Leaving Roman (Surrender Book 3)

by Becca Jameson

  “Lucy, don’t be sorry. It’s as much my fault as it is yours. I’ve watched the changes and tried to ignore them, afraid I would lose you. Maybe I already have.”

  I don’t say anything. Because I don’t know the answer. “I need some time. Some space.”

  Silence fills the room for a while. Finally, Master Roman speaks again. “I’ll have Weston take you to the apartment.”

  I jerk my gaze up to find him staring at me. “You still have that apartment?” I’d forgotten it existed. He’d secured it when we first got together so that I would always have a place to go. A roof over my head. He never wanted me to feel trapped. I haven’t thought about it in a long time. I’m shocked he still pays the rent for that place after all this time.

  He nods. “Yes. Of course. It’s yours. It will always be yours. I said I never wanted you to feel trapped here, and I meant it.”

  I don’t want to go to the apartment. At least not tonight. It feels weird. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need to call Claudia.

  Master Roman pushes to his feet and steps back to his desk. He opens a drawer and returns, holding out a cell phone. It’s the one I use every time I leave the house. He never wanted me to be away at school without a way to reach him.

  I take it from him. I’m certain it has a GPS locator. He’ll know exactly where I am at all times. But I don’t care. It’s not like I’m going to be hiding. I just need time to think.

  He surprises me with what he says next. “Go to our room and find something to wear. I’ll have Claudia come get you.” His fingers are in his pockets, and he’s rocking forward and backward on his feet. He’s nervous and stressed. I am too.

  I rise to my feet and meet his gaze. “Thank you,” I whisper. I have no idea what’s going to happen to us, but at least he’s not ordering me not to go.

  He nods. “I love you, Lucy.”

  “I love you too.” I don’t add a name. How would I choose? Daddy? Master Roman? Roman? Sir? None of those seem appropriate, so I leave it at that and pad from the room.

  Chapter 12

  Lucy

  Claudia is quiet when she picks me up. She gives me a hug and leads me to her car. We ride in silence. I’m not sure what Master Roman has told her or where she’s taking me, but I don’t really care.

  I stare out the window, finally relaxing when she pulls up to Julius’s house. It’s more like a mansion, of course, similar to Master Roman’s. Inherited. Elegant. Old money. Claudia turns to me. “I thought you might like to spend the night here surrounded by friends. I’ll stay too, of course.”

  I nod. “Thank you.” She’s done exactly the right thing. Everyone in this house knows my story. Well, I’m not sure what Abby knows, but I assume she’s been filled in about my life to some extent. I know nothing about her.

  Beck opens the front door before we climb the steps. He pulls me in for a tight hug and then ushers me through the foyer and down the hallway, his arm around my shoulders. I’m loved. I have friends. My life is weirder than hell, but I’m not alone.

  I lower myself onto the sofa in the library and rub my palms on my jeans, wincing at the way the denim abrades my naked, raw bottom. When I’d stepped into the closet I share with Master Roman an hour ago, I’d simply stared for a long time. Thoughts of the first time I had entered that closet three years ago assaulted me. The day we had our only official fight. It had been a doozy too. I wasn’t sure we would survive that night. Somehow, we managed.

  With shaky hands, I grabbed a pair of worn jeans and a thick sweater. It’s summer in Seattle. The sweater is overkill, but I don’t care. I’m not wearing panties or a bra. I hesitated for a moment before making that decision. I know for a fact the only panties in the house are full-cut replicas of the type a young girl would wear. The only bras are training bras in equally silly cotton material that often matches the panties and does nothing to provide coverage or support for my breasts.

  I chose to forgo both. I didn’t want to wear anything that put me in my place.

  Even as I pulled the jeans up over my hot, burning butt, I knew I was breaking a rule, cutting the tie that binds us together at all times.

  No one mentions my sweater, and I’m not even warm. I’m glad I chose it. It’s hiding my naked breasts and giving me something to burrow into. I’m not hot. I’m actually chilly.

  Claudia sits next to me.

  Beck takes a seat across from me.

  Julius is already in the room, and he fills a glass at the bar, soundlessly crosses the room, and hands it to me.

  I take a quick whiff of the contents and wince.

  Julius chuckles. “Sorry. I thought you might like a shot of something to calm your nerves.”

  “That’s thoughtful, but I’ve never had a drink in my life. I don’t even know what it tastes like. I want to keep my head on straight.” I hand it back. He returns with a bottle of water.

  I lick my lips. It’s weird that I don’t drink. Master Roman has never offered me a drink, of course. After all, I’m twelve. I’m that age even when we have guests over. They drink. I have a Shirley Temple when Master Roman permits it.

  I glance at the three faces watching me as I lower the water bottle and swallow. “Where’s Levi?” I ask conversationally.

  “He’s downstairs with Abby. They’ll join us soon,” Julius tells me.

  I nod and bite my lower lip. A tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe at it. Dammit. I don’t want to start crying again.

  Claudia scoots closer. She’s wearing a dark navy pencil skirt and a white blouse. She probably came from the office to pick me up. Her hair is perfectly styled, and her heels are expensive and fashionable. Like everyone else in my life, she’s got money.

  She hands me a tissue. Unlike how I reacted to the same gesture from Master Roman earlier, I take it from her and dab at my already puffy eyes. I’m thankful that my hair is back in a single braid. I’m a mess, but at least nothing about me outwardly screams that I’m someone’s submissive who lives as a young girl.

  I need distance from that so I can catch my breath.

  I lift my gaze and force a smile again. “Thank you all so much. It means the world to me that you would help me. You don’t owe me this courtesy. Master Roman is your friend. I’m not sure why you’re not with him instead of me.”

  Claudia sets a hand on my back and rubs. “Honey, he asked us to help you. He’s also sending over a suitcase of clothes for you.”

  I’m shocked. I assume this was Claudia’s idea.

  Beck clears his throat. “We’ve all known you’ve been restless, Lucy. Frankly, we’re surprised you haven’t snapped sooner. There’s nothing wrong with whatever you’re feeling.”

  I need to clear the air a bit. “I love Master Roman so much.”

  Julius nods. “We know you do. You’ve been together for a long time in an intense relationship. People grow. You’re so young. You’re entitled to renegotiate. Roman fully understands that. He also knows he’s been an asshole for not taking your pulse sooner.”

  I blow out a breath. Wow. Just…wow. Everyone is smiling at me warmly. They’re not mad. They don’t blame me for anything. Not even Master Roman.

  “How about if you stay here tonight or even a few days until you feel like you can face the world a bit on your own? Then you can make use of that apartment Roman set up for you.” Julius smirks. “He’s stubborn. He never wanted to let that place go.”

  “Did he always think I would leave him?” Am I leaving him?

  I can’t even face that question.

  Julius shakes his head. “No. He just wanted you to have an out. He never wanted you to feel trapped.” Julius is mimicking the exact words Master Roman said earlier.

  “Weston will bring a suitcase over for you in a while. If there’s anything you need though, we have a lot of different clothes here. I’ll show you where we keep some things. Feel free to take whatever you need.” Beck said all of those words without stating the obvious. They all know I don’t have adul
t clothing, especially undergarments. Whatever Master Roman sends in that suitcase isn’t going to help me much.

  A soft knock sounds at the entrance to the room, and I lift my gaze to find the household cook, Meredith, barely leaning into the room. “I didn’t want to interrupt, but dinner is ready whenever you’d like to be served.” She shoots me a warm smile.

  Meredith is much like Master Roman’s cook, Evelyn. I’ve met her many times when I’ve been to this home. She’s as warm and sweet and kind as Evelyn. I’m certain that every woman who stays here to train under Julius, Beck, and Levi is treated like she hangs the moon by Meredith.

  “Thank you, Meredith,” Julius says. “We’ll be right there.”

  Meredith disappears as quietly as she arrived, and then Claudia asks me if I will please join them at the table. “You need to eat something. Even if it’s only a little.”

  I nod. “Thank you.”

  When we enter the dining room, I spot Levi standing at the far end, his hand on the back of a stunning woman close to my age. I know she has to be Abby. She has long, brown, wavy hair that’s cut and styled perfectly. Her skin is a lovely tanned color. And her big green eyes meet mine across the room. Even though she is only a few years younger than me, she has style that surpasses her age. I find myself a bit envious, especially of her haircut.

  As I approach, Levi introduces us. “Lucy, this is Abby. Abby, Lucy. The woman I told you about who was at Surrender the night Claudia took you for a tour.”

  Abby lifts her hand out, and I take it. I know quite a bit about her from Master Roman. She’s new to the lifestyle and probably as shell-shocked as I was when I first met this group of people. She’s been living with these three demanding Doms for three months. I shudder. I know my life is intense, but I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to submit to three men. She’s probably never had a moment alone since she arrived.

  I also know she’s had a rough summer. She came to Seattle to intern for Julius, Beck, and Levi at their photography studio. However, her grandfather died a month ago, and she had to return to Massachusetts for the funeral. While she was there, she had a miscarriage. I can’t imagine how she must be feeling. I feel bad for her.

  “Nice to meet you,” I say.

  “You too,” Abby responds in a soft voice. She lowers her gaze and shoots a glance toward Levi, making me smile inside. She’s checking to make sure she has permission for every move. I remember those days.

  Julius pulls out a chair for me, and I thank him as I lower my butt gingerly onto the seat, unable to avoid wincing.

  “I’ll give you a cream to rub into your sore bottom tonight,” Julius says.

  I flush at him outright voicing my plight. “Thank you,” I whisper.

  He leans over me as he pushes my chair in. “Honey, Roman told me the gist of what happened. He may not be here to take care of you, but we’re his friends. We know he spanked you pretty hard. I’m sure you’re hurting.”

  I nod, pursing my lips and not lifting my face. I’m embarrassed, especially in front of Abby.

  No one says another word about my plight, however, and I quickly realize there’s no need to be concerned about Abby. She’s definitely not thinking about me. She has her own problems. Just because I’m staying here for a night or two doesn’t mean anyone gave her permission to break from her submission. Apparently she’s only been given permission to address me briefly and shake my hand.

  Julius takes a spot next to me. Claudia and Beck are across from the two of us. Levi sits at the head of the table.

  Abby kneels at his side, head bowed, hands clasped behind her back. I realize for the first time she’s wearing a nearly see-through white slip. Nothing else. I can see her dark nipples through the material. This isn’t a dress. It’s a plain, thin, silk slip like a woman might wear under a dress. The spaghetti straps are so thin they could easily slide off her shoulders. It’s also short. It barely covers her bottom. I know how she must feel in this garment. It’s similar to the nighties Master Roman puts me in every night. So little coverage that it’s almost embarrassing.

  She’s training. She must have decided she’s happy here though because I also know she has decided to stay and is no longer returning to Massachusetts at the end of the summer. I remind myself that I’m pretty uneducated in other types of submission. I visited Master Roman’s club before he took over my life, and though we sometimes go there and play when the club is closed, I never returned during business hours. I hardly remember much about the dynamic. I know very little about what other submissives are like. My world revolves around being the best little girl I can be.

  Meredith enters the room with a giant bowl of steaming pasta. I can smell the red sauce, and my stomach grumbles. “Would you like anything to drink besides water?” she asks me after setting the pasta in the middle of the table.

  “No. Thank you.” I rarely drink anything except water. Master Roman doesn’t permit me to have soft drinks except on special occasions, and then usually only lemon lime sodas. My beverage selection has mainly consisted of milk, which everyone knows I loathe, and water. That’s been the case most of my life anyway. It was not much of a change. I’m probably the healthiest twenty-five-year-old woman on the planet since every meal I consume is dictated by Master Roman and prepared by Evelyn. I’ve never had a beer or even a glass of wine. I haven’t had caffeine in years. Even when I was at college, I took a lunch with me that Evelyn packed.

  Claudia scoops some salad onto her plate as she speaks. “No one seated at the table is going to treat you like a submissive. You don’t belong to any of us. Though we are all dominants, we’re also friends. You can relax and breathe easy. However, the same cannot be said for Abby. She’s training under these men, as you’ve heard, so it’s up to them to give her permission to break from what’s expected of her.”

  Levi chuckles as he reaches over and ruffles the top of Abby’s head. “That’s not going to happen again tonight. I let her meet you. That’s it. She’s being disciplined. We had a little topping from the bottom incident in a scene this morning. She needs to focus on what’s expected of her tonight. She can speak freely with you another day.”

  I nod as I glance at Abby, trying to read her body language. She sways slightly toward Levi’s thigh, and he smooths his hand down from the top of her head to her shoulder and then lower. When he cups her breast and then pinches her nipple, she arches into his touch and whimpers, but she doesn’t release the grip she has on her wrist behind her back. I’m impressed.

  I shouldn’t be shocked. Julius, Beck, and Levi are masters at mastering people. They can read people better than anyone alive—except perhaps Master Roman. After three months training Abby, I’m certain they have pegged her right. Besides, no one seems to be remotely upset by whatever Abby did this morning to try to control their scene. It must not have turned out too badly.

  Levi casually removes his hand from her breast, lifts his glass of water to take a drink, and then slides his fingers up and down the condensation on the glass. I’m mesmerized as he aims straight for her nipple again, pinching it through the thin material, making her arch once more and moan at the contact. He leaves her slip soaking wet at that spot, and undoubtedly his touch was cold.

  I have the urge to squirm at her discomfort, mostly because I’m turned on. Not shocking. I always got turned on when I watched scenes at Surrender before I stopped going. I’m submissive. This is no secret to anyone in the room. I sit very still though because every movement I make hurts the sensitive, burning skin on my butt.

  Julius addresses me again, dragging my attention from Abby’s plight. His voice is calm and caring. “We’re here for you, Lucy, if you need someone to talk to or anything at all. We won’t pry. When you’re ready, you let us know. Otherwise, we’ll give you the space you need to work this out.”

  “Thank you.” I swallow back another round of tears, barely managing to keep them at bay.

  Chapter 13

  Master
Roman

  I’m pacing my office, which I’ve been doing for two days. My phone is gripped so tightly in my hand that I might shatter it. “Talk to me, Jules,” I demand.

  Julius sighs. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You asked me to give her a place to stay. I did. You asked me to offer her the apartment. I did that too. Beck drove her over there this morning. She hardly said a word to anyone in the forty-eight hours she was here. She spent most of the time in her room, only coming out for meals, and then picking through her food.”

  “Shit.” I hate this. I run my free hand through my hair. I want to scream. I want to go to her. I want to reason with her. I want her to come home.

  “Give her some time, Roman. She needs to think.”

  I slouch down on the loveseat and lean back. “This is my fault. I knew she was slipping away, and I didn’t do anything about it.”

  “Stop it. You’re not the only one in this relationship. Lucy could have come to you with her concerns too. She’s just as much at fault. And I don’t think either of you needs to place blame. You haven’t done anything. She’s just spending some time alone.”

  “You know that’s not true. She’s my responsibility. She shouldn’t have had to come to me when I could see plainly with my own eyes that she was hurting for months. I was too chicken to confront her. I kept hoping whatever was bothering her would blow over, and we could go back to being who we are together.”

  Julius cleared his throat. “You might need to consider that it’s time to change who you are together. She was so young when she came to you. Still finding herself. She’s grown. She might have new needs.”

  I growl. “Maybe I shouldn’t have encouraged her to go to college.”