Finding Patience

by Eden Rose

  Patience-

  It’s too late and now you have to pay the consequences. See how easy it was for me to break in? We’ll meet again.

  RABIES

  I just need to calm down and then I can back over there and talk to her. Just need to calm the fuck down and stop thinking about what her publicist said.

  Who the fuck does she think she is? Telling me that Patience is only with me for a publicity stunt! There’s no way in fucking hell that Patience would do something like that to me.

  Switching my gears on my bike, I turn into the clubhouse courtyard. Thankfully, the brothers are already here and are ready to party. After shutting off my bike, I slide off the seat as a gust of air flies past me.

  Fuck me!

  I can still smell Patience’s scent on me.

  “What are you doin’ here?” Slice asks me as he flips back his hair. The man is with a hairstylist but he refuses to do anything different with his fuckin’ hair.

  Shrugging, I walk past them heading right over to the bar. Yes! This is what I need.

  I’ve got my beer tilted to my lips when I hear The Bear walk over to me.

  “Trouble in paradise?”

  That smug bastard knows exactly what my problem is but he wants me to admit it. Well fuck him because I’m not doing shit!

  I chug the contents of my beer before slamming it on the counter. “She chose the business over me.”

  He chuckles and claps my back. “What did you expect? She told you from the beginnin’ of everythin’ that she loved what she did. You thought she was givin’ it up for you?”

  The bastard knows he’s right which pisses me off even more. I shrug him off of me and signal to one of the prospects behind the bar. “Get me another one!”

  *

  Shit! My hair hurts my own head. God damn it. Who let me drink that much?

  I look around my room to make sure that I didn’t bring anyone back here. That would fucking suck. Talk about a relationship ender for sure.

  Fuck!

  Shooting out of bed, I wince at the pain from my headache. None of my hangover’s pain hurts as much as my pride. I can’t believe I walked out on Patience like she didn’t matter to me! I can’t believe that I was so selfish that I wanted her to give up touring.

  Carefully, I turn my head to look at the clock on my phone. It’s 2:30 p.m. Mother fucker. I missed her.

  I grab my phone frantically calling Patience over and over again hoping that she will turn her phone on.

  “Hey, it’s Patience Monroe. You know what to do!”

  “Patience, baby, I’m so sorry. Please call me. I acted like an idiot.”

  I hang up and dial again.

  “Hey, it’s Patience Monroe. You know what to do!”

  Each time that I call her, her line doesn’t ring which tells me that she’s shut her phone off. I’m so stupid! How could I just walk out on her like that?

  ME: Patience, baby. Please! I’m so sorry. Call me as soon as you land

  I swing my legs off the bed as my whole world shakes from the hangover. Since when did the percussion team start practicing in my head?

  “Rabies! You up, man? We gotta ride out!”

  “Go the fuck away!” I yell at the door.

  My brain is still too drunk to even focus on riding out right now. Whoever the mother fucker is on the other side of my door, is now pounding on it making my headache a shit ton worse!

  “Yo! Rabies! Get your shit on and let’s go!” Flip yells from the other side of the door.

  Grumbling, I stumble over to the door and throw it open to see the faces of three men I’m about to kill for waking me up. “What’s the fire?”

  Flip, Slice and Trip are staring at me as if I’ve grown horns.

  “The fire,” The Bear answers me from outside the circle. I see him walking towards us with Pinky under his arm. Just seeing them together is enough to make me want to stab someone.

  My fist tightens out of impulse of needing to punch something but pain shoots up out of it. Fuck! I forgot I punched the wall in Patience’s house like a dumbass.

  My eyes gloss over from the pain I’m feeling but I need to focus on what the president is wanting right now. “What?” I question.

  He’s got an evil look on his face. “Word on the street is that we got new competition.”

  I rub the back of my neck while laying my head against the doorjamb. Anything to ease the headache that’s turning into a full out bitch right now. “What kind of competition?” I mutter.

  Flip’s the one that answers for him. “Mother fuckers down south of us has a new gun of choice and they’re pedaling it into our territory.”

  My head’s pounding but I don’t have the fucking time to deal with that right now. “Who have they sold to?” I ask.

  The Bear kisses Pinky on the cheek and she walks away from us. “Bye, guys. Have fun playing cops and robbers.”

  Everyone waits until Pinky’s gone into their room at the clubhouse before formulating a plan that’s needed. Its common knowledge that Chantal more than likely knows everything that’s going on but we don’t want to flaunt it in front of her face.

  Speaking of Chantal… I need to get with her to see what she found on my parents that have disappeared. No one just disappears without leaving a trace. There’s evidence everywhere and I’m going to find it.

  When I do, I’m going to fuckin’ take them out.

  Rubbing my forehead against the doorjamb, I take a deep breath. “Is it The Plague?” I ask sarcastically.

  There’s no way in fuckin’ hell that The Plague have resurrected their club in a matter of a couple of months. Especially when we killed all of their leading members a few months ago for the shit they pulled with Jen. Those assholes got lucky we took them out peacefully. My vote was to set their clubhouse on fire after locking all the doors and windows so they couldn’t get out.

  Death is inevitable in this lifestyle. I have seen enough of it. I have come close to it too many times to count, but I refuse to let some punk ass MC think they can get the better of us.

  Which is why, I want to find this club and get rid of them now before they start getting ballsy.

  Blinking through the pain of my headache, I try to focus on formulating a plan. “What kind of gun are they sellin’?”

  Again, Flip’s the one that answers but he’s getting annoyed. Usually, he’s the nice one and everyone loves his happiness but he hates guns. Myself, I’m used to guns and have been raised with them all my life. To me it’s perfectly natural and normal for someone to have a gun.

  “The kind that could put us out of business and fuck shit up for us. That kind!”

  We all throw our hands up in front of him to calm him down. “Easy there, King Mosabe!” I taunt.

  We’re all standing in front of my door but my stomach decides to revolt. All of that alcohol that I drank last night and into this morning is threatening to come up.

  It’s officially passed threatening!

  I run away from where everyone is standing and throw myself into the bathroom to handle my hangover. With my head tucked into the toilet, I feel someone kicking my foot. “Go away,” I growl.

  “Hurry up, dude. We got shit to do!” Slice orders from behind me.

  I’m still hunched over the toilet and the last thing that I want to do is deal with some more bull shit. I want to stay in my room and drink until I can figure out how to get Patience back. Again.

  PATIENCE

  I’m not a huge fan of airplanes but I have managed to get a hold on that phobia. It’s not the plane itself that I’m petrified of. It’s the plummeting out of the sky and crashing into a mountain thing that has me freaking out.

  For the past few hours, I have been sitting on the plane with my earphones in and blocking everyone out. Technically, I’m working but I won’t tell Kate that. She’s notorious for being bossy when we’re traveling.

  My shoulder is jolted and I’m shaken out of my daydream. I pull my earb
uds out to listen to what Alexa has to say. She’s so cute today with her pigtails and her Wonder Woman costume that she has been obsessed with.

  “Where’s daddy?”

  Fuck.

  Think of something. Think of something. Anything! Just think of something!

  My fingers reach out to her pigtails and I tug on one gently. She giggles. Music to my ears! I’m stalling but I don’t give two shits. “Daddy had to stay behind and work,” I lie to my five year old daughter.

  She should be used to the lying. Hell, she was told that her dad was dead all of this time and now all of a sudden he’s alive. The poor girl doesn’t know the truth.

  Fuck. I don’t know the truth.

  Alexa’s big blue eyes well up with tears and it breaks my heart all over again. “Is it because he don’t love us anymore?”

  No, it’s because he thinks mommy is a whore who will just leave him for a richer man.

  I shake my head. “No, baby. That’s not it. He had to work just like mommy did.”

  She’s not buying it. I can tell by the look on her face that she knows I’m full of shit. Just when I think she’s about to call me out, she turns on her heels and runs across the plane to her nanny that we travel with.

  That sucked.

  With the grueling hours of rehersal for this tour, my body is seriously hurting. I’ve lost another pant size which is amazing. I want to lose more weight but the doctor that we have on staff has explained to my publicist that I shouldn’t lose anymore. Never did I realize that I was paying him to rat me out.

  “All right,” Kate breathes out and plops down in the comfortable seat next to me. “We have some meet and greets we need to go to and then you are all set to go to the Army base to sing a song. One song!”

  I roll my eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Kate slaps me on my thigh. “You are such a little bitch sometimes.”

  It’s my turn to slap her on her thigh. “Hey, I don’t pay you to talk to me like that!” I taunt with no malice.

  By the time we get to the tarmac, I’m more than ready to get off this plane. I just want to check into my room and get out of these clothes to lay on the bed with Alexa. And try not to think about Brett.

  The plane descends onto the asphalt, and I’m looking out the windows at everyone waving their hands frantically at my plane. I smile and wave back at them; I totally don’t know if they can see me or anything.

  At least I am making an effort.

  “You ready, P?” Andre asks me while standing in front of the door to get out.

  He’s got his signature black on black look going on and he looks intimidating as hell. The worst thing? He loves me and Alexa. I know he’s not stupid in thinking that Brett left because he was late for something. He knows I’m upset about what happened.

  Smiling, I push my arm through my purse, shove my sunglasses on and stand out of the seat as soon as we have landed. “As I will ever be!” I chirp.

  Alexa runs over to me with her nanny trailing behind her. “Mommy, I want glasses, too. Big sunny ones like you!”

  “Sure, baby!” I reply as I dig through my purse until my fingers land on the sunglasses. “Be nice to them!” I warn her.

  Her little hands anxiously grab onto the Ralph Lauren sunglasses that I keep as an extra pair in case I lose my favorite ones. Ralph Lauren makes great sunglasses and glasses. The best, really.

  Olga, the nanny, helps her put them on. “You look so pretty, Alexa! Like a princess!”

  Alexa’s inner diva comes out with her snapping her fingers off to the side. “I am a princess!”

  “Come on, princess,” I placate her and grab her hand. “We have to go and greet people. Remember what I said? You stand behind Skin and Andre with Olga. You got me?” I remind her with my stern voice.

  Last year, I about had a heart attack when a paparazzi photographer tried grabbing at Alexa when she was in my hands. Since she hit her last growth spurt, I almost couldn’t carry her as it was. She came so close to falling to the ground.

  She pouts. “I know, mommy! I know!”

  Little sassy pants.

  PATIENCE

  People think that being a celebrity is easy. It’s not. I’m constantly on show with everyone and I have to have a big smile on my face even though I feel like crying after Brett left the way he did.

  I know, I sound so ungrateful.

  You try having cameras shoved at you with people only being nice to you to get something from you. They don’t give a shit that you’re a person, too. They want to soak off that attention from you.

  Which is why I watch very closely for Kate. As my P.A., she has access to every little thing about my life. She knows everything! When my period is, what I talk to my doctor about, when I’m hungry or not eating. She knows everything!

  “When we get settled, you’re getting something to eat,” Kate whispers harshly into my ear.

  I shrug her off as I get tucked into a Skin and Andre huddle. They’ve got me planked on either side of my body. Their heat almost makes me want to shiver.

  “You stay where you are,” Skin orders and tucks me further into his side.

  Swallowing my snarky comment on how I’m the one that pays him, I follow the directions.

  “Patience!” Someone yells from off to the side just as we pass the barrier of the plane. “Is it true you’re pregnant?”

  I have my face tucked in but I’m still smiling at everyone as Skin and Andre ambush us through the paparazzi. Cameras are flashing, people are talking loudly, I can hear others barking orders to an assistant. I hear car horns blaring but it’s the vibrating of my phone that draws my attention.

  Its hard to not think about him. He’s all I think about. I really thought we were getting our lives back on track with each other.

  Tears threaten to pour out of my eyes. I look up at the flourcent light and blink them away.

  By the time we get to the airport, I’m more than ready to get the show on the road.

  Skin and Andre are planking me on both sides with Alexa in the back of me with her own bodyguard. On one tour, someone tried to grab her and I won’t go through that again!

  We reach the tarmac and the lights are already beginning to flash. People are pushing their way closer to me to try and get pictures of me with my body guards. Both Skin and Andre are shoving them aside with their beefy arms. I tuck my head down and let my hair fall into my face.

  “Patience! Where’s your husband?

  “Patience! Is it true he’s in a biker gang?”

  Rolling my eyes behind my sunglasses, I untuck my head to smile at all of the bloodsuckers. I smile and wave but don’t stop to talk to anyone.

  “Back away from Patience,” Skin growls when one steps too close to me.

  There’s a tug on my hair

  *

  PATIENCE

  “Thank you for coming out to see my show! I love each and every one of you!” I bellow out towards the crowd of people screaming my name.

  My crowd of multi-aged people are screaming out and chanting my name. It’s a glorious feeling to know that they love me as much as I love them. This is why I do what I do.

  “You want another song?” I taunt to the crowd.

  Simultaneously, they all yell that they do.

  I look towards the back to see my dancers are already lining up to get ready for the next song In Too Deep.

  “Yeah! I know what you want. You want to hear my favorite song?” I hold the microphone out to the crowd to entice them to get louder.

  As the band begins playing the starting notes, I back away from the edge of the stage to get ready to start dancing. The concert version of this song is more dancing in the beginning and then I stop to sing. There’s a lot of high notes in the song making it harder for me to dance and sing at the same time.

  When it’s my turn, I look back to see Josh nodding at me telling me it’s time to go.

  Seductively, we walk towards each other until we’re standing face t
o face. He takes his left hand to cup my chin for us to look into each other’s eyes. With his other hand, he holds my hip steady.

  “You ready?” He asks me.

  I smile hugely in an encouraging manner. “Damn right!” I murmur back before turning on my headset microphone.

  Josh takes the old one from my hand and one of the stage crew is there to pick it up and take it to the back.

  We begin dancing together in a soulful manner that has the crowd screaming out in glee.

  “They love us together, don’t they?” He asks me while looking deeper in my eyes.

  I glare back at him about to ask him what he’s talking about but my music begins to play in my ear. I open my mouth to sing but all of a sudden the power goes out.

  The crowd that was once screaming my name for me to continue, begins yelling in hysteria.

  “What is going on?” I ask through my headset.

  The dead air on the other side of the mic tells me that the power is out through the whole building.

  “Hold on, sweetie, we got you,” Skin, my body guard, calls out from behind me. He’s grabbing my waist and dragging me towards the back of the concert hall.

  I allow him to do so until I see these little flashes of light. They look like the lightening bugs I used to catch at my parents’ lake house. There’s dozens of them that light up the dark arena.

  “What’s that?” People begin asking.

  I wiggle out of Skin’s arms to go and take a look at what it is.

  “No, Patience! You aren’t going over there. It’s dangerous for you to be walking around,” he tsks from behind me.

  Pushing myself out of his arms, I walk towards the lightening bugs. I’m captivated by them and the way the whole arena becomes quiet, I can tell I’m not the only one who’s wondering what they are.

  “Holy shit!” Someone yells from the outside of the stage.

  Turning my head to look at them cautiously, I miss what is about to happen.

  Underneath my feet, the ground begins to shake unsteadily. I scream out into the echoing crowd of people who are doing what I’m doing.

  The ground shakes more viciously than the first time and each time it shakes, more people are yelling at it to stop.