicola knocked at the door. I was already through three of my cigarettes with the stink disguised by mouthwash and plenty of perfume when she headed on through to the sofa with me, and her expression was so dark it was scary.

  But still, she held it back.

  I must have been visibly surprised when she held it back.

  “Talk to me,” she said. “What the fucking hell is going on with you, Anna?”

  I wasn’t expecting anything like a scrap of calm from her.

  So, I was honest.

  As honest as I dared to be.

  I told her it had started as a one-off and was never meant to be anything more. I told her that Lucas and I always got on crazy well, and I was enjoying seeing him, even though it was carnage, and I knew it.

  I told her that I was feeling the glow of life around him and was taking advantage of it for all it was worth. And it was good. Really good.

  I held back that I loved him, and that I would give anything for another chance in his world, because there is only so much someone can take when they are in poor Nicola’s shoes and want to slice right through Lucas with a chainsaw. And still she was calmer than I expected, clearing her throat before she came back with a response.

  I realised all over again in that moment just how much I loved Nicola Henshaw, and how come she had always been my best friend.

  “Don’t hide back the obvious, Anna. I know you love him,” she told me. “I know you always have, and I think it’s bullshit, and I hate his fucking guts, and I’m praying you’ll come to your senses if you just give yourself a chance to see reason.”

  She had optimism I didn’t, that was for sure, but still I heard out her logic.

  She leaned on over and squeezed my knee, and her eyes were bursting with sympathy and worry and the wish that I’d sort my fucking life out. And it was harder that way. Harder than her screaming at me, because there was more guilt to feel from her support than her rage.

  “You need more of a life,” she said. “You walked out on Sebastian because you think he held you back somehow, so just bloody think about it. All you’ve done since rushing out on him is work, work, work and stay holed up in this place.”