Winter Boys: Todd

by Sean Michael

  He closed his eyes. Maybe if he didn’t wake up…

  He heard Todd whistling, the sound bright and happy. Trust Todd to remind him of exactly what he’d be missing if he stayed asleep.

  “I hear you!” he called down, sliding out of bed and into a robe.

  Todd cackled. “And here I thought for sure bacon would get you out of bed!”

  “I was snuggly and warm. It was the coffee.” He went down the stairs in search of a snuggle.

  Pouts were not as effective when you had a beard, Todd’s was proof of that. “I thought it was me.” His arms opened for Simon, though.

  “It’s always you.” He dove in, hugging Todd hard.

  Todd’s arms wrapped around Simon, holding him close, tight. “Now that’s where you belong.”

  “Yes.” He did. He needed to be here. He wanted to be there.

  “I have to let go or the bacon is going to burn.”

  “Don’t burn the bacon. That’s an awful smell.” Simon handed him a spatula.

  Todd took a quick kiss. “Thanks, babe.” Todd flipped the bacon with panache. “Tada!”

  He applauded. “My hero!”

  Todd swept him up in his arms again and kissed him. Then he went back to the stove, flipping pancakes and pouring scrambled eggs into a pan. “So what do you want to do today?”

  “You want to go hiking? I could get some fresh air.”

  “I would love to go hiking. And I have an idea where the moose might be. We can see if we can find them so you can see them in person.”

  “Oh my God. Really? God yes. Yes. Please.” He bounced. Actually bounced.

  Todd laughed and dished up their breakfast. “We’ll have a hearty breakfast, then go. Smokey will be thrilled to have us join her out there today.”

  “Perfect. You know how long it’s been since we’ve just taken a walk?” It was funny how it was the little things that made him ache—the simple things. Sitting together on the couch and drinking cocoa. Taking a walk. Holding hands. Waking up to breakfast.

  “Forever. Because when you were here in January, we were coming home after a tour, and that’s not just walking.” Todd put their full plates at the table and made ta-da motions with his hands, though he didn’t actually say it this time. Goofball.

  Simon had missed that too. Todd had always made sure his day started out with a smile, seemingly without even trying most of the time.

  “No. Although that was good too. I enjoyed that trip here.” He’d been so happy to have the others gone, to be alone with Todd.

  “Yeah, me too.” Todd got that look in his eyes that said he was remembering something very fondly. “Of course everything is better when I get to share it with you.”

  “Yes. One day, I’ll be able to be here, full-time maybe.” If Todd wanted him.

  “That’s always been my dream, baby.”

  “Mine too.” Maybe not always, but it was his dream now.

  “Yeah?” Todd met his gaze. “Not be a gazillionaire business tycoon?”

  “No. No. I’ll never be a tycoon. Or a billionaire. Or happy.”

  “Babe… then quit. I haven’t said anything because this was your dream, but if it isn’t anymore, there’s a place for you here with me. It would rock to have a partner on these tours and for that partner to be you…” Todd shrugged. “I don’t have the words because I can’t think of anything better.”

  “As soon as I pay off my bills.” He had to do that. He had to.

  “So this summer? This fall? By Christmas?”

  “I don’t know. I’ll have to go home, pare things down.”

  “There’s a lot of obstacles to overcome, eh? You let me know when you’re ready—there will always be a place for you here.” Todd dug into his breakfast.

  “Thank you. I’ll work hard.” He’d just buckle down, focus, and do it.

  “You’ll come when you’re ready. Now tell me how your bacon is. I cooked it how you like it.”

  “It’s perfect. Thank you. Really.” Ready? He was ready now, but he wasn’t… He couldn’t come to Todd and offer nothing.

  “Good.” Todd’s foot touched his under the table.

  “I love you, huh?” He nudged back.

  “You’d better. I don’t take just anyone to my secret moose-watching spot.”

  His chuckle just bubbled out of him.

  Todd looked pleased to have made him laugh.

  “So, do you have moose-attracting spray?” The tease eased the way.

  “Oh, God, no. We don’t want them to think we’re female moose. They’re huge, babe. Not a good idea.” Todd wrinkled his nose. “They don’t smell great, either.”

  “No? You think that might get… rough?” He was dying with laughter. Howling with it.

  “Oh, God, babe, I’m never going to be able to see a moose again without thinking of this crazy conversation!” Todd wiped the tears from his eyes.

  He bugled, head thrown back, willing to make a total fool of himself.

  Todd cracked up all over again. “I swear to God if you have a moose in heat coming for you when we get out there, I’m going to have to defend your honor.”

  “You’d do it, though. I know you would.”

  “I absolutely would. Hell, I’ve got a half a mind to charge down to TO and defend your honor against that boor Arthur.”

  “That’s a temptation. Seriously.”

  “Tell me about it. And he smells worse than any beast I’ve come across out here.”

  He threw himself into Todd’s arms. “You goof!”

  Todd’s arms came around him without hesitation. “Your goof, yeah?”

  “Mine. God, yes.” He held on tight.

  Todd held him right back. It seemed they still couldn’t quite let go of each other; couldn’t quite trust this was real.

  He believed it. They’d hurt each other so much that they needed to heal.

  Todd finally cleared his throat and sat back in his chair. “Finish up your breakfast, babe. I need to fatten you up.”

  “You don’t like me at my fighting weight?”

  Todd snorted. “What are you fighting? Beavers?”

  “Beavers have big teeth…”

  “You’re right—my money would be on the beaver. Maybe you’re fighting newborn puppies.” Todd popped a piece of bacon into Simon’s mouth. “Or maybe a pile of leaves. Whatever you’re doing, it’s not taking care of yourself.”

  “I run every day, love!” Uhn. Bacon.

  “And? I know they’ve got plenty of great food in Toronto. A much bigger selection than what’s available here. Tomorrow, I’m making you pancakes for breakfast, and if I can find the ingredients, we’re having sticky buns for dessert tonight. I’m serious, you’re like a rail—still hot—but if you’re going to spend time walking through the woods, you need to be more than skin and bones.” Todd gave him a warm smile. “I’m not trying to be a jerk—I worry about you.”

  “I know. I do. I worry too.” All the time.

  “We could start cooking together one evening a week—over Skype. But you need to promise me you’ll eat what we cook and not just put it in the fridge until you have to throw it out.”

  “I don’t want to waste our time eating online, right?” Besides he didn’t buy a lot of groceries.

  Todd twisted his mouth, then sighed. “All right. I’ll just have to settle for fattening you up while you’re here, then. And when I come to visit.” Todd gave him a sudden grin. “I’ve got two weeks off in May—the everything-is-super-muddy season. No one wants to be out here hiking then.”

  “Oh, two weeks? I’ll show you my place, show you everything. It’ll be amazing.”

  “Yeah. I’m looking forward to it. Mom’s just going to have to deal with not seeing me this time.”

  “Oh, I bet she’ll be disappointed.” He patted Todd’s hand, but it was okay, really.

  “I don’t know—she always liked you. I think she’ll be glad we’re back together.”

  “You haven’t to
ld her yet?” He had to admit, he was a little disappointed.

  “No. Just Troy and Tommy.”

  Oh, that was okay then. If he’d told his brothers, that meant it was real.

  “How are they? Your brothers?” They’d all been kind of close, at the time.

  “Troy is at the top of his game, and Tommy is saving the world. And they both told me I was an idiot for having let you go in the first place.”

  “I should have listened to them.” Simon took a soft kiss. “I’m sorry.”

  “Did they tell you not to break up with me? I didn’t know that. Mind you, I’m not surprised. They are my brothers, after all.”

  “If I could make a living…. I’m going to pay off everything.” If it killed him.

  “You worry too much about money, babe. You know I don’t care if you’re rich or poor or whatever.”

  “I can’t be a drain on you. On your world.”

  Todd shook his head. “None of that matters.”

  Todd said that, but it would be different when it happened.

  Todd ate another piece of bacon, then nodded at his plate. “Less talking and more eating. Seriously.” The man was obsessed.

  “The bacon is good,” he admitted and took another bite.

  “That bacon is proof that I love you.”

  He nodded. He believed it. He did. Todd was a nurturer, for all that he liked to play gruff.

  “Then eat up, babe, and I’ll show you my moose mojo. And yes, feel free to take that any way you want to.” There was a wicked glint in Todd’s eyes, a tease, a promise.

  “Moose… mojo. Is that like your dick molding system thing?”

  “I still think that’s an idea that could garner millions with the right setup. If it doesn’t already exist.” Todd finished his toast and ate another half-piece of bacon, passing Simon the other half. “Come on. You want to see the moose and I know where they are. Let’s have an adventure.”

  “God yes. Please. Let’s go play.” There was nothing he wanted more.

  Todd pressed their mouths together, the kiss sweet and bacon flavored. “Love you, babe.”

  “I know. I love you.” Forever and always.

  It felt better, every time he said it.

  14

  Todd loved cooking with Simon. They used to do it a lot when they were together. He paused. No, they were together now, so it should be: when they were together the first time. He shook himself and kept chopping. Fresh veggies were amazing, and he was making a huge salad with what was left so they wouldn’t go bad.

  Tonight, they were pairing them with venison steaks that he was going to sear on both sides and serve rare because they were the best cut—he’d been saving them for something special. Someone special. He smiled at Simon.

  God, his lover was skinny. It wasn’t healthy, and he was going to get as much weight on Simon as he could before Simon had to go. Shit, only a day left. He pushed that out of his head. No use ruining the time they had together by worrying about what it was going to be like when Simon had to go.

  “Did you enjoy the waterfall, babe?” They’d gone out for a hike, to a magical spot where a waterfall kept this river open, but everything around it was frozen. It was absolutely stunning.

  “It was gorgeous. I loved it. I got some great pictures.”

  “You think you got one that’s good enough for us to blow up and frame? Put it over the fireplace.” It would make him feel closer to Simon if a little piece of him was here. Plus, he had to admit, now that Simon was back in his life, he wanted to make the place nicer, warmer. More of a home.

  “Oh, I’ll look. That would be amazing, wouldn’t it?” Simon beamed at him. “I’d love that. Seriously.”

  God, it was so easy to make Simon happy and it brightened his whole face up. Todd hated what the city seemed to be doing to Simon, how it seemed to be eating away at him and beating him down. Simon clearly wasn’t ready to come out here yet, though, throwing up roadblocks to coming out, so Todd would just have to be patient until Simon was ready.

  “Check tonight. If there isn’t one we can use, we’ll go back tomorrow and take some more.”

  “We’ll pick one out together.” Simon nudged their shoulders together. “I like this.”

  “Making supper together?” Or just everything together, because that was what he was jonesing on. It was amazing, this time they had as a couple in the same place instead of long-distance.

  “Making supper, taking pictures—everything.”

  That warmed him through, and that gave him the resolve and fortitude to be able to wait for Simon to be ready to finally come home. “I like it too.” He bumped their hips together, just like Simon had done. “I like you too. A whole lot.”

  “I’m glad, because as soon as I can, I’m coming home to you for good.”

  “The sooner the better. I’d take you today, babe.” He threw the last of the chopped veggies into the big bowl. Simon would concoct some wonderful dressing for it out of the crap he could find in Todd’s cupboards. It had always been one of Simon’s superpowers.

  “I know. Let me not be a burden.” Simon stole a bite of lettuce.

  “A burden?” Todd snorted. “Since when would you be a burden? You’re going to help me with the tours, right? You’re going to make me happy just by being here. That doesn’t sound like a burden to me.” Where did Simon get the idea he was a burden?

  “I meant money-wise, love. That’s all.”

  “So you have school loans to pay back. I bet you’d do it faster working here with me where it doesn’t cost you anything rather than in Toronto where I bet you’re working to live mostly. I know that place is crazy expensive.”

  “You wouldn’t believe. It’s insane.” Simon sighed, sticking out his tongue.

  “So I’ve heard. I can’t believe anyone actually wants to live there. No offense meant.” It just didn’t suit Simon at all.

  “It’s a big city. It takes a certain person, I guess.”

  “You know me and big cities.” Hell, him and cities period. He just wasn’t a fan.

  “I do.” Simon sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Shh. For liking a big city when I don’t? We’re allowed to be different. And you’re here now and you’re coming back, so I win.” He gave Simon a wink and another hip bump. “And we’re supposed to be enjoying our time together without baggage, remember?”

  “Right.” Simon kissed his cheek. “I dreamed about having this sort of job, but… it’s not as advertised.”

  “It’s pretty cutthroat and there are lots of assholes, eh?” He could name one especially big one who Simon had to work with.

  “Yes. And there’s just no joy in helping rich men make more money. It’s soulless.”

  He turned and took Simon into his arms, hugged him tight. “I’m sorry, babe. I really am.”

  “Me too. I feel foolish, you know? Like I fucked up for no good reasons.”

  “No way. Don’t you dare feel foolish for chasing your dreams. How were you to know it wasn’t something you’d actually want to do for the rest of your life?”

  Simon shrugged him off, shook his head. “I just feel bad.”

  “No. No bad feelings allowed. This is our time. Only happy thoughts.”

  “Only happy thoughts, huh? I can handle that, I think.”

  “I know you can. Just think positive.” Todd waited a beat, then cracked up at the conjunction of happy thoughts and think positive . He leaned against Simon as he laughed.

  They held each other, just howling.

  Todd finally managed to catch his breath. “That was awesome. If I do say so myself.” He put a pan on for the steaks, turned the gas on beneath it and added the steaks to sear.

  “Did you want me to whip up a dressing?” Simon was already moving toward the pantry.

  “Of course I do. I love your dressings. They make everything better.” Just like Simon made it better just by being here. Todd watched Simon move—yeah, the man was it for him.
>
  “I enjoy making them. They’re just nicer than store-bought.”

  “I haven’t had a good salad dressing in years.” He gave Simon’s ass a little pat as Simon went by him again. It fit perfectly in his palm.

  Simon blinked over, and then a blush covered his cheeks. “Oh.”

  Todd chuckled and squeezed Simon’s ass. “I didn’t actually mean it as a double entendre.”

  “It was nice to hear, though. Thank you.” Simon started pulling out oil and vinegar. “I love to do this for you.”

  “I know it’s silly, but…” He shrugged. It wasn’t the big things he missed every day, but the little ones that popped up here and there, that made a life, that was what he really missed.

  “It’s important. I get it. Like your steak.”

  “I bet even with all those fancy restaurants in the big city, you like my venison steak best.” At least that’s what Simon had always led him to believe, and he loved the man for it.

  “Yes. No question. Yours is the one I crave.”

  “Now that could be a double entendre too. And I will give you my steak anytime you want it, babe.” He waggled his eyebrows up and down.

  Simon cracked up, flicking him with a towel.

  He turned the steaks over, humming at the color on the seared side. Perfect. “The steaks will be ready in two minutes.”

  “The dressing about the same. You want to grab steak knives and forks?”

  “You don’t want to eat with our hands and teeth? Go all caveman on them?” He said it just to hear Simon’s laugh again.

  Simon grunted and hooted, making the dorkiest noises ever. They had him laughing and shaking his head.

  “Nope, no. I was wrong. You are far too civilized to ever be a caveman. Steak knives and forks it is.” He plated the steaks and set them on the table before going to the drawer for the utensils.

  Simon brought the salad and they sat together at the table. Todd felt so grown up, like they were being brave.

  He dug into his salad first, moaning happily over the sharp, bright vinegar dressing on the vegetables. “Damn, that is good. Wakes up my entire mouth.” And made him want to keep eating.

  Simon ate the steak with a song of happy yummy noises, letting him hear how good it was.