by Lucy Smoke
Several other men who'd been close by also looked to see what was going on and made the same faces. Did I really look that good?
"Holy shit..." Jasper said; his mouth opened and closed like a fish as he gave me serious elevator eyes.
I gave them all a smirk and stopped to give them a twirl.
"Looks good?" I asked. I secretly felt self-conscious, but I knew if I acted like I owned it, then maybe I'd feel like I owned it.
"Fuck yeah it does! Damn, babe," Ezra said, grabbing my hand and bringing me closer to twirl me around again.
"I'm pretty sure there will be some women in the audience that'll go lesbian for you tonight." Tobi added.
My cheeks flushed at how they all continued to eye me like I was a big juicy steak. Maybe this was how I got my four-way with them. That'd be a hell of a way to say goodbye to these beautiful bastards.
Goodbye.
I internally chastised myself for letting the fact that they would be leaving, get to me. I didn't catch feelings. They were a great answer to the loneliness this holiday season, but after the show, it was back to normal for me.
"How long until we go on?" I asked them, distracting myself from the thoughts.
"Three more teams to go before us, each with a twenty-minute set. Then it's us and we tally the votes from the judges hidden in the audience. After our set, we'll announce the winners and that'll be it," Tobi answered. He stopped then held up a finger to me. "I almost forgot. I have something for you; it’s for your opening part of the act."
He turned and pulled something from beneath a table that was set up against a wall. When he lifted it, I saw it was a red-velvet sack that looked just like Santa's toy bag.
"What the hell is that for?" I asked him, eyeing it warily. It was huge, and I wasn't entirely positive I could carry it while walking in these damn heels.
"Don't worry, it's not as heavy as it looks," Ezra said to me, seeming to have read the look on my face easily. "It’s full of some little gifts for the ladies in the audience. You're going to hype them up with these. Just open the bag and start tossing them into the crowd."
I arched my brow in suspicion. I undid the rope that tied it together and opened it, only to immediately start laughing at the contents. I reached in and pulled out the most monstrous, black dildo I'd ever seen. It was as thick as my wrist and lined with bulging veins. I was a bit worried about the woman who caught this one.
"Taking toys to a whole new level, aren't you?" I asked them with a laugh as I held up the monstrosity.
"Don't act like you're not impressed," Jasper jested, elbowing my side with a wink.
"Hardy har har. The woman who catches this is going to need a damn wheelchair when she's done with it. Imma call it Shaq," I said, waving it in Jasper's face.
"Shit, she’s naming them now,” he said to the others before snatching Shaq away from me and shoving it back in the bag. “You're not allowed to touch these until you're passing them out. I don't need a big, black dick being waved in my face."
"You're no fun!" I heard someone shout from across the room. I turned and saw a very large and delicious looking black guy waving.
Everyone laughed.
"You're getting payback tonight, babe. Just you wait," Jasper whispered seductively in my ear before smacking my behind.
"Hands off Lowen until after the show, Jas," Ezra said, grabbing my shoulders and moving me to the other side of him. "Don't need you trying to exact revenge before our turn and making our prized prop late."
I giggled at Ezra's teasing and looked over at Jasper. He mouthed 'It's on tonight woman'.
I sure hoped it was. I wanted all of them one last time before this was all over.
Over....
Fuck, I hated that word.
10
“Too much?”
The show was a complete success.
The second I stepped onto that stage, I was hit with an uproar of noise from men and women alike. I shook and stumbled a bit when I first started out, but as the music began to play and I was passed between my guys, the fear evaporated away.
So long as they each caught me, touched me, and moved me, I was fine.
The first part of the dance I did in my robe, including throwing the numerous shapes and sizes of dildo’s and vibrators that I tossed into the audience. When I threw Shaq, which I realized was the biggest, veiniest bastard in the bunch; I gritted my teeth in horror at the tiny woman who caught him. Best of luck to her.
I laughed when I spotted Sara in the audience, throwing me two thumbs up before tossing a ten-dollar bill at me. I gave her a wink and did a little booty shake in her direction, gaining a laugh from her. I was surprised she was there, but I guess I should’ve expected my bestie to be there. Caleb wouldn’t let her miss this.
The guys were the ones to disrobe me, showing off my revealing outfit beneath. I strutted my stuff, getting the ladies in the audience worked up as I skimmed my hands along my guys. It took everything in me not to drag them all off stage as I fondled them in front of everyone. I was basically a show girl, walking between them to take off their own robes, and then tear away the Velcro pants from each of them as I passed.
As the women got hyped up, tossing dollar bills at their feet, so did I. Heat pooled between my legs as they gyrated their hips, flexed their muscles, and moved their bodies in ways that made you feel like they were having sex with you, yet they weren’t even touching you. But I knew what they felt like. I was the one lucky girl out of all the women here to have experienced how those hips felt pressed to mine. What their tongues tasted like. What their asses felt like when tightened. It was a glorious feeling. Jasper had been right after all.
I left the stage when it was my turn to exit, watching them finish off their performance from backstage. It was easy to see why they did this every year. It wasn’t for the attention like I had originally assumed. It was for the thrill. They had fun doing this and they knew that by displaying their bodies, they were raising money for something important. I admired these guys for everything they were.
Their routine ended, and I clapped like a woman possessed for them.
They did a bow and blew kisses to the women fanning themselves before walking towards the backstage area.
Tobi was the one who reached me first, picking me up and twirling me around and covering me in his nasty sweat.
“You were the sexiest thing I’d ever seen out there tonight, Low!” He said excitedly. He set me down and the other two came up and smashed me between the three of them, making it one big sweaty group hug.
I loved it so much though, I didn’t even fucking care I was getting smothered in their nastiness.
“That was so much fun. I may have to do this again someday,” I laughed.
“You are definitely doing this with us every year, Lowen,” Ezra said, kissing me on the cheek. “We probably couldn’t do as good without you now anyways.”
“Well, then next Christmas, you guys come grab my ass out of bed and start teaching me another routine,” I said happily.
Their faces fell a little. I wasn’t expecting that reaction.
“What?”
Jasper looked at the guys then at me. “Do we really have to wait an entire year before we see you again?” He asked solemnly.
“Well, no.” I said, finally understanding the sad looks. I knew what they wanted, but I just wasn’t the girl for the job. “I just meant, you know, you guys will be going back to your lives and I’ll be back at mine. Life will get busy and it’ll be hard to really see you guys. You are celebrities in our little town.”
“So?” Tobi replied with a huff. “It’s not like we live far away, Low. We want to keep seeing you, even if it’s only as friends.” He grabbed my hands in his, kissing my knuckles softly as he stared into my eyes. “You’re special to us.”
My heart rate escalated. This was too much. They wanted more, but I couldn’t give them that. I knew what had happened with Jasper meant more, but I kept distracting m
yself from seeing it. My heart broke a little at the look on all their faces. I cared deeply for them, but I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t give them my heart without fearing every day that I’d be abandoned by them just like I was by everyone else.
“We want you in our lives as more than just friends,” Ezra said, throwing a scathing look at Tobi. “I don’t know about these two, but I can’t be just your friend. I want you for more than that. Tobi is right about you being special to us. Why does this all have to end?”
Panic filtered through me. I can’t breathe, I thought to myself as my chest heaved. God, it hurt having to hurt them like this. The pain was almost unbearable. I couldn’t be here anymore. I couldn’t give them what they wanted. What they deserved.
“I…” I mumbled out.
Jasper stepped in front of me and framed my face with his hands, his facial expression serious for the first time ever since I met him.
Then he said the words that sent me into a full-blown panic. The words that felt both glorious and suffocating to hear.
“We love you, Lowen. It’s fucking crazy how fast it happened, but we do. How do you expect us to just let you go and not see you again for a whole year?”
“I…I…I can’t. I have to go. I can’t do this.”
Jasper jumped back from me like I’d slapped him.
“What?” Ezra asked. “Low, don’t run away from us, please?” He went to grab for me, but I wrenched myself away from them.
My breathing became erratic as I kept backing away from them. Why was their confession freaking me the fuck out? I had to leave. I needed Sara.
As if on cue, Sara came busting into the backstage area.
“My bitch! You were fan-fucking-tastic!” She started towards me with a huge smile. When she saw my look of panic though, her smile fell. She quickly ran to me. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t look at her as I replied, my focus completely on the hurt expressions of the guys.
“I need to leave.” I didn’t say anything else. I just took off out the doors, leaving all four of them in my wake.
Sara, of course, chased me down and caught up as I made it to my Jeep. I didn’t care that I left my jacket or my clothes in the dressing room.
“Low! What the fuck is going on? Did they do something to you?” Sara asked, grasping my arm and yanking me to a stop before I could open the door.
“No. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t…” I couldn’t finish the sentence.
She nodded. “Alright. I’m going to drive you home,” she said, grabbing my keys and shoving me around to get in the passenger seat. “You can drive me back to my car tomorrow and I’ll let Caleb know he’s on daddy duty the rest of the night. You can tell me everything on the way home.” She grabbed something from the back seat and threw it over me like a blanket before closing the door and walking to the driver’s side.
It was then I noticed it was Jasper’s jacket that he’d left.
Like a complete girl, I wrapped myself up in it tightly and cried. I didn’t even understand why I was crying. I just knew that I was absolutely losing it.
I stayed silent the whole drive, not answering any of Sara’s questions that she continually asked me. I couldn’t process anything in my mind right now. Not the words they said. Not the things I was feeling. And definitely not the fact that I was crying like my world was ending, yet I had no fucking clue why I felt that way. I finally explained to Sara what happened just as we pulled into the driveway. Sara knew me better than anyone and would probably agree that I was losing it.
“You’ve completely fucking lost it!” She yelled as we got out of the Jeep.
I shuffled up the steps, shivering against the cold wind and snow raining down on us. It was a completely idiotic move leaving my clothes there.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I said to her as we entered the cabin. I quickly located my bottle of Jack in the cabinet by the fridge and opened it, but stopped just before taking a sip. Jasper’s story earlier made a war wage in my mind over drinking it or not. I wanted a sip so badly, but I knew deep down I shouldn’t jump back into the habit.
“The second they started talking about feelings and loving me, I couldn’t breathe,” I continued to say, holding onto the bottle as I internally went back and forth about whether it was worth it or not. “I don’t do love, Sara. I do sex. Hot sex and lots of fun and lots and lots of alcohol. But, I don’t do love. I don’t even think I can love like that. I’ve never loved anyone other than you and dad my entire life.”
I brought the bottle with me and collapsed onto the couch. I pulled my favorite fuzzy blanket over me and held the bottle just under my nose, smelling the spicy aroma. Sara quickly lit a fire in the fire place, making me glare at her that she managed that in five seconds flat. Why the fuck could I not light a damn fire?
Fuck! This Jack smells so good!
“Yes, you can you monumental moron!” She shouted at me, yanking the bottle from my hand and drinking some. She fell to the couch next to me, still not letting go of the bottle. “Do you understand in any way why the fuck you’re freaking out right now?” She leveled me with an accusatory look.
“Uh, no? That is why I said I think I’ve lost my mind.” I looked longingly at the bottle.
You don’t need it. You can do this without the alcohol, Low, I tried to convince myself.
“You are one of the smartest dumb people I’ve ever met Lowen Westmon. I love you with all of my heart, but if you had told me this before we got all the way back to your place, I would’ve turned us the fuck back around and forced you to face this!”
I gaped at her in offense. “Why the hell am I a smart dumb person? Face what?”
“Face that you fucking love them, genius! You’re freaking out, because you love those three so damn much it scares the shit out of you. It was quick, it hit you hard, yet you couldn’t even feel it until they said they loved you. That’s why you’re a smart dumb person!”
Her comment made my mind snap a bit and I tried to take the Jack back. To hell with it, I needed a drink. But she held it out of reach.
“Give me the Jack back,” I said as calmly as I could to her.
“No! Not until you admit it!”
I tried to dive over her, but she pushed me back with one arm and held the bottle above and behind her further back.
“Give it back, Sara! I will cunt punch you!” I warned, struggling to climb over her to get to the bottle.
“Do it and I’ll give you the worst titty twister of your damn life, sister! Believe me! You can have it back if you just admit you are in love with them!”
“I won’t, because I’m not!” I reached further. We were both at an awkward angle hanging over the edge of the couch. “I don’t do love!”
“No! You just haven’t until now!” She strained to talk over me practically sitting on her.
My hand was so close to grabbing it; my fingers skimmed the bottom. Why the hell did she have to make shit so difficult! I just wanted to drink this shit away! I wanted to forget them and their perfect bodies! I wanted to forget their sweet kisses and gentle caresses! I wanted to stop feeling like my whole fucking world was ending just because they were going back home!
I stopped reaching for the bottle as the realization hit me, and the need for the drink dissipated as the guys images floated through my mind like a slideshow on fast forward.
Ezra and his kind heart and passion that he gave in every kiss.
Tobi for his strength and ability to challenge me when I needed to be challenged, especially when he touched me.
Jasper and his ridiculous flirting that made me feel alive every time he made me laugh, yet still had the ability to make me feel like the most cherished possession in the world all at once.
I’d miss them like I’d miss an amputated limb. It’d always feel like they were still there with me when they were gone, because of the impact they had on me.
Something inside me snapped. Something I neve
r wanted or asked for became completely and undeniably apparent, hitting me with the force of a hammer to my heart.
I loved them.
In this short fucking amount of time that I’d spent with them, I’d fallen for them. I didn’t know when it happened, but it happened. It was as if all those suppressed emotions I’d pushed away came rushing into me like a tidal wave. I had been a complete idiot.
While I now knew how I felt about them because of Sara’s inability to let shit go, I also knew I would never be able to tell them that. I could never express my emotions the way they deserved them to be expressed.
“You’re getting it now. You love them and that scares the shit out of you. That’s why you freaked and ran,” Sara said, loosening her grip on me and lowering the bottle.
I slid off her and dropped back into my seat, staring unfocused at the fire.
“Why?” I whispered. Not sure if I was asking myself, or asking her.
“It happens, babe,” she replied softly, putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it. “They gave you more than anyone else ever has. The entire time they’ve been here, you haven’t cried about your dad. You haven’t been swallowed into this abyss of sorrow that you would’ve had they never come here. You lit up. You felt like yourself again after a year of feeling so empty, without your parent and best friend. I’ve known you most of our lives, and I’d never seen you give any other guy smiles as big as the ones you’ve given those guys. You fell for them the second you laid eyes on them.”
“And I fucked it up…” I breathed out; my voice shook at what I’d done. “I broke their hearts by running out on them when they were just laying their fucking hearts on the table like that.” Tears started to spill from my eyes.
“Maybe you didn’t. I mean. They know you, Low. You guys spent every second together for the last two weeks. You aren’t one to hold back who you are, so they got all of you within that first day. I think, if you give them the night to work out the rejection, they may surprise you. Get some rest tonight, then call them tomorrow. It’s Christmas Eve. They can’t deny you on Christmas Eve. That’s a big fuck you to Santa if they do.”
