by Beck, J. L.
“I’m just trying to help,” Matt tells me, and anger overwrites my fear momentarily.
“Like you were trying to help me the last time I saw you. When you threatened me?”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal at all, but his eyes hold his emotions inside. Like a glass house, Matt is the type of person that will crack, snap, shatter if you hit him enough times.
“I admit, I was drunk and out of line. I’ll try not to let it happen again.”
“You’ll try?” I snort. “Well, at least you are honest.”
“I try to be, but that doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. In all seriousness, you don’t know what your father is willing to do. You don’t know the lengths he’ll go to get what he wants. I’m your best choice right now. Actually, I’m your only choice.” Only then does the reality of this all hit me. I’m pregnant. I’m carrying a child inside me, and my father wants to kill it. Fear settles deep inside my bones, and I know I need to do everything I can to save the life inside of me, but marrying Matt can’t be the answer.
“You might be the lesser of two evils, but that doesn’t mean I will just marry you,” I whisper. “I’m in love with someone else.” A coldness fills the room, and dread clings to my bones. “If you really wanted to help me, you would give me your phone and let me make a call. You would help me get out of here.”
Matt blows out a frustrated breath, “And how would that benefit me? Didn’t you listen to anything I’ve said to you? Going against your father never ends well, that doesn’t exclude me. If I go against him, if I try and save you, he’ll retaliate, and I can’t afford that. He would—”
A knock on the door interrupts Matt mid-sentence, and we both turn toward it.
“We need a few more minutes,” I yell before the door can open.
“Okay, take your time,” my father’s muffled voice filters through the door, and even from here, I can hear the triumphant tone in his voice. He already assumes that he’s won. He thinks I’m agreeing to Matt’s proposal. The joke’s on him though. I’ll die before I do a single thing, he wants me to.
Instead, I know I’m going to have to convince Matt in whatever way I can.
“Matt, please help me. Really help me. Don’t let him do this. Don’t let them kill my baby, please…” I don’t care that I’m begging or how desperate I might sound. I’ll get on my knees if that’s what gets him to help me.
For the first time, I see real empathy reflecting back at me. He gets up from the chair and steps really close, taking my hand into his.
“I won’t let him kill the baby, okay.” He lowers his voice and leans into me. “I’ll tell him that I want you pregnant, but you have to agree to marry me now, even if it’s only to buy yourself time. I won’t be able to help you contact your boyfriends, and if they don’t show up on their own, then you might have to marry me, after all. I can’t go against your father.”
“Okay, thank you…” I can’t believe what I’m about to say next, but like he said, right now, he is my best bet. “Will you stay here with me. I don’t want to be alone with my parents.”
He nods and sits back down, just as someone knocks on the door once more.
“You can come in now,” I call out, and the door opens. My parents walk in, my father has a smug grin on his face, and it takes everything inside of me to bite my tongue.
“Did you two come to an agreement?” he asks even though I know for a fact that he already knows.
“I’ll marry Matt,” I grit out. That sinister grin on my father’s face only grows.
“And I’m okay with her having the baby,” Matt announces. “No one needs to know that I’m not the father.”
“Great,” my mom cheers and claps her hands together. “I’m so excited. The wedding is back on then.”
I force a smile and nod slightly, hoping with all my heart that the guys find me before it’s too late because if they don’t… I don’t even want to think of the mess that will come when all the pieces fall.
13
My parents left after our talk yesterday, and even though I felt fine after they pumped some fluids in me, the doc insisted on keeping me overnight for observation. Matt ended up staying with me in the hospital the whole night, sleeping on a pull out chair the nurse brought in. Part of me is glad that he is here, and I’m not alone with my father’s goons who are posted outside my door. But there is another part of me that has a hard time trusting Matt, considering the way he’s treated me in the past.
I’m trying to hold on to the fact that he has never lied to me… at least, not that I know of. Assuming he is telling me the truth, he won’t let anything happen to the baby and me, and right now, that is the most important thing. As much as I love the Bishop brothers, I already love the life growing inside of me just as fiercely, maybe even more.
After breakfast, one of the nurses comes in to take my tray. Smiling at me sweetly, she asks, “Is there anything else you need this morning?”
“Actually, I could use a little help going to the bathroom. The IV makes it hard to get around,” I say, glancing over at Matt, who frowns at me. I’m sure he knows what I’m up to, but to my relief, he doesn’t say anything when the nurse helps me out of bed and into the bathroom. As soon as she closes the door behind us, I turn around and look at her.
“Please, I need your help,” I whisper. “I’m here against my will. I need to make a phone call. Can I please use your cell phone?”
I see the brief shock in her eyes before she lowers her gaze to the ground. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.” Her apology sounds genuine, and I know my father must have threatened the staff here. “I am sorry. Really.”
“It’s okay, I know you are,” I say in defeat.
“Do you need help to use the bathroom?”
“No, not really…” As soon as I say the words, she scurries out of the room, whispering another sorry on her way out.
I use the toilet on my own before brushing my teeth and washing my face. Every move I make is on autopilot, my mind too busy being worried and scared about what’s to come.
When I get back into the room, Matt is still sitting in the chair, only now he’s reclined it and his feet are propped up.
“I’m guessing she didn’t go for it?”
“My father must have really freaked her out. She couldn’t get away fast enough after I asked to use her phone.”
“You don’t give up easily, I’ll give you that. You think after three times, you would stop trying,” Matt says, tucking a blanket over himself. “I’m taking a nap; I hardly got any sleep last night with you snoring so loudly.”
“I do not snore!”
“Whatever you have to tell yourself, princess,” Matt chuckles, closing his eyes.
I crawl back into my bed, careful not to tug on the needle still sticking inside my arm. Turning on the TV, I flip through the channels, landing on some cooking show. I don’t really care about it, but I need something to take my mind off the reality I am in.
After twenty minutes, Matt starts to snore softly, letting me know he is asleep. I keep glancing at the door, wondering if my father’s guards are still there or if they left. After five minutes of inner dialogue, I talk myself into trying to leave.
Carefully, I remove the tape around the IV in my arm before pulling out the needle slowly. Blood starts to puddle on my skin, and I quickly take my bed sheet and press it onto the spot until it stops bleeding.
Trying to not make any noise, I slowly slide out of my bed and tiptoe toward the door on sock covered feet. I’m in my own clothes, which my mother brought me last night, but I don’t have any shoes. I don’t have to get far, anyway, only far enough to find someone who isn’t on my father’s payroll or has been threatened by him.
I’m almost at the door, my hand already reaching for the doorknob when I freeze. Holding my breath, I listen to a man’s voice right outside my door. A voice I know all too well.
My father. Shit.
His voice is coming cl
oser, and I hurry back into bed with my heart pounding in my chest. I barely manage to hop back in and pull the blanket over my arm, before the door opens and my father walks in without knocking.
“Harlow,” he greets me mechanically, and I sit up straight in bed. Matt startles awake at my father’s entrance, seeming just as surprised as I am to see him here.
“What do you want from me now?”
“I actually came to talk to Matt,” he scowls at me. “However, I would appreciate it if you could stop harassing your nurses to use their phones.”
God, I want to throw something at him. Preferable something heavy.
“Matt, a word outside.”
“Sure,” Matt answers, getting up from his chair, he gives me a look that says behave on his way out.
You behave yourself. I yell after him in my head. The door closes, leaving me all alone in the room. I throw the blanket back, jump up and tiptoe back to the door, pressing my ear to the wood so I can hear better.
“Telling her you wanted the baby was stupid, Matt,” My father growls. “I don’t want her to have that child. If she wants a baby so badly, you’re gonna have to do it, I can’t watch a child of theirs grow up under my nose,” my father spits. “We are going through with the abortion. I don’t care what she wants. If she didn’t want this to happen, then maybe she should’ve kept her legs closed.”
Fear trickles down my spine. No! He can’t! There is no way I’ll let him do this, and if he does, then I’ll never forgive him.
Matt’s voice cuts through, “I’m worried about her, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this. Harlow and I are in a good place now. She’s just started to warm up to me, and doing this would mess everything I’ve worked toward. You don’t have to do this. I’ll raise the baby as my own. No one has to know who the father is, and no one would dare question my family and me.”
“I’ll know, and that’s all that matters! And I don’t care about feelings. I care about my reputation, and what this will do to me, and so should you. It’s already been decided. We’re going through with this. End of story.” My dad barks, and I stagger back.
The door opens a moment later, my father and Matt appearing in front of me with three nurses right behind them. Two females and one male. Shaking my head profusely, I watch Matt’s face contort into a mixture of both sorrow and shame.
He can stop this. I know he can, so why isn’t he?
“No, you can’t do this!” I scream and take a few steps back, only to hit the wall. I’m trapped. There is no place to go. “Please,” I beg, but no one listens. Their faces are blank like they’re not even here mentally.
The male nurse grabs one of my arms so tightly, I know there will be bruises. Still, I struggle, trying my best to fight them off. I won’t go down without a fight.
“Please don’t do this,” I look to my father who is staring at me with nothing more than disappointment in his eyes. He’s supposed to be my father. He’s supposed to care about me. How could he do this? To me? To his unborn grandchild, and all because of a last name?
“You brought this on yourself, Harlow,” my father says, his voice clipped.
Tears sting my eyes, and I wince when the female nurse grabs on to my other arm, her fingers biting into my flesh with the same harshness.
It’s then that I spot the syringe in the third nurse’s hand. No. No. I shake my head, wishing that this was nothing but a bad dream.
Subdued against the wall, I watch helplessly as the needle pierces through my skin, pain followed by a cold tingling sensation spreads through my veins. “Stop!” I scream as loud as I can, my throat throbbing.
Even with the syringe empty and the fact that I’ve given up fighting, the nurses still hold on to me like I’m going to bolt for the door, then again, if they released me, I would do just that.
“Okay, that’s enough. Let her go,” Matt growls the look in his eyes is murderous, and immediately the hands on me disappear, but I can still feel them. Still, feel the pain. Still, feel the needle in my arm.
My body starts to sag toward the floor like goop, but Matt steps in and grabs me at the last minute. His arms come around my waist, supporting most of my weight, and I can’t help but seek his comfort in that moment.
He’s the only thing I have right now, the only person who cares if I live or die. And as badly as I want to hate him, in this moment, I can’t bring myself to. We’re both pawns in this war. Burying my face into his chest, I start to cry. Sobbing uncontrollably, I can feel the medication they gave me kicking in. My limbs are getting heavier, and my mind fuzzier by the second.
“You promised…” I whimper, clutching on to his shirt. A warmth courses through me, my cheeks heat, and my whole body starts to tingle. All the discomfort in my body starts to fade.
“I know,” Matt whispers back. I’ve lost all hope now. I’m going to lose this baby; this tiny little human is going to be taken from me before I even get the chance to tell the guys about it. Leaning down, he nuzzles his face into my hair. “I need you to trust me, okay. I won’t let this happen. I’ll find a way to fix this.”
Shaking my head, I try to speak, but my tongue feels heavy.
I want to tell him that I wish I could believe him. That I want to believe him and his words so badly, but I can’t. I can’t trust anyone. Still, a part of me hangs on to the hope that maybe, just maybe he won’t let me down this time. But how? How can he help me? How can he stop this from happening? He said so himself, he won’t go against my father. No one will. Not the hospital staff, not Matt, not the Bishops. I’m doomed. My child will die, and there is nothing I can do about it. Spots form over my vision, and no matter how much I try to hang on to that last shred of light, it slowly dims out, getting lighter and lighter.
My last thought before everything goes black is that I hope the guys will forgive me for this. Forgive me for failing to protect our child.
* * *
When I wake up, the same heaviness I felt earlier remains in my limbs, and the fuzziness engulfing my mind only increases. I feel like my brain has been run through a blender and has been poured back into my skull, but even with my head being in utter disarray, I remember what happened before I passed out.
The pain in my chest only gets more prominent, the emptiness expanding and leaving a hollow space behind.
I pry my eyes open, just to squeeze them shut again when I see my father standing at the end of the bed. I thought I hated him before, but the hatred I feel for him has grown into a colossal amount over the last few hours. I can’t put into words how much I despise my father for doing this, how much I loathe him for taking this child from me… for killing the life inside of me.
I never considered myself a violent person before, but if I had the strength to do so now, I would kill him. If I never again see this man who called himself my father, I would be a happier person… that is if I can ever find happiness after what was done to me.
“I’ll leave you to deal with this,” my father’s voice cuts through the fog surrounding my head like clouds surround the top of a mountain. “Since you two seem to get along so great now,” he continues, and for a moment, I don’t understand who he is talking to.
“We did get along, but after what you did to her, she is never going to trust me again,” Matt barks.
“Trust is overrated. There are other ways to keep people in line. More effective ways,” my father declares. I can hear him turn, his expensive leather shoes making a squeaking sound against the hospital floor as he does. I listen to each of his steps as he is leaving the room. The door opening and closing, leaving me alone with the man who promised to keep my child and me safe.
I didn’t realize how cold I was until a large warm hand comes down to rest on my icy cold fingers. Even though the warmth feels good on my frozen skin, I pull my hand away at once, not wanting to feel an ounce of relief and comfort. Because I don’t deserve either one. I deserve to be cold, alone, and in pain after I failed… I failed everybody I
loved.
“Harlow,” Matt whispers as he tries to capture my hand once more. Again, I pull away, and when he tries to touch my cheek, I turn my face away as well.
“Don’t touch me,” I croak, barely able to make the words come out at all.
“Harlow, listen to me…” Matt pleads with me, but all I do is shake my head. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
“No,” I sob, realizing I’m already crying again. Tears roll down my cheeks, leaving cold tracks behind. “Leave…”
“I won’t leave you here,” Matt tells me as he places a hand on my stomach. My eyes fly open in shock, and a wave of all-consuming anger engulfs me. How dare he touch me there… how dare he touch me at all?
Like a wild fury, I start shoving at his arm, slapping, scratching, and hitting him wherever I can, letting out all the burning anger inside of me.
“I said, don’t fucking touch me! I hate you!”
Matt catches my flailing arms mid-air, wrapping his fingers around my already sore wrists and pinning them next to my body.
“Listen, Harlow!” Matt whisper yells. “Just listen! It didn’t happen, okay?”
It didn’t happen? What is that supposed to mean? Is he telling me to just forget about it? Forget what he and my father did to me?
“Do you feel any pain?” he asks next. “Any discomfort?”
Other than the suffocating ache in my chest, he means? “Yes, my whole damn body hurts.”
“But your stomach doesn’t hurt, does it?”
I blink some of the tears away, trying to look at his face, and make sense of what he’s trying to tell me. A smile tucks on his lips, and when I finally stop fighting him, he released my wrists. No, now that I’m concentrating on feeling each part of my body, I realize that he is right. My lower abdomen doesn’t hurt, and there is no soreness between my legs. If I’d had an abortion, wouldn’t I feel both?
