by Helen Lacey
“Jayne’s in all our hearts,” his grandmother said gently. “And I know she’s in yours. That doesn’t mean there isn’t room for someone else.”
David sighed. “I know. But the kids need to understand that Annie is not their mom and that she’s not coming back here to work.”
Half an hour later he bundled the kids into the BMW and headed for the cemetery. His wife was buried alongside her mother, who’d had her late in life and died when Jayne was in her teens. Her father was a professional card player and had abandoned his family when Jayne was a baby. She had no siblings, no real relatives who lived close, just an uncle and aunt who had moved to Ohio years ago. Looking at her gravestone, watching as the kids placed flowers there, David was overcome with an acute sense of loss and sadness. He missed her, but lately there were times when he couldn’t quite recall what kind of marriage they’d had. Mostly happy, he believed. Although deep down, he knew he never quite understood Jayne’s overwhelming need to be in the air. Sure, he’d loved her and supported her, but he also knew her passion for flying sometimes kept them emotionally as well as physically apart. And somehow, as he’d grieved for her over the last four or so years, he’d gotten on with the job of raising his children with someone else. Even if that someone else was on the payroll.
“Do you think Mommy misses us?” Jasper asked quietly, coming to David’s side and grasping his hand.
“Yes, buddy,” David said and swallowed the tightness in his throat. “I’m sure she does.”
“I miss her, too,” Jasper said. “Annie says it’s okay for me to talk to Mommy sometimes, even if Mommy doesn’t answer.”
“Annie’s right,” David said, aching inside.
Jasper sighed. “Maybe I should talk to Annie, too,” he said. “Even though she’s not living with us anymore.” He paused. “I miss Annie reading me stories.”
David crouched down and placed his hands on his son’s shoulders. “I know you do. We all miss her.”
As he said the words, David realized the truth in them. He missed her. And not simply because she looked after his children. But because she was integral to his family...and to him.
“I wish Annie was my mommy,” Scarlett said and snuggled up next to them.
There were tears in his daughter’s eyes and David swallowed the lump in his throat. Rather than give the kids some closure regarding their mother, bringing them to the cemetery had only amplified how much they missed Annie, their surrogate mom in nearly every way. The new nanny was efficient and accommodating, and a lovely woman, but he knew the kids would never feel the love from her that they needed. A mother’s love. Like they’d received from Annie.
“How about we go into town and get some ice cream?” he suggested, trying to lighten the mood.
The kids agreed cheerfully and they spent an hour in Cedar River before heading back to the ranch to get ready for the planned celebration that afternoon.
The christening was scheduled for three thirty and they arrived at the small chapel in town in plenty of time. The pews were filled with family and friends and when he spotted Annie the air immediately rushed from his lungs. She looked lovely in a knee-length, pale green dress with matching shoes. Her hair was up, but the wispy bits falling around her temples were incredibly sexy. He left the kids with Leah and took his spot at the altar beside Annie, achingly aware of her as the familiar scent of her perfume assailed his senses every time she moved. The service was short and heartfelt and he was humbled that Mitch and Tess entrusted him with the role of godfather of little Charlie. He knew how hard their journey to parenthood had been, and how much their son meant to them.
Afterward, everyone headed for the Triple C, where Ellie, party planner extraordinaire, had arranged for a celebratory buffet beneath a tent near the small orchard. The event was reminiscent of his cousin Jake Culhane’s wedding to Abby Perkins a few months earlier, and today it was a lovely way for the family to celebrate baby Charlie. And he knew, without a doubt, that Annie was avoiding him like the plague. She barely said two words to him during the chapel service and declined his offer to drive to the ranch together, even though the kids were overjoyed to see her and gave her hug after hug outside the chapel. Now they were back at the ranch and celebrating, and he watched her chatting with her friends with only one thought in his mind.
They really, really needed to talk.
* * *
All Annie wanted to do was figure a way to get David out of her stratosphere. And out of her thoughts. It didn’t help that she could feel his penetrating gaze on her through the service at the chapel. Or when she was reunited with the kids after being away from them for a long and emotionally fraught week. But she didn’t want to have a postmortem about what had happened between them.
Well, what had almost happened.
As she held Charlie and spoke quietly to the crowd of friends and family about always being there for the child who had been entrusted to her care, Annie experienced an acute and gut-wrenching longing for a baby of her own. She didn’t dare look at David. Didn’t dare remember how he’d casually mentioned they could have a baby if she wanted one. Because the thought of having a child with him made her ache inside for all he was offering.
Ellie asked her to find the silver cake knife so they could cut the cake, which gave her an easy out from the celebration, a chance for a much-needed break, and she couldn’t wait to get inside the house. Until she heard David’s all-too-familiar voice saying her name. She stopped rummaging through the pantry drawers, straightened, turned and spotted him by the doorway, arms crossed, looking way too good for her peace of mind in a dark suit and bolo tie.
“What?” she snapped, her mouth pressed tight.
He didn’t move. “We need to talk.”
“I’d prefer it if we didn’t,” she said stiffly.
“Avoiding the issue isn’t going to make it go away,” he remarked. “What happened last night—”
“Is never going to happen again,” she said, cutting him off. “All it did was—”
“Prove that it could work between us,” he said, slicing through her protest. “Admit it, Annie, despite having just a working relationship for the last four years, there’s something else going on now. We’re clearly attracted to each other...there’s no denying it.”
She glared at him. “Seriously, your ego is bigger than Mount Rushmore.”
“My ego isn’t the issue,” he remarked. “Your refusal to admit the obvious is.”
“What’s obvious?” she shot back. “That we made out for a few minutes?”
“It was more than that,” he said and moved farther into the room. “I’ve made out before and it didn’t feel like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like me with my hand under your dress and you with your tongue in my mouth.”
Annie gasped, turning hot all over. Put like that, it sounded hot and erotic. And exactly what it was—a couple of the most sexually charged minutes of her life. Of course, everything he’d just said was true. Desire and heat like that couldn’t be faked. At least, not from a man like David. He wasn’t a player and was discerning in his personal relationships. So yes, they had heat and attraction between them, but that alone wasn’t enough to sustain a real relationship. Not when she was in love with him and he was only thinking about having her return to the ranch for the sake of his children.
“I’m not quite sure how to respond to that comment,” she said flatly.
“With the truth,” he replied. “That we have chemistry. A lot of it. And that we could make this work, if you’d give it a chance.”
“It still doesn’t change one obvious fact.”
“And what’s that?” he queried.
“That you’ve decided being together is what’s logical and the upside is we’d probably have great sex.”
“Not probably,” he corrected. “And don’t u
nderestimate the power of great sex.”
“I’m not sure I’ve ever had great sex,” she shot back, her chest heaving, “so I wouldn’t know the difference.”
His gaze darkened. “Believe me, Annie, when we make love, you’ll know the difference.”
When...
She shuddered, feeling both aroused and then appalled. She could have jumped him right then and there, and might have if she hadn’t heard a sound coming from the back door, and realized that Leah, Tess and Mitch were standing at the threshold, watching them and clearly hearing every word.
“Ah...sorry, guys,” Leah said.
Mortified, Annie pressed a hand to her burning cheeks. “Excuse me, I have to go.”
“Annie,” David said quietly. “We’re not done.”
“I’m done,” she assured him, glancing at the three people standing in the doorway. “I’m not a consolation prize, David. Not for you or anyone else.”
He frowned. “That’s not what this is about. I don’t think that, not at all.”
“Maybe not,” she said and shrugged, a lump forming in her throat. “But it’s how you’re making me feel.”
Annie left the kitchen and walked through the house, her entire body numb, her heart breaking. She grabbed her bag and keys on the way out, saying a quick goodbye to the kids before she stopped by the stables to spend a few moments with Star. Then she headed for her car, where she found her sister perched against the hood, arms folded, looking as though she wanted an explanation.
“You’re running away?” Tess asked.
Annie opened the car and dropped her tote on the backseat. “I’m saving myself from heartbreak and humiliation. And I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Tess pushed herself off the car and moved around to the driver’s side. “You know I support whatever choices you make. But I am worried about you, Annie.”
“I know,” she replied, smiling through her emotion, and hugged her sister hard. “But I’ll be okay.”
As she drove back into town, Annie thought about everything that had happened in the past few weeks and realized she needed to make some significant changes. Simply leaving the McCall ranch wasn’t enough. Applying for work in Rapid City wasn’t enough. If she wanted to truly change her life, then she needed to embrace that change. And that didn’t mean giving in to her feelings for David every time they were together. It didn’t mean allowing herself to be persuaded by his kisses. It meant distance. It meant allowing someone else in.
And that someone was Byron.
He always made her smile. He didn’t have an ulterior motive in pursuing a relationship with her other that actually wanting a relationship. It was a win-win. Not one-sided. Not filled with agenda and compromise. All she had to do was take a leap of faith and give it a chance. It might, she realized, be the only way to erase David from her heart.
When she arrived back at the hotel, she grabbed her cell and called Byron’s number.
It was definitely time to meet her fireman.
* * *
David was neck deep in work on Tuesday morning when he received a frantic call from Leah, saying that Ivan had collapsed. He was in an ambulance and on his way to the community hospital. It took David just seconds to shut down his computer and then head out to meet his sister in the emergency room as the EMTs were wheeling his stepdad into triage.
“I stopped by his house this morning,” she explained, distraught and tearful and he hugged her close. “I found him on the floor in the kitchen. I don’t know what happened or how long he’d been there. I spoke to him yesterday and he said he still wasn’t feeling well.” She shuddered. “I should have checked on him again last night.”
“You couldn’t know,” David said soothingly, trying to hide the panic in his heart.
“I called 911 as soon as I got there and saw him,” she cried. “God, I hope I wasn’t too late.”
“Did the EMTs give you any indication of what could be wrong?” David asked and led Leah toward a chair in the waiting area.
She shrugged. “Maybe his heart. I really don’t know.”
They stayed there for over an hour and finally a doctor emerged. David had known Kieran O’Sullivan since high school and was pleased Ivan was in good medical hands.
Dr. O’Sullivan sat down and explained the situation. “Your father has had a series of ischemic strokes, most likely several minor ones over the last couple of days. This morning he had a significant incident, which caused his collapse. He’s resting now and you’ll both be able to see him soon.”
“I sense a but in this conversation,” David said quietly, trying not to alarm his sister.
Kieran nodded. “He has some paralysis down his left side, and we will be monitoring him over the next few days to see if the strokes continue.”
“He wasn’t feeling well for the last few days,” Leah said tearfully. “He was complaining of sore eyes and dizziness and he put it down to a migraine. I should have listened and—”
“You did everything right,” Kieran assured her. “You called 911 and he was here well within an hour of being found. You probably saved your dad’s life because you didn’t panic and reacted so responsibly. He’s lucky, and with care and therapy, I believe he’ll recover from this.”
Of course, they were relieved, but also knew Ivan had a long road to recovery ahead. He was a strong and independent man, and wouldn’t take easily to being bedridden, infirm and perhaps in a wheelchair while he endured therapy to help regain the use of his left side. After talking with the doctor some more they were told they could see him within the hour.
David hugged his sister and was relieved when his cousins Jake and Joss arrived at the hospital. Having them on hand to help support Leah was reassuring. The Culhanes and McCalls were a tight-knit unit and were always there for one another in a crisis. And Ivan, even though he was a Petrovic, was very much one of them.
Leah cried as they headed into triage an hour or so later. Seeing Ivan, who was usually so strong and robust, looking so vulnerable, was hard for them all and he held on to his sister’s shoulder, insisting that their dad would make it. When Mittie arrived Leah burst into tears and hugged his grandmother. Even though they weren’t related by blood, the older woman was very much a grandparent to his half sister and was exactly the comfort Leah needed. David took a few moments outside of triage to contact the new nanny and keep her updated, and then spoke to Tess, asking her to watch the kids once the nanny left for the day.
It was after lunch when he headed for the hospital cafeteria, ordered coffee for everyone and was waiting by the window for his order when he felt a warm and reassuringly firm hand on his back. He turned and saw Annie in front of him. Seeing her made the tension pressing behind his ribs ease—and way more than he expected. She looked so lovely and so familiar—like a balm for the turmoil swirling through his system.
“Hi,” she said simply.
“Hello.”
“Tess called me,” she explained and reached out, touching his arm. “I’m sorry, David.”
He looked to where her hand lay and heat spiked through his blood. Just a touch, he thought, and he was a goner. “Thank you for coming.”
She nodded. “Is Ivan going to be okay?”
“We hope so,” he replied and quickly ordered her the kind of coffee she liked and then told her about Ivan’s collapse and the recuperation ahead.
“Let’s sit down,” she urged and pulled him toward the corner of the room to a small table.
David followed and sat down. “I’m so glad you’re here. Leah would—”
“I know what Ivan means to you all,” she said swiftly, her hand coming to rest against his on the table. “This must be difficult for you and your sister.”
He let out a long and painful breath. “I’m so... I’m so...”
“What?” she prompted
when his words trailed off.
David met her gaze and was drawn deeply into her eyes, and the words spilled from his lips. Words he’d never uttered before. “I’m so tired of loss.”
She grasped his hand and linked their fingers in a startlingly intimate gesture. “I understand.”
“I couldn’t believe it, you know, when Jayne and my mom died,” he admitted, swallowing the burning in his throat. “For the first couple of days I walked around in a daze. It’s like, one moment they were there—my mom was in the kitchen, laughing at some silly joke of Ivan’s, and Jayne was beside me, and we were talking about our next vacation, or the kids, or about something at work or she was explaining how she needed a landing strip on the ranch.”
Annie’s eyes widened. “I didn’t think the ranch was big enough for that.”
“It’s not,” he replied and sighed. “Strange, remember how I said the other day that we never argued—but we used to argue about that, all the time. I think I put the arguments out of my memory because I didn’t want to feel guilty—or blame her in any way—or hold on to any bad feelings. And then...nothing. It was all over. No warning. No time to prepare. No opportunity to say goodbye. A police officer came to the house, told me the plane had gone down and that there were no survivors. It was like someone had cut my heart out. At first, I was so angry with her for leaving me. I kept thinking, I have a four-year-old son and a newborn baby girl, so how am I supposed to do this alone?”
“And yet, you did,” she said generously.
He half smiled. “I haven’t been doing it alone these last four years, Annie.” He placed his other hand over their linked fingers. “And now, I’ve lost you, too.”
“You haven’t lost me,” she said softly. “I’m right here.”
Yes, he thought, but for how long?
Chapter Ten
The moment Annie heard about Ivan’s condition she’d hightailed it directly to the hospital. She cared about Ivan and knew how much pain his family would be in. She knew Leah would be heartbroken. And she also believed David would be at his stoic best.
