by Beck, J. L.
“The baby?”
“Still inside of you,” Matt says. “I paid off the doctor. He just pretended to do the abortion. The baby is fine.” I watch his face carefully, looking for any indication that he is lying, but his eyes are genuine, his smile is kind, and his voice is gentle.
“I’m… I’m still pregnant?” I ask again, needing to confirm, even though deep inside, I already know the answer.
“Yes, you are still pregnant, and now with your dad off your back, you should be able to stay that way too.”
I tuck my arm under the blanket to put my hand on my still flat stomach, rubbing the skin there like the baby could somehow feel it. “Why? Why did you help me?”
“I told you I would. What your dad did was unforgivable, and I couldn’t watch him go through with it. He went too far, even for my standards, and I’m a pretty big asshole.”
I used to think so too. I thought Matt was a huge jerk, and maybe he still is by other standards, but after he risked going against my father to help me, I can’t feel anything but gratitude toward him.
“So, what now? He is going to find out eventually.”
“Honestly, I haven’t thought that far ahead. I don’t know how to get you out of here without your father knowing I helped you.”
“Thank you, really, thank you, I don’t know how I can ever repay you for what you did. It’s not your fault that my father is this way, and I’m not your responsibility. I’m no one’s responsibility. Not even the Bishops. I will get out of this on my own. I will fight my father. I won’t let him control me and the people around me anymore. I won’t let him continue using you, or anyone else for that matter. I’m going to be the one to put an end to his reign.”
“This is dangerous, Harlow, going against your father. He has resources, money, people.” Matt sounds almost afraid, and that strikes something inside of me. Even the most powerful of people have a weakness, and while my father has all the things he needs to destroy me, I have the determination needed to fight back.
I’m done being afraid. Done worrying about what might happen next. If I don’t, at least try to fight him, I’ll never escape. I’ll never really be free.
“I can’t stay here, Matt, I can’t stay with you, you know that. Not only because of the baby, but because of my father. I won’t be stuck under his thumb. I won’t be married off or tossed away like garbage.”
Matt scrubs a hand down his face in frustration, and a little piece of my heart feels bad for putting him in this situation.
“I won’t force you to do anything, and I’ll do what I can to help you, but I can’t make any promises,” he finally says.
“That’s all I’m asking for. That’s all I need. I’ll do the rest on my own.”
Now all I need to do is come up with a plan.
14
Neither one of my parents came back to the hospital today, and I am more than happy they didn’t. I don’t think I could stand to be in the same room with either one of them right now.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay on your own?” Matt asks for the third, and hopefully, final time.
“Yes, I promise. They need you at that meeting so go to work. I’ve held up enough of your time.” The truth is, even though I now value Matt’s company, I want him to leave. I don’t want my father to think that he helped me escape. The last thing I want is anyone else to get hurt.
“I’ll only be a few hours, then I’ll come back and pick you up. Your father has reluctantly agreed on you staying with me,” Matt says while slipping his arms into his jacket.
“Okay...” I try to force a smile when he glances my way, but I don’t think it’s very convincing.
“You know, your dad has two guards posted outside that door at all times?” Matt sighs. Of course, he’s figured it out. He’s intuitive like that. I’m glad he’s not trying to stop me.
“I know. I mean, I figured. Thanks for the heads up.”
“Be careful, Harlow,” Matt warns, but it’s not the threatening kind of warning, is more like the concerned kind of warning. He stops at the door, his hand already resting on the doorknob when he turns around to look at me one more time.
“Good luck,” he says, just loud enough for me to hear it.
“Goodbye, Matt,” I murmur, not sure when or even if I’ll see him again.
The door closes, and I’m left in the large empty hospital room on my own. Loneliness and dejection creep up on me, like shadows in the night, trying to pull me into darkness. I try not to let them get to me, knowing that this is only a momentary state. I am not really alone, not as long as I have people who love me out there waiting for me, probably worried sick about me.
I wait about twenty minutes before I start moving. This is probably long enough for no one to suspect Matt helped me in any way. Grabbing my empty food tray, I stick it under my armpit and grab two boxes of orange juice, that I saved from breakfast. Opening them up carefully, I walk to the door, holding them in one hand, and grabbing the shiny silver doorknob with the other.
My pulse is racing, and my knees are shaking, but my mind is sharp as a blade. There might be some truck-sized men on the other side of this door, but my determination to leave this place is stronger than any two-hundred-pound man.
Sucking in a deep breath, I let the plan run through my head one final time.
Then, I open the door.
I step outside and find two guys sitting on the other side of the corridor looking up at me simultaneously. “I need a nurse right now, this juice is bad,” I complain like I’m an angry customer in a restaurant, and they are the managers.
“Go back in there,” one of them growls at me, not hiding his annoyance at my request.
Instead of following his orders, I grab on to the tray under my arm and throw it at his head as hard as I can. Like I had hoped, I catch both of them completely by surprise. With the tray flying through the air and both of them distracted, I bolt.
As I sprint down the hall, I drop the two boxes of juice behind me.
“You fucking brat!” One of them yells after me.
Concentrating on making my legs move as fast as I can and nothing more, I continue forward. When I hear what sounds like someone slipping, followed by a loud thud, and a string of curse words, I know my plan has worked.
I can’t help but smile at this small triumph, even though I know damn well that I’m not safe yet. My sock covered feet pound against the hospital floor as I let the bright red EXIT signs guide me to freedom.
Since I don’t know who my father has paid off in this place, I decide against stopping for anything or anyone until I’m outside. I pass a few shocked and confused nurses and patients, but I don’t stop. I continue running through the blinding white hospital hallways like a madwoman on a mission because I am.
After what seems like an eternity of running through the maze of halls, I finally make it to a pair of sliding glass doors. Through them, I can see a parking lot, cars, people… freedom.
I’m so close to escaping, so close to being free.
Creeping toward the doors, I finally glance behind me to see if I’m being trailed. When I find no one, my shoulders almost sag with relief. The sliding doors open, and I dart through them. Fresh air caresses my skin, and sunlight warms my face as I take my first steps outside. I want to stand there for a moment; to catch my breath and enjoy these feelings coursing through me, but I know I need to keep moving. I need to get as far away from here as I can. I’m not safe, not until I’m back with the brothers.
Ignoring the throbbing of my shoe-less feet with each bang against the concrete, I race toward the main road. Not wanting to waste any time, I cut the corner sharply, too sharply it seems, because as soon as I round the edge of the wall, my body comes crashing into another person. The impact knocks the air from my lungs, and if the person wasn’t holding on to me, I’d probably have fallen on my ass.
Before I even look up from the guy’s chest, I know who it is. The familiar smell of fo
rest and rain tickles my nostrils, and like a small child, I wrap my arms around his middle and bury my face into his chest.
“Fuck, Harlow,” he croaks into my hair. His arms come around me, enclosing me in a cocoon. “We need to get out of here.”
I pull away from him, even though my body objects, wanting to stay here with him. Just like this, in a perfect little bubble where no one can hurt us.
Taking my hand in his, Sullivan starts to pull me away, but before we even make the first step, a car comes barreling toward us. Tires squeal against the asphalt as it comes to a sudden halt. My gaze widens when I spot Oliver in the front seat. My eyes catching sight of Banks running toward us from the other side of the road.
Sullivan pulls the door open, helping me into the back seat, just as Banks approaches from the other side, climbing into the passenger seat up front.
As soon as we are all in the car, Oliver presses his foot to the pedal, and we speed off. The acceleration pushes me into the leather seats as relief, and endless happiness engulfs me. I’m safe now.
“Are you okay?” Banks asks, turning around in his seat.
Sullivan hasn’t stopped touching me. Running his hands all over me as if he was checking for any wounds.
“I’m okay, just so glad to see you. How… how did you find me?”
“Matt called us when he left the hospital,” Oliver explains. “He told us where you were and that you were probably going to make a run for it.”
“He did?” I ask, instantly, worry starts coating my insides. If anyone finds out what he did, my father will crucify him.
“We got here as fast as we could,” Banks says breathlessly. “We’ve been so fucking worried; we’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“I promise, I’m fine. I just can’t believe I’m finally out of that hospital, and I can’t believe Matt called you. But, of course, I’m glad he did. I’m just worried about at what cost.” Pushing the thought away, I ask something else that’s on my mind. “Did he tell you anything else?”
“That’s all he said when he called,” Sullivan confirms before questioning me frantically. “What is it? Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you?”
“No, no. I told you, I’m fine. It’s nothing bad. I mean, at least I hope you don’t feel like it’s a bad thing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I guess we never talked about it...” I keep rambling on nervously.
“Harlow,” Banks cuts me off. “Out with it.”
Clearing my throat, I say, “I’m pregnant.”
Dead silence fills the car, and as it stretches on, I start to get seriously worried. Maybe they are not as happy as I am about a baby? Glancing over to Sullivan, I find him staring at me, his eye impossibly wide, his face pale, and his lips slightly parted.
“Say something,” I whisper.
Sullivan blinks, almost like my voice has snapped him out of some trance. “You’re pregnant?” he finally asks. “Like you are having, kind of, a baby, pregnant?”
“Erm, is there another kind of pregnant?”
Banks turns once more, so I can see his face again. To my relief, there is a huge grin spread across his lips. “We’re having a baby?” he asks, his voice filled with happiness and excitement.
“Yeah, we are.”
When I glance back over to Sullivan, he seems to have composed himself as well. The shock has left his face, and the corners of his lips tug upward into a dazzling smile.
Two down, one to go.
“Oliver?” I ask tentatively. “How do you feel about this?”
“I-I’m just shocked. I mean, I thought you were on the pill?” Oliver starts but stopping himself right away. “Shit, that came out wrong. Sorry, I’m not saying it’s your fault or anything. Not saying it’s anyone’s fault…Ugh, that came out wrong too.”
“Dude, just stop talking,” Banks scolds his brother. “For now, just shove your foot in your mouth, will you?”
I try my best not to frown. For some reason, I thought Oliver would be the happiest with having a baby, considering he is the oldest. Apparently, I was wrong. I’m not angry or anything, and I know this was unplanned and not ideal, but this is what happens when people have sex.
Sometimes they get pregnant even while on the pill. Everybody knows this, so why is he acting like this now? Why is he so unhappy?
The whirlwind of emotions leaves me utterly confused. I’m happy to be out of the hospital and away from my parents. I’m relieved to see the guys, but I’m heartbroken and scared seeing Oliver’s reaction. Does he really not want this baby? I can’t imagine he would ever tell me to get rid of it, but his response isn’t anything like I thought it would be.
“Hey,” Sullivan reaches over and cradles my face with his hand. His touch is warm, and instantly, I lean into his touch like a kitten who wants to be petted. “Everything is going to be okay. We’re not going anywhere.”
He can’t possibly assure me that it will be. Still, I take comfort in his promise.
“Now, please tell us what the hell happen? How did Matt end up helping you?”
I take a deep breath before explaining the whole story. Just when I’m done, we pull up to the house. Oliver kills the engine once we reach the end of the driveway and we all climb out of the car. Sullivan’s hand never leaves my body as he helps me every step of the way. Like he is scared that I’m going to disappear again.
Right now, I need his touch. I need it like I need my next breath. I want him to touch me more. I want him to wrap his arms around me and never let me go again. I want to curl up in bed with all three of them, having them surround me like a protective wall.
On the way inside the house, Banks comes up to my side, while Oliver unlocks the door.
“Are you hungry, thirsty, tired?” he questions as he takes my hand into his.
“I’m fine. A little tired, but definitely not hungry. They did feed me pretty well in that hospital. Since it was a private facility, they actually had restaurant-quality food.”
“I guess that’s the only good thing about the place.” I couldn’t agree more. I hated the place and hated that my father had tried to hurt my unborn baby there.
Walking inside, Banks closes the door behind him, twisting all the locks into place. Oliver leads the way into the living room, and the rest of us follow. Once we are all situated on the couch, I direct all my attention to Oliver. I can’t let this hang in the air between us. I need to know what he’s thinking. If he’s okay with the baby.
“Is me being pregnant that bad? Do you not want this… us?” My voice cracks at the end, emotions overtaking my ability to speak evenly.
Oliver’s angelic face falls. “I’m sorry, Harlow. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. You… us, having a child together. The thought of it has my heart bursting with happiness. I just…” he trails off, running his fingers through his thick brown hair. I can feel his frustration from where he is sitting.
“What’s the problem? If you’re happy, then why do you seem so frustrated? Why do you seem so unhappy?” Oliver’s gaze clashes with mine, and everything around us fades away.
“We can barely protect you, Harlow. Every time we think you are safe, there seems to be another threat lurking in the shadows, ready to take you away from us.” The sadness that radiates out of him is stifling. “Do you have any idea what the last few days have been like for us? Now with you being pregnant, it’s only going to get worse. It’s like we can never catch a break.”
“Oh, Oliver,” I sigh in relief. Getting up from where I’m sitting, I crawl into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck. He welcomes me into his arms, doing the same, his giant hands rub gently up and down my back while he peppers kisses all over my face. He does want the baby; he’s just scared of something happening to us.
“Oliver does have a point,” Banks mumbles after a while. “There is something we need to tell you. Another thing that we have to protect you against.”
Twisting around in Oliver’s lap, I look up between al
l three of them, waiting for one of them to continue. When they don’t, I open my mouth to speak.
“What is it?”
Sullivan gives me a sad look. “The police called earlier today… to warn us,” Sullivan explains, “Shelby escaped from the psych ward last night.”
It’s a good thing I’m sitting because if I wasn’t, I would be on the floor right now.
“What? What do you mean she escaped?” How can she escape? She was supposed to be locked up.” This is bad, so bad. Already, I can feel the pressure of what this means settling on my shoulders. She escaped, she’s out, free, doing god knows what. Before I know what I’m doing, my hands come to rest on my stomach, cradling my imaginary bump. There is so much more at stake now, so much more than just protecting me.
All of Oliver’s worries and fears, they come crashing into me then.
He’s right, as sad as it is, he is right. I can barely protect myself. How am I going to protect this child?
15
The weight of the world seems to sit on my shoulders. I do the basics; showering, eating, and trying to sleep. Days pass, and once again, I find I’m stuck in this house, hiding from the world. Oliver and Sullivan leave for class, while Banks stays behind with me. We all agreed me returning to classes again was all but pointing a bright red arrow at where I was. Shelby could easily get to me if she wanted to.
And I suppose she could get to me here too if she really wanted.
“Please stop frowning, your sad face makes me sad.” Banks pouts.
That makes me smile, “It’s hard to be happy when it feels like everything is falling apart. I thought she was put away forever.” I drop my gaze to my hands, “I thought we were safe. Now it feels like all we were doing was lying in wait.”
Banks’ hands cover my own, and he sits down on the cushion beside me. “All we can do is wait for the police to find her, and right now, no one knows where she is. Maybe she ran away? Maybe she decided hurting you wasn’t really what she wanted after all?”
