by C. J. Anaya
Lies. It had all been lies, and now I had to relearn everything I thought I knew and then some.
I had to get used to the idea that Jareth, the man I’d feared since the moment I awoke with no memory of my life, was actually my fated mate, and Kheelan, the man I’d trusted, the man I’d begun to care for on a very real, very intense level, was a liar.
An impostor.
I was such an idiot. Following along in a blind haze.
In that moment I decided the role of victim didn’t suit me. This weepy defenseless version of myself was now on the back burner. I steeled my heart, pushing out any love I’d ever felt for Kheelan, and any desire I’d momentarily felt for Jareth. I was going to learn everything I needed to know to be the best, most fearsome queen imaginable, and then I was going to take down the one faerie who was the cause of all of my suffering.
King Moridan.
“King Vargis will put my brother in a cell encased in iron until we decide what must be done.”
“Please, don’t kill him,” I said in a voice void of emotion. It was all I could muster at the moment. “I know he played a hand in my mother’s death, but I can’t lose anymore people tied to me.”
“He sent assassins to kill you when you arrived in the Fae realm, Crysta,” my uncle said as gently as he could. “I can’t promise you anything at the moment. He’s made a damn mess of everyone’s lives, and I can’t get the image of Insley’s torn throat from my mind. It follows me everywhere.”
Good point. I should be just as outraged.
But all I feel is defeated.
He cleared his throat.
“Let’s just take each day one step at a time.”
I’d be lucky to handle everything from moment to moment because every single one seemed to hold a wealth of shocking information.
I took a deep breath and expelled any remaining emotion from my system, encasing my core in what I considered to be the emotional version of stone.
I flipped that switch and promised myself to never turn it back on.
Fated mates?
Irrelevant from now on.
It felt surreal sitting in the dining hall, watching the Saytr King’s wife play the hostess and offer up generous amounts of food while the disturbing sounds of Kheelan and Jareth beating the living crap out of each other played in the background. I kept my back to the whole thing, my eyes staring at that stupid coat of arms hanging on the wall.
I just wanted this day to be over.
Unfortunately, Graul thought it necessary to sit across from me and give me a play-by-play of the action.
So thoughtful.
The fight finally ended once one of Jareth’s punches rendered Kheelan unconscious. Then it was off to the dungeons for Kheelan as well.
All of it was so messed up.
And I still cared so much for Kheelan. Watching him get clapped in irons and hauled out of the room just made me feel so bleak even though his incarceration was more than justified.
I kept my face a blank mask when Jareth motioned for Graul to slide down the bench and then seated himself at the table across from me. It surprised me that Jareth hadn’t chosen to sit next to me, but maybe that was his way of giving me space.
Wise move.
I waited for Jareth to suggest we work on getting my memories back right away. It had to be one of the biggest concerns he had, now that he finally had his fated mate sitting right across from him. I should have been anxious to get them back as well since so much was riding on what I could and couldn’t remember, but I felt tired, beaten down, bitter, and resentful. It didn’t help that I had this misplaced desire to blame Jareth for everything even though I knew none of this was his fault.
To say I felt conflicted was the understatement of the century.
I warily eyed Jareth, daring him to make a remark I could find fault with, anything I could lash out at to expel these pent up emotions that had no outlet. He remained silent as he stared at me, his own emotional tug-of-war playing across his face.
Graul sat beside Jareth, appearing supremely happy, seemingly unaware of the tension between me and my fated mate.
I honestly had no idea how to feel about Graul. His presence here didn’t make any sense to me.
“He’s your bodyguard,” Jareth said.
“What?”
“Graul swore his loyalty to you when we came to the Fae realm. He’s one of your protectors and your friend.”
“Oh.” I paused when I noticed Graul looking at me expectantly. “Uh…it’s very nice to…see you again.” I must have said the right thing because his strange expression looked halfway satisfied.
Jareth let out a low chuckle. I felt his eyes studying me, willing me to look at him, but I kept my focus square on King Roderick and Vargis who also sat across the table near Graul.
Four men on one side and me on the other.
Yep. My body language must have really been putting off the I need space vibe.
A cool, comforting hand rested against my shoulder as Mira took a seat next to me.
Guess she hadn’t picked up on my signals. It was just as well. Her touch actually grounded me a bit. I eyed her sores, feeling sympathy on her behalf, but I didn’t know how to bring up the subject and wasn’t sure I should. What if she felt self-conscious about it?
“You’ve been through quite an ordeal, haven’t you my dear?” she said. I ignored the sympathy suffusing her voice.
“Despite the fact that Kheelan…” I wavered for a moment as I said his name and noticed Jareth’s knuckles turning white when he gripped the table. “…that Kheelan and my father have done some questionable things to accomplish their goals, the plan they put into motion is still a good one.”
“Jareth and I are a bit behind on this,” Uncle Roderick said. “We’ve been so busy looking for you, we haven’t been willing to meet with any rulers or have our monthly assembly concerning the poisoning of our magic, though it’s obvious ignoring this issue is no longer an option.” He turned his attention to the Saytr King. “I wish you would have told me of Mira’s condition, Vargis.”
King Vargis reached for Mira’s hand across the table. “It is a recent development,” he said in a rough voice.
Vargis briefly brought them up to date on my…on Rodri’s theories and his desire to depose King Moridan. Silence reigned for a few moments until Jareth cleared his throat and finally spoke up.
“I think we’ve all known for a while now that Moridan is not the king he once was. Not since my mother was killed. The plan is sound, but I wonder your thoughts on the subject, King Vargis. Are you willing to throw in your support for a civil war? Not many of the rulers will consider it if you aren’t fully committed to the cause.”
“Moridan is a powerful foe. There’s no guarantee we will succeed if we begin preparations for an attack,” Vargis said.
“But if we sit back and do nothing, the poison of his Dark Magic will continue to weaken and eventually kill us all, including your wife.” Roderick said.
“I think we all know that by the time we convince the Unseelie Court to depose King Moridan I will be long gone,” Mira said in a soft voice.
“Mira.” Vargis barely got the word out.
This was awful. Terrible. Their love for each other was sweet and tender, and she was dying. I felt so helpless sitting there without any idea of how to help her.
Vargis took a moment to collect himself before saying, “I can’t back Kheelan as Moridan’s replacement. Not after so much subterfuge. You will have to take up your birthright again, Prince Jareth, for me to even consider it.”
“That might be a little complicated considering I renounced any and all claims using blood magic.”
Vargis’ eyes widened.
“What on earth could have compelled you to take such drastic measures?”
“It was the only way to prevent my father from coming after Crysta. I had to keep her safe.” His eyes flickered to me.
Heat blossomed in my cheeks even
as I tried to tamp it down. He’d given up a kingdom for me? His sacrifice was monumental on my behalf. It made me feel indebted to him in a way that seemed insurmountable. I’d have to find a way to reinstate his claim to his throne. It would be the very least I could do after everything that had transpired.
Vargis let out a tired sigh and tugged a bit at his beard.
“We’ll have to deal with that particular problem once the need arises. Until then, I’m still concerned about the idea of attacking one of the most powerful faeries in our realm.”
I raised a hand to get their attention.
“My father…uh…Rodri felt it might take some convincing to get you to join our cause. We went to The Fates, hoping they would tell us whether or not we would succeed.”
I quickly related to them everything The Fates had said, including the memory my mother spelled within my mind, the memory unlocking the source of Moridan’s destruction.
Jareth let out an exasperated grunt.
“I feel like we’re dealing with the death trap and binding spell all over again. We can’t achieve anything until we unlock these damn spells.”
“Kheelan said he could heal my mind. He said once my memories returned, he could pinpoint the memory that had been spelled away and draw it forth.”
“We don’t need Kheelan for that,” Jareth said. He folded his arms in irritation. “I am just as experienced in matters of healing magic as he is, and I’ll never allow him to touch you again, Crysta.”
I finally met his gaze, refusing to flinch away from his defiant stare. He seemed to think I was going to argue with him on that. I didn’t like the high-handed way he’d put it, but I agreed with him. If someone else could retrieve my memories and bring me back to myself then that’s the route we needed to take. I worried that any interactions with Kheelan would result in a weakening of my resolve.
I’d deal with the aftermath of all those freed memories later.
“Fine,” I said, my expression a blank mask. “Why don’t you do it now? Once I remember everything, including you, I think working together toward a common goal will be a little easier.”
His eyes narrowed in irritation. I don’t think he liked the way I’d worded that sentence. Whatever. I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone anymore. I didn’t care what the hell I ended up remembering.
All the doubts, the blurry images, the truth of everything I’d been through and everything I’d become would be brought back to me, and I wondered if I was even prepared for it.
He grumbled something under his breath and swiftly stood to his feet, coming round the end of the table and standing next to me. I swallowed hard as the heat from his body reached out and softly melded to my skin. The warmth tried to wriggle its way past that beautiful wall of ice I’d erected. I took in a sharp breath I hoped went unnoticed, but when I looked up at Jareth the corner of his mouth twisted into a little smirk.
It pissed me off.
I fortified my wall of ice and gazed forward, ignoring the perplexed look Roderick gave us.
“Just do it,” I whispered.
I felt his hands move to my shoulders and rest there for a moment. The tingle returned, but I refused to react this time around. He ran a finger from the base of my neck up the nape and then buried his fingers in my hair.
Is this really necessary?
My focus remained straight ahead as I waited for him to get on with whatever it was he was doing.
A slow burn built within my brain, but nothing happened after that. No flashes of memory, no flood of experiences to bring me back to myself.
My mind remained an infuriating blank slate.
Jareth swore under his breath.
“I’ll kill him,” he said.
“What’s wrong,” Roderick asked. “Is the damage to her brain too extensive?”
“It has nothing to do with that,” Jareth growled. “Kheelan’s signature is all over the damaged portion of her brain. He’s created a spell of protection that encases her frontal lobe and the hippocampus. He’s the only one who has access to it. He most likely placed it there in case we were able to retrieve Crysta before he could marry her.”
The rage I felt at this violation of who I was, of who I thought Kheelan was and what I thought we had shared with one another came boiling to the surface so quickly I was on my feet and shoving Jareth out of my way before he had time to react.
“Take me to him now,” I said to King Vargis.
I think the expression on my face must have been fierce because the King didn’t even argue. He didn’t appear intimidated either. I doubted anything scared that faerie, but he seemed wise enough to know that this was a necessary confrontation, one I had a right to demand sooner rather than later.
“I’m going with you,” Jareth said. “I don’t trust him alone with you.”
I didn’t respond to that. Mainly because I didn’t want to waste my breath arguing. All this time Kheelan could have healed my mind and restored my memories. What had he been doing when I thought he was working spells to try to fix me? Was that when those threads of compulsion had been woven in? He held my memories hostage and proceeded to mold me into a mindless minion!
Outrage coursed through me as I followed one of the hairy guards out of the dining hall and through a stone corridor. I forgot Jareth was behind me until we reached a barred gate and had to wait for the guard to unlock it. Then a strong arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his chest.
“Are you going to be okay, Crysta? I can sense your anger. I can feel how badly Kheelan’s betrayal has affected you.”
His warm breath on my ear threatened to undo my composure, but I stiffened my spine, refusing to wilt into his embrace. I remained rigid and taut, ready to snap at a moment’s notice.
“How are you able to feel anything like that from me?” I asked in a harsh tone.
“We aren’t soul linked any longer, but we still share a bond, however weak, through our fated mate marks. This is killing me, Crysta. Please, don’t shut me out. Don’t feel as if you have to handle this on your own.”
“I am on my own,” I said.
I shrugged him off and stepped forward as the gate swung inward.
All on my own, I decided.
If the Unseelie Court needed an ice queen, I was so down with giving them exactly that.
The tiny cell we arrived at stank of mold, feces, and blood. A long torch sticking out from a small peg on the wall threw a sinister cast on the inhospitable place. Rodri didn’t appear to be held in this area of the prison. Encased in a box of iron, was what the guard muttered.
But Kheelan’s prison didn’t appear as fortified. He sat on a rickety wooden bench, leaning his back against the wall, looking regal and composed despite his surroundings. When his eyes rested on me, a slow smile of affection turned the corners of his lips.
It frustrated me that it wasn’t smug or cynical. An antagonistic attitude would have stoked the boiling rage burning within me, but that familiar smile he saved just for me hurt my heart a little.
“I see you’ve discovered the lock I placed upon your mind Crysta,” he said.
The wound in my heart opened even further. I think some part of me hoped he might deny it or offer up an explanation that made his actions noble.
Stupid of me, considering all the lies he’d fed me.
I looked at the guard.
“Let me in,” I said.
Jareth grabbed my arm.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want him casting more spells on you.”
“Not possible down here,” the guard grunted. “Prisoners are stripped of all magical ability in this place. Otherwise, how would we ever keep them from escaping?”
Hmm. I guess that’s why the cells weren’t more fortified.
“The iron hold is for murderers, Crysta,” Jareth said as if reading my thoughts. “It will give Rodri immense discomfort and pain to be held in that cell for any particular length of time.”
I was torn between worry for him and satisfaction at seeing him suffer for what he’d done to my mother and what he’d tried to do to Roderick.
But deep down, I didn’t think Rodri was all villain. Kheelan wasn’t all villain either.
Dammit. Bad decisions and actions spurred by good intentions. It didn’t make them right, but it didn’t make them monsters either.
Or did it?
I felt too confused to make a decision either way.
I nodded at the barred door, waiting for the guard to open it. He hesitated for a moment after sizing Jareth up, but I think my rank as the heir to the Unseelie Court held some sway because he decided to ignore Jareth and unlocked the barred gate.
“I need you to let me talk to him without any interference,” I said, looking up into Jareth’s eyes for a moment. “I don’t want you in there with us.”
“Why?”
“You’ll antagonize each other, and I need answers. So please stay outside of the cell and let me do the talking.”
Jareth’s internal struggle for control wasn’t just obvious in a physical sense. I could actually feel a hint of his conflicting emotions through that bond he claimed we had. Which meant he hadn’t been lying. Which meant I had a new man in my life, claiming to be my fiancé, claiming to love me. A new man who, once again, I had no memory of. Trusting the last one hadn’t worked out so well, and my heart felt raw and ragged because of it.
I didn’t want to have to go through the process again. I needed my memories back.
Jareth’s jaw clenched as he dropped his hands to his sides and stood back. He hated this. It was obvious in the glittering of his eyes, the stiff set of his shoulders and the wounded expression on his face, but I was too indifferent to anyone’s plight to care. I needed answers, and Jareth would simply have to let me get them in my own way.
I walked through the barred gate and headed straight for Kheelan. With a flick of my hand I sent two shards of ice flying toward him, faster than he had time to deflect. The shards landed on either side of his head, embedded deep within the stone. I’d fully expected them to shatter, but I guess my visualization skills and strength had gone up a notch or two. Powerful emotions made for powerful spells.
