“I know.” Lil shivered. “I guess I’m trying not to think about it either. I hope Sabrina doesn’t tell my mum. That’s the last thing I need now. Do you think your dad will tell her?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. He won’t be about for a bit anyway. He’s going out with one of the search-and-rescue guys to assess the damage. At least it won’t take him long. Water, check. No car, check. Listen, though, that wasn’t why I came out here. I wanted to warn you: Cai is coming here.”
Lil’s stomach turned over. After trying and failing to get Cai to admit he’d seen Mella shortly before her disappearance, Lil had concentrated on avoiding him. It wasn’t easy. It was a small town, and besides, he was always at the kayaking club. Lil couldn’t stay away from there; it was Mella’s favorite place—Lil’s closest connection to her.
“He was lucky,” Kiran said. “He stayed on to help Gavan and Jon close up the kayaking club. They put on the shutters and that to try to stop the water getting in. He’d have been caught in the flash flood otherwise.” Cai lived in the trailer park near Porthpridd. It was low in the valley, so it would definitely be flooded.
“How do you know all this?” Lil asked.
“Gavan told Dad. The search-and-rescue went out for Gavan and Jon about a half hour ago. They’re all coming here.”
“Great,” Lil said.
“You don’t have to talk to him. Just stay out of his way.”
“I wish he’d drowned instead of your dad’s car.”
“Bit harsh, Lils.”
“Is it?”
“I know you and Cai have history.”
“History?” Lil hated how mean her voice sounded. “Cai made my sister leave. If it hadn’t been for him, she would be with us. Safe.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire, Mella whispered in her ear.
Lil colored. Luckily, Kiran took it for anger about Cai.
“I know Cai’s an idiot, but . . .”
“But nothing,” Lil said, letting her rage swallow up the guilt, which was much harder to live with. “Why are you defending him?”
“I’m not.”
“Sounds that way.”
“Seriously, I hate Cai. He should be left on the beach and have crows feast on his liver.”
“You’re just saying that to placate me.”
“Is it working?”
“No!” Lil said, but she was smiling. “He just makes me so mad.”
Kiran looked uncomfortable and Lil felt embarrassed. “Sorry,” she said automatically.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I don’t know. You looked . . . I don’t know. Automatic response.”
There was a moment’s awkwardness, and then Kiran asked, “How’s Seven? I was going to check on her, but then I got caught up with Dad . . . and I didn’t know what to say, to be honest.”
“Shaken. She’s sleeping now.” Lil filled Kiran in on what she’d said about the Sisterhood’s beliefs.
“It’s a shame we can’t get the Internet to work. I tried on Tan’s phone earlier, but there’s no signal.”
“I tried too,” Lil said. “I can’t believe all this stuff was going on so close to home. How come we’ve never heard about it?”
“How often do you read the local news?” Kiran asked.
Lil smiled. “Never.” She didn’t watch TV much either or, if she was being completely honest, look up national news. She felt bad suddenly. Her citizenship teacher was always saying to take an interest in the world—“read one news article a day”—and she’d never taken any notice, and now this massive thing was going on so close to her home and she didn’t have a clue.
“What are you thinking, Lil?” Kiran asked. “You look miles away.”
“I don’t know. That a girl I found on the road in the middle of a storm turned out to be from some crazy cult. The same cult where my sister has apparently been living.”
“Oh, that. Yeah. I can see how that would get into your head.”
“And other stuff.”
“Other stuff?”
“More Mella stuff,” Lil said very quietly. “I keep thinking that if the police don’t hurry, she won’t be there anymore. Or something bad’ll happen to her. I know Seven said this ceremony can’t happen until sunset, but how likely is it that Moon will wait? And now Cai’s coming here. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care that they checked his trailer. He knows something! He does. He was her boyfriend. She went to his house every single other time she ran away, why not then?” She realized she was shouting and drew in a deep breath. “Sorry. It just makes me crazy. The thought that he knows something and isn’t saying!”
“You don’t have to say sorry,” Kiran said. “I’d be mad too, and . . . you can talk to me anytime you want. About anything,” he added in a softer tone that raked up the hairs on the back of Lil’s neck. “I’ll always be here for you.”
Lil loved the sound of that, and she smiled. “Why do you bother with me?” she asked. The words were out of her mouth before she thought about it. If she had, she definitely wouldn’t have said them.
“Because you’re worth it.” Kiran groaned. “Did I really just say that?”
“Uh-huh. Yes, you did.”
“Corporate branding. Seeping into my brain. It’s the subliminal messaging. We should be wearing tinfoil on our heads.”
“You joke, but I know you totally would, if you thought you could get away with it.”
“How do you know I haven’t got foil on already?” Kiran raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think I’m wearing this hat?”
Lil laughed, and it felt so good, like opening a window in her chest and letting in the fresh air.
After a pause he added, “This is nice.”
“What? The rain? The lack of electricity? The enforced camping? The subliminal messaging? The dangerous cult?”
“No, this. Us. The two of us.”
“We’re often us.” A warning beep was beginning to sound in Lil’s head.
“Not like this.”
“We’re probably both just high on sewage fumes,” Lil said, trying to ignore the fact that all her internal organs seemed to have grown wings and were flapping about inside her. Seeing Kiran’s lips move to form the word “us” made her think about kissing them. “It really stinks out here, doesn’t it?”
“Oh, you mean, that’s . . . that’s not,”—his voice dropped to a whisper—“you?”
Lil hit out at him playfully. He caught her arm, his fingers sliding down her wrist. Their gazes snagged, and her chest tightened. The beep in her head grew louder, became one long note, started to flash red. She couldn’t do this. She tugged her arm out of his grasp, snapping her eyes from his to the smears of chewing gum on the ground.
Lil could feel some of the tension disappearing and realized with a gasp that she hadn’t thought about Mella for five minutes. That never happened. Sitting here on this bench with Kiran, she actually felt happy. As happy as she did before Mella left. Guilt swam through her like a dark cloud, eating up her joy as it went. Her sister was out there somewhere, alone, frightened, possibly injured—how could Lil have forgotten her for a second? For half a second? For a heartbeat?
“Lil,” Kiran said slowly. “There’s something I have to tell you.”
The warning light in Lil’s head was going crazy. “You don’t,” she said. “I’m kind of tired. Can it—”
“Please, I need to tell you this. I feel bad I haven’t before. I guess I was worried what it meant. What I wanted it to mean. I’m putting this badly. I’m just going to say it. I like . . . well . . . I mean, there’s someone I like—really, really like.”
The response to this was so obviously Who? But Lil couldn’t ask that because the way Kiran was looking at her meant that Lil already knew the answer, and she couldn’t go there. They were friends. Friends. So what if sometimes she noticed the way his stick-out ears were kind of cute, or the fact that he could make her laugh more than anyone else? So what if her heart was beating fa
ster and her brain was screaming at her to lean forward and kiss him? Those things could not happen. That release, that happiness, was not hers to take.
Lil jumped up off the bench. “I’m sure whoever she is is very lucky,” she said awkwardly. “I mean, you’re really . . .” Wonderful, amazing, funny. “Erm . . . you know . . . nice.” It sounded so lame. Nice? Of all the words, Lil’s brain had given her “nice.” “And it’s great being your . . . I mean, I like that we’re friends, you know. ’Cause you’re really nice and friends is good.”
Mouse! Mella said. Seriously, why not just go right ahead and kick the boy in the balls?
Shut up, Lil said.
Aloud she said, “I . . . I’ve got to go. Sorry, Kiran. I’m . . . sorry.” She said “sorry” a couple more times; in fact, she was unable to stop saying it. Then she looked at Kiran’s face. It was a study of the term “face falling.” The sight of it hurt Lil somewhere right in her chest. Oh, in my heart, she thought with a sudden clarity, and then felt stupid because you didn’t love someone in your heart. Not actually.
Love, Lil thought. No. I can’t. I don’t.
And so she said sorry again. She was worried she was about to say it again, when a voice called out Kiran’s name. It was Tanuj. He was the older of Kiran’s twin brothers by two minutes.
“Hey, Tan,” Lil said enthusiastically. She wanted to hug him for arriving at just the perfect moment. Then Tan did what he usually did when joining conversations, which was to stand and stare at you. Tan stared at her for what felt like a long time without blinking.
Lil shifted from foot to foot, wondering how a nine-year-old could be so intimidating. “Well, I . . . ,” she murmured. She could sense Kiran staring at her. She’d hurt him, she realized.
“Did you know that neutron stars can spin at a rate of seven hundred rotations per second?” Tan said.
“I did not know that,” Lil said. She almost flicked a glance over at Kiran but stopped herself just in time. Tan was sensitive as well as smart. He and Kamal were starting to get picked on at school. “They make googly eyes at each other when we talk,” Kam said.
“They think we don’t notice,” Tan added.
“But we do,” Kam finished.
Lil didn’t want Tan to think she was making googly eyes at Kiran, so she smiled and said, “Thanks, Tanuj.”
He nodded. “You’re welcome.” Then he turned to Kiran. “Daddy says you’re to come back now.”
“Tan, that’s rude. I’m talking to Lil.”
“S’okay,” Lil said. “I’ll catch you later. I need to . . . you know.” She darted across the parking lot. She was relieved. Kiran wasn’t good for her. He made her forget; he made her happy and she had no right to be that, not when Mella was who knew where. She needed to focus on getting Mella home. That was all that mattered.
Lil walked head down, deep in thought, so that she didn’t see the wall of person blocking her path until she had smacked right into him and rebounded onto the ground.
Lil looked up to find Cai Jones standing in front of her.
Cai Jones. His hair was perfectly tousled—the word seemed invented for his What, this? I fell out of bed looking this good. Maybe tomorrow it’ll be your bed hair. The worst thing about Cai was that Lil could see why Mella fancied him. Lil would never admit it—not even under torture—but she’d thought him cute the first time she saw him.
Now he was the last person Lil wanted to see. Ever.
She scrambled up, wincing as she realized how hard she had landed. “Get out of the way, Cai.”
“Nice to see you too.”
“Well, it isn’t nice to see you.” Lil sounded like a sulky child. Cai always made her feel like an awkward twelve-year-old.
“You still blame me, huh?”
“Yes, because it was your fault.”
“Still think I’ve got Mella’s body buried under the decking of my trailer. Or curled up in the septic tank.”
“Don’t joke about that! What’s the matter with you?” These were the images Lil fought against every day. She didn’t need someone joking about them. Cai was such an idiot.
He grinned. “You think you know your sister so well. Perfect Mella. You and her were so close. No way she would ever leave without telling you. Never. Not my bestest friend Mella.”
“Piss off, Cai. I don’t have to talk to you.”
“No, you don’t. You don’t have to do anything that might change your worldview. Just keep on believing your big sister was bloody brilliant.”
Lil stormed back into the hall, her heart beating frantically in her chest. She hated Cai. Hated him. But most of all she hated how he got in her head and made her thoughts all twisty and dark. How could he joke about Mella being dead? How could he even bear to think it? Suddenly Lil wanted her mum. Her hand went automatically to her pocket for her phone so she could text her. But it wasn’t there, of course. She channeled a message instead and willed it out across the waterlogged Welsh valleys. Hope you’re okay. Love you.
She looked about for Sabrina. She’d be busy, but maybe she’d have a couple of minutes for a cup of tea, and surely there must be some news about Mella by now. Her aunt was nowhere, but Officer Burnley was there. Lil knew her vaguely. She thought her first name was Angharad maybe. She was nice, but Lil still felt shy going over to her. “Is my aunt around?” she asked, after saying hi.
Officer Burnley recognized her immediately and gave Lil a full-beam smile. “No, love, she’s gone up to check on some of the houses by the river. Report of a break-in. Honestly, can you imagine? Now? Just kids, I suspect, but still . . .”
Lil didn’t want to get into the specifics of the break-in right then, so she turned the conversation. “Did she say when she’d be back?” she asked.
Officer Burnley smiled kindly, eyes infused with a sympathy that made Lil squirm. “You’ll be worrying about your sister, no doubt. Wondering what’s going on? Sabrina is chasing it up with the Caerwen police station. They’ll be doing everything they can, love. It’ll be a challenge in this weather, mind.”
“No news, though?” Lil pressed.
“Not yet.” The woman’s smile was sadder. “Have you eaten?”
Lil shrugged. Some volunteers had set up a makeshift kitchen, using the gas stoves to heat things up in vats. She couldn’t eat anything, though. There was a lump the size of Wales in her throat. No news on Mella. And now no Sabrina. She tried not to feel annoyed that Sabrina had left to investigate those houses. Did she think that was more important than Mella? Lil cut off that thought. Of course she didn’t. She was doing everything she could, and those people needed help too.
Lil thanked Officer Burnley and turned away. She was about to walk back toward her bed when there was a shout from behind her. She turned to see Sabrina hurtling across the hall.
“Oh, Lili,” she cried as she drew close, “they’ve found her.” She gripped Lil’s hand. “They’ve found your sister.”
The Light will protect, as is Her will.
—THE BOOK
The sound of Dazzle’s scream went on for a long time. It felt like eternity to Mella as she lay, face pressed into the ground, feeling the weight of Evanescence on her back. She couldn’t get enough air, and what she could breathe was mostly grass and dust and mud. She felt dizzy and sick. There was blood on her face, and her head throbbed. It was bad, she could tell. Her vision shrank to a gray squiggle and then disappeared completely.
When she came around, the clearing was empty apart from her, Moon, and Evanescence. “Let them go,” Moon was saying. “If they refuse to follow the Light, then the Darkness is welcome to them.” She sounded tired.
“The Darkness is close now, High Priestess,” Evanescence replied. “We should stay inside the walls of our Sisterhood, where it is safe from prying eyes.”
Mella tried to lie still, to hear more, but there was dust in her throat, and a cough built until she could no longer contain it. As she moved, Evanescence lunged forward to stand right over
her again, her face ferocious; her expression said, Don’t even think about running.
Mella shrank back from her, coughed again, and then sat up. Her back hurt. “Where is she? Where’s Dazzle?” she asked.
Moon smiled sadly. “The Brightness is not for us all.”
“What does that mean?” Mella heard Dazzle’s scream again inside her head, and she knew. She’ll never be able to stand it. She was dead. Oh God, she was dead. Tears sprang to Mella’s eyes. It was too late. She hadn’t saved her.
Moon crouched before her, taking her chin gently in her hand and wiping away her tears. “Don’t cry for her. Think of yourself. I can still save you, if only you’ll let me.”
Mella yanked her head back. “You killed her.”
“No,” Moon said softly. Her voice was as quiet as a whisper; it was the exact same tone she’d used when they first met. The sound of it made Mella want to throw up. “She chose the Darkness. There was nothing I could do.” She stroked Mella’s cheek. “Don’t you know that everything I do is for you, for my sisters?” She smiled. It was like a maggot crawling out of the apple you’d just taken a huge bite out of. “Let me help you. Let me take you into the Light. Let Her burn the Darkness from you.”
Burn.
Dazzle’s screams rang in Mella’s head again, only this time they were her own. Mella’s heart seemed to stop in her chest as panic crashed like a tidal wave over her. She didn’t think, only moved as though the fire were already devouring her. Kicking out as Evanescence made to grab her, Mella was up and fleeing for the trees.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
They’ve found your sister.
“Mella,” Lil said. “Mella. They found Mella.” It was idiotic because she had only one sister, but her brain couldn’t take on the words. “They found her!” Lil said. It was like she’d been underwater for four and a half months and was suddenly bursting through into the sunshine. Somehow she was holding Sabrina, and Sabrina was holding her, and they were both crying and laughing and shrieking and saying the same words over and over again.
The Sisterhood Page 15
